As always, SM owns it and I like to play with it.

Music for this chapter:

Hell Breaks Loose by Eminem
Stay Wide Awake by Eminem
Smack That by Akon ft. Eminem
Dirty Little Thing by Adelita's Way
Shakin' Hands by Nickelback
Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones

The light breaks thru a crack in the curtains waking me for one of the most peaceful nights of sleep I have had in a long time. It must have been just the right amount of drinks last night. I roll around for a few minutes, stretching and going over the very few things on my to-do list for today. Lunch with the girls, phone call to the parents, a little bit of cleaning around the apartment and dinner next door. I roll over to look at the clock and see that it's only 9:30, still got plenty of time to get ready before heading out to meet the girls. I climb out of bed and notice that when I came home I just peeled off my clothes and hit the sack, normally I would have at least put on a beater, but it looks like I slumbered in just my skivvies.

I grab a top and throw it on before walking out to the kitchen to cure my cotton mouth. Looks like Jake didn't get any further than the sofa last night, that must be why I slept so well. He sure can hog a bed. I mean, I know he is by no means petite, but is it really necessary for him to take up two-thirds of the bed and take over my pillow? Funny thing is, he looks so cute, like a little kids when he's asleep. Where's my camera? I need a picture of this to show him, he doesn't believe me when I tell him, so I'll show him.

I find my camera and snap a picture and then giggle like I'm getting away with something. I have an over-whelming urge to go get the whipped cream out of the fridge and put it in his hand then tickle his nose. But it seems as though Jake doesn't find those things very funny any more. Actually, he doesn't find much funny any more. We used to spend all day laughing at or with each other, but not now. Sure, everyone has to grow up, but everyone still needs to embrace their inner child as well. Laughing is just one of those things everyone needs to do everyday, a couple times a day at least. It's one of my personal mottos actually, 'Laugh till you piss your pants, or at least have tears running down your face.'

I put my camera down on the counter and my empty glass in the sink before heading back to take a shower and get ready for lunch with my sisters. I select my Eminem play list and place my iPod on the dock in the bathroom, because what's a shower without music…….boring, that's what it is. And there's nothing like tongue-in-cheek rap to get the blood pumpin'. I consider myself a devoted fan, so there's no question that I can rap right along with each and every song.

I reach in the shower to turn the water on before I even strip down, because let's face it, no one likes to be shocked with first, inevitably cold, drops of water out of the shower head. So I strip down and start singing along with Hell Breaks Loose and step into the steamy hot shower. I stand under the water for a moment just letting it seep in from head to toe. I know my skin will be pink when I get out because the water is so hot, but damn it feels good. I wash my hair -lather, rinse, repeat with my honeysuckle shampoo. As I squeeze my favorite sweet pea body wash on my shower poof one of my favorites comes on, Stay Wide Awake. I can't help but sing along, every last word. Now I'm not saying the lyrics are family friendly, and there are a lot of words or phrases in his songs that normally I wouldn't even think of saying, but when he sings the words just flow out of my mouth. As much as Jake hates rap music, he thinks it's funny to listen to me sing along, well, he used to. Ultimate white girl right here, but it's so much fun. And better than singing along in the shower by myself is blasting it in my car and singing along in traffic. "…Come with me to another side of the world so cold and so dark……" I take my time while I lather my body up and rinse and enjoy the hot water for just another moment. "…..Now I use power tools how bout now why you in the shower, Scower you for 6 hours till I'll teach you power outlets…." It's been so long since I've had hands on my body, touching me in a way that ignites a spark. Jake and I haven't had sex in what seems like forever, and the only thing I can remember from the last time that we did is how much more I needed. I've tried to tell him that I need him to be a little more assertive, but that hasn't done any good. I've had a hard time expressing to him what I need, I've even tried during our intimate times together, but that just got me weird looks. Guess he's not one for dirty talk. We were so young when we got together, he can't expect that we knew what we wanted or liked when we first started having sex, or that our wants and needs wouldn't change. It seems as Jake had his libido peak when we first started, where as I feel like I'm just coming up on mine. And given our current situation, it's very frustrating and I'm finding it quite unfulfilling. Jake would have a fit if he ever discovered that my favorite shower poof also vibrates. I can't get the man to talk dirty to me, he would flip if he found out there are sex toys in the house.

