Link – Aww, Atemu's just scared. He seems like the type of person who at first, if he has a problem, just wants to run away and sort through his head. 'Cept…Yami really can't coz… he's bound to a puzzle. Haha. Enjoy!
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Chapter XV: A Double Edged Sword With No Handle
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My ego was atrocious. After years of wallowing away, ruling a kingdom successfully had done nothing but stroke my arrogance. Being only the age of sixteen, I'd lost my mother at birth and father during adolescence. Once Yugi came into my life, I was sure that void would be filled and yearned for his body and touch. Sometime later that evolved and I longed for his smiles before intimacy. But now if I could not touch him, that left me at smiles. So be it. I would rather he smile from a shallow happiness than be defiled by my hand and suffer from memories.
I…would rather him anything, so long as those fervent pink lips laced happily from cheek-to-cheek with a grin, even if that risked my own. Leaving him back in Cairo was the best choice. His memories were active and I caused them. Plain and simple. 'Twas I. Me. Had we never met face to face, had I not taken a liking to him, my little one would be perfectly fine. The smiles he shyly swayed would be full of mirth and certainly never hesitant. Yugi would never have to think seven steps ahead in order to control himself and I could admire him from afar.
'Twas also the first time I actually cursed my parents' deaths since the first days without them. My father's death was inevitable because he wanted to protect me. If my mother were around, then I would seek comfort from her. I would always turn to her for solace and to no other. Never would I drown my sorrows in the puzzle and therefore he could watch, far, far away. Never would he have seen me vulnerable and ready to wither away into nothingness because I was a horrible pharaoh.
But had they not died, I doubt I would ever care for the spirit of the Millennium Pendant, or notice. Despite the tragedy and nobility hidden behind the death of my father, it was quite possibly the only way I would ever grow not only as a ruler, but as a person. As his son. After Queen Seshat's death, he grew so worried that I, too, would succumb to Osiris's hands that he pampered me more than needed. I was the child every parent desired to spoil, and of course, his goal was the same as mine: see the one he loved the most smile.
But if he were still here whilst I was the age of twelve, I wouldn't have made the mistake of building a hut on the far side of the river and have it pillaged. If he were here while I explored becoming a man at the age of thirteen, then I would not have learned which women were as pleasant as Isis or disturbing whores. No—I would have just been married to a princess of some faraway land and altogether shy away from the path that was met with mistakes and obstacles before I became who I was today.
Despite how pleasant life would seem with my mother and father at my side, in the other world I would have become some spoiled buffoon who thought of nothing more than marriage. I loathe marriage. And children. I would have endured another type of happiness…not one with my light.
With a less-than-satisfied sigh, my eyes landed on Ra's beautiful skylight. No matter where the view was his painting and art did not lessen, but to see it somewhere far away from home was indeed exquisite. Streaks of wondrous yellow filtered through the sky, lowly sheathed by that of orange before succumbing to red, blue…and violet.
I'd been in Abydos for two weeks.
Two weeks away from my light, with a heart seemingly punctured and jabbed with the knife of mistakes and misery. It was becoming hard to remember the beautiful face that inspired me through my years as I viewed through blurry eyes. His magnificent orbs haunted my mind, scrawled every open, empty chasm in my brain and his delicate voice lingered in my ears. His laughter. His smiles. I wanted them. I needed them.
It was no longer a matter of leading him to my bedroom and doing as I wished. There was no satisfaction in only seducing him and fucking him senseless. It'd become so much more in the weeks—no, years that I'd known him. Through the innocent mind of a child at the age of eleven, bedding him was not on my mind. Back then, that very day when we first met and became trapped with one another, my heart only envied the smile woven across his face and incarcerated the true emotion I felt: loneliness.
That fateful day was what kept me from succumbing from loneliness and of course, motivated me to become the person I was today. Was that person one I was proud of? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Could I stand by as a peasant and watch the man known as Atemu rule my kingdom and see the victorious smirk he held highly? Most likely. Could I stand by as one of my own court and watch this pharaoh rule; watch as he gloated of his victories and celebrated it in bed?
No.
Had Teana's death not happened because of that piece of scum, I would have been a father. I would have gotten a life with a wife and a son or daughter, blessed by the gods because even they knew that it was time for me to settle and have an heir. The child I would have—a beautiful Khait or Sudi—my noble prince or darling princess, I would teach to walk and comfort just as my father did for me. I would teach him his first words, tell him stories about the magnificent light or allow her to sit upon that throne and rule as queen.
Or not. So be it, I would have had a little one of my own. That young child would be my only child as well—never again would I go along with whatever diabolical scheme dubbed "Ma'at's Great Plan", because I planned to love only one person. And obligation, that child would have been my heir.
But by choice, the only one I would ever love was Yugi of the Mutous.
Love, the abstract substance many savor after once sip of from Hathor's grail. I, son of Akhenamkhanen, found the one I loved and had gotten drunk on the finest beer found only in the Millennium Pendant. Had I not loathed the thought of marriage, I would have walked for miles and snatch a star to present to my light, asking chastely for his hand in matrimony. I disliked children with a passion, but ever-so willingly would I have twenty or thirty just to see that smile on his face.
But I could not have him. The veil he guarded me with was minimal compared to the shroud this Yami imprisoned him in. No matter the steps I climbed to his heart, Yami would always be one step ahead of me, ready to take Yugi's heart and spit it out. He could not have me, and not the other.
Love had a stench worse than death.
"My pharaoh?"
"Yes."
"My pharaoh."
"Mm."
"Pharaoh Atemu."
"Hah."
"Atemu."
"Did you not hear me the first time?" My eyes did not tear away from the fanatic scenery of reds and oranges fading behind glorious violet, indigo, and dusk. Instead, I rested my hands on my lap and reached for the slab of meat Rehema's mother had made for me not too long ago.
"My pharaoh!" Mahado gasped and snatched the plate away from my hands. He appeared before me and held the plate tightly, warily watching my actions. "Do you have the slightest idea how long you have been sitting out here?"
"Not too long, I assume." My fingers rested on the glass of water that sat next to me on a table. My eyes wandered to Mahado's toned chest, how noble and supreme it seemed above my own form. High. Assertive. He knew his place and knew his limitations. I, on the other hand, lived a life only now finding out what those limits were for me.
