Author's Note: UPDATE! Hurray! This story is a bit shorter than I had hoped, but I have a really interesting idea for one ready to go, and those one-shots I can keep doing too so...yeah. Don't worry. =P We're a few chapters away from the end, so hang on! Sorry if this seems to be moving too quickly, I'm just bad at pacing things sometimes. I'm in a hurry today, so that's all for now! Enjoy!
Reno kicked his apartment door closed behind him, like he always did. He sighed, the sound filled with dismay as the lump in his pocket weighed him down as if it was twenty times it's actual weight. He pulled the bag out, and stared with mixed feelings at the little blue pills inside. He hated them, hated being so dependant on something just to feel like he was keeping his sanity. And yet, he didn't think he could live without them anymore. He wanted them, needed them. Even now, as the high was wearing off slightly, he could almost feel the urgency rising within him to take more. It was always like that, and because of it, he seemed to take one additional pill every time.
It had been a mere two or three weeks or so since he'd succumbed and fallen back into his old habit. There was a part of him that knew he was spiraling downward, and although that was only confirmed by the side effects he kept noticing, he couldn't bring himself to care about it. And that's what he had wanted, wasn't it? To be able to not care anymore, to be free.
"You're thinkin' too damn much," Reno muttered to himself, rubbing his forehead tiredly. He hadn't slept hardly at all in the past few days. That was one of the side effects: insomnia. Luckily, Reno thought grimly, There's a magic cure for that too. That was why he had the second bag. The bag of sleeping pills. It was all thanks to his childhood in the slums that he'd known exactly where to go to get what he needed.
The very feelings he'd done all this to escape from were quickly resurfacing as his high wore off. Hurriedly, Reno tossed a few of the morphine pills and a few of the sleeping pills into his mouth and washed them all down with a splash of rum. Turning off the few lights he'd had one as he went, Reno walked down the hall towards his room. It was late, and he just wanted some sleep for once. Stripping down to his boxers quickly, Reno tossed himself onto his bed and wrapped up in a blanket, waiting impatiently for the drugs to kick in. It wasn't long before they took their effect, and the redhead fell into a deep, drugged sleep.
The tension level at work seemed to have ebbed slightly, but to Tseng it only appeared to be an uneasy calm before the storm. Reno hadn't been quite so depressed lately, and for that, Tseng was glad. He hoped the redhead was beginning to be able to get a grip and accept what had happened. As Reno shuffled past slowly in the hall, Tseng called to him from his office.
"Reno," Tseng paused for an answer. Reno continued walking past, not appearing to have heard him. "Reno!" Tseng called again, getting up and walking to the doorway of his office. Reno stopped walking a moment later and turned to face Tseng, his reaction delayed by a few seconds.
"Huh?" the redhead questioned. He'd been quickly building up tolerance to both types of pills, resulting in increasing dosages of both. The increased amount of drugs in his system accounted for his sluggish response.
"What's the matter with you? Didn't you hear me?" Tseng asked, wondering why Reno hadn't noticed. Reno was normally so alert to everything.
"No…" Reno replied vaguely, having a bit of trouble focusing on the conversation. Tseng's eyes narrowed.
"Reno…" Tseng let the word hang in the air almost questioningly as he closed the step or two in between him and the redhead. He looked closely at Reno, who was frowning slightly and looking more than a little confused by his surroundings. Tseng grabbed Reno's wrist suddenly, feeling for his pulse. Cold skin, slowed pulse. Tseng had seen these symptoms before. He dropped Reno's arm as suddenly as he had grabbed it.
"Reno, what have you been taking?" Tseng demanded sharply, his voice rising and filled with anger.
"What?" Reno looked at Tseng and blinked drowsily, "I dunno what you're talkin' about."
"Dammit, Reno, I'm not blind!" Tseng was shouting now, but his distress was lost on Reno who was too high to really notice.
By this time, Rude had come out of his office and was standing close by, appearing quite distraught.
"What do you think you're doing, man?" Rude asked, much quieter than Tseng but with strong undertones of warning and disappointment.
"Are you crazy? I thought you were over this!" Tseng's arms were crossed and he paced back and forth over a tiny area angrily. Reno was starting to look upset.
"I just can't…handle feeling that anymore!" Reno shouted defensively, backing up, "I had to do something!"
"What's going on?" Elena opened the door to her office apprehensively, hearing the shouting.
