Link – Aww, nah. That's fine, I've got testing to worry about too. C: I'm glad you liked it and in case all of you were wondering, Rehema is Rebecca and the boy she was talking to was Mokuba.
This chapter is dedicated to spirithorse because she's awesomesauce/bomb diggity/absotively posolutely amazing. :D
--
Chapter XVI: Transcendence
--
So I take it this was how it was supposed to end or something. For some reason the chain of events only made me feel nostalgic or redundant. My heart had been wounded long ago, so many empty holes waiting to be filled with the promises once made, but it didn't stop beating. The world didn't stop spinning because of one measly broken heart. I didn't stop breathing because of one, either. Broken hearts are abstract—metaphoric. You couldn't touch one. You couldn't see one. But you could feel it.
Strangely enough, my mind was playing it out like some coping mechanism. But I hadn't been coping with Atemu's loss. Atemu running away from…from whatever I did and squeezing my heart until it bled was the coping mechanism. For Yami. Why?
Why the hell would I know?
It didn't matter; never did any of it matter. My life was running in circles and the longer I ran the farther was my goal.
There wasn't a point in keeping track of days anymore. Why would there be? How would I, anyway, being stuck here, all by my lonesome? I suppose it was a self-choice. At first, Isis constantly urged me back, calling upon my spirit rather than allow me to curl into a ball, Millennium Puzzle's edges piercing into my skin and die in a hole. With the days that passed, each of the priests said their own words, either confiding in me or simply watching over me. But they weren't Atemu. They weren't Mahado.
Mahado was Black Magician to me. Looking at him, coping with him always cheered me up, let me know that one day he would become the sorcerer he truly deserved to be, but he'd gone away to. To Abydos. One by one, they all left me—Black Mana, Black Mahado Girl…all of them. The Millennium Puzzle was supposed to offer me strength and comfort, just as Shada said it would, but he lied. The piece of junk offered me nothing but pain; a reminder of what I had fixed for Atemu, just to have it broken again.
So I hated the fact I still wore it, regardless.
I hated how…how I would grasp it between my fingers in the measly five minutes all of the high priests and slaves would leave me alone, and wish on it like it was a star. I hated how I thought if I was hopeful enough, it would show me what my little pharaoh was doing right here and now. I-I hated h-how every day, I would j-just look at it…tell myself…he left it with me because that meant he would come back for it one day.
And I hated how my mind twisted that logic and pointed out he only left it because he thought it would keep me sane.
Time needed to turn back. It needed to go back to that first instance before my eyes caught gaze of the adorable little prince who wasn't sure of himself, frustrated by life but unable to show it in any form other than anger. If I knew what I knew now…i-if I knew that one day, I would have this double-sided coin that whatever which-way flipped, had the same outcome, then I would have never picked it up. Heads—Yami. Heads—Atemu.
It wasn't fair. I didn't belong in this world, and he should have known that. I…I wasn't just some toy. He couldn't expect me just to be here and wait, did he? The horrible…pompous…arrogant…!
Aloli. That was the first girl he ever bedded; the one he lost his virginity to. Amisi was the first who gave him his confidence boost. Ati. Bahiti. Banafrit. Bast. Bastet. Cleopatra. Dendera. Bjabenusiri. Djeserit. Ebe. Ebio. Ekibe. Emu. Emuishere. Femi. Fukayna. Halima. Haquikah. Harere…Hasina…Hatshepsut—TEANA. I knew them all. I knew all the names of the girls he slept with, all the girls who held him as he bedded them time and time again, but all he cared was how well they performed. After that and more, he settled on one—the last one. The only one who he ever remembered the name of.
It was what made his arrogance explode into higher proportions. Before we met, I knew he had potential to become a powerful ruler. Atemu may have been a hesitant boy, allowing himself to realize the weight of his decisions before making choices, but that was a good thing. Blushing, reluctant, bashful. That was how he was, and because of it, Seth and Isis and Mahado and even Mana found the need to protect the prince on a higher level than they already did.
During that stage of his life, from the small glimpses of his past I knew he was a gentle spirit. He had a heart of gold—always, will he have a heart of gold. No girl was good enough, standards of rank meaning far more than the need for love. Peasants wanted royal blood. Atemu would have been eye candy, someone who stood there and ruled, but naïve to the nature of what true affection was. When…when I influenced his life, it was different. As I watched him grow, watch as he went into the bedchambers and come out, more of a man than he was the night before that feeling was fading. I would always worry that one day I would have to pick up the pieces of his first heartbreak.
I just didn't think I would need help picking up mine.
theotherme.
They'd had me worked out in a schedule now. It wasn't their fault, really, as much as it was mine. The more I tried, the harder it seemed to concentrate and ended with little motivating me to move on. From this point on, I was a little doll who everyone spoon fed.
Life went on even though I wouldn't, but that didn't mean no one else suffered. Isis spent every day tending to me. I'd vaguely feel a spoon to my mouth, so lost in my thoughts nothing else seemed to matter. When my lips didn't part, she would force it into me and wipe the soup off my lip as it dribbled down my chin. Some days it went down perfectly, other days I was lost in the curiosity of how on earth I was still alive.