"You have been sitting out here for two days doing nothing but stare at the sky." He sighed in frustration and bent to my height before cradling my cheeks. The sensation harshly stung, but I made no move to swat it away. I saw nothing. I felt nothing. There was nothing. "By Ra…you are lucky that you did not get sunburned, my pharaoh! Never the less, suffer from the cold."
"There is a blanket resting on my lap. Abydos is not as cold as Cairo through the night." Blinking, I took a sip of water and turned to look at him for the first time. Concern flickered through dark orbs and before my mind had the chance to register his intentions, Mahado was scooping me in his arms and carrying me as if I was nothing but a child. Considering our height difference, that was only expected.
It was only when he plopped me on the bed Rehema and her grandfather set for me that I truly looked at him and realized how strenuously my eyes ached. Closing them for only a second, I squeezed them tightly and looked back. Mahado was without his head piece, nor his normal priest robes. I struggled to maintain a smile.
"Have you not another gathering with the other high priests in the other temples?" I teased slightly. It only felt more serendipitous of our younger days as he tucked me in, shedding of ranks and leaving them at the door as the smile fell across his lips. I smiled as well.
His immediately faded and he sat on the chair, eyes narrowing grimly. "'Tis the first smile I've seen on your face since we've arrived, my pharaoh."
"You acknowledge it as if this smile were my best." With a bitter chuckle, I ran a hand through my hair and again looked away. What good was there, coming to Abydos? With each grain dripping in my hourglass of life withered away another piece of my soul. At the time it seemed like the perfect idea to allow him to rest. After all, his memory knew nothing more than what was out in the streets of Cairo. Forcing him away instead of me was ridiculous, regardless my rank as pharaoh.
"'Tis true enough." He meticulously sighed and pulled my face to his. A smile delicately raised across his lips. "But after years of absence in your mother's home land, do you not think she would want you smiling?"
"I suppose." Shrugging back, I propped myself on the mattress and bit my lip. This trip was supposed to be with my little one. Instead here I lay, cowering in fear and drowning in frustration because I could not gather the nerve to go back. "Mahado."
"Yes, my pharaoh?"
"Do you remember when we were younger? When I was the age of five, you of eight and Mana of four?" I glanced over, remembering the eyes that would watch me in my father's absence as I grew older. His dark eyes glimmered with nostalgia and I continued. "I'd just been informed that Mana and I were betrothed."
"…yes," he responded quietly and nodded. "You were just informed that both you and Mana were likely to be married once of age."
"Yes but, before then," I continued, "you would always bring her flowers. Because her parents were always quite busy, you would assist Isis in raising both Mana and me. Always, you would spoil her when even the smallest of tears cascaded down her cheeks and would not let it be until she smiled."
Red tingled across Mahado's cheeks. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he could not.
"You two had quite the attachment to each other when we younger," I reminded him. Which was true. Other than Seth, it would be Mahado and Isis who watched over both Mana and me because of our ages. Isis tended to me kindly just as her mother did before her, but before Mahado aspired to be a priest, he would play with me as if I were a normal child. With time up until that marriage announcemnt, we were nothing but dear childhood friends. "But once it was unfortunately announced she would be my wife, you guarded yourself."
He shrugged and looked away. "Back then, I had to realize my limits, my pharaoh. If I were to become one of your court, I needed to treat you as you were—a prince to Pharaoh Akhenamkhanen and needed to be treated as so."
I quieted and looked to the floor. "And my limits?"
That caught him off guard. Mahado raised an eyebrow and gently knelt to the ground to catch my eye. "You, my pharaoh, do not have limits."
"Then why," I asked with sheer frustration, "am I always so far behind my light, no matter how much I love him?"
It took him by surprise. Immediately, dark eyes doubled twice in size and his gaze lingered for a moment, mouth agape before he chuckled again and sat across from me. "What was your goal in that, my pharaoh? To catch one of your all-knowing viziers off guard?"
"I assure you most of what I do catches others off guard, but surely as my advisor you will advise me what to do with my light," I propped a hand against the pillow and lay my head against my forearm. My eyes never left his and I bit my lip. "Please."
"I…" Stunned, Mahado chuckled softly and readjusted his headdress. He brushed away the hair that poked his eyes and shook his head, a small laugh bellowing from his chest. I opened my mouth, prepared to demand why he would mock me, but it seemed so amused and really, sounded like the first true laugh he'd had in ages. Finally the smile broadened and red radiated across the bridge of his nose as he mustered the courage to explain. "Forgive me, my pharaoh. I…suppose after all these years I've thought of you even higher than what should be permitted."
"Is that even possible?" I rolled over, crossing my arms over my torso and looked at him wryly. "I suppose this means I caught you off guard, just as you have predicted. What, my priest, is so humorous it causes you to ache with laughter?"
"Why…you, my pharaoh." Mahado smiled gently and shook his head. He stared at me hesitantly and closed his eyes. "Have I ever told you the story of when we first met?"
I shook my head. Mahado had been the successor to his father, a previous priest of Horus, and so on. As far as I was concerned, our families had known each other since the beginning of time; priest serving the Living Horus ever since. This tradition and bloodline, however, did not affect my relationship with my priest. Despite the apparent family history, Mahado was still but my friend and even more--my brother.
"Before you were even born, I'd rather stuffed my mouth with jackal dung than serve the likes of you." My mouth hung open, surprised and shocked by his tone. Mahado returned my gaze wryly, arms crossed and nodded in confirmation. "I…never found personal delight in having you around, and feared that you would be as horrible as Seth. In fact, my pharaoh, I pleaded the queen that if she could have the baby, as wife of the Horus, could she 'un-have' the baby."
A laugh escaped my throat and crossed my arms. "I heard you were quite a brat when you were younger."
"Very much so," Mahado nodded, and almost smirked. 'Twas a side of him not many people saw, and rarely did I myself. "Do not get me wrong—I was only three at the time, but I am enlightened enough to accurately recall this memory. Of course the queen denied this and laughed."
"Did your opinion of me change once I was born?"
"Oh heavens, no." He shook his head and red teemed across his cheeks before he generously smiled. "I suppose in some sense, I did have an attachment to Priestess Isis. She was my best friend back then. The three of us—Seth, Isis, and me. We fought for her attention, whether it be her mothering Seth or playing 'house' with me—" His face darkened "—we were inseparable. Once you came along, the rivalry for Isis's attention only deepened. We despised you."