"He's high!" Tseng turned to face her abruptly, still shouting, "Completely high!" Elena looked at Reno, her mouth falling open and a shocked expression on her face. Reno had looked in her direction when she appeared, and their eyes locked for the first time in ages. Elena had been avoiding his gaze. His aquamarine eyes looked confused, clouded, but as he looked back into her surprised and sad eyes, shame quickly filled his.
"Go home!" Tseng turned back to Reno, "We have no use for drugged Turks! Just go home and don't come back until that shit's worn off!"
"Sorry," Reno mumbled, staring at the ground and hurrying off as quickly as his drugged body would allow. Tseng fumed in the hall for a few more seconds before storming back into his office and slamming the door. He dropped heavily into his chair, rubbing his forehead. He was so disappointed and upset. He had tried so hard those several years ago to help Reno over his addiction. The pride he'd had in the redhead when Reno had finally conquered it had just been crushed. Tseng thought of Reno more as family than friend. Not exactly as a brother, and not exactly as a son. He was already beginning to calm down from his initial flare of emotion, and was starting to regret how harsh he'd been. He only hoped the encounter would make Reno stop taking whatever he was taking. He couldn't have been back on drugs for long…hopefully this could still be ended without too much difficulty.
Rude and Elena stared at each other.
"This is my fault," Elena whispered, not trusting her voice to anything louder. Rude looked like he was about to say something, but then he stopped and simply nodded. Elena stood there a moment longer, before abruptly turning and closing her office door behind her.
Rude found himself standing in the hall, unsure of who to go after. Reno clearly needed help right now, Tseng was probably completely crushed and quickly sinking into depression, Elena might be crying and was blaming herself for the situation, which was mostly caused by her actions, and Rude himself was extremely upset. Unsure of what he could possibly do, Rude simply turned and escaped to his own office to think it over.
Reno paced his apartment with a deep frown. He was still upset about what had happened at work, which was a bad sign. He needed it to go away. He could still see Elena's face as if she were right in front of him. The shock and disappointment in her face was something he'd never wanted to be the cause of. Tseng and Rude too…they were upset with him too. Tseng had been yelling, and although Reno couldn't even really remember the words, he knew the meaning well enough. His own disturbed emotions weren't being numbed by the drugs, and this was only making him more upset.
Suddenly altering course and heading for the bathroom, Reno determined he'd simply have to take a few more pills to quiet the internal turmoil, even though he'd taken several morphine pills just two hours before. He'd probably take some of the sleeping pills too. What better way to forget what bothered you than to sleep? Besides, he felt so tired…
His hands trembled slightly, probably since he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten. He just hadn't had an appetite lately, and eating hadn't seemed important. Nothing had seemed important on his wonderfully pain-free high. In his hurried desperation to return to that calm state, Reno swallowed a good deal more pills than he really had intended. He leaned heavily on the counter, breathing shallowly. That was another troublesome side-effect. He'd experienced issues with his breathing since he'd been on the drugs.
The sleeping pills took effect with disturbing rapidity, causing Reno to sink slowly to the floor. Reno panicked at how quickly he was falling unconscious, but it was short-lived as the world around him turned black and his head fell back against the wall.
None of the Turks spoke to each other for the rest of the day. In fact, they all managed to avoid each other almost completely. They were all too upset and wrapped up in their own thoughts to want any interruption. Elena was at a loss for what to do. She wasn't even sure if she should be doing something. For lack of any better ideas, she simply carried on with the plan she'd already had for her day, namely, meeting up with Nick that evening for a date.
"Hey, gorgeous," Nick greeted her with his sweet smile as always when she opened her apartment door to his knock. He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Hi," Elena's voice betrayed the weariness she felt after the day's discovery. A small frown appeared on his face.
"You sound tired."
"I am. It's been a really rough day," Elena replied, her face troubled. She couldn't stop worrying about Reno. She knew the trouble he'd had with addiction in the past, and she knew it couldn't go anywhere good.
"Reno still bothering you?" Nick asked, his tone sympathetic as he put an arm around Elena's shoulders and steered her to the couch to have her sit down.
"No, he's not bothering me, but he is the problem," Elena wasn't sure if she should tell Nick or not. He was always so easy to talk to, and it really did make her feel better to get out what she was feeling, or at least thought she was feeling inside. Then again, would Reno really want her to tell Nick? Well of course not, but only because he doesn't want me to have anything to do with Nick.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Nick asked, pulling her closer to him. Elena caved.
"Reno's doing drugs again," she blurted out suddenly, "And I think it's my fault."
"The guy's a druggie too?" Nick looked disgusted, "How is that your fault?"
"Well, apparently he was addicted to painkillers before I ever joined the Turks, but then he got over it. Today Tseng figured out that Reno was on drugs again and I'm positive it's because he was depressed about me leaving!" Elena blinked away tears.
