Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but if I did…

Thanks go to my awesome reviewers.

Sorry for the delay! Here is Chapter 6!

Monday 14 September - After Practice

Something miraculous has happened! I, the world renowned klutz, have managed not to be klutzy. I made sixty six and three quarters saves tonight as Keeper. Honestly.

What else is good you may ask? Besides seeing dishy blokes in Quidditch robes? That this was all in a six hour practice that Sirius the slave driver had arranged. That's eleven saves per hour.

We're going to ignore the other forty shots per hour that I let in. You win some, you loose some.

I am leaving the Universe of the Useless and entering the realm of the Nearly-Not-So-Useless.

Oorah!

Tuesday 15 September - After Practice

Brrrito. Fall is here a bit early. I have procured a milky pops drink from the house elves to soothe my tattered nerves, as well as my numb-blue fingers. I made sure to accidentally breeze by the bloke's changing room to catch a drift of hot shower steam. (When I say accidentally I mean deliberately.) Can't linger too long or they start thinking you're a bit gay.

Ahhh, sweet bed.

Owww.

Unfortunately Sirius believes in the clout of violent Quidditch and I now no longer have any feeling, or for that matter, a tailbone.

It fell right off and rolled away.

Can your bum fall off?

I like my bum right where it is. How would I sit without it?

Crikey! I don't want to know.

Wednesday 16 September - After Practice

Practiced with Sirius. There's nothing like floating around in the air while a bloke throws a giant red ball at your head, which you are supposed to simultaneously throw yourself in front of it instead of moving out of the way like sane people.

But that's just the marvy sport of Quidditch.

Good Lord.

My brain has been replaced with a Quaffle.

I've been diagnosed with Quidditch on the brain.

Thursday 17 September - After Practice

Ahhhhhh Quidditch. I literally blobbed like a big…blobby thingey does up to my room. The Hogwarts lads just stared at me like I had two spoons stuck up my nose. However I was too tired and discombobulated to do something about it.

Must write defense against the dark arts essay now. This shouldn't take too….zzzzzzzzzzzz…

Friday 18 September - After Practice

Cannot.

Feel.

Arms….

Quill.

Nearly.

Out.

Of.

Ink.

I can't be bothered though. I would have to get out of bed to get another one.

19 September - The Day of Doom's….erm…sleeping face.

"Good morning sunshine!" Sirius hugged me, cheerfully smiling as I emerged sleepily from my dorm. I don't trust this smiling business. Happiness should be illegal before 9 AM.

"Get off me you loon!" I spat and shoved him off.

"Aww, lookit! Ickle Lee isn't a happy chappy. No need to go spitting chips yet, because I have something that will cheer him right up!" Sirius pinched my cheeks into a smile like the obese, giddy aunt at your granddad's 250th birthday party.

"Oi, Black! Quit rearranging my face!" I slapped his hands away. I despair for his sanity, which is declining at the moment….

"Quidditch tryouts are today! Aren't you excited! It's going to be…woof woof!"

My jaw dropped to the floor. Well not really, because then I would have to be very flexible and I am not because I cannot walk five feet without tripping over something. I said "Sirius, did you just bark like a dog?"

On second thought, don't answer that. I don't want to know where his dog-like reflexes come from.

His smile vanished like Atlantis as he looked around nervously. Then he stared at me. And stared. And stared. And stared. Without blinking. Blimey, the boy's eyeballs must feel like the Sahara right now.

" 'Ello Sirius?" I waved my hand in front of his face.

Yes! The little people operating his brain finally came back from their tea break when Sirius said, "What?"

"Did. You. Just. Make. Sounds. Like. A. Dog?" I tried again, this time in very slow English that is reserved for the very mad and clinically insane.

He said rudely, "No."

Denial.

I quirked an eyebrow and smiled knowingly. Lily: one, Sirius: zero.

Then he said. "You did."

Insert scoffing here.

"I did not!" I squealed girlishly. Note to self: refrain from catfight habits in the future. "You went woof woof!"

"No, you just did."

"I was only reenacting you!"

"But I didn't say woof woof."

"You just did now!"

"Because I was imitating you."

"You can't imitate someone who is imitating!" Argh! It's a bloody parrot convention.

"Well I just did!" Sirius said and began snorting with laughter like a mad pig and slapping his thigh.

I secretly rolled my eyes and cautiously stepped back into my dorm. "Sirius, I think I have forgotten something very crucial in my dorm, like something to kill you with."

Later - Quidditch Pitch -

Drool. These lads are hunks of hunks of burning hunks.

But, I am staying at least a kilometer away from Sirius who is chatting happily with the Marauders. No sign of Peter. Wait, he's in the stands. Tosser.

Duo Chareaux of the National French Quidditch Team was officiating the team position selections. He might be a fancy sight if his nose wasn't the size of Buckingham Palace.

Keepers are tried second to last, right before the seekers. All I had to do was watch and stay out of the way until then. So I hovered on my broom somewhere around the Ravenclaw top-box.