"And yet you could not do an ounce of rebellion against me, now could you?" I mused. Arching an eyebrow, I dared to laugh at his proclamations of hate.
"We once stuffed you in a vase after Isis promised to look after you." He looked at me sternly and arched an eyebrow. "Though considering by the time you were at the walking age and Mana soon after you, I do believe that it'd done more harm than good."
"You stuffed me in a vase."
"It was only once," he assured. Smiling knowingly, Mahado crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Believe me. The hate was far more mutual than one-sided, and the war started long ago the day you were born, where you slapped me in the face after I was given the chance to hold you."
"So I was vicious even as a mere child." Arching an eyebrow, I pleasantly smirked and noted the sudden paleness in his complexion.
"Quite the contrary. You were a very needy baby, and it never stopped Isis from tending to you. I, for a boy only of the age of three, was very jealous." Mahado shook his head and leaned over until he was at level with me. "Bear in mind what I least expected was for my name to be your first word."
All I could do was look at him, stunned and surprised at his sudden confession. Unclasping my hands, leaned over. "You were my first word?"
"And I should have seen it coming. A tyrannical duo was Seth and I, envious of the attention and self-proclaimed reputation Isis gave herself." He softly laughed and shook his head. "At the time I found it nothing but annoying, but with responsibilities I came to accept it. You followed me everywhere, even dragging Mana into these antics and naïve of the annoyance you caused for us."
"But after a while you became quite smitten with Mana." I smiled gently and cursed myself for not seeing it before. 'Twas my fault for not sensing the chemistry between my two best friends. I assumed too little of their relationship, never thinking twice that all of Mana's mischievous glances or Mahado's fluster could be nothing more than a younger sister overwhelming her older brother. Their relationship was simply a bud, yet to have blossomed into a beautiful rose.
"Yes…," Mahado's eyes cast off into an unknown solemnity. "I don't particularly remember when my opinion changed of you, my pharaoh, but it did happen quite young. You were still about one or two, and by the time I realized what was happening, it was already too late. We were friends."
"We're still friends."
"I know. And I am grateful to be blessed with this friendship." He returned with a small smile and gestured to me with his hand. He hesitantly stared at it before pulling away, and I put my own hand on his shoulder.
"We're still friends," I repeated, with greater force. A gentle smile fell across my lips.
"I…yes." He smiled and shook his head. "And our relationship differed, I suppose, after the announcement of your marriage. There was a strict barrier shrouding your essence, and Seth and I were cautious with you. By the time we watched you grow at the age of eleven, what protected you only deepened and we knew what used to be innocent touches and grazes were far deemed inappropriate for the prince of Egypt."
"And you grew up, knowing that groping me both mind and body would only sentence you to a horrible death." A frown appeared across my lips. Eying him softly, Mahado only nodded at my statement.
"Forgive me, my pharaoh. I've simply known you so long in this light that I've never thought another could shine through. By instinct I suppose I assumed…everything could be yours." Mahado softly chuckled and gently shook his head. "Your ability to reign as pharaoh surpasses many, Pharaoh Atemu, and I am now beginning to remember that you are only human, perfected with imperfections and comforted by insecurities."
I smiled. "I have been telling you for years that you needn't give me any higher treatment, Mahado. You are nothing less than my brother."
"Though if I were to thank you instead of saying the feeling was mutual, I suppose you would threaten to behead me, now wouldn't you?" He dryly rolled his eyes, and for this one instance I truly felt flattered. There was no hidden meaning; no underlying that made me question if his languid glances were meant for me, the Pharaoh or Yugi, my light.
"It would be a valid reason to guillotine you, yes," I said quietly. "As I once said, you hold me in far too high regard, putting positions before our friendship, Mahado. Know this well—had you taken the initiative and already ask for Mana's hand in marriage, I would happily be the one to give her away. But still at this point when you know the depths of my relationship with our dear friend, your duty spoke louder than your heart and before me is currently where you stand."
"It is…much more complicated than that, my pharaoh. So, so much more." He pitifully smiled and closed his eyes. We sat in still silence, each contemplating our own thoughts and troubles.
It'd been too long. It'd always been so frustrating, so contradicting; those views we held of each other. Being impulsive was what got me into the situation I was currently in, so shaken by the fact that my sweet indulgence had become scrounging, the other was dying. Never had I meant to cause him to suffer, and if I were to explain that to him, he would certainly understand.
But that was the problem. He would understand.
Yugi was patient, considerate, and compassionate. Little made him snap and once it did, he refused to let anyone else penetrate that protective barrier; something no matter how small it seemed, was thicker by proximity and violently lashed when threatened. The closer one was to come to Yugi Mutou, the more he would be hurt once he isolated himself. Never, though, would I ever become so frustrated with him. Never would I explode simply because it was my light. Yugi of the Mutous was my essence.
And unfortunately, that meant I could not do anything without him. It was mockery, really, to call me the pharaoh when my one charm gave me more than just luck. Who was I to rule with such poor judgment and little dignity? It'd been another one of my contemplations during the journey to my mother's homeland. Despite how much he had taught me through these years, it did not mean that all of it would stick. I was a lost soul, and he was my guide.
"Your love for him does not differ from my complications with my own…personal life, my pharaoh."
"Pardon?" Snapping out of my stupor, my gaze returned to his dark eyes.
"Your love life," he repeated. Mahado gently touched my forehead and quietly chuckled. "Do understand what I say is not always what I feel, Pharaoh Atemu. You are indeed a mighty pharaoh, but even you have your limits; conditions you must follow in order to keep your stance. As they say, all is fair in love and war."
"So you should not burden yourself and drown in guilt if in this war you were to strike a knife through my chest." Staring at him, I only arched an eyebrow and challenged him to find a flaw in my logic.
He only smiled. "Atemu. Although 'tis true—you indeed hold a higher rank above me, I neither would court the one you love simply because I would rather see the one whom I regard as my brother happy rather than watch him, stricken with grief as I proceeded with a life intended for the fortunate."
A frown danced across my lips. "'Hathor has cruel choices."
"Hathor is only a fraction of it, my dear pharaoh. Even with Ma'at's great scale, the decision lies solely in the bosom of its participants." He rested a hand on my knee. "Your decisions with Yugi are no different. He is no royalty despite the high pedestal he sits upon."
My shoulders hunched and I dipped my head back. "So what does it mean when it seems thousands of things are against you and the one you love?"
