Hi guys!! Sorry it took me so long to update. My computer died on me, complete hard drive failure! I lost everything, including everything I'd written so far for both of my Twilight fanfics. So yes the following Chapter for "Path to Realization" will be out very soon!

I want to thank those that have stayed and are still enjoying my stories, you guys make it all worth wile and are the most amazing motivators out there. I love you guys =)xox

As always I own nothing, =(

BPOV

"We need to talk," Jacob's words were like a bucket of cold water. I'd been expecting an inquisition but not on the first day. Might as well get it over with…

"Sure, inside?" I motioned to the house and he nodded, letting me take the lead and followed me in to the living room where I sat on the recliner and he sat on the couch. We use to always sit together, watch movies with our limbs tangled up, but things had changed now and he realized it. Another frown, and another hurt look.

"What happened Bells?"

"Alice didn't tell you?"

"She told me the gist of it, now I want to hear the rest from you," I looked up and felt the blood drain from my face, not wanting to go into details.

"Come on Bella, how does someone as careful as you, jump in bed with a stranger after having known him for a few months? "His hands began to shake closing into tight fists. I feared he would phase right here in the living room but saw him take a few deep breaths, calming himself.

"Just please explain it to me," he closed his eyes, looking dangerously close to tears.

"I don't know how to explain it. I thought I could live on my own, away from all of you, but I was wrong." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I was still on a high my first month, marveling that I'd made it to Oxford," I smiled remembering how very proud of myself I was, "but the second month, everything started to sink in. I was alone, no Charlie, no Alice, no Edward, no Jacob," he looked up at his name, his face still a mask of anger and grief. "That was my undoing I guess. I didn't know how to be alone, truly alone and it scared me. I was so use to having someone there looking out for me that for once in my life I was terrified. Then I met Kevin in one of my classes,"

"Kevin, what the hell kind of name is-" his face screwed up in disgust. I knew he was just trying to find anything to dislike, causing an argument. He wanted to let out the anguish he'd been bottling up for the past few years.

"You want to hear this or not?!" his cheeks flushed red in anger but he nodded. "Kevin was a class mate doing the same major and was in most of my classes so we saw a lot of each other. He reminded me so much of you and Edward at the same time that I just latched on to something I knew, something comforting. He was that someone for almost two months; he was my best friend, he looked out for me, and he told me he cared," sighing I dropped my head into my hands. "I should have seen it coming; he was too nice, too sweet... too fast. But I didn't," I looked up again unable to hide the tears I felt forming.

"Bella, it's enough," he put a hand up to stop me I didn't stop. He had wanted to hear the whole story, he was going to get it.

"One night, he called me saying that he needed to see me right away, saying it was urgent, and I believed him. I let him in my apartment and ate up his words of love like the sick masochist I am," the tears kept on running down my cheeks, I didn't brush them off. Like my words, I let them flow.

"Bells, stop," his fists were shaking again.

"He sounded so much like you and Edward, I thought 'finally!' and truly believed I'd found the one person who would love me no matter what," I knew those words would hurt but it was true. Either he or Edward always used the other as a means to hurt me. "Again, I was wrong. Only once he'd finished what he came for did I realize how horribly wrong I was," my last few words died on a sob that racked through my body.

"Please, no more," he stood up, facing away from me, as though he thought if he turned away it would stop the rest.

"The following months were pure hell,"

"Stop!"

"When he found out I was pregnant he went on a rampage throughout the school, spreading lies about my 'deceit', but that was only the beginning. He had his friends follow me, breaking into my home in the middle of the night to -" my words died when I was suddenly jerked out of the recliner.

JPOV

"No more for the love of god!" I kept taking deep breaths, anything to stop the anger and the hurt. I couldn't take it anymore. I turned back around and picked her up and pulling her as close to me as I could, feeling her tears wet my shirt. I must have been holding her too tight, but she didn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," I whispered into her hair, "why did you have to leave? You would have been safe and you wouldn't be a single mother," I felt her stiffen in my arms and wished I could have just bitten my tongue.

"Put me down Jake," she squirmed in my arms until I put her down and turned away from me a hand on her hip. Then she rounded back to me, still crying but not tears of sadness. She was seething.

"You think I regret having Rafe? What you think I should have had an abortion too?" she slowly advanced on me with a look in her eyes the likes of which I'd never seen.

"Well no but – "

"But what? I could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble, right? Is that it?!" I backed up when she started poking me in the chest in her anger. I knew she'd probably break her finger if I stayed close so I backed off. "You listen here Jacob Black, that little boy outside gave me a reason to continue what I'd gone there for in the first place. For once I was the protector and I would have gladly killed any of those pricks if they so much as came close to my child," with that she turned around and left the living room. I heard her go out the front door and a scraping noise told me she'd pulled up a chair.

