I know Isabel was mad because I'd left. She thought I was being selfish and maybe I was. I just couldn't stay with Hank any longer and I didn't want to go back to foster care. This stupid society wanted me to finish school or wanted me to turn 18 before I could get out. I couldn't afford to stick around and play by their rules.
Thank God for Liz. The job she'd gotten me and the bank account helped. Now I had money to get me where I wanted to go...wherever that may be.
Liz. That knot was getting worse.
She'd done so much for me and I'd left her too. She'd helped me of course so that I could leave when I wanted but I think she hoped I'd stick around. I have to admit that I wanted that too. Leaving had been my last resort.
The prepaid phone on my lap vibrated. I flicked it open because it was a text. The knot was now violent when I saw it was from Liz.
"Max said you had turned your phone off...I'll miss you Michael. If you need anything...I hope you find what you're looking for...I understand why you...Let me know when you're settled."
The funny thing was that I could hear and see the way she'd written it. She was stuck, tongue tied, upset. My eyes stung for some unknown reason. I read and re-read the message. I could no longer hold the tears in as I thought of her. Why? Why does she make me feel like this. I didn't want to think about it but my heart answered what my brain wouldn't. And it finally dawned on me. Liz was part of me now. They were all my family and I loved them. But Liz, well I loved her in an entirely different way. It scared the hell out of me.
I don't remember how I ended back at the Crashdown 2 hours later. I knew this would change things. Was I strong enough to deal with the consequences, good or otherwise?
A mock, light, laugh escaped my lips. I was in the backroom, glancing up the stairs that led to Liz's room. I couldn't confront Liz right now, so I took the couch. I'd deal with everything in the morning.
I woke up before anyone was up so I decided to start breakfast. Tumbling all night, I'd decided to face my future. I had to confront Hank and I was going to Mr. Evans today to try to be on my own. Isabel was right. I couldn't run forever. I had to face all my fears and I had to let myself be helped.
Minutes later, I heard a gasp. I recognized it and although I wasn't ready to look at her, I forced myself to do it anyway.
God, she was beautiful.
Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. I could see she was shocked but she was happy too. She gathered herself quickly and cleared her throat, blinking away her tears. "What are you doing?"
"Making an omelet. What does it look like?" I turn back to the eggs trying to get control over myself.
She was by my side then. She pulled my arm and I turned to her. She was letting her tears fall now. She grabbed me in a tight hug and all I could do was hug back. It took her a second but she composed herself and let me go too quickly. My throat burned. I wanted to hold her forever.
We waited for her parents and she sat with me, holding my hand as I told Mr. Parker about my relationship with Hank. He didn't say a word and let me finish. In the end he cussed Hank out, threatened to kill him and then smacked me on the back of the head for not saying anything sooner. The three of them walked me over to the Evans' and sat down with me as I repeated my story.
Max and Isabel sat in silence. Max, proud for finally talking about it. Isabel, crying to herself as I admitted the truth to her parents.
I went through the day in a blur. I couldn't believe I'd done it. I'd spoken out and I was going to face Hank.
In what seemed like no time, I was before a judge with Mr. Evans and Mr. Parker by my side. My friends waited outside. Liz waited.
"And does the minor, Michael Guerin, pledge to take charge of his life as an adult from here forward?" The Judge looked at me.
I took a deep breath. I was ready. "I do, your honor."
"And do you understand that you will be solely responsible for your financial, educational, and medical decisions as they may arise?"
I nodded. "I do, sir."
"And I might add, young man, that you are fortunate in having these folks here today" he gestured toward Mr. Evans and Mr. Parker "...who have an interest in your future...and have shown a confidence in you that is reflected in my decision. I hope you can live up to that faith."
"I'll try, your honor." I'd try my damn hardest.
"I hereby grant your petition for emancipation."
I blinked, too surprised and happy to say much after that.
I thanked the judge and shook his hand. He exited the room and my friends rushed in. I wasn't much of a hugging person but at the moment I didn't care, Hugs flew all around the room.
In the week after my emancipation, I knew I confused the hell out of Liz. I hung out with her 24/7. She helped me look for low income apartments and gather things at thrift stores. I wanted to spend that time with her, but then I remembered that we couldn't happen for so many reasons and I tried pushing her away. She was getting really tired of my mood swings.
