2. Skitty Skitty Bang Bang

Kratos enjoyed a momentary surge of something akin to pride what with his shiny new battle helmet and handsome cape. But his swelling ego would have to wait, because it was time for one of those sometimes-fun-sometimes-boring-and/or-frivolous skits that interrupt the show like every five minutes.

*the scene abruptly changes and Kratos now finds himself in a large white room that is completely blank with the exception of four large colorful shapes floating in midair*

"What is the meaning of this?" Kratos demanded.

Ah, if only he hadn't asked. For as soon as he did, a chipper melody began to play, a foreshadowing of the song to come. And then a happy disembodied voice began to sing, and it was all she wrote. Or sung, whatever.

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the other by the time I finish my song?

Kratos raised his brow at the ludicrous request. He stepped back and took another look at the floating shapes. Perhaps this was just the Sphinx's riddle, and if answered correctly, he could be awarded a way out of here. The Sphinx sounded awfully suspicious, though.

"The answer to your laughably pathetic question is the three sided polygon."

A golden light surrounded the great triangle, signaling he was correct. And just as quickly as it had all started, it was over. He was once again back in Sesame Street, Grover waiting patiently for him by the telephone booth.

"Oh there you are Tall Well-Defined Muscular Man. You simply vanished for several seconds" he said.

Kratos trudged on by, yanking him along by one long, scrawny blue arm.

"You will teach me how to fly", Kratos huffed.

Now naturally, at those words, the first thoughts in his mind were those of the tale of Icarus, the foolish young man who disobeyed his father and flew too close to the sun and inevitably fell to his death. However, the time slot did not allow for the extrapolation of ancient fables, and it would simply do that anyone with even minimal brain activity should know better than to rely on wax and feathers to achieve sustained flight. End rant.

"But that is precisely the problem, sir. Without a mommy's lo-"

Kratos shook him violently like a ceaselessly wailing infant.

"Surely there is some other way!"

Fighting back nausea and double vision, Grover tried once more to explain the predicament.

"I know of no other way. I am sorry."

Kratos sighed a manly sigh. A sigh of dejection and frustration, a collective sigh for all those penis-endowed, for his masculinity was now unquestionably at stake. The search was now on for something he thought he had lost the opportunity to miss long ago: a mother's love. Right after this next skit though.

*Another white screen appears, this time with the letter Q sitting alone in the center. It has eyelashes for some reason*

"Not again…" Kratos groaned.

"Q" a male voice said flatly.

"Yes, I believe at this age I should recognize a letter of the alphabet when I see one…" Kratos hissed.

Suddenly, a string of other letters marqueed in from the right side of the screen, joining beside the letter Q.

"Quiet" the voice read out to the audience.

"What? NO ONE ORDERS ME TO SILENCE! I shall speak as often as I damn well please you insufferable son of a whore!"

Fortunately, thanks to the advent of censorship, the audience only heard bleeps to filter out the terrible potty words spilling forth from the anachronistic hairless Greek person.

And now back to the gravely important task at hand.

"We must find your mother, come" Kratos said to Grover, giving him a shove to get them going.

The furry blue monster hesitated.

"Well there are plenty of other mommies here in Sesame Street…let us try them first."

"And what is wrong with yours? Is she suddenly not a suitable candidate?"

"Oh certainly but…"

"But WHAT?"

The creature whimpered softly like a little child.

"It is just that I do not really want to share mommies with anyone else…I am an only child after all."

Kratos stared into the camera. Oh if only you could see the expression befouling the man's face this very moment; it would make SpongeBob crap his quadrilateral little pants in a heartbeat. But that's a different children's show, offering little in the way of educational content. Pizza Delivery was a damn good episode though.

"You have no choice in the matter if you wish to continue enjoying the function of your vital organs. You WILL bring me to your mother and you will do it NOW."

Grover balked.

"No!"

Kratos was stunned. Who in the name of Olympus did this thing think he was?

"Why you ignorant little-" Kratos seethed, making a move straight for Grover's head.

Screaming hysterically, Grover took off on foot.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU WILL DIRECT ME TO YOUR MOTHER!"

"NEVER!" Grover shot back, trotting as quickly as his boneless little legs would carry him. And that depended mostly on how skillful his puppeteer was.

The chase went on for a surprisingly long time, for by some unknown miracle Grover was holding his own in outrunning Kratos, who was taking mad swings at Grover's rear end with his Chaos Blades. He was about to take the final defining swipe when without warning, Grover and everything around them disappeared.

This time there was no white screen, however. Instead, there was a frog. A frog with a low brick wall and blue background behind him.

Kratos almost fell over.

"No. NO!" he yelled.

"Hi-ho! This is Kermit de frog and-"

"I do not give a Gorgon's ASS who you are, amphibian! Return me to the previous scene!"

Kermit took a double take at the strange cursing man beside him.

"Oh hello. Uh, I don't think you're in this sketch. Unless you're a new species of Twiddlebug?"

Kratos paused, trying with all his might to tranquilize himself. In fact he might have invented a new type of meditation ritual that yoga practitioners might find particularly handy. If this applies, take notes.

"A what?"

"A Twiddlebug. I'm actually going to be counting six of them within the next 48 seconds. I guess that makes you the first! Here we go! One…"

"No…"

A Twiddlebug entered.

"Two…"

"NO."

Another appeared, its cute antennae flopping about.

"Three…" Kermit continued.

"That's it…count THESE!" Kratos said.

Activating Hades' Army, he summoned a host of ghouls to vanquish the numeral-loving pests. They screamed, trying in vain to flee. They bounced around the set like tennis balls as they were attacked again and again. By the time it was all over, Kratos had earned himself quite a hefty payout of red orbs. Having been so rudely cut short, the skit quickly closed and Kratos prepared himself to throttle Grover, who was currently taking the opportunity to shove as much lost stuffing as he could back through the gash Kratos had torn into his fuzzy derrière. Upon spotting Kratos, he let out a guttural shriek and fled, leaving a trail of stuffing behind him. Kratos, as much as he would have delighted in finishing him off, decided his efforts would best be spent obtaining a maternal object with which to gain his aerial abilities. Without a guide now, however, that might have just gotten a bit more challenging.