"Yeah Tammy?" Tammy? I walked up quietly to the door and saw she was on her cell phone. I stood to the side to make sure she didn't see me, but I needed to understand what was going on. There had to be more.

"Yeah I made it back," there was pause where she sighed and I saw her rest her head in her hand. "It's just what I expected but I guess I was hoping for different," she sounded almost sad.

"What guy? Oh Jacob, yes he's here," I heard an exasperated sigh and smiled at what she said next, "yes he's still single and yes, he's still so attractive it's completely unfair," my ego shot through the roof as a grin spread over my face. With the way she'd been acting I was almost afraid she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

"Anyway, I've gotta let you go, I've got an eavesdropper I have to scold," she laughed while I wondered how she'd known I was there.

"Jake, will you come out here already," her voice sounded lighter, apologetic.

Sighing I opened the screen door and joined her on the porch. I pulled up a chair beside her and straddled it and had my first real look at her after five years. She looked tired but stronger, much stronger than she had been five years ago.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that," frowning I leaned away from the back of the chair. Seeing me move from the corner of her eye, Bella looked at me.

"What?"

"What the hell are you apologizing for? I'm the one who pushed you farther than I should have. Farther than I had the right to. It's none of my business what happened," her eyes became hard, almost like she thought I was mocking her, pitying her. "But I'm happy you chose to share it with me," her eyes lost some of their hostility but were still cautious.

"I had to tell someone. It was eating me alive not saying anything to anyone except Charlie. You always kept my secrets. I trust you,"

"Bella, this shouldn't be a secret. We should have been there for you when you needed it,"

"A whole bunch of 'shouldas' isn't helping anything Jake. Don't beat yourself up over something that's over,"

The look she gave was that the conversation was over. It was far from over and I had every intention of breaking down those damn barriers she'd put up around herself. I could practically see the wall of distrust, hurt and anger as she eyed me warily.

"What, do I have something on my face?" a smile pulled at the corners of her face, but it looked strained.

"You haven't smiled in a while have you?" I leaned over the back of the chair and brushed her hair out of her eyes. She tensed at my gesture, she even pulled away a little her eyes sizing me up, like she except me to do something else. The heavy feeling sitting in my stomach that had been there since we began talking in the living room became a full on wave of nausea and fury. My hands began to shake, I had to go in the woods before it was too late. I knew I didn't have a chance in hell to keep it in check. That was not the Bella I knew and it made me sick that I could have prevented that.

"Jake-" she looked down at my shaking hands then up at my face, her eyes clouded over with worry. Worry over me, I couldn't help the snort at the irony of it all.

"Don't look at me like that. Bells… just don't," I stood up abruptly, my chair toppling over, almost hitting her knees. I quickly made my way off the porch, not hearing anything she was saying even though I could hear her calling me from the porch. I looked to my side quickly and saw Sam and Paul talking to Charley and the Cullens before following me out to the woods in the backyard.

I'd barely gotten my pants off before I couldn't contain my anger anymore and exploded in my wolf form. I could barely stop the painful and angry howl that followed as I let my legs take over, running through the woods at an ungodly speed. I could hear the voices of Sam and Paul as they phased and followed not far behind me.

Jake?! What the hell happened man? Paul's voice sounded strained.

What – you gonna pretend you didn't hear what she said? I couldn't contain the growl in my voice.

Jacob you can't get angry over something that happened years ago. Sam's voice was his usual eerie calm.

Sam she wouldn't let me touch her and kept looking at me like she half expect me to strike her or something. So I'm sorry if I can't help it if the past has turned the woman I love skeptical of everything and everyone around her. Especially me Sam! Me!

I knew I was speaking to Sam disrespectfully but I had to get it out and I knew he'd understand. He wouldn't take it personally.

I understand Jacob. Whatever time you need we'll cover for you. I the mean time I suggest we get together with the Cullens and figure out a game plan to get her to open up. It can't be healthy for her to hold all that in.

I hope you're right Sam. I don't like seeing Bella the way she is, withdrawn and apprehensive.

That's what I mean Jacob. She's become that way to keep herself from breaking down. But it's only making it worse. We need to speak with the Cullens; Alice mainly.

Fine, I'm gonna head home. I need alone time to clear my head.

Careful Jake. Paul's voice was calm, which was a rarity in itself, but I knew he was worried about her too.

AlicePOV

I watched Jake and Paul as they came out of the forest, both looking a little off. I knew why, I'd seen it. Heck I heard it all just ten minutes ago. We all did. Except Charlie and Billy of course. We all pretended otherwise and smiled as Rafe played with Charlie, his little legs kicking in delight when his grandfather would pick him up and swing him around in the air.