Tryouts were going…well.

Chareaux is a wanker of an instructor. I'm getting exhausted just watching them practice. So far, Chasers have only auditioned. Le Commandant has chosen Alistair Kovinsky so far. Typico.

Hmm, I can almost hear him yelling at them about tactics and form.

Never mind.

I can really hear him yelling about tactics and form. Hogwarts-a-go-go, prepare yourself for a French Knicker Invasion by Le Commandant avec Largus Conkus.

I can hear him calling out the roster….

Dear God.

Nott and Amos Diggory were chosen as Chasers with Radio Frank and Rei Chang as reserves! Oh no, no, no and nein! Das ist nicht gut! I see no reason for Frank or Rei not to be a first pick. Two Slytherins already and a Hufflepuff git!

Sod!

It's the Beaters turn. I swear that if the Beaters are just as swotty as the Chasers then I will throw myself off this broom here and now.

Actually, no I won't.

I don't care about Quidditch, remember? Because I am really a girl. Games are for boys. I don't care about this stupid school team for which I have worked my knickers off all week to try and make just so I can get Quaffles thrown at my head during practice by jerk-face Chasers who probably have all joined up with the Dark Lord and joined in his escapade to take over the world and rid the world of people like me and my likeness just so some arse wipes who have the Super Ego Syndrome can feel powerful.

NOT WHILE LILY ANNA EVANS IS ON THE JOB! QUIDDITCH HERE I COME!

"SIRIUS! YOU WIPE THE FLOOR WITH THOSE SORRY SLYTHERIN ARSES! YOU HEAR ME? GIVE THEIR KNICKERS A GOOD TWIST! MAKE THEM - AHHHHHHHH"

Quidditch Pitch - Safety!

Earth! Sweet crusty Earth ground! I will never leave you again!

Ahem.

Maybe I will but that is not the point here.

I was simply being a bit over-zealous in my excitement and slipped my hands off the broom, before letting my feet loosen and sliding around to the downside of the broom. There I hung by the back of my knees like a deranged orangutan.

The truth of the matter is I didn't have to go nearly throwing myself from the broom anyways, because Sirius made Beater with Ravenclaw's Hiiro Chang, Rei's identical twin brother. Poor Remus the Bludger is the reserve.

Potter, Black and Frank look positively mugwumped about the whole tryouts schism. (A/n: mugwump is a name given to one who stands on both sides of an issue.) What happened to all that immortal Marauder confidence and strangling sense of brotherhood?

What a bunch of Benedict Arnolds.

I was routing for you, Bludger Boy and Radio Frank!

Bugger. There's something they are not telling me. I am going to beat it out of them if it's the last thing I do.

If I try to beat it out of them it will be the last thing I do.

I might have to settle for tickling.

Krapfen! Keepers are up.

God save the Lily.

Nearly Midnight - Astronomy Tower -

The world has gone mad.

Earth has turned itself inside out.

The grass is orange.

The trees are red.

The sky is purple.

Antarctica is warm. Mexico is polar.

Severus Snape showered.

Duo Chareaux deserves to be locked in the nearest asylum.

And now you are wondering WHY? We are ignoring the fact that the size of his conk is a capital offense.

Lucius Malfoy is Keeper. I am his 'understudy' a.k.a. reserve - only because I was winning the audition so he hexed me from behind.

Cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater.

That's exactly why I physically smashed his bony face into his pumpkin pie at dinner.

I take no nonsense from filth.

There's no mud in my blood; it is quite clean.

Can you tell I don't take failure well?

I pulled a tart and some scones from my pocket that I nicked from dinner and began munching furiously when I was rudely disturbed by Potter's entrance.

"You still sore?" He chuckled.

"Very. You can't complain; you got Seeker!" I said truthfully.

"I know, I couldn't help it." He took a seat at an observatory window, while I was still propped up against the wall and sprawled unceremoniously on the floor.

Suddenly I have decided that I would love to supervise Potter taking a leap of faith out that window. I swear I could literally see his big fat head inflating even larger. Soon it won't be able to fit out the window, but that's what the roof is for.

"You couldn't help it? You think I could? I was hexed from behind!" I growled.

"You should have been able to prevent that. There's a really simple counter-curse -"

Good point, actually.

"Theoretically! They didn't teach those things where I came from. I don't know half of the little tricks you lot pull off here." If it was possible, I sulked even further to the floor. I am practically the melted heap of the wicked witch of the west on the floor.

Sacré bleu. I have just been made into a troll by James Potter. Perhaps I should speak troll from now on.

Except I will never have as many bogies as a troll.

"Vanes, you are at the very least, a handful. I knew there was something different about you from the start, and I'm going to find out what it is." He said and ran a hand through his mesmerizing hair.

The moonlight does him justice and I mean this most sincerely.

Then he just up and left.

Krapfen. He's suspicious.

I'd ask Alice for advice but for this I might as well ask a troll.

