"C'mon baby! It's just a game."
Those words? Those are the words that get a drumstick tossed at Puck's head. Because to her, this is not just a game. Rachel Berry is good at everything she does, okay? Everything. And if it's got music in it? She's going to be a fucking master.
So why does the screen keep lighting up in annoying shades of red? Please explain why her adoring audience isn't so adoring? Instead of cheers they're giving her jeers and it's not long before the words appear in letters that are obnoxiously large:
FAILED.
She doesn't fail. No seriously, she does not fail. Not a class, not a recital, not a goddamn thing.
"You can bang me instead to get rid of all that built up tension you know..." Puck must have forgot that drumsticks came in pairs and those words? That's how he gets another stick chucked at his head.
He can't stop laughing though because this is priceless. Prim and proper Rachel is sitting in his living room in her skirt and sweater looking absolutely flustered. It's a first for her, he's sure, and he's not going to lie. It's kinda cute.
That's why he continues to mock her. Playfully, of course, because it's only a matter of time before she just tosses the whole damn set at his head and he's not sure he can dodge that.
"Babe, come on, if Finn of all people can drum than surely you can. Unless ... Finn is smarter than you... that'd explain a lot."
"Puck!"
Uh oh. She didn't use Noah. He's in trouble.
"Yes Berry?" He's all sweetness and wide eyes now because she kinda looks like a bull on steroids. No, seriously. She's got everyone fooled. Yeah, she might have been tiny and petite as she insisted he call her diminuitive stature but when she's breathing hard and her nostrils are flaring?
He doesn't need to go to Spain to run will the bulls. There's one in his living room - honest to fuck.
"Shut up! and give me back those stupid sticks."
There's really no arguing with her so he hands her the weapons of mass destruction and watches as she butchers yet another classic. Mentally, he sends an apology to Pearl Jam because seriously, she's just massacred their song.
"I just don't understand!" What? Backtrack? Rachel doesn't understand something. There's a part of Puck - a very large, idiotic part - that wants to find a camera and film this because it's classic. "I'm hitting all the circles when the colors come up."
The circles? Colors? Puck sighs. He should have known that breaking out Rock Band was a bad, bad idea. And here they were, his point having been proved.
"Rach, you just have to relax. Here," he says simply, holding his hand out to accept the drumsticks.
Without a word she stands and hands him the sticks, allows him to settle comfortable in her seat while she stood there with a stern expression. This game was so stupid!
"Well, c'mere."
That's when she realizes that Puck is staring up at her expectantly and when she can't decipher what he expects from her he takes matters into his own hands. Well, he takes her into his hands because he's tugging her down onto his lap.
Thankfully she's about the height of a gnome so she fits easily and he can see over her shoulder. Placing the sticks back in her hand he closes his hands over hers, uses his leg to put her foot back on the pedal that's at their feet.
The Pearl Jam song is re-selected because he's aced this enough times to do it with his eyes close but he keeps the level on easy to appease her.
At first, Rachel can't decide which is more challenging. Remaining still or breathing because she finds that both are pretty much impossible when Puck is this close. But then that song is starting and she's reminded that she can not fail at this. She can't.
So when he starts to move her arms like a puppet, guiding her to the proper 'circles' at the right and showing her when to step on the pedal ("The line, Rachel!" "Noah, the entire board is made of lines." thump thump thump. "No Rach, the orange line." "Oh.") she finds that this game is so, sooo easy. Why did she ever have any trouble?
When the song is cleared and her audience is cheering three stars flash across the screen and she's up so fast to celebrate that she doesn't think about their position and the fact she's just elbowed Puck in the face.
It's only when he groans, moans, and curses that she draws her attention to him to find his hand is clamped over his nose and there's blood.
And oddly, her first instinct is to make a joke because blood makes her brain go blank. "Guess you were in the nose bleed section for this performance."
While she giggles he glares and gripes that she should be getting him some papertowels and maybe some goddamn elbow pads. Video games might come with warnings and labels and the possible physical ailments that come with game-play but he is starting to think Rachel Berry needs one of those things because that girl is dangerous.
\o/
"C'mon bro, it's just a game!"
Puck is fairly certain he's going to bash his guitar over Finn's head because those are not the words he wants to hear right now.
"She's beating me! How come her screen keeps saying 'serious skills'?" Puck has the guitar gripped so tightly that Finn is a little worried about the controller.
Rachel is all smug smiles and coy grins. Yeah, that innocent 'who, me?' act doesn't really work when this girl is kicking his ass at his own damn game - in his own house! That shit ain't kosher, it just ain't right.
