A/N: owns Twilight and it's characters. Only this plot is mine.

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

Chapter 5

That evening, after I finished my shift, I returned to the house and walked into the living room, sitting down in the armchair by the fire and watching the sparks shoot up off the logs. I heard the slow gait that I recognized as Jasper in the hallway before he entered the room, and looked up to give him a smile of greeting. Rather than return it, he smirked at me, a knowing smirk that he completed with the addition of a wink as he passed by me on his way to the bookshelf.

I started to ask what he was playing at, but was interrupted by the ringing of the phone I held in my pocket. I placed it to my ear and said hello.

"Hello, Carlisle," Bella's voice spoke from the other end of the line. "Is this a good time?"

I glared over at Jasper as I spoke, now understanding his smirk – he had obviously been forewarned of my incoming call by his wife. "Yes, Bella, now is a fine time."

"You said that we could talk? There are about a million questions in my head now..."

"Of course. I could come to you, or we could just speak over the phone. I want you to be comfortable."

"I'd be very happy to see you," she said. I could hear the smile in her tone, and I found myself wearing a smile of my own at the thought. The smile was quickly replaced by a scowl, however, as I heard Jasper's low chuckle from behind me.

She gave me her address, which was easy enough to memorize, and I said goodbye. Then I turned to Jasper. "What exactly is so funny?" I demanded.

Jasper shook his head, a smirk playing at his lips despite his attempt to appear innocent. "Not a damn thing, Carlisle."

Having spent enough time with Jasper in the last several decades to know that he wasn't going to say any more on the subject, I shook my head and walked out of the house, picking up my keys on the way and jogging through the yard to the oversized garage where my Mercedes sat waiting for me. I turned it on, enjoying the soft purr of the engine, and drove to the address Bella had given me.

I stopped the car in front of a small apartment building and got out, quickly making my way to the door and knocking lightly. It took less than a minute for Bella to answer, and the problem with remaining in her apartment was immediately apparent when she opened the door: the air in the small space was heavy with the scent of freesias, and it was nearly enough to knock me on my knees. I took a few steps backward, gripping the iron railing of the porch so tightly that I was sure I was changing it's shape.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I cannot come in," I said, my voice shaking. "Please, take a jacket, we can talk outside."

Bella nodded, smiling gently. I could not understand her ease with which she was handling my reaction, but I was grateful for it. I walked back down the path to my car and stood beside it, waiting for a couple of minutes until Bella re-emerged, jacket on and purse in hand.

"Why don't you leave your purse here, Bella," I suggested. "I'm not sure that a ride in the car is a good idea, so I was thinking we might take a little walk."

Bella did as I asked, setting her bag just inside the door and then locking it behind her, and then came to stand beside me on the sidewalk. "Ready?" she asked.

I nodded. "Let's go."

We walked a few blocks, I leading the way toward the woods, before Bella asked her next question.

"Why couldn't you enter my house? I was inviting you in."
I laughed, realizing that her question was based on one of the many Hollywood misinterpretations of vampire lore. "That's just a myth, dear," I explained gently. "I couldn't go into your house because your scent was much too concentrated to be manageable for me."

She walked on beside me quietly, probably musing over my response, until we reached the end of the sidewalk. "Are we going to turn around now?" She asked.

"I would like to take you somewhere, so that we can talk privately. But I'll only do so if you are comfortable going with me," I said, almost hoping that she said no.

She didn't.

"Bella, there's a place that I like to go to for privacy. It's pretty far into the woods, but I can get us there rather quickly, if you'll let me carry you. I promise to be very careful, but the choice is, of course, yours."

She looked up at me, worry etching creases in her forehead. "Won't I be too heavy for you? Or, you know, too close?"

I smiled, amazed by her kindness and genuine concern for others yet again. "No, dear. I'm extremely strong. Carrying you would take no greater effort for me than for you to carry your wallet." I chucked softly at her gasp, thinking how there were so many things that she had to learn about me. My chuckle stopped abruptly though, when I realized that any one of the things she might learn could be the piece of information that pushed her past what she could handle, and she'd be gone from my life. The stab of pain that came with that realization did not pass unnoticed, but I forced myself to push those feelings away. Bella was a temptation, in so many ways, but I knew better than to succumb.

"As for your scent, I'll carry you on my back, if you don't mind. The air will carry your scent away from me, and it shouldn't be too difficult."

Bella smiled slightly, cocking a brow. "You're going to give me a piggy-back ride?"

I chuckled softly. "I suppose I am."

I squatted down, letting her climb onto my back, and then rose again, bidding her hold on tightly, and ran into the woods, consciously keeping my speed slower than I would have had I been alone so that she would not be too frightened. I ran until I reached my clearing, slowing as I reached it so as not to stop too suddenly for her. When I did stop, I held onto her for a moment before lowering her to the ground, and then turned to face her.

Her skin was slightly pale, and her eyes were evidence of her fright.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Was it too fast?"

She shook her head, and spoke in a hushed voice. "No... I just... Wow." She shook her head quickly, as if trying to regain focus. "I didn't expect that. You're so...fast."

I smiled. "I am actually much faster than that. I was trying not to frighten you." I gestured toward the center of the clearing. "Would you like to sit?"

She sat down, cross-legged, a foot or two away from where we were standing, and I stayed where I was, dropping down to the ground and leaning back on my hands. We sat that way for awhile, and I did my best to provide answers for all of her queries. She asked about the obvious – what might happen to me in the sunlight, how did I manage to be a doctor, how I became a vampire, as well as the more obscure questions, like whether it had been difficult to adjust to all of the advances in technology that had occurred throughout the course of my existence. And of course, she asked me about sleeping.