But thirty seconds ago I learned troll. Alls well that ends well.

I pulled out my Floo compact.

"Alice, I am in need of major cheering to happinosity."

Her face flashed onto the mirror. "Li-LEE it is midnight you wet tart. But you're looking mighty groovy in this late hour though for a chap that isn't really one."

I remind everyone that this is my best friend I am talking to.

"Fine Miss Cranky Knickers. I will never Floo you again."

"Don't be such a prat. If you're going to get the mega hump like this all the time I'm going to fetch you from that school this minute. I'm awake now." She grumbled. I saw her cast a silence charm around her tapestries.

"What news from the School of Dim?" I asked.

"Mikalah Anlage was made Head Girl. I can get off nearly scot free from anything thanks to her. Dim Charlotte and Mischa are planning a coup d'etat, if that is mentally possible for two of Europe's most criminally stupid."

I always knew I there was a reason I thought Mikalah was fab-fabby.

"Bloody hell. The year I leave everything gets good. Has anyone noticed I'm missing in action?" I asked hopefully.

"Nix. Mikalah might have but I excused you when I told her you were having a crisis with your pet dragon."

"Pet dragon? ALICE JULIET PREWETT DRAGONS ARE ILLEGAL! I could be arrested! I do not ever want to imagine what else you told the other Beauxbatons!"

Alice looked thoughtful.

"Don't answer that! Did you complete Mission Potter?" I interjected.

"I might have heard Narcissa Black, a fourth year, saying something about him yesterday."

"And you didn't ask her?"

"Lordy no. She is in cahoots with Death Eaters."

Blimey O' Reilly! I have just had a stroke of inspiration. Narcissa Black, Sirius Black, and Dough Boy Regulus Black. I'm feeling some love in the connection section.

But that still doesn't solve where I heard the name Potter before. I've never spoken to Narcissa Black.

"No one wants Lucius Malfoy, her boy toy, breathing down their neck. Sane people don't mess with her." Alice said intelligently.

"LUCIUS MALFOY! THAT…ARGH!" I shrieked.

"You know 'im?" Alice was positively gob smacked.

"I LOST FIRST STRING KEEPER TO THAT GIT BY SABOTAGE! I COULD HAVE HAD A SPOT ON THE SCHOOL TEAM!" I raged.

"WHAT? You're playing Quidditch? With all blokes? With Death Eater blokes? And you're muggle-born! Lily, if you injure yourself or get killed, we'll have to tell your Mum and she will bury you alive unless your dead which in that case she will bring you back to life just so she can bury you alive." Then she got all mother hen-like and huffy.

Perhaps she is right. I may need to talk to someone normal about this.

Can't think of anyone I know normal.

"I'll admit, this whole scheme was funny as hell when it started, but now if anyone discovers you, you could be in super duper trouble." Alice began her stupid nervous habit of twirling her fringe.

Stupid fringe.

"Potter knows I am muggle-born. He's okay with it." I conveniently left out the part about his suspicious drive.

"Potter might be the only one. Stick around him until I get there."

"Until you get here?"

"That's right. Cadet Alice is coming to inspect and possibly fetch you from that school. I'm bringing an army you can't resist." I could hear Alice slamming her fist onto a surface in the background.

"I like it better here. I'm staying and you aren't bringing me back to Beauxbatons!" I yelled. I suddenly felt strange, warm pools under my eyes. I had become rather attached to my school of tossers lately.

As attached as I can be under a false identity.

And as a disguised girl.

"I'm coming as soon as I formulate a good excuse." Alice demanded.

Why is she such a good friend? Ex-friend for that matter.

"Fine!" I blurted and slammed the compact shut. See if I care.

Now I really wanted someone normal to talk to.

Still can't think of anyone normal.

FYI: Pronunciation of the Chang brother's names is as follows:

Rei is pronounced as 'ray'

Hiiro is said like 'hee-row'

I'm awfully sorry for the delay. I meant to get this chapter up earlier, but I haven't been feeling well these past few days and writing was just not flowing freely. I'd rather delay a week than present something I don't feel is finished or polished.

On the other hand…..

Merci again for the amazing feedback! Reviews are the only way for me to know that you're enjoying or hating the story. Please keep informing me and I will be able to keep writing effectively. Your reviews are always very inspiring, and encouragement causes fantastic catalysts in writing.

I'm sorry if Sirius came across to be a bit out of character in this installment, but he was caught with his pants down and acted on the first instinct that came to mind.

SiriusProtégé - James will not be finding Lily out so easily. Can you just imagine his face when he does? However, he will be one of the last to know. That's all I have to say on the matter.

Sugur-huny-bun - Hahahahaha! You finally asked the question of which I am completely unable to answer. Where did I get this idea? My brain I suppose, but certainly not the 'idea shop of canon'. The plot began to form somewhere in the wee hours of the morn. My own prat mind spun together threads from about ten different ideas and the output was Little Lady. Perhaps a few books influenced it, but I can't be quite sure.