It was inarguable fact that, despite the reluctant acknowledgement that the universe was made up of constantly evolving factors, Sheldon Cooper operated within a set of fixed parameters. His life adhered to certain strict principles, followed an efficient schedule, and seldom deviated from these lifetime patterns without a clear statement of his disapproval.
He lived this way because it was the most practical method. He had demonstrated that much when – at the tender age of seven – a young Sheldon Cooper had sought to prove to his mother that the time for expelling biological waste was directly in correlation with the times that breakfast, lunch and dinner were served. Predictably, she had responded to his data in the normal fashion: By throwing his white board diagrams into the trash and sending him to his room to ponder on the mysteries of Jesus.
Little did she know that Sheldon had already copied all of his findings into his Super-Secret Journal. In Latin. He had to admit that his initial skepticism that learning such an archaic language would prove to be useful had actually been inaccurate, and knowing the language held merit. After all, no one else in the house understood Latin. Especially his mother.
These findings became the bylaws of living his life. Though the patterns had been tweaked through the years as he discovered new activities that daily living called for (like purchasing groceries, handling bill payments, and obligatory social interaction), Sheldon had more or less stuck to it.
Yet there was no diagram in his journal (now graduated to his First Officer's Log) that accounted for the variables of everything in his day going completely wrong.
A day like today, for example.
It had started during the night, when REM sleep had proven fitful due to persistent nightmares. The subsequent glass of warm milk that Sheldon drank in an effort to return to sleep had led to an unscheduled biological function at five fifty-eight in the morning. That meant that he woke two minutes ahead of the proper waking time.
Sheldon had attempted to balance this out by eating his cereal two minutes later than normal. Yet he was shocked to discover that the milk in the refrigerator was an insufficient amount needed to fill his bowl for the correct ratio of flakes to liquid.
Then he was horrified to discover that his morning program had been replaced by a different syndicated sitcom. Without any warning whatsoever! Sheldon had stared at the television screen for a full minute before his mind processed itself past denial and into disapproval at the development. He decided to forgo watching television and proceed straight to showering in preparation for a day of work. With any luck, he hoped that it would fare better.
~*~
"So he says, 'one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe'." Leonard finished with a goofy smirk, his shoulders pitching with laughter as they walked up the stairs side-by-side, each balancing their own sacks of groceries.
His snickering laughter filtered away into nothing as he noted the bland expression that Penny had fixed him with. The blonde blinked at him a few times, before she turned away towards the door of her apartment. "You've told me that one before, Leonard. I didn't really get it that time either."
As she fished for her keys, Leonard looked hurriedly away towards the floor in awkward embarrassment. "Sorry. Physicist humor is an acquired taste." He glanced back at her with a hopeful smile. "But at least it beats chickens traversing road jokes, right?"
"I guess so." Penny had to wonder which she would have preferred, and could only decide that neither would have been the best option. Luckily she was able to shift the topic of conversation as she twisted away from her door to glance at the elevator nearby. "Hey! It looks like they've finally had someone out to work on the elevator."
Leonard turned with her, noting that the doors had been pushed open to expose the interior shaft. "Looks like it, all right." He ambled closer to the gap to investigate. The dusty yellow caution tape had been removed at some point during the day, replaced by a few fresh strips to cordon off the opening. "I remember hearing a rumor that they were finally going to get it fixed. They probably realized that the costs of repairing the elevator were less than the monthly costs of shampooing the carpet on the stairwells due to all the heavy foot traffic."
"It'll certainly make hauling groceries up to this floor less of a chore." Penny pointed out. "Speaking of which – shouldn't you get your stuff into the fridge before it spoils?"
Leonard looked down at the sacks. "Oh. You're right. I guess I was just stalling. Sheldon is probably going to give me hell for letting the milk nearly run out."
"Yeah.. Have fun with that!" Penny said cheerfully before the woman nudged her door open. Better that he deal with Sheldon on his own than to drag her into another of their weird domestic disputes. She hooked the back of her foot against the door to shut it behind her. Then a sound from the hallway behind her made the blonde pause in the act of retreating.
Penny twisted to see that Leonard had dropped his grocery sacks onto the ground in front of the closed door of his apartment. The bespectacled physicist had his back to her and was staring at a piece of paper that had been taped to his door. Something in his manner made Penny feel immediately uneasy. Struck by this intuition, she placed her groceries down on her coffee table before moving back out into the hallway. "Leonard? Sweetie, what is it?"