Then I'd look at the Millennium Puzzle, and all my questions would be answered. I could have left it on and driven myself insane. Or take it off and force myself mad. The days with Karim were nice and sweet. He'd recently found out his wife was pregnant with their first child and had been given leave to tend to his spouse, so that left me with the others: Shada, Akhenadin, Siamun, Seth. Akhenadin had little care for what I did. He would sit there, watch as I dribbled or did something stupid then go to sleep. Shada wasn't a talker. He would coax me, always around to lull me when Isis had her hands full, and his mentor, Siamun, talked to me.
Siamun reminded me a lot of my grandfather, but only in looks. He was quiet and patient; never to talk unless spoken to, but his presence was comforting. Shada analyzed me, speaking in patterns and words that often escaped my mind, and it was no doubt who was successor and mentor. Seth…Seth scared me.
"Yugi," he grumbled. "'Tis time for your bath."
Right. My eyes fluttered open and I stared at the blue-clad priest hovering over me. His dark eyes glazed with a different emotion and without observing my state of being, Seth picked me up. I fell into his arms, limply curling into his form and tugging at his tunic without a care. A whimper left my throat and even though I didn't know why, he did.
His nose scrunched at the horrible stench remaining in the bed and slowly, he guided me to the bathing chambers. One-by-one, my clothes were picked and thrown aside as a tedious form of garb.
Gaze fixated on the ground, the belt around my waist was next to go. It'd become a habit of his, to be the one to bathe me since everyone else was busy. At first, Isis had been the one to tend to my hygienic needs, wiping what she could and making sure I stayed clean. The bed sheets were changed repeatedly; different material from what they were the day before. I'd become lost in my thoughts. My mind was filled with nothing but Yami and Atemu and…I was gone. Twenty-four days of living and breathing, but not actually living.
Another childish cry left my throat and for a moment I snapped out of my thoughts, teary eyed and terrified as Seth's large hands rested across the lace of the Millennium Puzzle. Don't take it off, I quietly pleaded. It'd been even longer since I heard my own voice. During the days they watched over me, but at night all of my spirits would draw me into my soul room, reminding me who I was and urging to never forget myself.
Too late. Seth obliged as he always did, hands immediately whipping away from the necklace. His rod fell to his side slowly and unlike me, he was able to let go of the Millennium Item that had a hold on him. I watched him cautiously, lips parted in order to mutter a greatly needed thank you, but couldn't.
Instead, my arms reached out for his form and my lip pulled into an insufferable pout, afraid as he looked away that he'd never look back. I-I didn't want someone to leave me again. I didn't want any of them to leave me. Seth paused, eyes lingering at my form and he closed his eyes. Slowly opening them again, he picked my bare body up and gently laid me in the tub.
Hot water simmered against my skin and I writhed, curling with my arms between my legs and watching the pathetic image I'd come to be in the past month. Greasy hair stuck at odder ends than usual. The natural oil of my body slicked the back of my neck and a humiliating stench tickled my nose. I felt dirty.
"You seem more attentive than usual, spirit Yugi." His large hands splashed into my bathing water. The soap squelched between his fingers and he rubbed them into my hair. As I shivered, he quickly took note of my discomfort and switched objectives, massaging his way down my neck and rubbing behind my ears. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could remember my mother doing the same thing. Bath time fun, I wryly mused.
"Priest Seth," I said, voice raspy and raw from weeks of disuse.
Seth paused, hands stuck behind my ears and hesitantly he responded, "What?"
"Why do you hate me?"
A grunt left his throat, as if he didn't expect me to ask so bluntly. Instead, he rubbed harsher circles into my ear lobes and worked his way down to the back of my neck. We continued in silence and I muttered to forget the question, suddenly feeling ridiculous for asking a guy who made me feel completely awkward why he despised me. It was when he splashed a bucket of water over my head that he responded. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me." I closed my eyes through the water dripping off my lashes and turned my head. "Please. I've tried to think of it so many times; have wondered why on earth you've hated me, and I've yet to find the answer. Just…just tell me, Seth. Please."
"Your sense of justice." Seth sighed heavily, as if he'd finally gotten something off his chest. I wiped the water away from my eyes and he continued scrubbing my shoulders. "In a world where royalty is ranked by blood and class may never change, you've cheated tradition, Yugi. 'Tis not as much as I hate you as much as I…am envious of you."
He was the exact lookalike of Seto Kaiba in every way possible. Seth had his voice, his eyes, and ferocious personality, but his sense of pride reigned over Kaiba-kun's any day. I stared at him, watching as the stoic frame furrowed, frown set across his lips in a troubled state. Kaiba-kun would have never admitted how envious he was of me. Kaiba-kun was…too proud.
But even as a look-alike, Seth was still his own being compared to Kaiba-kun.
"It's not always like that," I protested, eyebrows furrowing troublesomely. "You saw how in a week Teana went from being Atemu's harlot to almost being the Great Royal Wife, Priest Seth."
"But the highest a person may rank under the pharaoh is a priest, dear child." Seth eyed me warily, and I readjusted my form so he could scrub my stomach. I quieted, eyes falling to the ground in defeat, but he caught it easily. The priest who normally despised me and wished I would rest under Osiris's teeth only softened, hesitating again as he washed my arm. "There can be only one Horus, and the chosen child sculpted by the Gods themselves is my dear cousin."
