-Chapter Eight: Agony and Ecstasy-

I looked down at my list again.

Pickles

Strawberry Ice Cream

French Fried Onions

V8 Juice

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

"Seriously, Bella? You want all of this? Together?"

"I don't want any of it, dear. Your child, who is currently trying to kick his or her way out of my womb, is responsible for this latest craving. Can you please just get the stuff? I'm dying over here! Oh my gosh. She did not just do that- it's a freaking bomb in there, moron! Not a stuffed animal!"

My six-months-pregnant wife was lying on the couch watching reruns of bad TV and shouting out "advice" to the actors on the screen. However her annoying her antics were (I was missing Seahawks game for this idiocy), she was adorable, and already looking very pregnant.

She was also very hormonal, and those two things coupled together made for some very interesting times.

Just yesterday, a well- meaning older lady at Costco had mentioned that Bella looked "ready to pop", and as a result, my wife was in tears the whole way home.

"She pretty much said I was a fatty, Edward! I've got three months more to go! Lord knows how I'll look when I get to full term! Drive to Panera! I need to get a salad!"

This pregnancy was the epitome of agony and ecstasy.

"Edward! Mom and baby are currently starving over here! Could you please lace up your sneakers a little faster, hon?"

"I'm going, I'm going," I muttered, patting my coat pockets for my wallet and keys.

The lady at the checkout looked at me sympathetically as I placed my items on the conveyor belt. She looked at the groceries again, and her eyes flickered to my wedding band.

"How far along is she?" She asked, grinning.

"Six months," I said sheepishly, a little astonished at her intuitiveness.

"Do you know what you're having?" She asked curiously as she rang me up.

"Well, she wants a boy and I want a girl- we've decided to let it be a surprise."

"Smart man."

"Thanks." I scooped up my bags and the change she had given to me.

"Congratulations! Don't worry, you'll survive it!" She called after me.

I chuckled the whole way back to the car.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I commented as I watched my wife assemble her unusual ice cream sundae. She had scooped several chunks of strawberry ice cream into a bowl, slapped huge slices of pickles all over the top, and sprinkled on the French fried onions. It was funny to watch her reach for ingredients- her belly bumped into everything.

I looked on in revulsion as she dug in happily.

"Mmm, oh my gosh, Edward, this is so good." Bella moaned, "You wanna bite?" She held out a spoon covered in her concoction to me, and I recoiled.

"Uh, no thanks, baby," I tried to say as sweetly as I could.

"Fine, more for me," she said happily, taking a big gulp of the V8 juice she had poured into a glass.

I got up from the table and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm going to go get ready for work."

Bella's happy face instantly melted into a frown. "Do you have to go? I thought you weren't going to work nights anymore."

I gritted my teeth. "Bella, either I work nights or we don't eat."

"But you put in a request…"

"Yes, love, a request to transfer to day shifts. But I can't work unless there's an opening. I have to work when I'm scheduled, or they'll find someone else who is more willing to work any time of night."

She shivered and pouted at me. "I don't like being alone at night."'

"I know, baby, and I don't like you being alone in your condition. When I go in today, I'll see what the status of my request is. They're more generous to guys with families and pregnant wives. Bella, you'll be totally safe in the house. The locks are new, and really, no one can even get into our building unless they're on a guest list."

"I know… but still. I don't like being alone. And when the baby comes? Edward, I don't think I can do this."

I kissed her again. "You can, baby. You're one of the strongest people I know. I'm going to be late- let me go get changed, and we'll talk more when I get home."

"But, Edward…" she clutched her hand onto my shirt.

"Bella," I said, beginning to feel a little exasperated, "We'll talk about this when I come home. I want you to relax tonight, and take it easy. Don't worry- I'll have my phone on as much as I can. Call me if you get scared. I can't promise I'll pick up, but Bella, if you do have an emergency, call Emmett. He'll know what to do."

She put down her spoon and cradled her belly with both hands. "We'll be waiting for you when you come home."

"Hey Cullen," Chief Brewer waved me over as soon as I had changed into my station clothes.

"What's up, Chief?" I asked, casually putting my hands in my pockets.

He sighed heavily. "I figured I should let you know before you saw money missing from your paycheck next week. We've got latest regulation boots coming out, and it's mandatory that everyone has a pair. The company is taking a hundred and twenty five out of our paychecks, and we'll get our boots within the next five to eight days."