He softly chuckled. "It means that now even the little Horus must prove his worth to the great Goddess of love. This is one thing—" he said with an amused smile and a glimmer of the eye "—that even the Spirit must watch you overcome yourself."
I stared at him, stunned.
"You understand your people more than you know, my pharaoh." With a knowing grin, he slowly stood up. As his footsteps descended toward the door, my eyes fell to my legs with the realization that half of my insecurities had been secured. 'Twas true. Many decisions have I made myself, nobly helping my people. Once my lessons were learned, I was able to project this knowledge into the great lands.
I'd been the one who demanded the heads of those who terrorized Cairo. 'Twas me who ordered for the immediate removal of those who raided Minya. Had my decision stood, Enu would have been bitter and far from his recent sins. Instead, we nurtured the children and he gathered conspirators. Yugi had been the one to seduce him. Yugi had forced him to agree, make him and the other villagers go along with it.
But I did not blame him. I would never blame him. I will always go with his decision, no matter the situation, but will always suffer because of it.
"Troublesome," I growled.
Lost in my thoughts, I failed to hear my vizier bid me a good night and leave the room. Collapsing into the mattress, my eyes were forced closed and I shoved the thoughts aside.
Troublesome, indeed.
littleone.
The door was shut. Walking amongst the hall, my eyes would occasionally shift to the doorless walls where many jutted puzzle pieces lay, gray and dreary. Despite the growing discomfort in the pit of my stomach, I only ventured further, biting my lip for any type of consolation.
Seemingly lost, my mind automatically calculated the various pathways that could possibly be opted. Where on earth was this place?
The setting was neither familiar, nor foreign, but instead a duplication of the hallway where the doors of my light and my essence would meet. Torches gleamed from the cinderblock surface and penetrated evil auras. Frown strewn across my lips, I cursed and scrutinized the only surroundings. Despite the screeching desire to stop, risks and suspicions seduced my better judgment.
Body coming to a halt, an entrance with gleaming light caught my attention. Light.
"Aibou." The word alone danced at the tip of my tongue, drenched in foreign air and tantalizingly wonderful sensations. With an exotic high and eagerness, my body was first to plunge into the new haven. It burned.
A horrid grunt left my lips and the glow blinded my eyes. The need to run away was now all too tempting.
Youcanthavehim.
What—?
Youcanthavehim.
"Show yourself," I ordered. Anxiety gnawed my innards. Frown running apprehensively across my lips, I carried forth, eyes narrowing and drowned under silence. Something hard slapped my face. With a sickening screech, I fell back, hand clasped over my nose and groaned. What on earth…?
I searched the ground.
Harsh spikes penetrated the skin of my hand and I snatched the new object. The material was grungy—wooden, even. It was a carving. Of Yugi.
"Yugi!" I whispered in shock.
Youcanthavehim.
It disappeared from the tips of my fingers, dissolving away and I clutched remaining air, frustration grinding gainst my sanity. Whirling around, I searched frantically for the entrance now intended to be my exit. Gone.
"What on earth is th—"
Youcanthavehim.
"You are you?!" I growled. "Show yourself!"
Youcanthavehim.
"Good riddance." The Millennium pendant glowed erratically against my torso. Clutching it for dear life, aggravation groped my curiosity and readily did I—
"Mou hitori no b-boku…"
Yugi's voice. The glow snapped short, abruptly stopping and preventing the violent temptation to banish my pray to the shadow realm. My eyes searched far and wide, catching sight of what said pray had morphed into. A whimper left his throat, both tantalizing and erotically probing the abnormal silence against my ears. Sweat matted my brow and instantly did the legs which rarely gave away fell fall beneath me, the rest of my body humming in delight.
But willpower was currently fighting the war waged between both my mind and groin. Gritting my teeth, I assumed and hoped my body knew better than to succumb in ecstasy and concernedly follow after the haunting voice of my light. Swallowing the large lump in my throat, I lunged forward. It was Japanese. Certainly that only led to trouble and quickly would I need to find him.
But instead I halted.
You can't have him, said the low, brooding voice in the back of my head. He's not yours. He was never yours. Never, can you have him.
My head spun with horrible assumptions, aching with discomfort as it ridiculed the voice dare challenging my—the Pharaoh's—reign. All ended the same, ultimately agreeing of my demise and declared that this voice was right. I could not have him. I'd been the one to cause him so much pain; so much agony.
You can't have him.
"M-Mou hitori no—ah…nn….gh…"
A shudder passed through my spine. Fear running through my veins, I shoved reluctance aside and darted for the only source I would ever find comfort in.
"Yugi!" A raw cry shook my throat, piercing harshly through my ear drums and with a devastating cringe I fell over and became victim to the shadows. Tendrils wrapped around my arms and legs, ruthlessly choking the cold blood that terrorized my beating heart. "Let go! Let me see him! Let me see my light, my little one!"
They pinned me to the ground, harshly digging into my skin, but I could not care less. Until further notice, I was Yami. I was this 'mou hitori no boku', and unless I mollified his cries, he would forever be tormented. Yugi needed to smile. He always smiled, despite the situation, despite the discomfort and regardless of any anger. And until his lips were laced with joy and mirth, I woul'p89d not easily give up.
"Cease!" I hissed. Struggling from my current position, the cause of all my suffering doubled and a horrible cry left my throat with darkness binding my veins.
You can't have him. You can't have him. You may never have him. You can't have him. He is not yours to have. You can't have him.
"Mou h-hitori no boku!"
The Millennium Pendant glowed harshly against my torso. It picked and illuminated, light filtering through the shroud of despicable evil. My eyes fell to it, glued to its essence and I begged for freedom.
"Mou hitori no…Ate…mu. Atemu." Catching my breath, I looked to the wall which suddenly appeared, my light visibly pinned and in a drunken state of pain. Shackles squeezed his wrists and ankles tightly, and quickly did he attempt to sober up, horrid flush at the bridge of his nose disappearing. Yugi gasped and he whimpered. "Ate…Yami…Ya…mu….Ate….mi…"
You can't have him. You can never have him. You may never have him.
His arm was gone. "Yugi!" I lunged for him, imprisonment aside with worry deep in my eyes. His arm had evaporated, leaving a large gap between both his hand and shoulder. With a shocking halt, the back of my head collided into the ground and I stared onward, utterly terrified. The slim legs hidden under his blue kilt vanished.
