Disclaimer: This is getting ridikulus. Don't own it, do not want it.

Note: This chapter introduces Lord of the Rings. As I've said in the summary, it starts a regular fandom, like HP is to us, but then it becomes Harry's reality.

Albus' POV. 10:30 A.M. 7/31/96
Albus was just standing up from the table when he heard something that nearly made his heart stop.

"HARRY! OH MERLIN!" boomed the voice of Ron Weasley.

"Ron! I am fine! It's just a little blood!" Harry yelled back.

"Harry James Potter! It looks like a giant punched you in the face!" bellowed Ron. Molly, Remus, and Albus all ran up the stairs.

"Ron, you're my best mate. If you haven't seen me bleed before, I'm going to have to find a new friend," Harry replied sarcastically. Molly threw the door open, and promptly shrieked. "Well, that certainly cannot be good," muttered a bloody Harry.

"Harry!" yelled Remus.

"Hi, Remus! How have you been?" Harry asked. "You look a bit peaky, if I do say so myself," Harry noted. Remus went even more pale than before.

"Harry! You're covered in blood!" Remus squeaked. Harry rolled his eyes, and touched a hand to the back of his head.

"You noticed, did you? Yes, I figure I can save so much money on blush this way… Really now. God. It's stopped bleeding. It doesn't even hurt, I fell off of the bed, ok? Can a man get a bit of privacy, please? I don't like being gawked at, especially when I'm in nothing but my shorts. And more importantly, if it's my best mates mum, my fathers best friend, and my headmaster. So, please, get out, you sick pedophiles," Harry smirked, herding the three adults out the door.

"Did you just call my mother a pedophile?" a laughing Ron asked.

The three adults got back to the kitchen. "Did you see him? He was covered in blood!" Molly exploded.

"Well, Molly, it does not, actually, surprise me all that much, really. I almost expected this. I just didn't wish for it to come to pass," Albus admitted mournfully. "It just seemed to happen sooner than it should have. Harry will have to learn occlumency, to stop him from having those visions from Voldmort."

"Oh bloody hell, you're kidding, right?" Harry's voice, coming from the door, asked bitingly. Albus froze, sighed, and turned around.

"No, Harry, I'm not kidding. It is vital for the war-" Harry interrupted Albus, much to the old mans surprise.

"HA! Showering is a vital part of life, but not everybody seems to pay attention to that. So, I won't bother with Occlumency." Harry threw a meaningful glance at Severus.

"You little brat! How dare you-"

"My house, my rules. You don't like it? Then leave," Harry pointed to the front door. Severus glared, but made no attempt to move. "I thought so. Damn, I'm hungry!" Harry walked over to the stove and started cooking.

"Harry, two hours ago, you ate for two hours straight. You are not possibly hungry again!" Tonks exclaimed.

"Eh, yeah, I am. Starving, actually. Hi Hermione," Harry said brightly as the curly haired witch came in. "Are you hungry! I'm makin' waffles!"

"Harry, can you even cook?" Hermione asked slowly. Harry scoffed, putting the batter in the waffle iron.

"Hermione, I've been cooking since I was four. I'm a damn fine chef, thank you very much," Harry said. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Four? What? Did you help your aunt in the kitchen?" she asked. Then she seemed to freeze. Albus looked to Harry to see his reaction. The teenager seemed to have completely stopped moving, before acting as if nothing had happened.

"No, silly, I was forced to cook for the Dursleys for seven years. Do you want blueberry, or chocolate chip?" Harry asked. "With a ham and cheese omelet, toast, bacon, apple sausage, link sausage, ham, and hash browns." Ron came thundering down the stairs.

"Mum, breakfast smells- Harry!" Ron stopped dead in the doorway.

"No, Ron, not Harry, waffles!" Harry said.

"You're cooking?" Ron asked, slightly reluctantly.

"Is everybody going to start to question my cooking abilities? Sit down, shut up, and eat," Harry snapped, putting a plate of food in front of Ron. Harry himself sat in front of Albus. Albus watched the young man for a minute. He noticed the boy rub the back of his head briefly.

"Mate, you sound like my mum," Ron said. Molly, who had been watching Harry cook, wide eyed, glared at her son. "Which is a complete compliment, mate. Look, I'm eating!" Ron shoved a piece of omelet in his mouth. "Oofma! Dis sis goofd!"

"What?" Hermione asked.