He tore his eyes away from the paper, an expression of shock coloring his face even paler than normal. Leonard plucked the paper down from the door as he looked over at her, his voice strained. "It's from the building manager. Sheldon is in the hospital. Apparently he fell down the elevator shaft."
Penny blinked. "What?!"
*~~*
"How exactly does someone just fall down an elevator shaft?" Howard asked in disbelief where he sat in the waiting room with the rest of them.
The hospital was abuzz with activity around their little group, as medical staff and other visitors moved around them. Raj had been watching the people milling around their area for a while now, and he opened his mouth to respond to the question only when he'd determined that Penny and all the other females around them were far enough away. "Well. As I understand it, from what the landlord explained, Sheldon had been behaving erratically before he fell. The manager stated that Sheldon had come out of the apartment and immediately began to complain to the workers that they were making too much noise for him to concentrate."
"It doesn't surprise me that he'd get worked up about them making noise." Howard responded with a roll of his eyes. "What I can't wrap my mind around is exactly how he could go from complaining about noise to the inside of an elevator shaft with it being an 'accident'."
Leonard stirred in his own chair across from them. He'd been staring dejectedly at the floor for the past half hour, waiting for some news from the doctor. "No one pushed him, if that's what you're wondering. It was apparently all Sheldon's doing. He first complained to the landlord about the noise, then he complained to the workers standing outside the shaft. And when that wasn't getting him anywhere, Sheldon decided to lean in and yell at the man working down inside the shaft instead. Then he lost his balance and fell right in the middle of his tirade. I think it was pretty lucky that the elevator wasn't too far down – if it hadn't broken his fall, then he probably would have been worse off."
Raj somberly shook his head. "Gravity is such a downer."
His mouth clamped shut as Penny walked back towards them with a few cans of soda in her hands. The blonde's face was still puffy and red from where she'd been crying on and off, but her composure seemed to be intact for the time being. "Sorry, guys, but they didn't have anything but diet flavors left in the vending machine."
"This is fine." Leonard told her, forcing a small smile as he accepted a can from her. He patted the seat next to him once she had given the other two their sodas. "Why don't you sit back down, Penny? Your pacing back and forth is making Raj nervous. Right Raj?"
Their Indian friend's eyes darted between Leonard and Penny, as he nodded vigorously.
"Sorry, Raj." Penny sighed as she folded up into the chair, drawing her legs up with her. "I'm just not good with hospitals. Or friends being in accidents. Or friends being in accidents being in the hospital." By the increasingly tremulous tone of her voice, it was clear that she was working towards another bout of crying.
Leonard promptly pulled out three tissues from the half-empty box on his other side, offering them to the blonde as Penny began to weep. "There, there. I'm sure that Sheldon is going to be just fine." He thought about it for a second, then added, "And I am sure that if he were here, he would just tease you about wasting your emotional energy."
"I can't help it that I'm an emotional woman and he is a Klingon." Penny wailed into the tissues as she wadded them up in front of her face.
"Actually, it's the Vulcans that don't have emotions. The Klingons are actually pretty—" Leonard paused in the midst of correcting Penny's error, noticing that she was glaring at him now. With a grimace in place, Leonard gingerly patted at the woman's shoulder. "There, there."
Howard looked past them, then jumped up from his seat. "Here comes the doctor!"
Leonard stood up as well as they all faced the approaching doctor. Leonard nervously licked his lips, wiping a sweaty palm against his slacks before sticking his hand out. "Hello, Doctor Price. I'm Doctor Leonard Hofstader – Sheldon's roommate?"
"Ah, yes, Doctor Hofstader." The older man firmly shook his hand. "You were listed among Doctor Cooper's emergency contacts, as I understand it."
"How is he, Doc?" Howard piped up beside them, as Raj strained eagerly beside him to hear the news.
"Sheldon is doing just fine." Doctor Price assured them with a nod. "His injuries weren't too bad; the height of the fall was fortunately very short, and Doctor Cooper managed to fall in such a way that the damage was decreased. His right arm was broken, and a couple of ribs were cracked. Yet aside from that, there were only some severe bruises."
Leonard exchanged a quick glance with the other three. Immediately, they all began wondering what their lives were going to be like having to deal with an injured Sheldon.
Doctor Price continued without noticing their panicked looks. "Though he did hit his head in the fall, and we have some concerns regarding the effects. While all scans indicate no lasting damage to his brain, there is still the chance that there may be some temporary disorientation during the healing process." He flipped open the chart in his hand, reading over the papers. "We intend to keep him under observation for a few days. However, he should be ready for release within the week if nothing else develops."