"But somehow you wish that you were the one referring to Atemu as just family, and he calling you the Horus." It was understandable on some level. I watched as his hands halted, eyes glued to my body and lingering. Seth and Atemu were cousins. Genetically (something that wouldn't be realized for a long time) because their fathers were twin brothers, that made them half-brothers and by technicality, the eldest, Seth, would have been the pharaoh.
But only by technicality.
"Pharaoh Atemu does a great job ruling as pharaoh, Yugi." Seth scrubbed my arm again, this time in harsher circles and I lightly tried to pull away before giving up. "What I am envious of is the fact you take on the title as Horus as well, despite the fact you are not clearly royalty."
I tilted my head. "Atemu may do a good job as the pharaoh, but it's only because you were a great mentor while he was growing up." Shivering, my thoughts flashed back to when the pharaoh was a mere baby being cradled in their arms. Seth and Mahado hated him. With time, that hate grew into affection before respect, and he ended up into a great person because both were great teachers, but Atemu was never aware of the envy or yearning growing in his cousin's eyes.
"Seth," I urged quietly, eyebrows furrowing. "I think that if given the chance, you would have made an excellent pharaoh."
He paused. "Certainly you do not mean that, Yugi."
"Certainly I do. You care only for the people and make an excellent guard for the pharaoh. Even Priest Mahado is jealous of what lengths you are willing to go for him." I could still remember the day long ago, when Enu had first arrived at the palace. Despite the many orders for him to calm down, Seth went at the man like a ferocious dragon spewing fire. He was a beast even the sphinx would fear with a mane of nobility. Atemu and he had different methods when it came to dealing with things, but both were effective. Taking that into mind… "I c-could…talk to him about it, you know."
Seth's eyes widened. For the first time ever, red skid across his face and he continued cleaning my arm until it hurt. I slowly smiled, deciding that there was no way his action would have been taken as a no. "Yugi."
"Mm?" I looked back up, eyes flickering in curiosity.
"The day the pharaoh left…"
I tensed. "Seth—"
"He had been traumatized. He wasn't sure what to do, after—"
"No…p-please…"
"After Orichalcos and was afraid he couldn't—"
"Please! No!" I pulled away, splashing water in front of him and swimming toward the back, fear causing my body to tremble. Looking onward, I curled into myself, hugging my bare body and petrified of his next words. Seth's eyes widened and although he had good intentions, I didn't want to hear it. "J-Just let me have this," I whispered. "Let me…let me have this one feeling for myself."
Shutting my eyes, I cupped the Millennium Puzzle and succumbed to the glow.
Just let me try to be angry at him for once.
theotherme.
"I worry about him."
"I know."
"And I'm going to kill him."
"You said that in the past, too, but never could do it."
"Master—he's my best friend, and that automatically gives me the right to burn his carcass. Then shove it up his ass."
"Hush! Do you want the children to hear that sort of language?"
"You're more of a mother than I am!"
At that, I couldn't help but smile. Mirth parting my lips, they struggled against the haziness that'd left me drunk for the past month. Almost a month—twenty-four days. Twenty-four days, and the last memory that I truly had of Atemu was his offer to sleep with him. Sleep with him… Pausing, my lips uncomfortably curled and I bit them, heart pained as if it were beating against broken glass. No pun intended.
Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath and looked back to the puzzle, fingers having grown numb and palms sweating since I first step foot into my soul room—nearly two days ago—I grew frustrated with the fact my fingers were still deaf to the touch of these puzzles. I was frustrated with…with everything, really. Tensing at the realization, I could only curse as the piece squished between my hands, too wet to place. It was beginning to tear from how long I was holding it, but I vowed not to leave this spot until this puzzle was done.
Another curse slipped through my tongue and I hugged my knees to my face. The stench of days without bathing intoxicated my nostrils and a violent headache shrouded my disappointment.
"Take a break," whispered the fluffy, British voice of the spirit next to me. I leaned into Marshmellon, hugging his body tightly against my aching skin for the first time in forever. His silky layers engulfed me and I breathed in the scent of creamy sweetness, puzzle piece still in my hands.
Silent Magician and the rest of the spirits—Black Magician and Black Magician Girl aside—were all figurines standing neatly on the shelf of my bed. It was the only thing I was able to do, really, to make sure my common sense was still intact.
Every hour, I would readjust the little toys—from smallest to tallest, tallest to smallest, color-coordinate, scariest to cutest—making them look as cute as they could be before my eyes would catch set of them again, insecurity gnawing at the latest system of organization before readjusting them once more.
"Marshmellon." Leaning into him, I opened my mouth to speak, but found no sound to come out. In return, Marshmellon affectionately licked the entire circumference of my face, upside-down lips contorted into a frown for me and a smile for him.
"This…this just isn't fair!"
Cringing at Black Magician Girl's tone, I tore away, eyes glued to my feet and fingers curling into the sponginess of his skin.
"Ow," Marshmellon squeaked. He arched an invisible eyebrow, voluntarily shifting my entire form so that I flipped over on my stomach on his back. He arched a sympathetic eyebrow and I shrugged.
My sweaty hand squeezed the puzzle piece between my fingers tighter. "They're concerned."