"Mou h-hitori no aahh….AHHHH!" He screeched, eyes shutting closed and the left side of his skull exploded, disappearing and never seen again. Tears shimmered through a clenched right eye and Yugi shivered, bowing his head to the ground in defeat. "Really….hurts….really hurts…can't….really….hurts…"
"LET HIM GO!" Let me go. Let me go up to him, strip him of the shackles and become his savor; allow me to finally repay the debt that I owe after the years he's guided me, become my inspiration. I needed him. If he were to leave me…no. He would never leave me. I WOULD NOT ALLOW IT.
In a time from one second to another, he'd gone from writhing, wiggling and whimpering before fully halting, large, tortured eyes froze, terrorized by fear and tears streaming down his cheeks. My light ducked his head, chin to his chest and bangs masking his trauma. No sound left his throat. He hung there; dead.
"No." My eyes narrowed to his form and I lunged forward again, menacing glow of the Millennium Pendant arising and ferocity set stern behind my gaze. "NO! YUGI!"
His arm returned. His legs returned. The side of his face once gone reappeared, but the grimace was enough to make my heart sink. Another figure appeared by his side, concocted by shadows and maniacal by heart.
Yami.
He stood, back turned to my eyes and released the shackles imprisoning my light by a glowing object held around his neck. Limply, Yugi's body fell into his arms, safe and secure before he softly stroked long tresses and cradled his face before he…he…
He kissed him.
My breathing halted and I stopped deathly, body jutted outward and he turned my way. I caught the attention of his dark, glistening eyes before he hoisted my light into the air, cradling Yugi as a fragile doll that could easily be broken.
He was as different to Yugi as he was the same to me. Brooding, sharp gems that glistened with arrogance. Bangs sparking like horrid lightning, and exploded above him. His clothes were no different to my light, but he held them high; so supreme and with great confidence.
"Never." Hard shoes hit the ground, so high and noble that it seemed a regal gallop the way he walked around my imprisoned form, my light cradled protectively in his arms. "He will never be yours."
I wanted to speak. I wanted to yell; deny every one of his claims and challenge him because I knew what supremacy he held around himself was far different to mine. Yet Yugi of the Mutous…this was a boy we both knew so well, and despite the fact he completely enraged me, we both knew he did not hold titles into account. Despite the grief, despite Orichalcos, Yami was who he cried for when in fret. Not me.
"You are not worthy of him. Whatever decision you make," Yami hissed, softly kicking my face, "whatever thought you contemplate, or whatever silly idea you get, you will never have him."
I growled. "I swear, if you as much as—"
"Lay a finger on him? Cradle him? Kiss him? Bed him? And what right would you have, to tell me what I can and can't do, Pharaoh?" A chilled breath left my throat, feeling the harsh jab of his heel in my chest. "Do what you want. After all--"
A haughty laugh left his throat, and I would have readily punched him. Yet with one look to the smile strewn so beautifully across my light's face, one that I have not seen ever in my entire life knowing him, it would have been the wrong decision. World growing dim, my mind shifted into torment.
"He will only see me when he looks at you anyway."
littleone.
"No!"
I woke up in a cold sweat, air beaten out of my lungs and vanishing without a trace. My arms and ankles erratically throbbed, pulsing with the aches fortunately only a dream could cause. Adrenaline was my enemy, a high of panic still sensed through my veins and I swallowed the overbearing lump which decided best to choke me. Oh by Ra, simply a nightmare and one of the lesser punishments Tutu refused to guard me from. Shivering with little air passing through my body, I cradled my head where Yami—whose image agonizingly over and over tormented my thoughts before disappearing yet again—had kicked me.
Not mine, he cruelly whispered, voice running chills through my blood. Never mine. What happened in the past five years prior seemingly meant nothing, because that bastard—the one who ripped out Yugi's heart and squeezed it until blood dripped like acid to the floor before disappearing under the assumption my light was nothing more than an object rather than a beautiful human being—had a handle of my little one's life. That smile was oh-so daunting, languidly relaxed as it curtsied upon his lips.
I closed my eyes, ache in my chest reappearing just as the morning's pleasures hit my groin. 'Twas not fair, I thought as my head dipped back and fingers found the head of my cock, stroking the problem I'd been forced to rid of for the last two agonizing weeks.
Yugi was not property.
He was not a thing, a toy to be put on a shelf and disregarded until needed for dangerous tasks. No pedestal should be his cage, trapped high and desolate until feeding. Yami did not know his worth as I did. He could not have known the joy marked across Yugi's demeanor when my light was out and about, the relief teeming from his smile at the realization he was not alone. But I did.
Reachign my climax, I choked on a frustrated moan and buried my face into the pillow. Erection aside, I was nothing but pure scum if the only conclusion that could be made was the blatant notion I'd been by his side for the past five years. Though obvious that paranoia was getting the better of me, 'twas also the truth. My many claims of knowing who Yugi was and that none other than I could read his essence, faltering because the decision was not mine to make.
Never could I ask my li…him to forget about that previous life. Black Magician could not be forgotten. Black Magician Girl's nurturing could never be forgotten. The dreaded skull, leach, nor Kuriboh, his essence, could simply vanish. And certainly, the man who Yugi both feared and praised—to the point of asking to share a birthday with—could not leave his thoughts.
Yami.
He was right in the sense no matter what light Yugi saw me in; I was only a projection of whom he desired, even in his past life. He was becoming (or rather, was_ a large thorn in my side. Yet Yami was as important as the Dark Magician was.
Yami was to Yugi as Yugi was to me.
That being said, I only lay there, eyes wide with aggravation despite how weary I swore I seemed. It wasn't until the sun filtered through the small window above my bed did Rehema knock upon the door and ask if I was awake.
"Atemu?"
I didn't answer. Her voice appeared fuzzy to my ear, sweet and honey-like, but also well-established and striving to be an adult .Her fingers gently tugged my blanket, tips brushing hesitantly at the ends of my feet. Quietly, creepily, she skimmed the skin of her hand against my heel before snatching up my ankle and yanking me out of bed.
"Uh--!" I fell, head first into the ground and rolled about until my face collided with her foot. Rehema's agitated bright blue eyes gleamed with annoyance and her lips pulled into a pout.
"Stop fooling around," she scolded, hands placed irritably upon her hips and smirk parting her arrogant freckles. "Pharaoh or not, you're still my cousin and until you get out of bed to enjoy Abydos, I'm going to stay here and beat you over the head like family really does!"