"Chain-smoker, womanizer, binge drinker, druggie….how did you end up with a guy like that, Elena? You deserve so much better," Nick's carefully calculated words were smooth and sweet, "He may have taken the drugs because he was depressed over losing you, but it's not your fault if he doesn't know how to handle it when things don't go his way."
Elena frowned, wanting to say something in Reno's defense, but what Nick was saying was close enough to the truth to be hard to argue against. So she just kept quiet.
"You probably don't feel like going anywhere tonight," Nick continued, "So how about we just stay here and watch a movie or something?"
"Yeah, ok," Elena agreed, nodding her head. She really didn't feel like going anywhere. She was too preoccupied with Reno to focus on much else.
By the time they were half-way into the romantic comedy, the sort of movie Reno hated and protested loudly against whenever she had tried to make him watch one with her, Elena was getting drowsy. It was surprising how much you could get worn out just by emotion and thought, and the darkness of the room wasn't helping her stay awake.
Nick easily maneuvered her petite frame so she could lay down on the sofa with her head on a pillow. He bent over to press a kiss to the girl's lips. Elena kissed him back sleepily, noting how nice it was of him to make her comfortable. She was distracted from her sleepy reflection when she noticed that he was still kissing her. Her mind rebelled against being drawn from it's resting state, but she forced herself to wake up more and realize that Nick was now on top of her, his hands creeping alarmingly over her body.
She struggled faintly, the whole thing feeling completely wrong. It was then that it hit her like a ton of bricks. She did not care for Nick at all. She did not want to be with him, certainly not like this. She resisted more, but he ignored the hint and as his hand slid under her shirt and touched the bare skin of her waist, Elena panicked, memories of a now two-year-old night of horror in a cold and dirty basement breaking down the walls she'd blocked them behind and flooding her mind.
"Get off of me!" Elena screamed, managing to get an arm free and landing a punch on the side of his jaw. It hadn't been a very powerful attack, but Nick quickly came to the realization that he wasn't going to get anywhere. He backed off, and Elena jumped up, putting the little end-table between them. Her eyes were wide and scared, but also threatening as she stood there defensively.
"Elena, I'm sorry, I didn't realize-" Nick's attempt at salvaging the situation was cut off by the ring of Elena's phone. The girl snatched it up, never taking her eyes off Nick. He could see in her gaze that there would be no saving this one. He had lost in his little game.
"Hello?" Elena answered, "Hi, Tseng." Her eyes flashed and Nick stood frozen there only a second longer before he moved quickly to the door and let himself out. He'd stay away if he knew what was good for him.
"Elena, I hope I didn't wake you, but I need you to do me a favor," Tseng was speaking quickly, and hadn't even noticed the slightly panicky tone that remained in her voice, a sure sign that something was up, "Go to Reno's apartment and see if he's there. I've been trying to call him and …apologize for my harshness earlier, but he's not answering his cell or his home number. You're only a block or so away from him."
"Um, yeah, I can do that," Elena agreed, already feeling awkward about going over there, but she had already been worried about Reno and this made her even more concerned.
"I'm sorry to ask this of you, I know it must be difficult considering how you two stand right now," Tseng went on, "But I don't have a good feeling about this."
"I don't mind, sir. I'm on my way now," Elena was fully awake as she snapped her phone closed, shoving it in her pocket and heading out the door. She couldn't help but glance around nervously for Nick. The man could easily over-power her if he surprised her, but he seemed to have been scared off when Tseng called. The timing of it really was uncanny. Elena didn't have time to think about that now. All her thoughts were on Reno as she walked quicker and quicker towards his apartment.
It felt strange being back in the vicinity of Reno's apartment. She hadn't been near it since they broke up. Elena knocked, but knew he probably wouldn't answer. If he hadn't been answering his phones, why would he answer a knock at the door? Without even waiting more than a second for a response, Elena tried the doorknob and found it was unlocked. That didn't surprise her. Reno had always been bad at locking his door. His theory was that anyone lame enough to be hindered by a lock wouldn't be able to hurt him anyway, and anyone really bent on hurting him wouldn't simply give up at finding the door locked. Thus, in his mind, bothering to lock the door was useless. Elena couldn't help but allow a small smile to appear on her face as she reflected on Reno's logic. It was ridiculous, and no one else would agree with him, yet it made sense. So much of the redhead was like that.