"With every right." Marshmallon sighed from under me, occupying his lack of food by nibbling the back of my shoulder. Readjusting so all I felt was a tickling sensation, my focus turned back to the three misshapen pieces that seamed together easily. I'd been working on it for two days. The more I worked, the farther I seemed.
"Mana." Black Magician's voice settled on less shrewdness, reverberating into concern. Closing my eyes, I could already imagine him forcing her into an embrace. He shushed her, softly lulling her tears even though he himself struggled for an outlet in this stress. I caused it. Both he and I caused it—Atemu and I were the ones who made everyone else suffer along with us. Our faults.
"I wish," I muttered wistfully, "I wish they would stop."
"They will never stop, Yugi." Marshmallon's voice teemed. "Do you know why they're always so concerned for you? Why right off the bat, Miss Black Magician Girl loved you like you were one of her own?"
"No." And I didn't want to. Eyesight blurring before me, I pulled away from him, taking the blazer off my shoulders and throwing it to the side. I slid off of his body and stared at the puzzle, trying ever-so dramatically to get it done. I had to. My life was like a game; there was a board and set of instructions, but in order to win I had to complete all of my missing memories. Nothing more. No side distractions, no pharaoh—nothing.
Marshmallon didn't catch my frustration. He hopped to my side, and soon he was gathered by all of the other spirits—the one I had so little memory of, but loved them the same. Gandora…Silent Magician, Silent Swordsman. All four of them huddled up around me and his voice still in my ear. "You already know their secret, Master Yugi. You know the biggest secret that they've kept from you."
"Papa Black Magician and Mama Black Magician Girl love you so much," whispered Silent Magician. He clung to my neck, and his brother joined him, hugging my waist from behind. "Please stop, Master Yugi. You're scaring us."
"Yeah, kid. Ask any one of them about how much you've gone through." Silent Swordsman's younger voice caught my attention. He lightly punched me from behind and I abruptly stopped from examining the puzzle. "They've known you longer than any of us, and are just…frustrated."
Silent Magician dangled off my shoulder, large blue eyes widening in fear. I turned to him, scrutinizing the spirit for the first time in ages. He was beautiful—young. Because of his childish antics and innocence, no one would have ever guessed he could evolve into a sorcerer even Black Magician would fear, and I only had a few real memories of him. First…fighting with…with someone in order to prevent them from finding something, and the other… I shivered. I was sealing someone away.
Pausing for a moment, I shut my eyes, involuntarily pulling my psyche into a memory yet to be solved—and probably the last in my collection. Screaming. I was….I was dueling someone, trying best to defeat them, but I didn't want to. If I won, that meant that this person—this entity that'd kept me safe for years would disappear, never to be seen again. But I won. I'd burst into tears, unable to cope with the fact I sealed him away for good and heart breaking into two.
But then there was a scream. A girl shrieking, someone calling out my name and telling me everything would be alright. There was a flash of light, b-but I…I didn't remember from where, and—
I cringed, feeling as Silent Magician's hold tightened over me and purposely pulled me out of the violent dream that seemed all too real. My hand landed on my arm, where for a moment it jerked and ached like crazy.
"Master Yugi?" he whispered shakily. From the corner of my eye I could see he was on the verge of crying if I didn't answer, and quickly pulled him into a hug. He softly sobbed, coping with even less sanity than I was from it.
Silent Swordsman appeared next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and patting his back softly.
"You were the finishing move." I muttered. Squinting, I observed him, unable to recall any time I'd ever seen him in his prime as a full-fledged sorcerer. Never. He'd never shown me his adult form and was always so meek, so…so naïve…
His soft wails echoed through the room, quickly catching the attention of both surrogate mother and father. Silent Swordsman instinctively began glaring at me before it melted, because we both knew it was unintentional. Instead, Black Magician Girl scooped him up in her arms, lip bitten and eyebrows furrowed.
They were keeping something else from me. They…they were always keeping something else from me.
"Hey, hey," shushed Black Magician Girl quietly. From the corner of my eye, I watched as Black Magician hovered over her like a father and stroked his hair. "You're fine. It's okay, Silent Magician."
"But I'm the one who caused it!" He squealed miserably. Silent Magician buried his face into her chest and trembled in her arms. "I-I'm the one who caused Yami to…to…"
I stiffened.
"You're not." Black Magician, the reincarnation of Atemu's best friend, embraced him tightly and they were all a big family. What…what Mana and Mahado would become after so much time had passed.
"The thing about Yami is he would have done it either way. 'Twas in his personality back then, and 'tis still in his personality now. Silent Magician, please…" Black Magician cradled him and smiled gently.
My head was spinning. "Please…"
Silent Magician shook his head childishly, head ducking. "I-If it weren't for me, M-Master Yugi wouldn't be suffering w-without Master Yami…"
"Please stop talking about Yami!" I screamed, jumping to my feet and glaring at the adoptive family in front of me. Fists clenched and head aching, I shook my head furiously and felt rage boil in the pit of my stomach. "I don't want to hear his name! Never! Ever!"
The small puzzle shattered beneath me and the pile of pieces was tossed aside. The entire room remained speechless, mouths agape and Silent Magician leaned into his mother. Black Magician and Black Magician Girl's faces flickered with an unknown expression and behind him, the other spirits formed.