"You wear clothes now.' I blinked, staring warily at my maternal cousin's linen dress and beaded wig. Her bare feet dug into the ground and she harrumphed. Shallow amusement tickling my lips, I smiled wryly and rolled my eyes. "Should I be surprised that for a kidling who now dresses older than she really is, she does not have anything there?'
Gasping and highly offended, Rehema glowed a dark shade of red and struck a foot to my nose.
"OW. Is this how you treat your Pharaoh?!"
"This is how I treat my bratty older cousin!" She paused, demeanor loosening for but a moment before she nudged my leg and pulled away. With an airy huff, she reappeared at the door and frustratingly glared at me. "Get ready. Priest Mahado wants me to take you out to town today since the markets will be open."
I arched an eyebrow, confused. "Abydos does not have their own marketplace?"
She rolled her eyes. "Abydos is not Cairo, cousin."
Nodding in understanding, I appeared at the chest of my clothes after she left and looked through what had been picked for me. Because my mother was originally resident in this very house, her room had been preserved along with one for both my father and for me. Nathifa, my mother's beloved younger sister, adored me with or without title. Despite the message stating my arrival had been sent only a month prior, I'd not been scheduled to arrive until this very day, right before the Beautiful Feast of the Valley.
In younger days my head would always be shaved before arrival and I swore by Ma'at's scale that upon my visit, neither peasant nor royal sacred priests should know of my heritage. Now, I thought as I clutched tangled locks and forced them under a headdress, it was no different. But with a hairstyle that'd become so remarkable and represented my reign, shaving it was out of the question. Securing the clasp on my cape and thankful only a handful of Abydosians knew my name, I praised Ma'at for allowing me to fake this appearance as a fellow priest of Horus.
No one would have guessed under a simple headdress and veiled mouth that I was indeed the great Pharaoh Atemu, son of Akhenamkhanen and vessel of the gods. Once I pulled away and went through the door, my eyes landed on the duplicate blond hair Aunt Nathifa would tie back and out of her face. None noticed my presence, Grandfather Atum carrying on a conversation with Mahado as Nathifa assisted one of the elder slaves with rolling bread.
For a moment I leaned there, staring only at my aunt and the woman who was the only living reference to what my real mother must have been like. It'd been the first time, really, that I truly looked at her since appearing in Abydos. Gorgeous. Her hair tumbled in long curls behind her back, and the tunic she wore fell to her ankles, strapped gently at the waist and necklace chiming around her necklace. Unlike the many descriptions of my mother, Aunt Nathifa acted out as much as her daughter did. Hotheaded and impatient, but instinctive and knew how to use everything in her arsenal.
"Nephew." Snapping out of my thoughts, Nathifa's ruby red eyes glimmered with amusement and she arched an eyebrow. "So I see you finally decided to show yourself."
"I…had little choice to." Rolling my eyes, I pushed from the entry-way and appeared by her side, where the slaves immediately bowed. Shooing them away, I studied Nathifa's fingers as they kneaded and molded dough before tearing a piece for myself and running it between my fingers. I stood beside her, noting how much taller I was compared to my aunt.
The last visit nearly six years ago I'd only recently experienced the changes associated with puberty. Tall and gawky for my height, unable to fill out what obviously needed to be filled in order to look like a capable ruler, she was as mothering as she was before. Now, despite the wee bit of nausea felt in the pit of my stomach from little appetite the past two weeks, I had gotten the edge needed to wield authority over all of Egypt.
She softly laughed and I frowned, staring at the crooked, measly lump sticking to the palm of my hands compared to the smooth roll she'd set on the metal tray. Nathifa stood over my shoulder, chin resting at the crook of my neck as she guided my fingers and allowed me to present a semi-decent loaf of bread. All the while, I could see Mahado cautiously relax from the corner of my eye as he occasionally glanced my way. Not surprising. He knew me better than I knew myself.
"Priest Mahado suggests both you and my daughter to out to town together today," Nathifa stated. "She is hesitant."
"Oh?" Arching an eyebrow, I decided on a second attempt to properly mold a loaf of uncooked bread and thoroughly watched her make it. "Generally she enjoys my presence."
Nathifa paused, hands squeezing the soft material and she slowly nodded. "Generally she does."
"She is now at the age of twelve, is she not?" Yet again failing to form any type of edible bread, I pushed it aside, rolling my eyes and watched the hesitation cross her face. Thoughts accumulating, my cheeks flared pink and I arched a rather paranoid eyebrow. "Is it possible that she has become a woman…?"
That being said, she cracked into hysterical laughter and tossed her head side-to-side. "Do you honestly want me to answer that question, nephew?"
"No."
"Good. And yes, she is now the age of twelve and I suppose you could say she is blooming into a beautiful young woman." Proudly grinning, she set the loaf of bread beside the other and snatched up what little progress I made with the one between my fingers. "The last time you visited, you promised to marry her, you know."
I paled. "She was six."
"Obviously." Wryly rolling her eyes, Aunt Nathifa gave a knowing smile and raised her head, enticed with whatever was above her. "I'm pregnant, you know."
My eyes widened. "Congratulations."
"I would say the same to you—" Oh. "—but news travels fast, nephew. Perhaps I will give you a congratulatory apology." Softly laughing, Nathifa shook her head and pressed both hands to her hips. Once turning, I saw the small bulge in her stomach proudly sticking out and awkwardly turned away. But having raised me as if I were her son, Nathifa cradled my face, light eyes gazing deep into mine and she smiled. "Now what on earth were you thinking?"
"I was…" Analyzing that gaze, knowing full well of what my aunt was capable of with interrogating skills even my court would fear, I dipped my head back, rubbing my elbow with frustration and shrugged. "I was going to be a father."
"Such a young boy." Regardless of my rank, Nathifa gently smacked my cheeks, lightly scolding my idiotic antics with a heavy chuckle and shook her head. "Please understand, my dear nephew, that despite all of the grief and what you've had to take on in place of your father and shrouded in the shadow of Pharaoh Akhenamkhanen, you needn't worry about an heir so soon."
"At last, someone who understands my utter hate for small children." I genuinely smiled, struggling to keep this demeanor and watched my glowing aunt. Guilt flowed through me, and I wondered how on earth I neglected her upon arrival. 'twas not like me. In younger days I would always run to her for any little thing, intrigued by the concept of having a mother instead of a nurse or "older sister", and she treated me like any other. In a lot of ways, this was how I imagined my mother. Still to this day, I was not the pharaoh to her. I was the nephew; son whom she would never have.