"He said 'Oh my, this is good.' You just have to learn how to speak Dudley, and whenever people talk with their mouth full, it is really very clear." Harry began piling plates high with food, and putting them in front of everybody. "Eat!" he commanded.

"Harry, you seem, livelier than you did this morning. What changed?" Albus asked. Harry stopped inhaling food at an insane pace, and answered.

"You gotta live sometime in your life, right? I've waited fifteen years to have fun, a normal, life, and I'm not waiting any longer. I've done my waiting. I'm done," Harry said coldly.

Three birds flew at the window. Hermione jumped up, shrieking, and screaming nonsense words. Harry looked at Ron with a raised eyebrow.

"This is nothing. She damn near threw a party when a crow landed outside her bedroom window. We had to shoo the bird away before she grabbed it and killed the poor thing, trying to find the OWL results…" Ron muttered. Harry smirked.

"So, Hermione," Harry moved in front of the window, locking it behind his back, "how has your summer been? Productive? Have you finished your homework yet, because I just don't get the transfiguration-" Harry was interrupted when Hermione picked him up. She spun around, throwing him across the dining table. Harry landed on the ground on the other side. "Damn. She's strong."

"It's a woman thing, mate," Ron commented. Hermione gave up trying to unlock the window.

"Aaahgh!" she threw a frying pan threw the glass. The birds, though thoroughly freaked out, came in the window.

"Get out of my way!"

"Geroff me!"

"Ow! That was my ear, you big footed goon!" Harry said. Ron and Harry were both trying to get out of the door, unsuccessfully.

"What did you –oomph- call me?" Ron snapped. The two of them were just too big to get through the door at the same time. They were rolling around on the floor, both trying to get out first.

"Well, you somehow just managed to kick my ear. Ow, ow, ow! FREEDOM!" Harry sprinted up the stairs, Ron close behind him.

"Get back here, you damned bird, before I curse you back to the seventeenth century!" shrieked Hermione. It seemed the bird with her OWL results was not willing to go near her.

Hermione was standing on the kitchen counter, ready to leap. The owl was fluttering near the ceiling, right over the table.

"Come here, birdie, birdie, birdie. Come here. NO YOU DON'T!" Hermione leapt of the counter, grabbing the flying bird out of the air, and landed flat on her stomach, right on the table.

"Miss Granger!" snapped Minerva. She had, apparently, just come into the room, from her bedroom upstairs. Hermione practically flew off the table, standing on the floor properly. She smiled warmly.

"Oh. Hello professor! So good to see you. How has your summer been so far?" Hermione asked.

"Aside from the fact that I was nearly flattened by a teenaged boy stampede, lovely, Hermione," Minerva said. The other two owls had flown out of the room, and up the stairs.

"Aghghg! Ron, they're following us! Quick! Lock the door and board up the windows!" Harry could be heard yelling. "And turn on music! Maybe that'll scare the buggers away!"

It was too much. Albus nearly fell out of his chair with laughter. Minerva was chuckling. Even Severus found it funny, and he was smiling.

Hermione tore the letter open. She scanned the list, then started jumping up and down. "All 'O's'!" she repeated over and over, "Twelve OWLS!" Then, the 'teachers pet' got an evil glint in her eyes. "OH! Harry! Ron! What did you two get! Surely too big, strong boys aren't afraid of a few itty bittie owls, are they?" Hermione yelled up the stairs.

"YES!" was the firm reply. Hermione looked back at the kitchen she had a devilish grin on her usually sweet face. She began to go up the stairs. There was a moment of silence, then.

"NO! NO! NO! Help! Mommy…!" Ron yelled.

"Oh really, you big baby! Just open the letter, and I'll read it for you, ok?" Hermione asked. Silence. More silence.

"NO WAY! No bloody way! I got more than Fred n' George put together!" Ron yelled. Then there was no more noise.

An hour into the order meeting, there was a persistent knock on the door. Albus, who was sitting closest, opened the door. Harry brushed past him, and pushed a piece of parchment to his chest roughly.

"Care to explain, or were you hoping that I would not read the fine print until too late?" Harry snapped coldly. Albus mind went through different curses in every language he knew.

"Um… Now isn't really the best time, Harry. We were just discussing Voldemort's upcoming plans of attack-"

"Oh, piss on Voldemort! This is rather important, wouldn't you agree? I mean, it is not everyday that a kid is signed up for sixteen different classes without his consent, is it, Dumbledore? It is not every day that said person is told they are not allowed to drop even one of their classes, is it, headmaster?" Harry demanded.