What did I just do? My eyes widened and I fell back, tripping horribly over Marshmellon's form before…before… "I'm so sorry."
Before I ran.
I kept running, unable to turn around to the voices of the others and forced myself through the door. Door after door, no matter where it would end up taking me, I just didn't want to deal with it. Yami…he was the one thing that tied me to the past. With Anzu or with Jonouchi-kun, I still didn't have the emotional attachment I did with him, and I still had no idea what he looked like.
"Let me go!" I shouted, hand throbbing with the new clinch of a gauntlet around my wrist. I darted forward, hurriedly trying to get out of the way, but Obnoxious Celtic Guardian was better built. He embraced me, wrapping both arms secure around my body.
"Master." He grunted, calm and cool despite how rash I was being. We stayed there, me struggling to get out of his arms and him having a grip as if I were nothing. "Master Yugi, please--young one. I am not going to yell at you."
"Yes you are." My figure faltered and I stared at the ground, tired and defeated. "I would."
Celtic Guardian let go of me. I dropped to the empty ground outside of my soul room where Atemu's door would normally be across from mine, collapsing onto my knees with depravation boiling in my stomach. "Now," he murmured steadily, kneeling across from me. "Explain to me, my young master, why I should look at you differently than the way I have since you first bought me."
"Why wouldn't you?" My body grew limp and I shut my eyes. "I yelled at him. I never yell at him—I never yell at any of you! A-And…I-I…"
"Correct."
"He…he left me, Celtic Guardian, and…"
"Correct."
"I…I spent years just trying to protect him, and he just…just…left me…"
"Correct." Obnoxious Celtic Guardian placed a hand on my shoulder, eyes lifting tenderly with a smile across his face. "But do you still love him?"
"Yes." The answer left my mouth before I could think of it. Eyes widening at the realization, my gaze tore away again and fell to the ground. I opened my mouth, ready to deny that statement, but found it closing again. No matter what I thought, no matter my current opinion, my heart was forever with him. Red skewered my cheeks and I looked down, awed by my mind's declaration. I loved Atemu. It wasn't a fact of how merciless he seemed because he was willing to let Seto Kaiba die, or because he betrayed everything we both stood for by playing the Seal of Orichalcos. My heart was beating a thousand times a second and it was running for him.
B-But that was Yami. Cradling my head, I shut my eyes and quietly groaned. Opening them again, Celtic Guardian's pitying smile spread across his lips and he kissed my forehead.
"Why can't you tell me what's going on?" I whispered.
A sigh left his throat. I pushed into his embrace, arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook of his neck. In return, he picked me up from the ground and I felt like a little kid whose older brother was carrying me back into the room. Leaning into him, he plopped me onto my bed and I drowsily looked on.
The other spirits had disappeared, sitting neatly as figurines on my shelf. Silent Magician was held close in Black Magician Girl's arms and I bit my lip, ashamed. Obnoxious Celtic Guardian picked up Black Magician's figurine and set it in front of me.
"Understand," he muttered softly, delicately cupping my face, "we never told him his origins, either."
"Him? Who him?" My pajamas appeared in place of the sweaty clothes matted against my skin and I blinked, sleepiness becoming my enemy.
"Master Yami." Black Magician's quiet voice filled my ear. The once figurine appeared over my Guardian's. A sad smile duplicate of Celtic Guardian's looped across his lips and Black Magician nodded the other spirit off. Giving me one last kiss, Celtic Guardian disappeared into the essence of a figurine and appeared next to Silent Swordsman. All the while, Black Magician's blue eyes never left my form and he tucked me in as if it were just another night before…before everything. "But he couldn't have cared less. All that mattered to him was you."
"Tell me," I begged. "Please… no more secrets."
"I can't. Yugi, my little Yugi," He sadly shook his head and closed his eyes. "I just can't."
"I don't care anymore! Black Magician!" I pushed forward, glaring desperately at my favorite spirit and the person who'd treat me better than my own father ever would. My demeanor quaked and I trembled. "Black Magician…Mahado…"
"Get rest, Yugi." Black Magician tore away, eyes tightly closing with reluctance. A sigh left his throat and I lay there. Neither of us dared to move, eyes lingering on one another. "Yugi—"
"Just go," I murmured softly. Turning around, I buried my head into the pillow.
"But—"
"It's an order." Turning back around, my eyes narrowed and I watched his form falter. My lips curled tightly and I strummed the comforter. "I'm still your master. Leave me be."
Black Magician stared back. He slowly nodded, eyes closing and I pulled the sheets over my head in order to keep the guilt at bay. "Good night, Master. I love you."
"You too," I whispered.
Who on earth was he? Why…why did he mean so much to all of them, anyway? I thought back to the vivid memory that played out in my head when talking to Silent Magician. Immediately, my hand went back to the arm that'd throbbed in pain, shrieks haunting my ears and everyone telling me everything was going to be fine. That I was going to be alright, and that mystical word—aibou.
Ai…bou…Ahku. The words intertwined together; partner and light. It was funny how much they had in common, really. A bitter smile pulled across my lips and I buried my face deeper into the pillow. Yami was raw, powerful and regal. Atemu was demanding, noble, and rambunctious. Both analyzed, working with strategy on their side, and fought hard for what they believed was right.