"Lies. Slander. Your heart is gold, dear child." She shrewdly tapped my nose, accurately touching the same spot Rehema had smacked me. "I know you well enough. The instant that baby was shown in your hands, you would have loved it. You are a pharaoh who loves all his people and could never truly hate a soul."
…no. Sadly smiling, I shook my head and crossed my arms. "You speak of another."
"Your heart is pure of gold. Do not question an expecting woman, otherwise she will smite you. This is before times of being Pharaoh, when you were but a prince, nephew." She harrumphed, slowly turning and meddled with the last remaining dough. "I have no doubt the little boy who would shyly ask questions and make it his goal to protect my daughter at all costs despite being more vulnerable himself is still in there."
I frowned. Readjusting the headdress she had effortlessly wrangled, my eyes fell to her fingers again and I thought back to the days before then. Ages had passed since the last time I meaninglessly cried, whimpering for my father and begging for company. "The boy before me was weak."
"The boy before you was pure of heart, taking every decision into consideration, ranging from stomping on a measly little ant to standing up for what he believed in. He did not back down easily, but knew when to yield and certainly respected others when they needed to respect him. Somewhere in there still lies this boy, under that rough exterior. That," she finished with a confident smile, "is who little Rehema always looked up to upon your yearly visits, Atemu. Like it or not, you were her mentor."
I rolled my eyes, smiling a bit at her compliment. "I am a horrible ruler."
"You are only horrible because you continue to sleep around without another thought on love." She tapped the back of my head, lightly scolding my decisions before chuckling again and gently pushed me in the direction of the door. "But enough of that. Today you are not the pharaoh, nephew. Today you are the elder brother to my daughter and will help her face all that comes in her path."
"I…alright." Nathifa was right when it came to Rehema. Despite growing as an only child, Mana had quickly become my best friend and despite how we looked down upon one another when we were younger, we had a strong bond. However, Rehema was four years my junior and instinct provided me with the need to protect her at all costs. Her behavior was irrational. Never had she been such a…smart mouth. Rarely did she normally act like this.
"Oh, and Atemu?"
"Yes, Aunt Nathifa?"
"Please bring that Yugi girl around once you two have made amends." I halted, bare feet buried deep into sand. Pink stained my cheeks and I turned around, meeting the ambiguous grin of grandfather, aunt, and priest. Nathifa only smirked. "I wish to know the lucky suitor that has my nephew's feathers ruffled."
Opening my mouth to speak, I simply found that it closed again without another word. Perhaps it would be too early to tell Nathifa this "lucky suitor" was not a girl. "She" indeed had my feathers ruffled, but I was not going to encourage more words. Clearly Mahado had been vague in describing him, but I'd hoped not this vague… or for my problems not to be described at all.
With a heartbroken sigh, I bit my lip, mind drifting back to the young boy who stimulated every part of my body before pushing him aside. Yami and Yugi had no other choice but to wait. Tomorrow, I did not want to visit my mother's tomb, thoughts on the one who would never be mine and not on the mother who could never raise me.
She did raise me. In a way. Need I wonder why she had become the one Pharaoh Akhenamkhanen proposed to rather than push her aside as one of his junior wives. As far as I knew, he had less than two other wives and rarely did I see them, if not ever. No child had ever been produced and he loved me dearly. One had been killed and the other I assume he grew tired with, otherwise she would have still been around. And they were no Queen Seshat. No one, I thought indignantly, measured up to Queen Seshat.
Except Yugi. Yugi was my Seshat.
"Though I doubt Father had as many difficulties as do I when it came to courting my mother," I muttered, a small, sad smile appearing across my lips. I picked the chrysanthemoide daintily blooming from a crack in the earth. More flowers would have to be picked in honor of Queen Seshat. Years before there would always be bouquets of belladonnas, hennas, chick-peas, sunflowers, pomegranate flowers, bitter orange flowers, strawberry flowers, papyrus flowers, lily flowers, carnations and…so much more. The little chrysanthemoide wept in my hand and I held onto it as I made way to Rehema.
A smile glowed across her face. Arching an eyebrow, I watched as my little cousin happily chatted away to some boy with frivolously long hair and innocence stricken across his features. His dark hair was as messy as Mana's, exploding behind him and had the small kilt not hide his privates, I was sure he was a bit too enthusiastic to be talking to her.
Again paranoid, I sauntered over to my little cousin and knelt before her, chrysanthemoide in hand. "Shall we be going now?"
Rehema's face twisted with surprise. Eyes widening, she picked the stem from my hand and shrugged to the boy. "Bye, Moku."
"Bye." His voice squeaked, obviously with a psyche still unworthy to fit his body. The cockroach who dare taint my baby relative's innocence exchanged a meek look with my hard gaze before wandering and leaving us be.
Unfortunately, my delicate little surrogate sister was left in a daze, flower running back and forth between her fingers before turning to glare and hit me upside the head. "And what was that about?!"
"OW." Why on earth did all the women in my life wish to bring me to my knees? Groaning at the newfound injury, I returned her irritation; hands nestled on my hips and decided rather than voice my rank versus hers, to simply…yell at her. "Could you not befriend someone who does not look as…suspicious?" Or promiscuous?
"You mean ready to bed me at any moment?" Her eyes narrowed and she adjusted the beaded wig laying over her blond locks before twisting her feet and pointing to an unknown direction.
"You should not be so blunt at a young age. Many people will take those words and interpret you as a harlot, cousin." I prudishly tapped her wig, ripping it off so only her hair remained to veil her petite, round face and chubby pout.
"Oh yes," she sarcastically quipped, failing to get her wig back as I stuffed it in an unknown compartment. "Maybe I shouldn't. After all, language like that might end up with me oh, I dunno…in bed with the pharaoh." Rehema gestured to the many girls who looked my way despite having been shrouded by a headdress. All giggled, happily eying my body and waving behind other vendors.
My entire body shivered. Biting my lip, instinct had immediately gone to a newfound erection and I dug nails into the palms of my hands. Their bodacious figures caught my attention, curves like no tomorrow endlessly driving on and spectacular bosoms shining in the sunlight. How long, my head muttered, had it been since the last time I consummated? Since…
Since Teana.
