Chapter Three: I, Shizukani Kagami
The leaves on the trees fell to the ground with a soft rustle, the color of autumn, making crunching noises under Shizukani's footsteps. He looked up at the clear, crisp sky, so blue and eternal. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. Kaito got on his last nerve, worse than Bereii when she blared her music so loud the rest of the house couldn't think. Worse than when Shouta refused to come down from the roof to eat.
Shizukani rubbed his right thumb and index finger together in thought. He stopped and leaned up against a tree. He watched children and parents pass him, having a wonderful time being alive. What fools. Shizukani didn't believe, unlike most, that there was a reason for life. What is not seen by the eye does not exist. Bereii would always make fun of him, saying he would die a nihilist, and she was probably right. The only person that ever tried to convince him that there was a reason to live instead of just for the sake of existence, was Zikaki, one of the sole reasons he didn't believe.
Zikaki would always tell him that there was no sense in not believing, everyone needed something to believe in, otherwise, the world was just a bleak, gray mass of sad people. Of course, she never actually said anything, but Shizukani knew. He could understand her, they were the same. Zikaki couldn't talk, and no one ever heard Shizukani. Shizukani didn't deny he had what some would call a crush on Zikaki, but he himself knew that his feelings for her were much stronger, deeper than a silly crush.
It started when he was five. That was the first time he ever saw Zikaki, any of the other kids. All of them were separated till they were five, then they were introduced. Shizukani didn't understand it, but then again, not much about the Kagami clan made sense at all. So, there were the children, the adults left them in a room alone. It was silent right off the bat, tense silence clouding the senses.
Quickly, all the kids were afraid of him, all of them were a year younger of course, except Shouta, the only other boy. Now, being only five, Shizukani didn't have much of a concept of beauty or love, but when he saw Zikaki, one thing was sure, her eyes were the loveliest things he'd ever seen. They were large and dark as a pitch black night. They stared at him from across the room, staring into his soul. She was all alone, separated from the others. She held a small panda plush in her right arm, her black hair falling infront of her eyes. Shizukani didn't like that.
He didn't know what made him do this, but he had, without another thought, went timidly over to the owl eyed girl, who was sitting on a step, facing him, and they stared at each other in stillness. Shizukani bent slightly, pushing the bangs away from her eyes. The small girl he'd yet to know the name of blushed, then looked down. He crouched on his knees startling her by forcing her to face him. She opened her mouth, looking like she wanted to say something, but no sound came out, instead her face reddened more, then she shook her head quickly.
Shizukani frowned, not knowing what was wrong. "Um, hey. I'm Shizukani. Who're you?" The small Zikaki had tears form in her eyes and sighed again. She looked up into Shizukani's eyes, wet with unshed tears, begging him to understand. He stared at her for a long time, confused, till she slowly lifted her hand and covered her mouth, slowly shaking her head. Shizukani sat down by her on the step and patted her head, working his fingers through the black, silky smooth tresses, enjoying the softness and the cool feeling of the glossy hair. He couldn't tell if Zikaki liked this or not, but he could tell that she was tense, very, very tense as if waiting for him to strike her, her face paled with fear, her eyes large as plates, her body shaking.
"You can't talk, can you?" she shook her head no again. By now, the other children had noticed them conversing, and had come to investigate. They soon surrounded them, but took a small step back, intimidated by Shizukani's icy glare. Shouta was the first to come up. Loud mouthed and boisterous, the child was the first to introduce himself. "Hi! I'm Shouta Kagami, the hummingbird. Pretty jealous, aren't ya? Who're you?" Zikaki just looked up at him, stare blank, biting her bottom lip, waiting.
Shouta soon became impatient, furrowing his brow and frowning. "Uh, hello??? Did you hear me, I asked you a question." Shizukani witnessed Zikaki gradually curl into a ball of anxiety, as he witnessed for the first time the pain of being muted. Shouta frowned angrily, then smirked. "What? Are you gonna answer me or not? Or are you just stupid? C'mon stupid, say something!!" Zikaki shielded her head away into the back of her bear, her knuckles white from clutching the stuffed animal in a death grip, her body trembling with sobs that made Shizukani's heart sting in unhappiness for this child. And, although he'd just met her, he felt waves of anger and protectiveness.
He wrapped his small arms around the breaking down girl, who proceeded to liquefy into a quivering mass on his being, at first freezing and tugging backwards, obviously thinking of retreating out of the defensive embrace, but instead giving up and just lying there under fire. "What's your problem?!" Shizukani was surprised at how icy cold and cruel his voice was, making the other boy jump back in alarm. "What's my problem??? What's your problem, dude?! Why're you protecting this stupid kid?? I mean, c'mon, she could at least say a few words, god!" Shizukani let go of Zikaki and, in a flash, was up infront of Shouta with his fist clenched. Zikaki peaked over her bear, bleary eyed. He heard it connect with someones stomach, whatever it was getting thrown back and rolling several feet away.
