Disclaimer. Not mine! Stop asking! (/Mumbles/ Can't give an aspiring writer peace, can they?) I don't own Lord of the Rings, either.

"Dotdotdot" Speech

'Dotdotdot' Thought

"Dotdotdot" LotR movie quote. I had to watch that damnable scene a hundred times, and I still don't think it's right!

The order meeting that night went almost as planned. It would have, in fact, been perfect, if it were not for the noise coming from the second floor. It was so loud, the ceiling was vibrating. Dust fell on the heads, occasionally.

"Turn it up, Harry! It's too quite!" roared Ron. The two had been watching that blasted movie all day.

"Do you know how the Orcs first came to be?" A pause, with a slight rumble. "They were elves, once. Taken by the dark powers. Tortured and mutilated. A ruined, and terrible form of life. And now, perfected. Whom do you serve?" A pause, and a deep, vicious growl.

"Sauoman!" a rumbling, terrible voice answered.

Growls, roars, and clanking is heard.

"Hunt them down, do not stop until they are found! You do not know pain, you do not know fear. You will taste man flesh!" Cries (grunts and howls, more like,) are heard. "One of the Halflings carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive… and unspoiled. Kill the others!"

Albus sighed. They had been interrupted four times by the two teenaged boys.

"Fast forward it! This part is boring! Get to the blood and gore!" Ron yelled. A moment of quite. "Ok, stop."

More roars. Sounds of a sword fight. "Find the Halflings! Find the Halflings!"

"Don't call them towards you, yah idiot! Oh! axe to the stomach! Legolas just took out like, six dudes! Slit throat! Mummy! That dudes a beast!" Ron said. "Yeah, take an arrow to the heart, stand up, and keep fighting. Likely, very likely. Abs, too. Ribcage. Ew, he's all sweaty!" Ron said. "Aragorn saves the day!… there goes the beast-Orcs arm. Sword to the stomach! And there goes the head!"

"Ron, shut up!" Harry yelled.

"Can we watch the cave troll part again?" Ron asked.

"Ron! Did you want to see the second movie this year?" Harry asked.

"Both of you! Be quite, before I come up there and shut you up!" Molly bellowed. Silence followed. Albus sighed, glad the noise was over.

"To continue… Severus, what news do you bring from Voldemort?" Albus asked the surly man in the corner.

"He is gathering his army. We've nearly failed in our quest to gather a more diverse army than the Dark Lord. He has Werewolves, Vampires, Trolls, Giants, and a vast number of other vile Dark creatures. He is even creating a breed of Creature. He has made one. A vile little beast, dressed nearly in rags. He has not magic, or cunning, but a blade and a bow more fierce than all I have seen," Severus said solemnly. "Soon these vile things will outnumber the light ten to one."

"Oomph!" came, muffled, through the door. A 'Thud,' 'Crash,' and 'Bang' followed. Then running footsteps.

"Those boys!" fumed Molly.

"Excuse me," Albus said, standing and walking towards the door. "I must know what they have heard." Albus walked out the door.

He walked up the stairs, at a decidedly slow pace. He approached the room of the two teenaged boys. Furious whispered hissed like snakes on the other side of the heavy wooden door. Albus could hear nothing but the muffled sound. He knocked on the door. He heard 'Thump, thump, thump,' in reply.

"Yes? Who's calling?" Harry's voice asked.

"He means… We're not in right now, please leave a message after the beep…" No 'beep' came from Ron. Albus opened the door with a simple unlocking charm.

"Oi! Bloody hell!" A 'Thud!' came from in the room. When Albus came into the door all the way, he could only see Ron.

"Ronald, where is Harry?" Albus asked calmly. Ron looked to the other side of the room, the side Albus assumed was Harry's.

"Hiding under his bed," Ron answered.

"Don't make me sound like a bloody coward, Ronald Bilius Weasley!" came a bold voice from under the bed.

"Oi! Sorry! That did sound kinda bad, didn't it? No, headmaster, Harry is taking cover under his bed, because he is only half dressed," Ron amended. "No wonder he's a seeker. He has awesome reflexes, you know. And he doesn't need a broom to dive, either. He just slid under the bed like he did it every day."

A few muttered curses came from under the bed, and Harry emerged, glaring at Ron. "Honestly… 'He's hiding under the bed'…" Harry muttered. "Wait till you need me to cover for you…"

"Boys," Albus said firmly, "Sit down." They did. They both sat on Ron's bed, and Albus pulled over a chair, and sat in front of them. "Were you spying on a meeting of the Order?" Albus asked. Harry and Ron looked at each other, blinking.

"No…" Harry said. Albus raised an eyebrow.

"Honest, sir, we didn't! We wouldn't do that!" declared Ron, indignant.

"Do not lie, Ronald. We heard you two outside the door, listening to Severus' report about Voldemort's army!" Albus temper flared. Albus saw Harry look at Ron and shake his head.

"Sorry, sir," Harry said, meekly.

"Sorry, headmaster," Ron said, looking out the window.