Teana's curves, her exotic moves and muddled skin. Soon after she became pregnant and I found myself in a labyrinth of trouble, unable to find my way toward the light—toward my light until the last few days. That being said, my heart sank to the deep trenches of the Nile and I bit my lip, eyes casting a shallow glance to the carpets hung by other merchants. Yugi.
His curves. His figure. His petite arms, plump face and glimmering cheeks that parted whenever he smiled. Slim waist…long, sexy legs that were hidden under his tight kilt, but were only a plus as the strange, buffed animal hide that framed his oh-so perfect bottom… licking my lips I…I… No.
I blinked through the pleasant urge that'd I'd succumbed to in mere seconds and forced it away. No, I said again. For the past two weeks I'd been by myself when it came to sexual tension. Never again did I want to have an attachment to another concubine and fuck her senseless. The thought of another child scared me and certainly…my heart and soul belonged to none other than Yugi. …whose heart and soul belonged to Yami. Biting my tongue, I glared at the empty air between both my cousin and I.
Immediately she noticed my tension and fell back, keeping a steady pace with my slow form and tilted her head curiously. "So…this Yugi person."
I stopped. "You know too?"
"Who do you think forced it out of Priest Mahado?" Rehema mischievously grinned, hands wrapped behind her dress and hummed with delight. I shivered. What an evil little girl. "She means a lot to you, right?"
"More than he will ever know." I took no notice to the way her eyes widened and she sputtered on forgoing words before we continued in silence. Currently my mind had been suffocating under this horrible decision and conclusion. Yugi was opposite of Rehema. He was opposite of Nathifa, and he was opposite of every single person of my court, because he was unwilling to assert himself and forced his psyche to believe it was a simple, trivial matter. I'd gotten away with so much because of him, and only now was I beginning to see these limits. We could never go back.
We could never go back to the way we were, my mind hazed with all of the possibilities to the mysterious spirit in the Millennium Pendant. We could never return to the point where Yugi was still finding himself, stuck as my akhu and watching as I grew.
Until I made that decision of going back, we would be stuck on opposite sides of a bottomless trench and with one-sided longing to see the other. I needed him. I wanted him. I loved him.
"I don't like him."
"What?" Tearing away from where my eyes had rested on an awfully colored carpet, Rehema's freckles came into view and she wiggled, observing the vast array of clothes.
My cousin wavered back and forth before wrapping herself with her arms and harrumphing yet again. "He's turned you into this wuss. I love you, Ph…Priest Atemu, but he's yet proven to me that having you dazed for two long weeks is a good thing."
"He is not as bad as you describe." After all, it was my fault. When she did not cooperate and simply stuffed her nose into another cloth, one hand digging into her satchel, I concluded shopping with Mana had better results. "I owe my life to him."
Her hardened demeanor softened and she sighed. Before I had the chance to protest, Rehema swept me into a hug and her tiny voice filled my ears. "But you were just fine before you met him. You were…so sweet…so sure of yourself…and I hate seeing you so…so heartbroken."
"I…Rehema." Concern filled my chest and I petted her softly. My eyes searched for a different opening, unable to look the little girl whom I've known all my life. Gold caught my gaze and my attention fell to a small, intricately carved box sitting where the merchant's lap was. Slowly pulling away, I rested a hand around my cousin's waist and picked it up. The merchant began bickering nonsense, but I ignored him. Instead, my fingers graved each groove and the beautiful eye carved in the very middle.
Opening it up, I saw there was nothing in there. But…so accurate. So beautiful. I stared at it carefully, digging on the insides to confirm whether or not there were any puzzle pieces. It was a replica of the chest in my little one's soul room. Perhaps, I thought, it would be the perfect gift for my little light.
"I'll take it."
"You will, will you?" A sleezy grin fell across his face. "Certainly a high priest such as you has something great to offer. Why, this is a one of a kind jewelry box, don't you know!"
I glared. "Surely you understand who you're talking to."
Rehema slapped me in the rib. "Priest Atemu, perhaps its best to pay whatever the merchant wants so we can be on our way. Or find another box. As effeminate as you are, I'm sure there will be another to your liking."
"No. There will never be more than this in my life that I desire." I knelt to his level, annoyed by the irritating smirk that crossed his lips and he clutched the box between his dirty hands.
"Oh, I don't know, Priest. Priest Atemu, you say your name be? This is a rather precious gift. I would not want it to go to was—"
"A. TEM. U."
I knew that voice. Automatically cringing and feeling Rehema's frightened arms wrap around me, I paled and whirled around. The clucking of hooves hit the ground violently and a lone figure was mounted high on the horse's back. She came to a deathly halt, abruptly stopping before nearly running the booth over and slid off the side.
She knew my name. She knew who I was. Eyes widening, I took a step forward in order to keep my best friend from yelling what I feared, but it was all too late.
Mana's face scrunched, entire form disheveled from whoknowswhat and she growled before yanking the headdress from my crown. The entire marketplace silenced, murmurs and loud bickering no longer to be heard and the sleezy merchant from before shoved the jewelry box in my hand before running off. "So you decided it best to treat the situation like one of your vacations?!"
"What are you doing here?" I demanded. Of course she would ruin my guise. Though far be it from me to assume my best friend would actually follow me out of Abydos all by her lonesome when I knew for a fact she had little to no sense of direction.
"Let me tell you this!" Her high, squeaky voice rattled in the air, bouncing off walls and against dumbstruck bystanders. "Just because you are the pharaoh does not mean you can go willy-nilly and, and…have him face this on his own! Do you know how long it took for me to find you?! Ten whole minutes! TEN!"
Compared to the five days it took just to get here? I opened my mouth, readily defending myself, but did not get the chance. Rehema squeezed my left hand, but with Mana suddenly yanking on my right, I was forced into a tug-of-war of which my best friend won.
"Come on!" She demanded and with great ease, hoisted me behind her on the horse. I clutched her for my dear safety as we ventured into a direction I was sure was opposite of Cairo. "We're going home! NOW."
--
Author's Note:
…and of course, it's Mana who is the one who forces him to go home. xD Sorry this chapter took longer than expected; I've had a lot on my plate lately. We're slowly getting back to the plot, and of course, next chapter is Yugi's point of view. I was going to apologize because I assumed this would be a horribly short chapter, so boy am I glad I'm wrong. Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for your support and I hope you guys review! :D