A hundred and twenty five dollars? Oh god, that was a week's worth of groceries…

"But sir," I stammered, "my current pair is just fine! They're barely broken in! Do I really have to get these new boots?"

I didn't want to sound so- poor, but I really could not afford the new boots, regulation standard or not. I had managed to get my old boots for $45 on Ebay- a total steal that hadn't hurt my lifestyle in any way.

"Sorry, son, but these boots have the latest in flame retardant technology in them. We gotta keep you guys safe- the last thing this station needs is a lawsuit because someone's gear wasn't up to code. I'm really sorry Edward- I know money's tight- it is for all of us. Just have a little faith, okay?"

I fought the urge to shrug off the heavy palm he had clapped onto my shoulder. It was easy for him to say those things- he had a Mercedes and a five bedroom house on a lake. He didn't live paycheck to paycheck in a crappy apartment, barely making bills and worrying about having enough to eat, and also fussing over a pregnant wife who couldn't afford the best of prenatal care. A baby that wasn't even born yet was already going to have to wear hand me downs from his or her older cousins.

"I understand, sir. I'll be expecting the loss next week. Thanks for telling me."

He was about to say something else, but suddenly the fire alarm rang and it was time for us to head out.

To save someone else's life.

I didn't get home until eight the next morning, totally exhausted and only wanting to collapse into bed beside my beautiful wife. I had showered at the station and done a load of laundry there too, so I set my bag in the hallway and toed off my shoes. I stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water, and was shocked to see shopping bags littering the kitchen table and chairs. The bags obviously came from stores that catered to expecting mothers and babies. I peeked in a few of them- there were tiny, unisex outfits in most of them, but also maternity clothes for Bella as well.

"Oh! Did you see what I got at the mall yesterday? Rosalie surprised me with a shopping trip!" Bella came tumbling at me, still in her pajamas, face flushed with sleep, and her hair bouncing in chocolate disarray.

I sat down heavily in one of the chairs, my heart sinking when I realized that there was no way we could have afforded all of the stuff on the table. Bella, oblivious to my discomfort, sat in my lap and began to eagerly pull the little pastel clothes out of the bags, thrusting them in my face.

"Look, Edward, this one has little ducks all over it, how adorable is that? And this one says 'Even my poop is cute'- I think Emmett will get a kick out of that one. I even found a bib that says 'My Daddy is a firefighter on it'-"

"Baby," I interrupted her, rubbing a hand over my tired face, "How much did all of this cost?"

She went still in my lap, and her shoulders visibly slumped. She dug around in the various packages for the receipts, and handed them all to me. I took them all from her small white hand, and began to add the totals up in my head.

It was much more than we could afford. Most of the stuff she had bought would have to go back.

"Bella, honey, we can't afford all this," I gestured weakly to the piles of baby clothes and accessories and tried not to see the light in my wife's eyes go out.

"But, Edward…" she whispered, gently touching a onesie with a delicate finger.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but right now… it's not a good time."

"Well, when would be a good time, Edward?" she said sharply, "Our baby is going to be wearing hand me downs most of his or her life. I want our baby to have nice things."

My heart broke for the pain I saw on her face, and tears sparkled in her eyes.

"Oh, honey," I let her cry into my shoulder.

"He or she is going to hate us someday- I can already hear it: 'My parents didn't wait to have me when they could afford me, so I had to wear used clothing and eat cheap baby food, and for the first years of my life, I lived in a rundown apartment that didn't have a great A/C system, or electricity for that matter'…"

"Bella, hush, the baby is not going to hate us because we didn't get all his or her clothing from BabyGap," I soothed, trying to make a joke.

"Edward, we can barely afford clothes from Target. I guess I just got carried away. I want our baby to have the best," her eyes welled with tears again and she impatiently brushed them away. "I just wanted our baby to have something nice. Can't I keep any of it?"

Her fingers brushed over the firefighter bib.

I looked back over the receipts. "How about twenty dollars worth?" I suggested, trying to compromise.

"Only that much?" I could see that she was trying not to pout.

"Well, if you'd like to have hot water when you take a shower for the rest of the month, then yes, Bella, only twenty."

She meekly settled a few onesies, the little bib, and a set of pacifiers into a little pile, then gathered the rest of the stuff on the table and put them in their respective bags.

"Rose said that she was going to have to take some of her stuff back because it was too small for Henry. I'll ask her to take these back as well," she said softly, gesturing to the bags.

I kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

The baby's room was painfully empty. Even though it was a small bedroom, the crib and other furniture in it didn't take up much space, and it was obvious that we didn't have the funds to make the room look nicer. I had broken down and bought a can of light yellow paint, to make the room look more cheery and welcoming for a little baby. Charlie had brought over Bella's rocking chair that had been used when she was a baby, and Esme convinced Carlisle to get my crib out of the attic and refinish it so it could be used for mine and Bella's baby. Angela had found an antique dresser at a thrift store that we were going to use as a changing table.

Bella had already washed all of the unisex infant clothing from Rosalie and had hung all the little things in the baby's closet. When the baby was born, we would get the rest of the correct gender color and style clothes from her. Renee had gifted us bedding for the crib, and Sue (Charlie's girlfriend) had handmade blankets and towels for the baby's room. Rosalie donated all the baby toys Henry had managed not to destroy, and one of Bella's classmates, who was a registered nurse, had surprised us with every infant medicine known to man, plus thermometers, diaper rash cream, nasal decongestant, and so on.

Bella and I had been clipping coupons and watching the grocery stores for sales- we had already started stocking up on diapers and food when the prices were at their lowest, figuring we could get a head start on the essentials.

Babies were expensive.

Bella, in her excitement, had already set up as much of the baby's room as she could. The baby was due just after she graduated, so we had to prepare for the baby now. It was almost unbearable, knowing that we still had to wait three more months before a little person would occupy the equally little bedroom. The old crib looked good as new with the cream colored paint and the cheery sheets and blankets within. We were trying to stay as neutral as possible, but Bella thought green would somehow be inappropriate if our baby was a girl, so we settled for light yellows and creams. The bedding Renee had given us was Peter Rabbit themed, so we kind of stuck to that throughout the room. We couldn't afford to get the fancy wall paper or rugs that had been included in the set (and we weren't quite sure the apartment landlord would be happy about permanent fixtures), but we got a few select pieces that made it obvious we had chosen a Peter Rabbit room. It had been one of Bella's favorite childhood stories, and it warmed my heart to think that we would be able to share Beatrix Potter's wonderful world with our baby.

I was getting worried about Bella as her pregnancy progressed. Being a college senior was not conducive to being a baby incubator. She was under a lot of pressure and stress to graduate with high grades, and her health suffered because of it. I would often come home late at night to find her slumped over her books on the kitchen table, fast asleep, one hand on her belly and the other underneath her head. I would carry her to bed, get her in more comfortable clothes, and tuck her in to bed. She would be wholly passed out, and wouldn't wake up once. I would go back to the kitchen to straighten up her books and materials, and then I would go to bed as well.

Bella would alternate between upset and thankful the next morning, knowing that I had put her to bed, because she often fell asleep before she was able to finish whatever she was working on. She would occasionally be upset if she had fallen asleep before finishing a project that was due the next day, but I remained firm that her health and the well-being of our baby came far before school work.

Bella's slowly expanding tummy also limited her ability to do household chores, and her back and ankles would hurt and swell, respectively, if she was on her feet for too long. I found myself coming home after twenty four hour shifts and doing laundry, or cleaning the bathroom. The only thing I let Bella do was cook, because I liked to eat food that wasn't burnt, and I knew she would blow up at me if I didn't let her do anything.

Because I found myself working longer hours and doing more around the house, I would generally go to bed exhausted, and would sleep deeply long after Bella left for school. I began to realize that the only time we spent together was in bed sleeping, and I missed my wife immensely.

Even the little time we spent together began to strain- I would be cleaning, and she would be studying. It seemed like the moment I completed a project, there was another thing for me to fix and/or clean. I would get frustrated when doing the laundry, not remembering which article of clothing wasn't supposed to go in the dryer, what things needed to be washed separate, etc. I began to get so distracted being Mr. Domestic and worrying about Bella that I accidentally cleaned the toilet with Listerine one afternoon.

Bella and I weren't the same couple we had been at the beginning of our marriage. We were so full of life and optimistic, not realizing how hard it was going to be with a limited income, job and school stress, and now, a baby. But we were wiser now, and the experiences we had only made us stronger.

I didn't realize how strong we would have to be before the baby came.

Got any crazy pregnancy cravings to share?

So… what do you think is going to happen now? A little foreshadowing at the end for you….

I apologize for the wait on this! Real life, you know? I'm out of school, so I'm hoping to pick up the pace!

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xoxo,

ybeg

Reviews = nice things for Baby Cullen :)