I flip off the shower poof, still feeling a bit unfulfilled and hang it on the hook. I get out and towel off just as Smack That comes on and am thankful I'm out of the shower because I can't help but shake my ass to this song. And that is not something I want to do in the shower, not again anyway, been there, done that and had a bruise for 3 weeks to prove it. I learned my lesson. It does not matter what you place on the bottom of a tub, that sucker is still slippery when wet and under no circumstance does it make for a good dance floor. Thanks to a dance class and a kick-boxing class that I took my freshman year of college I'm not as clumsy as I used to be. My fear of the freshman fifteen turned out to be quite beneficial, I improved my balance, lost my clumsiness, learned some pretty good dance moves and can now defend myself pretty well. As for the intended purpose, I ended up gaining twenty pounds but it was all muscle and to be quite honest, I needed it.

I dressed casually in my favorite Sunday clothes, jean Capri's and a t-shirt, pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail then brushed my teeth. When I walk out into the living room to hunt down my favorite sandals I see Jake sitting up on the sofa looking quite grumpy.

"Morning Sleepyhead."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"Geesh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the … sofa," I chuckle but I think he growled at me. "Jacob Daniel, don't you dare take this out on me. There was nothing stopping you from coming to bed last night. You chose to sleep on the sofa instead of walking the extra twenty feet to the bed room."

I walk into the kitchen to fix a pot of coffee and pour two cups, taking them out to the living room and handing one to Jake, still sitting on the sofa.

"Sorry Bells. Thank you." He takes the mug, inhaling the aroma before he takes a drink. "You know how much I detest that stupid white-boy-rap-crap, and to be woken up by it is even worse." He leans his head back against the back of the sofa with his eyes closed and his feet propped up on the coffee table, still trying to wake up.

"Alright," I drink the last few drops of my coffee and slip on my shoes then take my mug and place it in the sink. "I'm going to lunch with the girls. I think we are going to the Inner Harbor. Rose said something about going to Hard Rock. Then I'll probably hit up the Barnes & Noble before I head home. You want me to bring you back anything?"

"Nah, thanks anyway. Leah invited us over for dinner tonight, will you be back in time?"

"Oh yeah, of course. You sure you don't need anything while I'm out?"

"I'm good. I'm just going to try to relax before the chaos starts all over again tomorrow morning."

"Ok." I grab my purse and walk up to the back of the sofa, lean over and place a kiss on Jake's temple. "Call me if something changes…. and don't let your hind quarters fuse to the sofa, make sure you get up every once in a while and circulate the blood." I laugh as I walk out, hearing a thump as I close the door, sounds like he threw a pillow at me. It really does feel like we are slipping back into friends instead of lovers.

I get in my car and pick my 'Dirty Driving' play list, only thing better is real dirty dancing, I think to myself. But since I can't have one, I'll settle for the other, for now. With the windows rolled down of my Stratus, I start on my way to the Inner Harbor, jamming to Dirty Little Thing. I remember when I bought this car. It was my first brand new car. When we decided on the four door sedan we figured it would be a car we would have for a while and would be big enough for us to start a family in a few years when we were ready. Now, 8 years later, and no where close to where we thought we would be. I even venture to say we were at the polar opposite of where we thought we would be.

While I sing out loud waiting for the strange looks from other drivers, I think about how much I wish I could relate to this song. If only….grinding teeth, up against the wall, can't say no…..I need that passion. I long for that passion. I've never fully expressed the extent of my desires and fantasies to Jake. Any time I've tried to ease into the conversation I just get funny looks and I stop. "Tie me up and take control," I sing out loud. I can't believe I'm jealous of a frickin song, this sucks. I haven't even told my sisters about this. But maybe they'll be able to help or give me some insight as to what I can do. The song rolls over to Shakin' Hands, and all I can think is 'I want to be a naughty wicked witch of the east.' Then I pout for a while, feeling sorry for myself because I should be at least getting some, it's not like I'm single like my sisters. I bet even they get it more often then I do. I know relationships based on sex aren't healthy, and ours never has been. But this is ridiculous.

Twenty-five minutes later I'm parking my car just as my personal theme song is about to play, but I turn off the car anyway. It will be ready for me when it's time to head home. But I really can't wait until next year when I can play it in my dream car. I've never lusted after a car, not until now anyway. As soon as they are taking orders for the 2011 model that I'm wanting, I'll be in the dealership placing my order. With another deep sigh, I walk toward the restaurant.

I see Rose and Alice sitting outside at a table, waving me over. Looks like they have already ordered our favorite starts and drinks, Grilled Chicken Quesadillas and Potato Skins and margaritas. I look at my watch, I'm not late, why do the girls have funny looks on their faces?