"Yes, well, you see, Harry, it is of utmost importance that you train to your full potential for the upcoming war." Albus was trying to get the child to see reason. It didn't look like that was going to happen.

"Dumbledore, I've never taken ancient runes before! There is no way that I will even attempt NEWT level. No chance in hell, Dumbledore. I'm dropping nine of these, now. Hermione is only taking eight classes! There is no way in seven hells that I am taking more classes than Hermione," Harry stated coldly. Albus drew himself up to his full height, and Harry did the same. Ah, it is not so intimidating when the person you are trying to intimidate is the same height.

"Oh, but you will, Harry." Suddenly, Harry got an evil look in his eyes, and his frown twisted into a Snape-ish smirk/sneer.

"Alright. I'll take sixteen classes. You never know, this could be …fun…" Harry said. "I take it, though, that you are prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions, provided I warned you that this is a bad idea?"

"What consequences, Harry?" Albus asked. Harry just smirked.

"Oh, I don't know. But you had better have the Gryffindor table stocked full of coffee at every meal. Black, hot coffee. I'm not kidding." Harry walked out the door.

Albus was a little hurt that Harry refused to speak to him for most of the rest of summer. Molly Weasley and Minerva McGonagall went shopping for all the students, as it wasn't safe for them to leave the house.

Albus had been there when they got back. Both women were looking at him murderously. They took out bags and bags of shopping, and un-shrunk it all.

"Children! We have your school stuff!" Molly yelled up the stairs.

"Yay," Ronald muttered, coming down the stairs.

"Ron…" Molly handed him his books and robes, "Hermione… Ginny… Harry." Albus watched Ron's eye nearly pop out of his head as he saw his best friend be handed almost twenty books. Harry, however, just smiled at Molly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley! It was so kind of you to sacrifice your day to do some shopping for us. We really do appreciate it, Mrs. Weasley!" Harry said happily. "Come on Ron! We have some serious revising to do! Chop, Chop! NEWTs coming up, you know," Harry said loudly, pulling Ron from the room. Ginny And Hermione stood, staring up the stares. The turned to each other.

"Those two are up to something," both girls sighed.

"That scares me, a little," Minerva said to Molly.

"What's this? The head Gryffindor, afraid?" Albus joked. The two woman spun around to face him so fast, Albus could have sworn they had used magic to do it.

"And you!" Molly started. Albus sensed the famous Weasley Temper coming into play. "What right do you have, forcing so many subjects onto Harry?" fumed the Weasley matriarch.

"Well, Molly-"

"Yes, Albus, tell us why, please," Minerva scoffed. "Tell us why you would force a child, who, until very recently, showed little to no interest in the subjects he knew. The only class he excelled at was Defense! Albus, there is no way that Harry could handle taking sixteen classes!"

"He is not taking sixteen! He is taking fourteen!" Albus exclaimed. The two angry woman both raised and eyebrow. "The other two, he's… teaching," Albus finished. He then, very wisely, took a few steps back. Only problem now is, he had nowhere to go. They had cornered him in a corner of the kitchen.

"TEACHING!" both woman exploded. Albus had no where to go, and they were advancing on him.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! I refuse to allow you to do this! You listen to me, Dumbledore! You may well be the most powerful wizard in the last two hundred years! I don't care! I do care about the welfare of my students! Do you remember the first time you made a life altering decision for Harry? I told you not to do it! What do you do? You did it!

"You have no concept of woman's intuition! I know this is wrong! It is wrong! If you don't listen to me, and Harry falls apart, you will be the one to put him back together! Do you understand?" Minerva asked sternly.

"Yes, professor," Albus answered meekly.

Dinner that night could not have gone worse for Albus.

"Ronald Billius Weasley! Put the book down and eat- Am I really saying this?" Molly cut her rant off quickly. "What are you reading? Those don't look like school books," Molly stated. Ron looked up just long enough to answer.

"LordoftheRings,theFellowshipoftheRing. HarrystolethemfromDudley," he said quickly. Harry was also reading a book.

"And you, Harry?" Molly asked.

"Lord of the Rings, 'the Two Towers,' Mrs. Weasley," Harry said. Ron gasped suddenly.

"NO! The dwarf-lord dude is dead? But then what's in the rest of the Mines of Moria?" Then silence. Another gasp from Ron, "no! Dammit Gandalf! A water charm mixed with a light spell would have rid you of that! Damn orcs!" Ron cried out.

