A/N: Honestly, I don't write angst or romance very well. I'm not fishing for compliments or reassurances, I truly don't feel that I write those genres well at all. Perhaps it's because I don't deal with personal angst or romance on any sort of healthy, competent level in my real life, so I don't know how to translate it onto paper...I don't know, all I know is that this chapter is angsty and the next one is too...and they just don't sit well with me. Such is life.

Enjoy, I guess.

October's trip to the zoo faded into Halloween and then November. Aris continued to reach out to her new family – who anxiously accepted her time and love. Her weekly Sunday dinners were a veritable family requirement, and Kate came at Aris' insistence more often than not. The detective didn't always attend when everyone went out to New Jersey for the afternoon, but she didn't miss a meal when the Whitworth's were in town.

November brought gorgeous fall weather to New York City and the start of the holiday season. Thanksgiving with the Castle's came and went joyfully – a holiday full of children and family. Alexis convinced her father to invite Aris and Cal and the 3 boys that were still with the Whitworth's (as well 3 additional foster children they had) over for dinner. They also hosted Martha and Chet (of course), one of Chet's nieces, Kate and her father, Javier, Kevin and Jenny, and Laney in the holiday feast. Chaos ensued, but everyone admitted it was fun.

The Christmas season started off quieter on the family front as Aris' oldest foster boy kept her insanely busy with his school programs and parties. Kate used her friend's busyness as an excuse to absent herself from the Castle household. Aris wasn't around to force the issue, so Rick pretty much had to accept Kate's passes on his invitations to parties and dinners and excursions. Though he never pouted or whined when she turned him down, Kate did notice he looked at her with more and more concern and confusion while at the precinct or when working on a case.

But that was just the thing for Kate. The whole situation was getting to be just too confusing. The more time she spent with Castle and his family, the harder it was to treat him like a colleague – with distance and objectivity. And the more time she spent with Aris, the more she felt like part of the Castle clan. Did Aris do it on purpose? Kate remembered the looked in her friend's eyes when Kate had first brought her to meet the Castle's. It was like Aris knew all of Kate's secret thoughts about Rick...it unsettled the detective. But at no time did Kate feel like Aris was butting into her life – forcing her and Castle together. Indeed, most of the time Aris pretended to fight with Richard over Kate's time and affections.

"You get her during the day Rick," Aris teased when Castle started to monopolize Kate at dinner one night in one of their intense, crime solving bubbles. "Leave some Beckett for the rest of us!"

"Put a cork in it Rissi," Kate and Rick answered at the same time. Everyone laughed until they cried at the crime solving duo, and Kate had turned a brilliant shade of red. While Castle and Beckett had protested for different reasons, everyone seemed to think their connected consciousness was something to joke about.

Kate sighed out loud. Aris was easily one of her best friends – even Laney liked hanging out with her, and Laney was particular. Martha was always a joy to be with and being around Alexis felt wonderful; Kate loved feeling like the teen wanted her to be her friend. This was the confusion, the complexity. Feeling increasingly familiar with the women of the Castle clan just made it all the harder for Kate to keep the lone Castle male in proper perspective.

From the first day Rick came back to the precinct, Kate had worked to put things back where they were. And there were moments when Kate felt like things between her and the writer hadn't changed – like she'd never met Tom and he'd never gone to the Hampton's. But even with that familiarity, she could feel a wall...one she built deliberately...keeping a tidal wave of issues and emotions and baggage at bay.

And though their banter was the same to the common observer, Beckett couldn't help but mourn that it felt a touch off-kilter – like the tension was different. The energy between them – once sparking and vibrant – now felt angsty and perplexing.

Beckett could tell that Castle was working hard on putting their relationship back to where they were before. He still brought her coffee and pastries. He still teased her and pulled her proverbial pigtails. He still flirted with her and asked her out and followed her around and had smart remarks and ridiculous ideas. However, it all seemed masked in concern and caution and watchfulness.

She knew he had questions – about Demming and her summer and what she wanted to say to him that day before he left – but Kate couldn't figure out where to start the answers so she never did. And Castle never pressed her. It seemed easiest to just pretend that everything was all right (it was all right, she was all right) and move ahead with out looking back.

In such confusion went most of the holiday season. If felt rather like a bleak, self-imposed punishment to Kate, but she couldn't figure out how to get out of it with out sacrificing the tenuous peace she had with the mystery writer.

As the season went on, plans began to take shape. Because Cal and Aris were going to spend Christmas day with Cal's family in Pennsylvania, they asked if they could bring by their gifts for Rick and Alexis and Martha and Kate a few days later. Aris offered to bring in some dinner for everyone and make a second Christmas of it if the Castle's – and Kate – were all right with such an arrangement. Of course everyone was, and the plans sent Rick and Alexis into a flurry of toy shopping.

Aris caught wind of her family's plans and tried to talk her brother and niece down from their shopping frenzy, but they were too excited about all the toys they were researching. A couple of weeks before Christmas, Kate received a call from Aris, desperate for her help.

"Rissi, I don't want to ruin their fun," Kate hedged when Aris asked her to supervise the Alexis and her father's shopping trips.

"Please, Kate, I'm begging you," Aris pleaded. "I've tried to be firm about it, but it felt like I was killing a puppy when I hinted to Alexis that she couldn't buy the boys those mini-Hummers to ride around in."

Kate laughed. "Oh, so you want me to kill the joy?"