I take my seat while eying them both, let them know that I know something's up. "Rose. Alice."

"Hi, Bella." The both say together, very sweetly at that. Okay, this ought to be good I think to myself.

I decide to see if the twin-bond will help me out today and stare Rosalie down. Nothing. Crap.

With an exasperated sigh I almost yell at them, "JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!"

"Geeze, Bella. How are you today?" Alice rolls her eyes at me.

"Ok," Rose speaks up while grabbing my hand across the table. "Last night I let it go. I wasn't going to talk about it in front of Leah since it looked like you didn't want to. But now it's just the three of us. What's going on?"

I close my eyes and try to talk myself into having this conversation. Alice is the hyper one, Rose is the serious but blunt one and I'm the silly one. This is going to be difficult. As much as most stuff doesn't embarrass me, the conversation I'm about it have would be much more comfortable for me to have with strangers. It's very hard to let people know streets-Bella and sheets-Bella. Ok, I just need to suck it up and let it out.

"Ok, but before I start I want you both to know that this is very difficult for me to talk about. And I'm sure one day, in the very distant future, I will be able to laugh about this whole situation," I look from Rose to Alice with a very serious look on my face to let them know I'm not joking around, not this time. "But today is not that day."

"Message sent and received. Right Alice?"

"Right Rose."

"Ok, Bella. Both Alice and I have agreed that we will not make fun of you. So, what's wrong in Bellaville?"

Another deep breath, I close me eyes, here goes nothing. "I'm backed up and frustrated." I spit out.

I finally look up to see both of my sisters looking at me very quizzically. Rose is the first to speak up, as usual, "is that all? I don't understand. Bella, if you're constipated we can stop off at the pharmacy and get you something. I don't know why you would be embarrassed to buy laxatives or stool softeners for yourself, but whatever. I'll go buy them for you."

I look over at Alice who is just nodding in agreement, looking just as confused.

"No Rose!" Now I'm frustrated for another reason. "You should both know better that that is not the type of thing that would embarrass me. If anything, that would be one of those things that I would have fun with like I do when I go buy condoms." There they go looking at me funny again. "Come on, don't tell me you've never gone into the store to buy condoms and bought something to go with it just to see the look on the person's face that's behind the counter? You know, like condoms, duct tape and whipped cream?"

They are both shaking their heads at me, faces beet-red, looking like they are going to bust any minute.

"Ok, Ok. Let me try this again." Another deep breath. "It's been over 6 weeks since Jake and I …. ya know."

And now neither of them are speaking, just staring at me with their mouths wide open. "Can one of you say something instead of just staring at me?" I'm sure I'm the one that is ten deep shades of red by now.

"Um, I'm sorry, it's just …." then nothing. Great, Rose is speechless for the first time in her life. And Alice has now graciously place both hands over her mouth.

"Did you say 6 weeks?" Alice finally contributes to the conversation, but still has her hands over her mouth. I nod my head to let them know they did in fact hear correctly. "I knew it! What did I say last night? Your sex life will tell you about your relationship, even stuff you really don't want to know."

"Bella, sweetie, she's right. Six weeks?" She asks again to confirm. "What have you been doing? I mean, we don't usually talk about this, you and I, so I don't know if your libido is anything like mine, but I would go nuts in your place. No offense. But, I wish I was in a long term relationship right now. The closer we get to 30, the worse I get. Ever since what's-his-face and I broke up, I go thru batteries like crazy."

Alice looks over at Rose, "so you really liked that last one you bought then, huh?"

"It's amazing Alice! We should go back and get one for you. Or better yet, I'll get it for your birthday." Then she turns to me, "and it looks like we need to get one for you too."

"Not to interrupt you guys, but what are you talking about?"

"Sorry, Alice and I found this little shop one day when we were shopping and bought a few things for ourselves. Looks like we need to take you shopping for your very own vibrator."

"Rose, I already have one of those. Or three, but…" and now they are back to staring with their mouths open again. "What is wrong with you two?"

Alice lays her hand on top of Rose's, "I got this one." Then she turns back to me. "Bella, you have never been one to be very open and talk about sex with us, so I guess we are both just a bit surprised that you would be open enough to buy sex toys."

"Ok, yes, I'll give you that. I don't talk openly about sex and would most definitely prefer to talk to someone I didn't know about this, than the people I see almost every day. But I'm about at my breaking point. Jake doesn't even know the extent of it."

"Well there's part of your problem." Rose states like it's the most obvious of answers.

