Summery: "You like him," my editor stated. And though I had a feeling I would soon be eating my words, I opened my mouth. "Prove it"- And it all started with a fat lady, though it hardly ended with her singing. SasuNaru AU
Warnings: Slight OoC, though I'm trying my best to stick to the characters. =/
Mentions of a lemon and bad language
Also, I gave Sai and Naruto a very adventurous sense of style
Disclaimer: Plot © Me, Naruto(+characters) © Masashi Kishimoto
Edit*: Slight SaiNaru because I love Sai too damn much. Also, Naruto is an idiot in this one.
Sequence Two: Tampons
Of all of the insufferable things I could have woken up to, it just had to have my cell. With a groan, I threw my hand onto my bedside table, knocking the ringing contraption onto the floor. I considered leaving it there, but figured that anyone who called this early must have something important to talk about. They had better have something important.
I inched closer to the edge of my bed, not wanting to actually have to leave it yet, and grabbed onto the phone. I caught it on the last ring, flipping it open and holding it to my ear.
"'Lo?" I croaked, trying to block the electronic light from my eyes.
"Naruto? I need a favor,"
Oh, god.
"Ino…" I whined, rubbing the sleep crusties out of my eyes.
"My car broke down last week,"
"You told me,"
"So I had to be dropped off by Chouji and I'm at work now,"
"At seven in the morning? Jesus Christ,"
"Just because you're late everyday, doesn't mean the rest of the world is," she said through the phone teasingly, "Anyways, my period came as a surprise this morning, and I don't have enough cash to buy a box of tampons and pay my tramcar ride home this evening,"
I could see where this was going.
"Naruto…"
Here we go.
"Could you please, pretty-please with a bowl of ramen on top buy we a box on your way in?"
I groaned, but knew how cruel it would be for me to leave her sitting in an uncomfortably drafty toilet for the whole day, bleeding out the vag. I imagine it would grow a little chilly.
"You are so lucky I love you," I grit out, already slithering out of bed and making my way over to my dresser, stumbling around in the dark.
"You are a life saver!" she gushed.
"Yeah, yeah. See you soon," I clicked the phone to a close and sighed.
"Rise and shine beautiful. The Earth says wake the fuck up," I sang to myself grumpily. Namikazes were not known to be morning people. While brushing my teeth, I settled for some tightly fitting purple jeans with a bright yellow form-fitting graphic shirt. After slipping my classic chucks on, I stuck a lime green headband in my hair and grabbed my work vest and other essentials.
It would take ten minutes to walk to a Dollar General and ten minutes to get to work by tram. Hopefully, Ino could wait that long.
I half-jogged down the hall to the stairs, passing Haku's room on the way.
"Damn it, Zabuza, it's too early for this!" I heard the boy's melodious voice pierce through the walls. I was in too much of a hurry to wait and figure out who this Zabuza was and what exactly it was too early for. I did figure it would something I could tease him with later, though.
The streets of Konohagakure were decently empty and I managed to make it to the store in six minutes of brisk walking. It was a small store filled with everyday essentials plus more- mostly children's toys. The women's part of the store was to the right- the very back isle. This wasn't the first time Ino (or anyone else) had called in for an emergency.
As quickly as I could, I walked to my destination and grabbed a pack of regular sized tampons, not paying much attention to the brand. What the hell was gentle-slide or safe guard, anyways?
Walking down the back isle and going up the back of the store to the cashier, making a circle, I closed my eyes and exhaled loudly through my nose.
"On your period, dobe?"
Alarms- loud, blaring, warning- rang in my ears as I dared to peek open my eyes. Of course. Because it just wouldn't be fair for the universe to cut me some slack, now would it?
"Actually, I was buying them for you. You seemed so PMS-ey last night, I thought these might help you out," I snapped viciously at the dark haired male.
His eyes contracted into to missiles, aimed to blow my head to pieces. I took the time to venture on what he was buying and lost interest when I saw a bottle of water.
"You are obviously more…" he did a general gesture to all of me, "than I am,"
That whole comment actually had me trying to guess what he was getting. I stored it in my mind to ask Gaara later.
"What the hell is your problem? Are you stalking me or something?" (I didn't mean to sound like a sleaze, but it had happened before)
I was practically yelling as I tried to pass the arrogant bastard, and the cashier gave him a subtle look that told him to shut up.
"Stalking you? I was here before you. If anyone should be the stalker, it's you,"
"Whatever, asshole! Just get out of my way!" my voice raised in volume, and this time, the cashier wasn't so discrete in glaring at me.