"She's just good at this game. Let's pick a different song." Finn is trying to play the mediator because the tension in the room is a little scary. Puck was the king of this game. Emphasis on was. Looks like they had a new King - well, Queen. Whatever.
"Baby," Rachel says sweetly and he turns to look at her, her serene expression easing the beating his ego has endured for the past few hours. "Do you need an instruction manual to find the buttons?"
Now she's trash talking? He's not going to teach her another goddamned thing. Got that? Not a single one. "If you can't find anything better for your lips to do, you might want to zip 'em."
Instead she blows a kiss.
Finn is staring hard at the screen as though he could be absorbed into the game because being on stage with the guy with crazy glasses in the girl in fishnet? So much more appealing than being caught in the middle of all of this.
They play two more songs and Puck just can't catch a break. It's bad enough that Rachel is on hard but Finn on bass? That bastard is on expert and he's still kicking his ass. He's starting to think he's been set up. The controller must be defective.
Safe to say he kicks Finn out after the round and none too gently drags Rachel up the stairs.
He swears he's created a monster when his hand is up her skirt and she manages to say, "Baby, need an instruction manual to find that button too?"
Fuck. If he didn't love her so much he'd probably set her on fire.
\o/
Several expansion packs and band-based games later and this has become a tradition of sorts. Except now there's more than one system, three tvs, and way too many goddamn people in his house. There's so much noise between the songs and the banging and the clicking that he's quite certain that one more night of this is going to make him certifiably insane.
This was supposed to be a kickass graduation party but instead it's turned into a drunken, endless round of Rock Band and he's already counting the ways he could destroy that damned disc.
But Rachel is drumming away with her tongue peeking out between her lips with this intense look of concentration on her face while Finn is doing the same on the other set. They're competing to see who could get the better score.
It doesn't really surprise Puck when the drumsticks go flying literally when Rachel loses.
"Not fair! You play actual drums!"
"Your point? They're not the same thing!"
"My point is that you have a lot more experience when it comes to mindlessly banging on things!"
"Actually, I think I do," Puck says with a smug grin that gets a stick or two tossed in his direction and the microphone shoved into his hand. "Oh no, no no no. I'm not singing. Babe, this is chick shit."
Rachel's smile is downright dangerous. Shit. "Same thing I said last night."
Since when the fuck did Rachel become the Queen at these goddamn ego-killing one-liners.
Safe to say he takes the microphone and sings and drinks and drinks and sings.
But later (he's kicked everyone out none too gently) he makes her take back all of it.
\o/
They're in the middle of yet another 'jam session' as she likes to call it. He tolerates it because it's kind of cute and she looks so smug and proud that he doesn't dare say anything against it. Instead he just takes his up his controller and entertains her by strutting around the room to Aerosmith.
It's intense. Okay, maybe just on his end because everything is pretty intense to him but there's no need to bring that up right now. Especially not when he's pretty sure he's going to win which is pretty damned important these days.
He doesn't win that much lately. Not at this, anyway. Puck is actually convinced she's bought this game at her dad's and practices it nightly. It would explain why there's no MySpace videos lately. That, and she's always at his house.
Not that he's complaining. Especially not today when he's winning.
This feeling - it's better than sex. Okay, maybe not that extreme but whatever. Point is, it's foreign and he is loving it.
And that strut he does upon conclusion? It's an epic one because there's pointing and taunting and so much trash talking that it's borderline sexist.
"Do you feel better now?" she asks simply when he has reached the end of his gloating spree.
Puck nods, grins, and keeps on jamming on his air guitar with the toy one thrown over his shoulder like an actual instrument. "Fuck yeah, baby. I am the man."
"Yes, yes you are."
There's something odd about the way she's sitting there. Or maybe it's that glint in her eye. Either way, he's groaning. "You didn't."
The way her eyebrows rise and her eyes grow wide just confirms it. She's such a terrible liar. At least he knows he could kick her ass in poker. "Didn't what?"
While she blinks he sulks. "You let me win."
"Oh, Noah, I would never do that. I don't like to lose."
"Whatever B. You let me win because you know I was this close to cutting you off from sex! You're worse than I am."
She's such an actress - dramatic constantly. Her hand flies to her heart and she looks downright offended. "I can't believe you would imply that I am using you for your body! That's just disgusting."
He sells the game at the local game store the next day and buys Halo.
That shit? He kicks her ass. Yeah.