"Yeah, well, that's where it gets … a bit more … frustrating."

"What do you mean?" asks Rose. "Don't you talk to Jake about this?"

"I think me trying to talk to him has made it worse. What I need and want from our intimate relationship isn't the same as it was ten years ago. And let's say he just really isn't open to suggestion. That makes it hard to talk to him about what I want."

"We're still going to need more than that if we are going to help," Alice informs.

"About a year ago when I started feeling like I needed…more, I tried talking to him. And I learned he doesn't really seem to like dirty talk." This isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, now I'm giggling, maybe it's the margarita.

Rose starts laughing too, "I think we are going to need another round of drinks." She waives the waiter over and orders another round.

As soon as the waiter leaves to get our drinks Rose starts with more questions. "What exactly did you say to him?"

Looking around seeing close by tables with families seated at them I decide that this is not the place for that. "Rose, this has been a lot easier to talk to you two about then I thought it would be, but there are children close by and that is just not something they need to hear. The next time we go out, I promise, we can continue that part of this conversation, but not today, not right now."

Rose looks around, confirming my observations. "Fine, but I will remember and we will discuss this again. In the mean time, neither Alice or I can tell you what to do about Jake. We both love you…and we love Jake like a brother…that's not going to change. But if you don't have the same feelings for him that you once had, then it's not fair to either of you to stay together. You both deserve the chance to find someone you can be happy, and satisfied, with," she says with a wiggle of her brow.

"I know. But we have been together for so long, I don't know anything else. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but truly, that's all it feels like anymore, that we are just friends. Just going thru the motions and pretending isn't really working. And since he didn't really like a small dose, I doubt he could handle the full description of what I need from him in that area. I'm so stuck in my head. I just don't how to talk about this stuff."

"It will all work out just the way it's supposed to, you'll see," says Alice, always looking at the positive. She looks over to Rose as if to get permission for another topic of conversation, but I beat her to it.

"So how about those guys last night?" And suddenly both of their faces light up. I can't help but laugh, "do I need to call Mom and Dad and warn them that you two may be running away to get married? Because I'm pretty sure you were both semi-proposed to last night, and I didn't hear any negative responses."

"Yeah," Alice says dreamily, "they were pretty great, weren't they? I'm excited to get to see Jazz again later."

"Is that so?" I ask, see that both of my sisters are now lost in space.

"Mmhmm, Jazz and Emmett are coming over to our place after they have dinner with their parents. Rose and I promised them dessert." Now Alice is wagging her eyebrows.

"You two are incorrigible. I guess we should wrap this up then so you guys can go destroy your kitchen trying to make dessert. Do either of you even know what the stove is?" If it weren't for coming over to my place a couple times a week, I don't know how these two would survive on take out and boxed dinners alone.

"Very funny twin! We couldn't both get the gourmet chef gene, ya know. Actually we are going to the store when we leave here. We are going to try to make a cheesecake, but we are also buying a frozen one just incase we screw it up."

I can't help but laugh imagining the two of them in the kitchen. Cheesecake is one of my favorite desserts and there is so much you can do to it, but there is no way they can pull this off. I just wish I was going to be there to watch. "It's still early," I say more to myself. "I was going to run in to the book store when we are done here. How about I run into the book store while you two go to the grocery store and I'll meet you two at your place and help. They seemed like pretty nice guys and no one should be subjected to frozen cheesecake…not if you want to keep them around anyway."

"You'd really do that for us?" Alice asks.

"Of course! Even if I'm not getting any, I can at least help you two get some. Here," I take out a piece of paper and write down the ingredients they need to get, "make sure you pick up everything on this list and I'll meet you at your place in an hour."

After lunch I walk to the bookstore and browse the 'relationship' section and pick up a few books that I'll most likely have to hide. Then I drive to Alice and Rose's house almost in a daze thinking about my frustrations, not even turning on any music I'm in such a daze. What am I going to do? I love Jake so much but there is no way that I can be happy if we can't communicate and at least compromise. I need more. I can't be a silent partner anymore. I giggle at the thought. I'm so tired of being silent.

I pull in the girls' driveway just as they are walking in, so I follow. In the kitchen they lay everything on the countertop.

"Ok ladies, here's the deal, I will make a chocolate mousse swirl cheesecake with a chocolate crust, and under my direction you will make a strawberry swirl cheesecake with a graham cracker crust. And…" I stop them before they can interrupt, "we can finish our talk from earlier."