I don't know what I was thinking when I grabbed her and kissed her. And I have no idea what the hell she was thinking when she kissed me back.
We were cleaning my new, raggedy kitchen, arguing as normal and I said something to make her snap.
"I'm sick and tired of you, Michael. I'm leaving. Call me back when you're back to normal." And I heard her say, "Ass." under her breath. She was sprinting to my door when the Devil overtook me and I grabbed her.
"wait." And I kissed her.
Her lips were soft. She didn't flinch, didn't try to pull away. Nothing. Not even in surprise. She molded her lips to mine and her hands slipped into my hair as she pulled my head closer. My arms instinctively went around her waist.
Our kiss increased in passion and it wasn't until her tongue touched mine, that I realized what we were doing. I pushed her away and stepped away form her.
"Michael." I could see that she was confused and not because I had kissed her but because I had stopped the kiss.
"I'm sorry Liz. That shouldn't have happened."
It took her a second for her to answer. "Why are you doing this to me, Michael?" She sounded exhausted.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Doing what?
"This? Doing this? Since you've been back, you've been pushing me away, you drop your defenses and just as I think it's getting back to normal, you push me away again. What the hell is going on?" Now she looked pissed.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I turned away from her then, not wanting her to look at me in the face when I lied to her. I threw myself on my couch and give her my best poker face.
"Have you ever heard the song Damn? It's sung by Leann Rimes?" She comes over to sit next to me on the couch and sits with her body turned toward me.
I ignore her.
"I'm gonna give you the damn lyrics to that song!"
I sit in silence hoping she'll just get tired of me and leave. I had to do something drastic. "Just leave Liz. I don't want to say something that will hurt you."
"I just want you to talk to me, Michael."
"About WHAT?"
"For starters, why did you kiss me and why did you pull away?"
There was no getting around her questions no matter what I did. "Liz, we can't do what we're doing."
Why couldn't she see that?
"Ugh! Why? Why do you make things so complicated?"
"It can't happen." I stood and paced not knowing what else to do or say.
"Michael, you're making me dizzy. Just explain it to me please."
"I don't belong here, Liz. We, Isabel, Max and I will probably leave someday. We can't form deep friendships or let our emotions tie us down."
"So you don't want to go out with me because sometime in the future you'll have to leave." She was on the verge on losing it.
I nodded my agreement with her comment.
"You don't even know how you got here or why you're here! Why are you so scared to belong, Michael? Why are you so scared to care?"
"It's just a possibility, Liz. And I don't want to have to choose when the time comes. I might have a family out there and I don't want to choose." Dammit I always spoke too much when it came to Liz. She wasn't supposed to hear this. "And there's always Max." I quickly changed the subject.
"What about Max?" Liz almost screamed at me, at least her mind was distracted for the moment.
"I know he loves you. And I know you feel strongly about him." This part, I ignored because the sharp pain of jealousy hurt me more than I cared to admit.
Liz let out a frustrated scream. "You have GOT to be kidding me. Max has a crush on me. A crush that has all but disappeared now that he has been hanging out with Isabel's new friend Tess. And I do feel something for Max. Gratitude. I care for Max as a friend. He saved my life. That's something I'll never be able to repay. But don't use that as an excuse, Michael. You know perfectly well it's not like that between us. It hasn't been for a long time. You push me away so you won't get hurt. Not that I would ever hurt you but you have to protect yourself. If you don't trust anyone then no one can disappoint you. I understand that and I love every bit of you. You frustrate me but I've seen who you really are and you can't push me away. I just wish you'd stop and let me in." She inhaled deeply and turned towards the door. "I'm leaving. Just think about what I've said. You know where to find me."
I stared at the closed door for a long time after she left. The words she'd spoken before she left, echoed in my head.
She'd admitted to loving me. And when it hit me, I had some trouble breathing. My heart accelerated and I had to finally sit down.
Could I let her in? What if something happened and I put her in danger? Knowing about us was enough. I won't put her in that position.
She was wrong. Well, mostly wrong. I didn't want to get hurt, that was true but I didn't want HER to get hurt. That would kill me.
FUCK! I wanted so desperately to be selfish. And if I was going to be, then I had to think things through and talk to Maxwell.