Shizukani opened his eyes that he's unknowingly clenched shut. That was the first time Shizukani had ever punched someone. When he opened his eyes, he'd in fact been correct, he had punched somebody. But not Shouta, he realized quickly, noticing the other boy's 'o' shaped mouth while he stared off in the direction the other had rolled off into, the scream that came from the girl named Bereii as she and the other girl, Helei, rushed over to the dust covered heap lying in the dirt that was trying to raise itself gradually, but fell right back down. He'd hit Zikaki, who'd stood up and got into the line of Shizukani's strike, protecting Shouta from his wrath for reasons none of them understood.
He ran over to the curled up Zikaki, who spit out blood then pushed herself up shakily, covered in earth and tears. Shizukani rambled a thousand apologies a second, as Helei yelled profusely at Shouta for being 'responsible for Zikaki getting hurt.' Oh, okay, so her name was Zikaki. At least Shizukani knew her name before she killed him. But when she raised her gaze to look at him, she just smiled. Smiled. Shizukani about keeled over. Who'd smile at the person who just doubled them over??? Shizukani just stared dumbfounded at the smile, not knowing until later how much he took that smile for granted, after learning a very interesting fact; before that, Zikaki Kagami had never smiled to anyone, in her entire life.
He just took her hand in his while Bereii ran off to get an adult, Helei sucked on the straw that led into her water container on her back, wheezing, while Shouta dashed away to get away from trouble, kicking up dirt in the air as he sprinted away from the scene, not even a 'sorry' or 'thanks' for the person who'd blocked the blow that would have most likely have put him the position she was in. Shizukani was steaming about that, but right now his main concern was Zikaki. Zikaki…that was such a pretty name. Shizukani wiped a smudge of dirt off of her cheek with his finger, feeling how warm her cheek was.
Shizukani looked at the girl who wiped down her panda bear, stuck it under her arm, and looked back at him with question in her eyes at the stare. Shizukani cleared his throat. "I'm really sorry, Zikaki. Really, really, REALLY sorry." Zikaki giggled and Shizukani felt his face flush with heat. Zikaki stood, with some assistance, after Helei looked her over and deduced that they needed to take her to Kaito, the then 24 year old doctor in training. They walked to his office, and he said a bunch of words Shizukani didn't know but didn't want to know now at the sight of the sand covered Zikaki. That was the first time Shizukani felt what people today called 'true love', the feeling of seeing someone, and knowing nothing about them, but knowing you're meant to be.
Shizukani sighed for, what, the hundredth time today, back from his trip down memory lane, age 15 now, older, colder, quieter. He thought about how till she was ten, Shizukani and Zikaki were the inseparable best friends. Zikaki would go everywhere with Shizukani, and Shizukani wouldn't let Zikaki go anywhere else without him. But that was then, and now, today, Zikaki couldn't even look at Shizukani without retreating into a shell. Shizukani knew why, the reason his best friend, and true love always took off into the opposite direction at the sight of him: Kaito Kagami.
Kaito had been very weary and very disapproving of their friendship, and as Shizukani got older, he became more and more defiant to him, until finally came the day of Zikaki's tenth birthday, where Kaito warned him, that if Shizukani continued growing closer to Zikaki, Kaito would take very serious action, and forbid her from seeing him at all, ever again. So, for the sake of at least being able to see Zikaki, to see the sight that he lived for everyday, he said goodbye to her, and left her alone, again.
After that, everytime Zikaki saw him, she'd slink back to wherever she'd come from, and frankly, that made Shizukani want to cry. After that, Shizukani referred to her as his L.B.D.T., Look but Don't Touch. Shizukani shifted his weight for the fifth time, standing against the same tree. Shizukani rolled his shoulders and kicked off the tree, walking back home, anticipating the loud screams of Bereii, the wheezing coughs of Helei, the never-ending sound of Shouta running up and down the rooftops, increasing his speed, the hostile glower of Kaito whenever Shizukani 'accidentally' brushed against Zikaki, or 'accidentally' tripped and was forced to grasp onto her waist to keep from meeting the floor.
He also anticipated the jump of Zikaki when that happened and whenever he let go, her slipping away into her room at the very end of the hall and slamming her door shut. The victory smirk of Kaito, then Shizukani would take a shower, go to bed, and wait for morning to come, when he could 'accidentally' on purpose grab Zikaki's hand instead of the spoon, or brush against her lower back when he's putting away a book. Anything, he waited, he lived for waiting. Waiting to see Zikaki, to feel her, to be near her.
Waiting, hoping, that maybe, she'd smile at him again.