"I cannot sleep, Bella."

"Not at all?" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

"No, never. It's not really bothersome, as I never feel tired either, but I do sometimes wish that I could simply close my eyes and escape from this world for a time."

"So then you cannot dream," she mused.

I shook my head. "Of course I can. I simply do it while waking. Most of my nights, in fact, are spent lying here in this field on my back, dreaming about what the world has in store for me next."

She scooted a bit closer to me, her curious eyes meeting mine. "Did you ever dream that you'd be here now?"

Falling for a human? Trying my hardest not to drain that same human of every last drop of her blood for my own satisfaction? No Bella, I did not.

My inner monologue ignored, I chose a simple answer. "I'm not sure I could have come up with such a circumstance on my own."

A very slight blush colored her cheeks as she tilted her face down and began to toy with a few blades of grass absently. I couldn't deny how beautiful she was when she blushed, and, without thought, I reached out and brushed back a hair that had fallen over her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. My actions caused her to look up, at first with only her eyes. The effect of that action was immediately evident in the rush of venom to my cock. It seemed that no part of my body was able to resist her.

"Yet here we are," she whispered, so low that I might not have even heard her if I'd been human.

I nodded, leaning in toward her, my will to resist being compromised by my desire for her. "Bella, you are free to leave at any time. I only ask that you keep secret everything we've discussed."

"What if I don't want to leave?" she whispered, her hand coming up to cover mine on her cheek.

I shook my head. "You should. I only have so much willpower, Bella."

Each sentence we whispered pulled us another fraction of an inch closer to each other as we both leaned in. Our proximity could have been attributed to our need to hear the whispers, but I think both of us knew that this wasn't the real reason. We were almost touching now, our forehead mere centimeters apart, and if I was completely honest, I would say that I was so lost in her deep fudge-colored eyes that I had completely forgotten the scent of freesias.

"Then stop fighting," she breathed, tilting her chin up so that her lips were within reach of my own.

I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be honorable. But I wanted to kiss her more.

I pressed my chin forward just the slightest bit, and our lips met. Hers were so soft, so full and supple. I immediately wanted more. I reached down with my lower lip to capture her bottom lip, sucking on it ever so gently, kissing it over and over again. I was lost in the moment, without thought, without reason. Everything in the world was there in Bella's lips.

I kissed her this way for just a moment before I let my tongue slip past my lips, brushing against hers, which parted immediately. My tongue slid into her mouth, and I moaned deeply as I had my first true taste of her – not her blood, but her. My hands, without a conscious decision, reached up and cupped her cheeks, holding her to me, as I felt every bit of passion in my body flowing to my lips. I needed her, in every way that I could ever need another person.

And it was that thought, as it crossed my mind, that brought the kiss to an abrupt end.

It took everything I had to pull away from her, but I knew that I did not have a choice. I had just thought of her as "another person," obviously forgetting the fact that I was not a person at all, but a vampire. This was far too dangerous. For both of us.

I didn't miss the disappointed expression that she tried to hide, but instead of letting it affect me, I reminded myself silently of the sirens of ancient Greece, who lured the sailors to their deaths on the rocks with their songs. Those tales were my guide at this moment. I had to resist the siren call that was Bella – both her blood and herself – if I was to save myself from the firey pits of hell. She was my test - I was sure of this - and I could not allow myself to fail.

Not daring meet her eyes, I looked off into the distance. "Forgive me, please, Bella. That was... Inappropriate. I should have more control." Even I could hear the lack of emotion in my voice. I sounded dead. More dead than I actually was.

"Carlisle," Bella admonished. "Don't tell me you're sorry." She grabbed my chin in her tiny hands and turned my face toward her. When she spoke again, there was less power to her voice, and it sounded like a plea. "Don't kiss me like that and then tell me you're sorry."

"I have to be, Bella," I said softly. "This is too dangerous. I can't let it happen again."

Bella's eyes flashed with anger. "This isn't only your choice, Carlisle! I understand that there is a risk inherent to being around you. Don't think that I've discounted or trivialized it. I haven't. I've simply made the decision to trust my instincts...and my heart, which tell me that the benefits that come with being near you far outweigh the risk. I'm not going anywhere, not unless you force me away."

I sighed heavily, shaking my head. "You don't understand, Bella," I said exasperatedly, pulling on my hair as my hand ran through it for what was at least the tenth time. "Nothing good can come from this! I will either kill you or...kill you. Are those options that you find pleasant?"

Bella didn't immediately respond, and I didn't wait for her to do so, instead getting to my knees.
"Get on my back, Bella. I'll get you home." For a moment, she tried to protest, but she must have seen the determined set of my jaw, and dropped the effort. "It's better this way, Bella."

I ran us back to her apartment, faster than I had run on the way to the clearing, not sure my willpower would hold if I didn't get this over with quickly. When we arrived there, I set her down and walked with her to her front door. We stood before the open entrance, both of us hesitating, knowing that, when she crossed that threshold, all of the magic of this night would end.

I saw sadness in her eyes, and hated that I had caused her to feel this way, but I knew that, though she might hurt now, it was better than the way we would both suffer if I did not walk away.

I reached out and touched her shoulder, trying to give her some modicum of comfort. "You've no idea just how sorry I am, Bella. But I have to walk away now, it's the only way to save you. And me. No matter to which of your temptations I might succumb, the result is always the same: your death, my damnation. I have to be strong, now, to save us both." I leaned in and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Good-bye, Bella."

I didn't wait for a response, instead turning and running down the stairs, climbing into my Mercedes, and driving away as quickly as I could. As I passed the miles between her apartment and my family's home, I noticed that I could not smell her on my clothes. For the first time in over three centuries, I could smell nothing at all.