"You should see the movie! They look evil! And then there's the elves!" Harry said. Ron looked up.

"They have movies?" he asked, excited. Harry nodded.

"They have a cave troll in it, two. I'd swear that one of the people making the movie was a wizard. It looks exactly like a real cave troll! Big, bulky, and retarded. Legolas kills him with an arrow to the throat," Harry nodded. "it looks so cool, in the movie, when Boromir takes this dudes arm off! Then his head, of course! Like he was cutting through warm butter, he was."

"That is-" Ron cut Hermione off.

"Sooo cool! He took the head off? With what? A sword? We have to watch that, Harry! How long is the movie?" Ron asked.

"Eh, three-ish-four hours. That's just the first one, too! You should see-"

"Harry Potter! One more word about somebody losing a limb…" Molly left the threat hanging in the air. Harry just smiled at her.

"Nothing like that, Mrs. Weasley! I was going to say that he should see what happens to Gandalf," Harry said, still smiling.

"What do you mean, What happens to Gandalf?" Ron asked suspiciously. "He was killed, on the bridge of Khazad-dum, with the shadow monster thing, was he not?" Ron asked, leaning towards Harry.

"Ah! Gandalf the Grey fell into the abyss, but it is Gandalf the White that meets the Fellowship in 'Two Towers'," Harry said.

"HE WHAT?" Ron roared, upsetting a gravy boat. "He does not! Not even Wizards can come back from the dead like that! What happened?" Ron asked eagerly. Everybody else at the table was staring at the two boys as if they were crazy.

"Excuse me, who is Gandalf?" Fred asked. His twin, George, nodded, silently asking for an answer.

"Gandalf, tall wizard dude. Pointed hat, robes, long bear and hair. Wise, old. You know. Merlin type guy. He fell to his death at the bridge of Khazad-dum, after telling the Orcs and the shadow dude that they could not pass over the bridge. He was pretty awesome, too. He helped Frodo make his way from the Shire, to the Mines of Moria. That's as far as I've gotten," Ron said. "Now if you want a cool person, Aragorn is awesome."

"I had to leave the room, whenever he came into the movie..." Harry muttered, reading and eating. The whole table, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, Molly, Arthur, Remus, Minerva, Severus, and Albus himself turned to stare at him.

"Why? Were you getting horny or something?" George asked. Harry rolled his eyes.

"No, you dolt. Look at this," Harry said, handing the book he was holding to and interested Ron. "Back cover, top, picture closest to the spine. That's Aragorn, in the movie." Ron let loose a mighty gasp, his eyes wide, jaw open.

"Merlin… That looks like Sirius!" Ron breathed. Fred grabbed the book.

"Doppelganger, or what?" Harry asked. Ron snorted.

"Yeah, this looks like Sirius. But, this dude is sweaty, and dirty, and wielding a sword, from the looks of it. On the front of this one, is that Legolas?" Ron asked, turning the book to the front.

"I'm quite sure Gimli does not have pointed ears, Ron," Harry said sarcastically.

"Shuddup!" Ron snapped.

"Wanna make me?" Harry asked.

"Bite me," Ron said.

"If you two don't stop, I'll bite both of you," Remus warned. Harry and Ron both smiled widely at him.

"Well…" they both said, "that would save us the time of becoming an animagus, Moony."

"So! Harry, How are your lesson plans coming?" Minerva asked suddenly. Harry stopped the playful banter with Remus. He raised and eyebrow at the deputy headmistress.

"Excuse me?" he asked, slowly, deliberately. Albus looked at him, in that moment. With his eyebrow raised like that, his hair pointed in too many directions to count, and a mischievous look on his face, Harry looked more like James Potter than Albus had ever seen him look.

"Your lesson plans. You don't expect to teach a class without a previous thought on it, do you?" Minerva asked. Harry's raised eyebrow went higher. Now, albus could see the Lily in him. His face had gone from mischievous to confused/realization in the blink of an eye. Harry knew what was going on, but chose to overlook it. Lily had worn that look more than once.

"It would appear, then, that we have had a very unfortunate misunderstanding. You see, professor, I am a student. I do not teach," Harry said, pointedly, looking at Albus himself.

"Actually, Harry, you're a great teacher. We learned more from you than we did four of our other defense teachers put together. Not including Remus, of course," Ron said quickly. Remus nodded.

"Yes, Harry, didn't Dumbledore tell you? No? You're teaching two classes this year. Both are required classes for fifth year and up," Minerva said. Harry's eyes narrowed, his brow furrowed slightly. He tipped his chair onto the back two legs, and gave Minerva an interested look.