"No, no," Aris hurriedly replied with a giggle. "Rick and Alexis know that if the boys get taken back to their parents and have a bunch of cool electronics or expensive toys, there is no guarantee they'll get to keep them. And if they end up at the county home or in another foster placement, someone could steal the toys or take them and sell them, or even take them away just for the fun of it. I want the boys to have toys and possessions – having something that's theirs is really important – but I'd rather it be something that might seem insignificant to an adult. Nintendo DS's and Ipod's aren't exactly that. Please just help them make those decisions. And by them I mostly mean Rick."

"I guess I can see what you mean," Kate said, a picture in her mind's eye of a giddy Castle standing at the electronics counter in Best Buy.

"So you'll go with them?"

"Sure."

And go with them she did. One late afternoon, after a Castle-less day at the precinct, Rick showed up at Kate's apartment right before she called for some take out.

"Castle, what are you doing here?" Kate blurted out in surprise at the writer darkening her doorstep.

"I've come to invite you to go shopping with me and Alexis and my mother," he said with a grin. "We're going for the boys, and we're going right now."

Kate hemmed and hawed for a moment – internally debating whether this was something she really wanted to do. While she had promised Aris she'd monitor the Castle's gift giving, the sight of the handsome mystery author in his leather jacket and dark red scarf was making her heart beat in an unruly fashion and the smell of his aftershave did something to her knees...it seemed suspiciously like –

"Fine," she agreed in a huff. "I'll go with you. But you're interrupting my plans – don't you know it's polite to call a person before barging in on them?"

Castle grinned and reached for Kate's coat, hung on a hook near the front door. He helped her into it and turned her to face him, his hands on her shoulder. Standing this close to him, Kate could feel the cold coming off of him in waves. His nearness brought other memories flooding back – when he held her in his kitchen, when he helped her from her smoldering apartment, when he'd stretched out his hand to help her up from where she'd tripped over a trash can a fleeing suspect had thrown in her path. All these memories of his nearness, his gentleness, brought a flush to her cheeks. Finally, she looked up and met his gaze only to realize that Castle was staring at her with annoyance in his eyes.

"What?" she asked.

"Did you hear what I said?"

Kate blushed even harder. "No, sorry," she said, "I was thinking about something else. What did you say?"

"I said," Castle continued indignantly, "'I don't think The Wok Inn is going to be too disappointed if you don't keep your dinner date with their take out boy'."

The comment earned Rick a swat on the arm. "Very funny," Kate griped.

"Well, yah – it was funny. The first time around."

...

They went to FAO Schwartz and Toys 'R' Us and Macy's and Saks and every mom and pop toy shop they could find. Finally, at 8pm, the ladies were tired.

"Please, Dad," Alexis gasped, "let's stop. Even my shoe laces are tired."

"What is this whining?" Castle demanded. "Didn't I warn you this was going to be intense? I warned you – didn't I warn you?"

Kate laughed at the stricken looks on Martha and Alexis' faces. "Yeah, you told us it would be war Castle," she assured him. "Well, now you've got casualties and I think they need triage."

"At Che Josephine and then Elizabeth Arden," Martha confirmed.

"Che Josephine and a spa?" Castle gaped. "Geez, that's expensive triage."

"War is hell, Dad," Alexis commiserated. "Gram could wind up with...PTSD if you don't get us something good to eat and stat." Quirking her brow, she leaned in to Kate. "I think I've switched genres Kate," she whispered dramatically. "Do they say 'stat' on the battlefield?"

"As long as your dad's believing it, it doesn't matter," Kate answered mischievously.

"Ummmm, I'm standing right here," Rick pointed out obnoxiously.

Alexis slipped her arm through Kate's and sighed as they stood at the curb to wait for their car. "We know, Dad, we know."

Once they were warm and sitting comfortably in the car, everyone started to argue about what to have for dinner. No one could agree on anything. Martha wanted Italian and so did Alexis, but Rick and Kate wanted steaks and potatoes. Finally, Martha made the call.

"Richard, I love you, but you are annoying me. Here's what we're going to do," she commanded, silencing all arguments with a wave of her hands. "Alexis and I are going to drop you and Kate of at Harvy's Steakhouse. Have your steaks and your potatoes that will sit like a lump in your stomach." She cut her son off as he started to argue. "Alexis and I will take the car home and order up some take out, you can get a cab to get our dear Kate back to her apartment and then find your own way home. All right?"

Kate saw Rick's brain churn for a moment, then he seemed to realize something. He went strangely quiet, not answering his mother for a moment. "Are you okay with that?" he asked Kate quietly.

"Yeah, that's, uh, sounds...sounds fine," Beckett stuttered.

"Good. See, always listen to your mother," Martha intoned. She gave the instructions to the driver and then fell silent. In fact, the rest of the trip was quiet. Kate couldn't think of anything to say and Castle looked troubled, so she didn't press him. When they pulled up in front of Harvy's, Castle hopped out and – in a strange gesture – offered his hand to Beckett. She took it and he helped her from the car.

"Have fun Dad," Alexis called before shutting the door. "See you back at home." Then the car was gone. Castle and Beckett stood for a moment staring at each other on the curb.

"Shall we?" Castle finally asked and led Kate into the restaurant.

End note: I do not have dinner completed. I have after dinner completed (Caskett shippers, hang on a minute longer!) I've spoiled you by posting what I had so fast, but I probably won't get to it until Friday cause I have a confession speech to write for a murder mystery so I give you fair warning. Ah...the ol' "She has to write a 'why-I-did-it' speech and can't post" excuse...it's a classic. /\/\/\/