Pushing the door open, Elena closed it carefully behind her as she stepped into the dark apartment. Again, she wasn't surprised to find it dark. When Reno's mako-enhanced eyes allowed him to see fairly well in the dark, why should he bother to turn on lights? Also, Reno's surroundings tended to reflect his moods. If he was depressed enough to be taking drugs again, then he would want his surroundings to be dark, just like his thoughts.
"Reno?" Elena called out hesitantly. She felt quite awkward coming back here after the way she'd left. He didn't answer, so she flicked on a light and quickly glanced over the abandoned living room. It was a mess, littered with a disturbing amount of empty liquor bottles. Elena sighed, feeling more and more weighed down by all the evidence of how her actions had hurt Reno. She'd known she was hurting him, but she had tried to ignore it as if that would somehow make it better. She drifted slowly through the room, collecting as many of the bottles as she could carry and taking them into the kitchen where she deposited them neatly on the counter, to be dealt with later.
"Doesn't he eat anymore?" Elena muttered to herself, looking around the kitchen that didn't look like it had been touched in quite some time. He probably hasn't had a good meal since I left. She felt a pang of guilt. Reno was fully capable of procuring food for himself, so she knew he wasn't helpless. She knew when he was that depressed he probably simply wouldn't bother eating more than what would just barely keep him alive.
"Reno?" she called out again, poking her head around the corner of the kitchen doorway and into the hall. It was dark, like the rest of the apartment. Feeling along the wall for the light switch that she knew was there, Elena began to feel uneasy. Reno was probably just out drinking somewhere, but she felt nervous for some reason, almost reluctant to continue searching his apartment. Elena's breath caught in her throat as she stood there, looking down the hall. The door to the bathroom was open, allowing her to see Reno crumpled on the floor, his body leaning limply against the wall.
"Reno!" Elena covered the few feet between them in record time, her heart pounding in her chest. With wide, scared eyes, she knelt down next to him and put her hands on his shoulders, turning him to face her and trying to wake him. His head fell limply against her shoulder. Frantically grabbing his wrist, Elena searched his cold skin for a pulse. She let her breath out in relief. It was there, but it was slow and faint.
"Reno, wake up!" she pressed a hand on his cold cheek, glancing around the room. Her eyes fell upon the bags on the counter. She grabbed them quickly, examining them with sharp eyes. The blue ones she recognized as morphine pills, just like the ones he'd asked her to be in charge of, back before he had trusted himself with them again. Elena tossed the bag roughly aside, feeling intensely angry at the painkillers. The other pills were harder to identify. Elena peered at them for a few moments before it hit her. Sleeping pills!
She was really frightened now. She knew the dangers of sleeping pill overdose. The real question that haunted her was whether this was just an accidental overdose, or if Reno had been trying…no, she wouldn't even think about that. She couldn't have done that to him. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tossed that bag aside too, wrapping her arms around Reno and letting his head rest against her. She could feel his weak and shallow breathing against her neck. At least he was breathing. The tears began to spill silently down her cheeks as Elena pulled out her cell and dialed Tseng's number.
"I found him, sir," Elena said, her voice holding together surprisingly well considering how she felt right then, "He's unconscious, but alive. You need to come get us."
"Damn," Tseng replied, "I'm on my way now. I'll be there as fast as I can, Elena. What's happened to him?"
"I think he overdosed on sleeping pills. I found them along with a bunch of morphine pills. He's hardly breathing, Tseng!" Elena's voice started to tremble now, "You have to hurry!"
"Give me fifteen minutes, Elena, I'll be there," Tseng answered, "I have to hang up now. Call me if anything changes." Elena nodded, and somehow Tseng understood since he hung up with a click. Elena simply dropped her phone to the floor, hugging Reno tighter, as if trying desperately to hold on to him so he wouldn't go anywhere. Suddenly, all the confusion that had haunted Elena for so long was gone.
"I'm sorry, Reno. I'm so sorry," Elena sobbed, wishing he could hear her, "Just please be ok!" Her tears dripped off her cheeks and fell onto his pale face. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she going to fight for it with every ounce of strength she had. "I can't lose you, Reno! That's why I left you in the first place!" Her words poured out, but fell on deaf ears. "If you were ever to leave me, I just couldn't handle it! I love you, Reno! Just please, please be ok."
Author's Note: Again, in a huge hurry, you're lucky to be getting an update tonight! But I promised someone, so I'm sticking to it! That's all for now, hope you guys liked it! More coming soon, I promise! Please REVIEW! And tell me what you think! For those of you who are interested, I FINALLY SAW ACC THANKS SO SHADOW'S INTERCEPTOR! Thanks, darling! xD