"Really, now? Am I really? Don't you think it would be useful for me to have known about this, more than a week before classes start? And what, pray tell, am I to teach?" Harry asked.

"Advanced Defense, and Weapons," Minerva replied. Harry made an odd 'hmn' sound, deep in his throat.

"Really? And what sort of weapons would these be?" Harry asked, not sounding at all concerned. Albus cut in before Minerva replied.

"Swords, knives, bow and arrows, and throwing stars," Albus answered swiftly.

"And what experience do I have with these weapons?" Harry asked calmly. "Or do you revel in hiring inexperienced people to teach your students- Oh, excuse me, you do," Harry said coldly. Albus fought the sudden urge to flinch under Harry's gaze.

"Harry, that was unnecessary," Albus scolded.

"I've got every right to be rude, don't you think? First, I'm told to take sixteen classes, now I'm told I'm to teach two of them?" Harry said, sarcastically, bitingly. Albus closed his eyes and sighed. "So, when were you planning on telling me, then?"

"At the welcoming feast, Harry," Albus replied, quietly, looking anywhere but the other occupants of the room.

"Ah! You wished to do it in a place where I would surly not make a scene. Is that not it?" Harry asked. Albus nodded after a moment. "Well, you're very sorely mistaken. I most likely would have upped and cursed you in front of the entire school. Then, I say, I would likely have had Dobby serve you rotted for weeks," Harry said softly.

"Well, Harry, I don't think I like this angry side of you," Ron said. "It is a bit scary, to tell the truth."

"I'm scarier when I'm happy, Ron," Harry said. "I will usually start singing. But right now I really just want to-"

"Oi! Harry! Have you heard about the Cannons?" Ron asked quickly. "Going to the world cup, they are. I can feel it," Ron said, nodding.

"Yes, Ron. That will happen when I date Draco Malfoy," Harry said, as if really explaining something to his friend. Ron got the funniest look on his face, as if a cross between resignation and disgust. Harry turned back to Albus. He drew in a deep breath, as if to make a long speech. "No." That was all. Simple, and to the point.

"No? Are you refusing?" Albus asked, his voice growing cold and hard. Harry took a moment to think.

"Hm… Depends. How much are you paying?" Harry asked. Albus started.

"Paying? What do you mean, 'Paying'?" Albus asked. Albus looked around the table, but he noticed a lot of raised eyebrows, in his direction. Harry turned to Severus.

"Not to be rude, and nothin personal, but are you paid for teaching?" Severus nodded. "And how much?"

"One hundred and ninety three galleons a week, Potter," Severus said, slowly. Harry's head snapped back to Albus.

"Then I expect two hundred a week," Harry declared.

"Two hundred?" Ron and Albus exclaimed. Harry raised an eyebrow, and laughing, cold, mocking laugh.

"I'm very high maintenance, you know," Harry said sarcastically.

"Yes, we can tell from the look of you. As I've told Fred countless times. 'Fred,' I'd say, 'I'll tell ye, that Potter lad is a mite too High Class for us simpletons. He be flushing money down the drain, he is," George said, in a rather pompous tone. Fred nodded.

"Aye. I be telling Potter he be tossing money left an' right. Do he listen? Not a bit! He goes and throws his tournament winnings the little folk. Money runs threw his hands, not unlike water threw a net," Fred said. Everybody turned to Harry.

"Oh! Here that, Fred, George? It's the distant sound of your necks snapping," Harry said airily. His eyes remained calm, and collected.

"Oy! George, Didn't we leave that potion brewing, you know, that one that does… that?" Fred asked his twin frantically. George nodded, and they cleared the room.

"Harry, whom did you give the money to?" Molly Weasley asked.

"Hm… That was such a long time ago. Two boys, about yea high," he indicated an inch below the top of his head, "red hair, freckles," Harry said, standing up and backing towards the door. "Will yah look at the time, gotta go. I have go… read something!" Harry took off out of the door.

"Immature, he is." Suddenly Ron jumped up, chasing Harry out the door. "Oi! Potter! Let's watch the movie!"

"To think, I'm friends with those two…" Hermione got up, with Ginny, and they left the room.

Chapter three (reposted!)! There y'all go. Hope you enjoyed it. I, personally, think it sucked. But that could just be me… I reposted it. HArry's change of heart will have more reason, for those who really pay attention!

MountainDewIsDeadly