Albus proceeded to scold and lecture them for fifteen minutes. He walked out the door, not noticing the twin mischievous smirks forming. He walked down to the kitchen, only to find Hermione and Ginny being scolded and lectured for precisely what he had just blamed Harry and Ron for.

Albus realized his mistake too late. "Thanks for the information, professor!" yelled the two boys.

"Albus, it was Hermione and Ginny. And you've told Harry and Ron what they were 'listening to' did you not?" Remus asked.

"Yes, I believe I did," Albus said.

"We're really sorry," Hermione said.

"As you should be! You've made me look like a fool!" Dumbledore said. "I do not know how those boys tricked me into that-" A loud scream erupted from upstairs.

"ORC!" Thunderous footstep echoed around the house, down the stairs, and into the –oomph- kitchen. The door slammed into Albus, throwing him to the ground painfully. He stood up, sending a stern look at the two boys.

"Professor Snape!" yelled Ron.

"What did the-" Harry said.

"Creature look-" Ron continued.

"Like?" Harry finished. Hermione put her head in her hands.

"No! Now they're finishing each others sentences!" she said quietly.

"Almost like a House Elf," Severus replied, not caring he was talking to two of his most hated students, "though taller, much taller. Maybe even taller than myself. Mean looking. Slightly pointed ears, too."

"What color was its skin?" Ron asked. Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Black, brown? Big eyes, too." Harry and Ron gasped.

"Sir! Could you put the image in a pensieve for us, please?" both of the begged. Severus gave his consent. Albus got the pensieve.

Harry and Ron were nearly beating each other up to go in first, until Hermione sighed and pushed them both in. "Boys… Honestly," she mumbled. A few minutes later, Harry and Ron came out, shaking and pale. They both looked at Albus.

"Sir, you've got an Orc invasion," both boys said.

"This can't be happening. It's not possible. Sir," Harry turned to Severus, "did Voldemort mention elves, by chance?"

"Why, yes, he did. He said something about elves-" Ron screamed.

"Quit your screaming!" Hermione yelled. Ron blushed a little.

"That was not a scream! That was a very masculine bellow of rage," Ron said Harry snorted. "Shuddup!" Ron stomped on Harry's foot.

"'Masculine bellow of rage… Yeah, Hermione is having a love affair with Fluffy…" Harry said, causing both Ron and Hermione to turn red, and start yelling at him. "Back to the matter at hand! We're about to have an invasion of creatures from ancient middle earth!"

"Excuse me, but I think you should explain this to us," Severus said smoothly.

"Well! I don't think we have enough time for all of you to read the books, so-" Ron started.

"-Movie time! Who wants popcorn!" Harry asked.

"Harry. It's happened. You have truly gone off the deep end. Really, now, that can't be healthy," Ron said. Harry turned on Ron.

"Ronald Weasley! We have bigger issues to deal with than my questionable sanity! Honestly! Like the supposedly mythical creatures suddenly turning up in the hands of Voldemort!" Harry said.

"Hey! Mate! Calm it down a little! All we have to do is teach the entire Wizarding world how to sword fight, and we'll be good. Oi! I just thought of what I said, and it sounded pretty stupid. Go ahead and panic, mate," Ron said weakly.

Harry's POV… Finally.

Orcs. Bloody great, that is. But it's just not possible! Of course, six years ago, Harry thought that magic was impossible too. Harry sat in a chair that was behind him, taking no notice that Ginny leapt out of it before he sat on her. He was deep in thought.

"Harry! Please return to reality! Harry!" Ron called, waving a hand in front of his face. "YO! SCARHEAD!" Ron bellowed, when no answer was forthcoming. Harry looked at him, unfazed.

"Yes?"

"You're zoning, mate. Dumbledore asked you a question… almost five minutes ago," Ron said. Harry looked to the headmaster, who was now sitting across from him.

"Yes?" Harry repeated, to Dumbledore this time. The man sighed deeply.

"Harry, the Order has decided to let you join, and be in charge of the 'Orc' division. You will, if you agree, attend meetings that will be now be held at Hogwarts. All of them. You would be in charge of researching and destroying Orcs, as you called them. Will you accept?" Dumbledore asked. Harry pondered the offer for a moment.

"And who would help me?" Harry asked eventually.

"Remus, Tonks, Severus, Fred, and George. Ronald, Hermione, and Ginerva, if they also agree. Do you accept?" Dumbledore asked. The old man looked tired of asking this question now.

"Yes, on one condition," Harry said. Again, the headmaster sighed.

"What would that be, Harry?"

"I get complete access to the entire library, twenty four seven," Harry said. Dumbledore looked to McGonagall. She nodded reluctantly.

"That will be alright, Harry. Do not abuse the power, though," he warned.

"Aye, aye, capitan. I'll get started on that research now. G'night," Harry walked out the door, humming to himself.

Chapter four! That's all I have written now, so... I'll have to start writing!

REVIEW... Please? Pretty please? With a lemon drop on top?

MDID