"When can we see him?" Leonard asked tentatively.
"You can visit him now, if you'd like." Doctor Price smiled. "It would probably be better for him to see a familiar face when he finally comes around." He clapped Leonard lightly on the shoulder. "Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients that I need to tend to. Good luck."
The four of them were silent as the doctor left. They exchanged looks again, uncomfortable. Swallowing thickly, Leonard broke the silence first. "So.. One of us should go in and check on Sheldon. You know.. make sure that he's doing okay and all."
"It's the friendly thing to do." Howard agreed cautiously.
Penny pursed her lips together. "He did just get hurt after all. We'd be heartless not to show him some support right now."
Raj nodded, before leaning in to whisper something into Howard's ear. The shorter man brightened at whatever he heard, smiling in agreement. "Raj is right. There is an easy way to determine who should visit Sheldon first."
The three science buffs of the group eyed each other in a way that made Penny scowl, before they chorused in unison. "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock!"
~*~*
Penny opened the door to Sheldon's room as quietly as possible, sticking her head inside first to make certain that he wasn't prepared to snap at her, or to fix her with one of those stupid "deadly laser eyes" stares that always drove her crazy. Yet one look around told her that all was quiet. In fact, it appeared that Sheldon was not even awake yet. The only sounds in the room were the steady thrums and beeps of the electronic equipment monitoring him, and the whispered sound of his breathing. Penny closed the door with a click behind her and approached the bed.
Penny could barely suppress a wince at the sight of the normally meticulously groomed physicist. They had Sheldon's right arm fixed up in traction, that long limb hanging limply in the straps that supported it. His pale face was drawn taut even in sleep, undoubtedly from the pain that still penetrated his senses despite the medications they had pumped into him. Penny could see a spread of bruising at his hairline, as well as a smattering of them here and there on those patches of skin that the hospital gown did not cover. Sheldon's hair was an uncombed mess. Penny was momentarily impressed that hair so short could even become unkempt.
Bending over where Sheldon slept, the woman carefully reached over the top of him. She did her best to avoid contact with that bruise on his head as Penny let her fingers brush Sheldon's hair into a better sense of order. It was a gesture that was entirely maternal, probably due to how sad the sight of him was at the moment.
As she was passing her fingers through his hair a second time, Sheldon stirred.
She smiled down at him encouragingly as Sheldon's eyes drowsily fluttered open. Their color was surprisingly vivid against the contrast of the bruises, deep blue that was murky with disorientation. It took a few seconds before the fog left them and Penny realized that he was focused on her. She kept her voice to a low whisper. "Hello, sweetie. How do you feel?"
Sheldon studied her blandly as he considered the question. He licked his lips to wet them, managing to find his voice. It was rough, the timbre made all the more deep with a lack of use. "Thirsty. And I think I'm sore. Or at least I think I should be." Sheldon's eyes traveled over to the brace that held his arm, curiously staring at the contraption.
"I'll get you some water. Hold on." Penny grabbed up the pitcher of water that one of the nurses had thoughtfully left on the bedside table. She poured a glass for Sheldon, glad that he was still too mellowed out by the drugs to be difficult.
Sheldon shifted on the bed in order to sit up a little, his face twisting with discomfort. He reached up to take the glass from her with his free hand and drank it down with a few desperate swallows. Penny quirked an eyebrow as he held the emptied glass back towards her to indicate that he wanted more. As the woman refilled it, she murmured. "Leonard, Howard and Raj are outside in the waiting room. They wanted to make sure that you were doing all right. The doctor said that you are going to be just fine. They want to keep you here for the next few days."
"Just a few days." Sheldon echoed distantly, as he thoughtfully drank more water. "I suppose that my injuries aren't too bad, then. Though this is hardly comfortable for my arm. And this mattress is incredibly stiff." He was starting to sound more like his normal self, though Penny wasn't sure if that qualified as a positive sign or not. Sheldon handed his glass over to her with a sigh. "I guess it can't be helped." Cocking his head, he studied her at an angle. "You don't mind if I ask you a rather personal question, do you?"
"You never usually bother to ask permission." Penny remarked dryly. "But sure, go ahead and ask."
"It's two questions, actually." Sheldon amended his initial request, before staring at her even more intently. "My first question, naturally, is 'Who are you?'. And my follow-up question, incidentally, is 'Who am I?'."
Penny blinked. "What?!"