My thoughts stopped. Black Magician once spoke of a great ruler, someone who he admired and who he would always remain loyal to… as Mahado, and now, as the sorcerer he was. To have a relationship that transcended lifetimes, even with just a pharaoh. I-If I were able to come back, who said that he couldn't have possibly gone forward…?
I shook my head. No.
Just no.
theotherme.
Air slithered past my lips.
Darkness punched my stomach and I gasped; voice too sore for any other sound to come out. My arm throbbed insanely, beating and pulsing like the veins would soon burst into ashes. I opened my mouth to scream, but there was no sound.
Tendrils wrapped around my bare body and bound my waist. Trembling with fear wringing m skin, I searched frantically for an escape. Pressure built above my head and I was crushed to the ground, bones agonizingly shrinking…escaping.
N-No, I tried whispering. No! Shadows scoured against my skin, nipping any flesh they could and disturbingly grazed against my body. The sensation squeezed my already-aching arm. Wh-What was happening? Wh-Why couldn't they leave me alone?
Itsyourmove.
Wh-What? N-No.
Itsyourmove.
Images whirled around my mind. I ducked my head, trying desperately to force them out. Yami…of how he finally got his memory back, how after years of trying to find his name, he was no longer my other self. Yami wasn't mou hitori no boku—the Other Me. There was only one Yugi Mutou now, and…I became the King of Games.
Silent Magician was the finishing move. Black magician and Black Magician Girl, my "father" and "mother" leering at my form b-because they were reunited with their master. Their…their friend.
Their pharaoh.
"Let me go!" I finally shrieked. "I don't want to hear this!"
The entire battle swept through my mind. Mana and Mahado, who were now relieved of their ranks and worries, able to live on and be the couple they yearned, and their adoptive son, who fought them at first meeting. Most of me wanted Yami to lose. I wanted to prove to him that I was a different person and I didn't need him as a crutch anymore. Yet deep inside we both knew I proved my worth a long time ago and there was no need to do so. But I needed to prove it to myself, too.
Beating Yami was the only way to prove that I was worthy of being in love with him.
And all in that last attack, despite the way the three Egyptian Gods were grinning at me with knowing eyes, I remembered defeating him would mean losing him. All I could think about was how Yami was smiling, regardless, and how my heart drowned in my tears because he was happy.
Liberated.
"Just stop," I sobbed, suffocated by a maddening delirium.
Itsyourmove.
The memory cut off, and I knew from that point on, that was the furthest my memories extended. H-How can you still love someone after they've smashed your heart to pieces for the billionth time?
Another memory hammered my brain. Our first meeting. He…truly and dearly wanted to help me. His thoughts filled my brain, how I…was his everything. Yami read my desires and wishes, acting only upon them—no one else's. He was me. He didn't care what I put him through so long as I was thriving and happy. Just like how I was with Atemu. He often questioned the presence of his memory, but shoved that curiosity aside when the thought of leaving me came to mind. I was the one who insisted on finding out who he was, because I…I insisted on the fact I loved the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, not just the Other Me.
Guilt surged through his thoughts. He felt horrible for scaring me; traumatized by the fact for the first time I cut him off and refused his help. The spirit's intentions were always bordering over the blunt boundary of pure, willing to do whatever it took to make me happy. Anything. Everything. Yami would have never guessed he himself was the innocent one, fed only one thing for the last nine years. Once ripped out of his comfort zone, he was lost. Scared. Alone, because games and saving my grandfather were all he knew before they became blocked.
But that didn't stop Yami. He earned my trust back, begging for the security and permission to stay in my mind.
"Wow. Pharaoh, huh?"
"Yugi, please…"
"Yami?"
"I am still mou hitori no boku. From here on out, I will always be you and protect you. Pharaoh is just a title. Please. I want to be the Other Yugi."
"Y-Yami…"
"Yugi."
"…Right. Yeah. Perfect. Absolutely perfect."
Mou hitori no boku. The Other Me.
Pegasus.
I whimpered, eyes clenching shut again as his name ran chills through my mind.
P-Pegasus…probing our minds, proving that we weren't kin; weren't two parts of the same person. Yami was Yami and I was Yugi. He prodded doors of our soul rooms, lurking about as he hunted for answers that dated back to Ancient Egypt. And Yami was scared. It was the only time he was scared, and he was scared because he thought I'd be hurt. Disappointed. Devastated.
H-He brought us to the Shadow Realm. My mind whirled with horrid possibilities and body was crushed again. Sweat drenched my essence, fatigue quickly lingering over a dull state of mind and death. His voice slammed into my ears, depriving me of air. B-Breathe. I needed to breathe.
His cackles slithered through my senses, piercing the serenity I so desperately needed. Opening my mouth to speak, I found that no sound would come out.
Trust me, my mind echoed. Over and over, I repeated those words and wasn't reassuring myself as I was Yami. My voice wavered, terrified by what was to come, because I had no confidence in myself whatsoever.
"Oh, Yugi boy…"
Go away.
"Hmm, hmm, what a play, Yugi boy! Gasp! You have me cornered—"
"GO AWAY!" I screamed. Pushing through the tendrils that originally clung to my body in the first place, the Millennium Puzzle glowed tremendously at my chest. I trembled, scared for my life what was to happen, but the shadows obeyed me. No more Shadow Realm. No more Pegasus.