"Deal!" They practically shout at me. I'm not sure if they are more excited at my help with the dessert or the continuation of our earlier discussion.

"Alice, you get out the blender and food processor and set the oven to 400. Rose you go get the music going. And I'll get everything else prepped."

Five minutes later Rose and Alice have both rejoined me at the counter. "Rose, what are we going to be listening to while you two learn from the master?"

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes. "At first I was going to select some love songs since we are making these for the guys….but then I thought we needed something else." Just then Satisfaction starts playing.

"Thanks Rose, I didn't know you were so funny," I roll my eyes right back. "These desserts should have them eating out of the palm of your hand by the end of the night. Quite literally if you wish, I'm sure." Now it's my turn to wiggle my brows suggestively.

We spend the next 45 minutes dancing, mixing and talking. I tell the girls all about how Jake prefers a silent partner and doesn't like simple suggestions like 'harder' or 'faster' and didn't take too kindly when I tried to nibble on his nipple or ask him to be more 'assertive' with me. He didn't like it so much when I tried to take control either. "He's just so vanilla!" I tell them, let my frustration thru loud and clear.

We place the cheesecakes in the oven and set the timer and make our way into the living room.

"So what you're telling us, Isabella," Rose looking like she's going to make some grand declaration, "is that you are 'a lady in the streets, but a freak between the sheets.'"

We all laugh hysterically at the way she just puts it out there. "Well, I'd like to be, but Jake won't let me. Most men would kill to have a woman want to do the things I want to try, but I think Jake is stuck in the 1920's."

"That is definitely a problem."

"Thanks Rose, I hadn't figured that out yet. If only you two could help me with something useful, like what I'm going to do about it… but no, no help there." I smile to let them know I'm joking around. "Okay, look, I'm gonna stick around until the cheesecakes are ready to come out, then I'm going to take off. But you have to promise me one thing, save me a slice of each. And you probably don't want to keep the leftovers around, send them home with the guys, you will hate yourselves if you keep it here and eat it all, trust me. Now, I want to see what you were gushing about earlier at lunch, Rose, what is it that Alice and I both need to get for ourselves?"

After Rose showed me what she called her 'magic hat rabbit', we all discussed a few more recommendations with each other. Then made our way downstairs and took the pies out of the oven. I gave the girls a few more directions for the desserts and took off for home to get ready for dinner with Jake, Leah and Sammy. I was in a thoughtful mood on the way home so I selected my Soothing Sounds play list and contemplated what I was going to do next.

As soon as I got home Jake and I headed next door. While I helped Leah finish up getting dinner ready, Jake went and played a few games of Go Fish with Sammy. Dinner was just as good as always. Leah and I traded a few inside jokes from the night before which made Jake eye the pair of us suspiciously, which in turn only made us laugh more.

When Jake and I went home, we watched a little bit of tv before I decided to go to bed around ten. Jake decided to stay up, saying he wanted to watch the news first. I stood in the doorway for a bit, just watching Jake. He didn't even try to stay up, he laid right down on the sofa and was snoring before the next commercial break. And when I woke up the next morning to get ready for work, he was still there.

I started a pot of coffee and finished getting ready for work. I filled my travel mug for my commute to work before waking Jake. When I saw that he was still on the sofa when I came out of the bedroom this morning I started a whole new train of thought. It's almost like he knows that we don't belong together and he's just waiting for me to do something about it. This pisses me off. Does he really lack the back bone to stand up for himself? Is he really content just living like this until someone else makes the decision for him? Now my blood is boiling!

"JAKE, WAKE UP!" He sits up looking a little startled at my yelling.

"Ok, I'm up. I'm up."

"JACOB …" I pause to get myself under control, "Jacob, we need to have a serious talk." I look at my watch, if I don't leave soon I'll be late, "but not right now, I need to get to work. I'm sure you'll be working late all this week, and then 'staying up to catch the news'" I say making air quotes. I know I'm being snarky, but I can't help it. "and then sleeping on the sofa all night, but you need to pick a night that you can put everything else aside so that we can talk. And that's the only choice you have in this matter, you got me?"

"Ok, yeah, sure, fine. But what did I do? I don't understand what's going on."

"No, of course you don't Jacob! But I don't have time to spell it out for you right now." And then I turned and walked out the door.

A/N: Leave me a review, let me know what you think.

Have any of you ever played this fun little game when buying condoms? If so, what did you buy with them to try to get a reaction from the clerk?

What do you think of our Bella now that she's shown she is showing a bit more of herself?