I felt the wave to calm and happiness radiating from Jasper and smiled my thanks to him.

"Grandpa! Bathroom!" he took hold of Charlie's index finger in his little hand and run up the patio steps to the house.

Once he was out of earshot it was like a big wave of relief passed over all of us. There was only so far we could take the niceties and with Jake gone it made it even harder to pretend like there was nothing wrong.

"Dude, seriously enough with the happy-go-lucky feelings. It's getting weird," Quil eyed Jasper wearily.

"You're telling me, I half expected to break out in hand holdings and 'Kumbayas' any minute now," Emmett sighed then looked over at Rose and put up his arms in surrender. "What?! Don't look at me like that. It's all captain emo's fault,"

Embry and Seth snickered. Jasper's lips twitched in the slightest smile as he stood up next to Emmett. "Captain emo?"

"Totally,"

"I'll remember that next time Rose is angry," he chuckled at Emmett's look of disbelief.

"Seriously?! Not cool,"

"Yeah seriously. I may just be too emo to want to do anything about a little situation like that,"

"Enough!" Esme split the two of them up, while looking back towards the front of the house. "I'll be back. Someone needs to go to Bella," I got up all smiles but Esme gestured back to the bench Jasper and I had been sharing. "A motherly conversation,"

'Humph!' was the only thing that came out of me as I crossed my arms and sat back down. I looked across the table and scowled at the grins from the mutts.

"You really are cute when you're angry," Quil's comment was followed by deep chuckles. My scowl deepened when I heard my own husband's chortle.

"Shut up,"

"Make me,"

I stuck my tongue out at him knowing full well I wouldn't hurt him… much.

EsmePOV

I slowly walked around the side of the house until I spotted Bella reclining back on one of the porch chairs, a frown marring her beautiful face.

"Esme, you could sneak up on me. You smell too nice," I smiled at her, my smile faltering slightly when she opened her eyes. Never had I seen eyes so unyielding and resilient in such a young human, except Edward of course.

"My mother use to always tell me that a young woman's eyes should be filled only with love, joy and thirst for life. I see none of that in yours," I lifted her feet off the chair they rested on and sat down, taking her feet in my lap.

"How can I when I just fucked everything up," blushing, she looked up at me apologetically and I smiled warmly. "Please, I have Emmett as a son,"

"Hey!" came the response from the back of the house.

"Eavesdropping is extremely rude and immature Emmett Cullen," I smiled at Bella's soft laugh. I took the opportunity of her relaxing to take off her shoes much to her dismay but waved off her arguments. I rubbed soothing circles on the soles of her feet and smiled when her eyes glazed over in pleasure.

"Now why do you think you've fudged everything up dear?"

"Well there's being gone for five years, that's a big one,"

"You're a successful lawyer. That must count for something," I smiled as she considered what I was saying.

"I guess, but…" I could see she wanted to say something but was hesitating.

"But what dear?" she looked at me and smiled

"I could never keep anything from you Esme," sighing she sat up straighter in her chair. I let her take her feet out of my lap. "If I hadn't gone I know things would be different. I wouldn't be a lawyer for one, but I'd be happier,"

"Why aren't you happy now? You have a beautiful little boy who is obviously crazy about his mother, a father and friends who love you very much. Plus there's Jacob who-" I knew she's cut me. I'd insinuated his name apart from the others hoping to get a reaction and it worked.

"That's just it. There's Jacob. Jacob who waited for me; Jacob who stood up for me; Jacob who loves me,"

"And may I ask what's so wrong with that?" I caught the look of curious onlookers to my left and made a quick hissing noise that Bella wouldn't hear.

"I'm not the same woman I was five years ago. I don't know if I can ever be that way with someone again,"

"Give it time dear,"

"Contrary to what we're told time doesn't heal all wounds Esme,"

"Maybe not but cunning vampires and werewolves can," just as I said that there was the sound of Jacob coming back from the woods, his heavy wolf body nudged a tree. The poor man ran himself to exhaustion. He must have made it far. Bella was distracted looking at him as he emerged from the woods shirtless, his jeans hanging low on his waist. I cleared my throat, making her jump in the process and blush realizing she'd been caught staring.

"I'm sorry Esme, I didn't catch that,"

"Nothing dear, you should go and rest. You'll have a busy next few days,"

"Why do you say that?"

"I just know," I patted her leg and smiled at her, confusion written all over her face. She may not think she's capable of loving again, but her heart is saying otherwise. We just need to help break the barriers around it to help her heart shout out what it wants.

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