No more Yami.
Tears fell down my face and I stared at the empty space where Pegasus and he once dueled; where I'd fainted and caused him to snap into absolute rage. Yami was devastated, and I couldn't blame him. I-I just wanted it all to stop—please! Why…why couldn't it all just…leave me alone…?
Pegasus was still there. "Yugi boy…"
"Leave me alone." I tensed, head darting up with rage. "Go away. You're nothing but a memory."
"Yugi boy!"
"No! Leave me alone!" Pushing his form away, I glared at him, voice wavering and security disturbed. He latched onto my arm, Millennium Eye blinding me in the process. I caught my breath, petrified by his horrible smirk and malevolence. "Let me go…" I whispered. "Let me go, let me go, LET ME GO!"
"Oh, Yugi boy…"
Itsyourmove. Itsyourmove. It's. Your. Move.
"I DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE."
theotherme.
"N-No! P-Pegasus, leave me alone! PLEASE. LEAVE ME ALONE, I-I DON'T WANT TO—I CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN EITHER OF THEM!"
"Yugi boy…Yugi boy…"
Pegasus caught my eye. My chest throbbed violently and I shook away from him, trembling and utterly horrified. He…he stole my grandfather. He kidnapped him, all because he wanted to play a game! He was obsessed with beating people, using what he had to his advantage and trying to steal the souls of others. He…he stole Kaiba-kun's soul. He stole Kaiba's brother…my grandfather's…everyone's.
He ruined everyone's lives.
"GO AWAY!" I trembled, slapping him in the face and body quaking in fear. His white hair fell in disturbing, silky locks and captivated his face. The smirk was still across his lips, and every time I looked, it felt as if he were probing my thoughts. Yami's thoughts. Our thoughts. A whimper escaped my lips and I faltered, tears appearing in the corners of my eyes.
But he smiled, regardless. Pegasus's long, bony hand reached out for my face and he spoke words I was familiar with, but mind could not register. His hand pinned me to the bed beneath his body. I kicked him in the stomach, thrashing uncontrollably with my eyes shut. I didn't care what I hit, so long as I hit something. Pegasus's grim smirk caused my body to grow still. He growled, and I stopped once the Millennium Eye began to glow.
"Don't you dare," I hissed. Trembling, I shook my head and refused to let him get his way. I threw a punch in his face, shove a pillow into his torso—everything. Anything. He grunted, taken aback, and I flipped over to my stomach to crawl away. Someone else latched onto my waist.
"Yugi!" That voice.
I-I knew that voice. "Kaiba-kun!" Twirling around, my eyes fell into harsh blue orbs that almost never showed any emotion. He would never admit it, but he was my friend. With joy overtaking me, I lunged forward for his body, but he pinned me to the bed with a better grip. "Kaiba-kun! We have to escape! Pegasus is…he's…"
"Yugi…" Kaiba stared at me, eyes flickering with worry. He never worried. A small chuckle left my throat, so relieved he could see me as a friend. B-But we had to get out of here. Mokuba and Grandpa were in trouble!
I fought his hold, shaking away his arms, but he was too strong. Kaiba-kun gracefully took both of my wrists in only one hand and forced another on my stomach. Yelping, I tried shaking him off, the security immediately placed with horror. "W-We have to get out of here," I whispered, searching his eyes and wondering why he always had to be so blinded by cruelty.
He muttered something in a different language, something so strangely familiar, but also very foreign to my ears. More figures hung over me, clouded by my vision, and all I could truly see was Kaiba-kun. They muttered words to one another in a different language that only tickled my ears. I looked around frantically. Shadi. Ishizu-san. Karim. Kaiba-kun, and…and Grandpa.
"Grandpa!" I choked out. I wrestled Kaiba-kun's grip again, but his firm hold refused to let me go. A whimper left my throat and looked up to him, frustration consuming the rest of me. Wh-Why wasn't anyone listening? I squirmed, eyes scanning again, o-only to come in contact with Pegasus. "What are you all doing!? H-He's evil!"
Isn't he?! I squeaked, looking between all of them. Traitors.
"YOU'RE ALL TRAITORS!" I shook my head, fear replacing frustration. They looked at me, all with indifference, unfazed by my word. H-How could Grandpa go along with him, after all that's happened? "Let me go….let me go…LET ME GO!"
Kaiba-kun wouldn't listen. His hands latched onto my waist tightly and a sharp pang shot through my head. Ishizu-san gripped my shoulder and the rest pinned me down. Again, the uncomfortable sensation shot through my mind and I stilled.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD." I whipped a glare at Pegasus, eyes squeezing shut in order to warn Yami. H-He had to know; we had to defeat him like we did the first time! The Millennium Puzzle glowed violently against my chest and I breathed, readying myself for the transformation; for the other me to be the real Other Me.
But it never came.
Tears caught my eyes and I thrust into the grip all had over my psyche. None listened, and as I looked onward, all seemed to wield a Millennium Item. Wh-What? K-Kaiba-kun…? No…Ma…..lik……Pegasus. A-Akhenadin. A whimper left my throat and I clenched my fists tightly.
Words echoed through my mind, Pegasus's daunting voice ringing in a familiarly foreign tone. Leave me alone. St-Stay out of my head. Leave me alone. L-Leave me alone. Please. L-Leave me alone.
"No!" I shook my head again, sensation pricking the insides of my mind. Squeezing my eyes shut, a whimper left my throat and I forced myself onto my stomach to run away again. Never got the chance.
"Little one."
"Ya—temu." Shaking my head through the tears, I looked up, eyes glued to the new figure hovering above me; his beautiful thunderous blond tresses, locks of dark charcoal and alluring ruby orbs that captivated everyone, but only a few would ever explore. He was mine. Atemu and Yami—he was Atemu and Yami, and he was truly, deeply my—"Mou hitori no boku!"
I pounced. He would always be my other self, and we would always be linked together. No matter if he were the little boy who I helped or if he had helped me, Atemu was always mine. H-He was the pharaoh, and he was also the Other Me. All of the other arms left my body and his wrapped around my waist to catch me. Burying my face into the crook of his neck, a sob left my throat, finally relieved.
This was him. This was the person that Black Mana and Black Mahado Girl looked up to, who was the pharaoh of Egypt and would be the person to guide me thousands of years from now. Atemu. Yami. Mou hitori no boku.
"Yugi…" His low, beautiful voice chimed in my ears and I squeezed him tighter. "Oh, Yugi…"
"I love you," I whimpered. Fingers digging into the golden collar wrapped around his neck, I took in the scent of Egyptian spices and exotic perfumes. "I love you so much. I've always loved you, mou hitori no boku."
Crimson. Ruby. Crimson. Ruby. Both melded together in a purer, more beautiful shade and I looked to his face. Stoic. Shocked. Taken aback. It was hard to believe that only yesterday he was a twelve-year-old boy who struggled with the death of his father, and today he was the seventeen-year-old queen who reigned over America and…and…didn't know his memories…o-or…
"Yugi. Please, rest." His tone was gentle. Didn't he hear me?
"I love you," I repeated. Pushing away from him with my legs wrapped securely around his waist, I frowned at him. "Mou hitori no boku, I-I really, really love you. Please, wh-why won't you listen to me? Yami, we have to get out of here."
M-My words didn't go through. Yami bit his lip, gently setting me on the bed. He muttered words in the language I was unfamiliar with, looking over his shoulder steadily to all of them. Wh-Why was he trusting Pegasus? N-no. This was Yami. I trusted Yami.
"Yami," I whispered.
He looked back over to me, eyes flickering with an unknown emotion and I called his name out again, dangling around his neck as panic set in. Lunging forward, my forehead collided into his. A sharp breath drew from my lips and I clasped a hand over my mouth, tears spewing out of my eyes.
Yami backed away, a light groan leaving his lips and hand cradling his aching head. He muttered something in a different language. "Yugi, rest."
"Why can't you understand me?" I wrapped a hand around his shoulders and furiously shook my head. He hesitated, eyes connecting with mine before lightly forcing my body off, but I refused to give him that luxury. "Are you tired of m-me?! P-Please, mou hitori no b-boku…"
"Yugi—"
"Yami!" I sobbed, senses completely gone. I pushed off the bed, wobbling to my numb feet and trembled. "P-Please. Please don't hate me, I-I…please, please don't hate me!"
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever being mad at you, for ever doubting that you were here to help me, f-for how I refused to let you use the Oricalchos, resort using everything in hand despite the fact I'd been the one to insist you find them…for everything.
"Please," I choked desperately, voice so tiny that I myself was unable to hear it. "I love you, Yami. A-Atemu…"
That caught his attention. The second his real name was muttered through my lips, his eyes flickered with a different emotion; ruby shining in the crimson allure of his eyes. He opened his mouth, lips parting in order to finally say something, before they closed again. Yami tugged on my hand gently. He kissed it, chapped lips against my bare skin, and all of the panic immediately disappeared. I looked at him, out of breath and unable to comprehend these actions before he scooped me up and put my head into his chest.
He pressed me against the bed, head lowered in order to watch my expression and a smile curtsied across his lips. His fingers strummed loose ends in my hair and brushed them away. Relief settled in my body.
I wrapped my arms securely around his neck, refusing to let go of the spirit who I'd fallen in love with such a long time ago because he was finally back. For me and no one else.
I kissed him. He tensed, unable to comprehend what I'd just done, before relaxing into the kiss. Pulling away, I lay down and stared up to his face, exhaustion plunging into my senses. He stared onward, eyes glued to where I'd just been and I giggled. "I love you, Yami."
Closing my eyes, sleep was finally looking inviting. He'd stay with me, and never leave again.
Drifting, I barely heard the door slam as he muttered, "I wish you saw me as me instead of Yami."
--
Author's Note:
On that note, I've been meaning to do this: the story will be raised to M with the post of the next chapter, so keep me on alert or faved so you know what to expect. So…Yugi's pretty much dug himself a greater hole in his hallucinations, and Atemu's just frustrated. This chapter's a bit fragment-y, so I can't expect you to like it a lot, but I suppose the best way to explain it is it's him dealing with problems without Atemu there again. Now that he's back, you'll just have to see what happens. Anyway, thanks for the feedback and I hope you review!