"Hn. Not until you get out of my way,"
'Hn'? What was that? Was that even a word? I anxiously glanced at my cell and saw that the trolley would be leaving in a minute. I cursed under my breath, and shoved past the ass in time to see the cart travel on its track right by. I let out a stream of colorful language and cut my body back into the direction of my current pain in the life.
"Teme!"
His attention turned to me.
"You made me miss the tram. Take responsibility! You owe me a ride to work,"
He raised an eyebrow.
"You want to come to work with me?"
"No- you idiot,"- and he called me the moron!- "You're taking me to my work,"
He scoffed.
"If you think-"
"I don't care! Your fault or not, it's your pale ass that's getting me to work today, so suck it,"
He raised his eyebrows again and I dully noted that they must receive a lot of action in a day. Oddly, I pondered on whether or not they moved in his sleep.
"Is that so?"
I just nodded and thrust some cash into the register man's hand to pay for Ino's package. He gave me a bag, a receipt, and change, and I waited for my neighbor to purchase his water.
He didn't exactly so no, so I followed him out and was not surprised in the least to fin him unlocking a black sports car of some sort. (I don't have much finesse with cars. Very sleek. Very expensive.)
"Nice junk," I said flippantly, opening the car door a bit too roughly to see if it would annoy the other man. I slammed the door behind me for the same reason. His onyx eyes drilled sores into my face and a gave a huge grin, knowing he knew I was doing it on purpose.
"This is not junk," he nit-picked, sticking the keys gently into the ignition like it was some fragile toddler, and not a pile of metal that ate oil.
"Can't you take a compliment? I said- whatever it is- it's nice. Ass," I huffed, acting like a brat.
"It's an Audi Locus ,idiot,"
"God, would you stop calling me an idiot? I have a name! It's Naruto! Na-ru-to!"
I could feel my face burning in anger, and I puffed my cheeks out in anger.
"Childish," the dark haired man muttered before adding, "Uchiha Sasuke,"
I blinked.
"Uchiha? I had a professor a Suna College. Itachi is his name. You two do look a lot alike now that I think about it," I murmured, remembering him as my professor in one of the many Psychology classes I had taken. Hardest class, but definitely the best.
"You know my brother?"
"Yeah.. I really enjoyed his class. We email sometimes,"
"I'm surprised you passed,"
"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not stupid?" I cried, enjoying the little cringe I got out of Sasuke.
Uchiha Sasuke… I liked it. Not the guy himself, but it was a nice name…
"Where do you work? I do have to take you there, rmember?"
"Barnes & Nobel,"
"I'm so impressed,"
"Shut up! Med school doesn't start until the fall, so I'm doing an old job for fun. Do you know what fun is?"
"I'd kill you if you were the jail time,"
"Yeah? I'd haunt you if I didn't have better things to do with my afterlife,"
He rolled his eyes, a scowl firmly in place as he took a sharp turn.
"I'm late to work because of you," he snapped.
"You're welcome. You probably work in an office. You're a writer right?" I asked, feeling triumphant when his coal black eyes flickered over to mine for a split second.
"Ink stains on your hands," I answered the silent question.
There was a beat of silence when my mind stumbled on something puzzling.
"If you had a car, what were you doing on the trolley Monday morning?"
"It was in the shop. A truck in front of me kicked up a rock and it cracked my windshield,"
"Ouch,"
At least we wouldn't have anymore run-ins on the trams- unless he pissed me off and I decided to key his car.
"So, what are the tampons really for?"
I laughed honestly, wondering if it was loud enough to get on Sasuke's nerves.
"My friend Ino- from work- got a surprise visit from Mother Nature this morning and didn't have any extra cash to get her… stuff,"
"How kind of you,"
I rolled my eyes and propped my feet up on the dashboard counting the seconds it took him to say something.
"Nah, she's just a real monster during her time of the month,"
"Feet. Down. Now,"
I laughed and put them down as told. A whole four seconds. I was impressed.
"Kind of like you, Sasuke-Dear," I teased.
"Didn't we already establish that you're the woman?"
I snorted, wondering if the Uchiha even realized what that statement implied.
"Sorry," I sighed dramatically, "I don't take it from guys who are much bitchier than me,"
He choked and I laughed.
"Where do you want me to drop you off?" Sasuke asked once he got himself under control.
"Here is fine," I said, opening the door before it even stopped in the parking lot. I grabbed my vest and bag, leaving the car quite gracefully.
"Thanks for the ride, Sasuke-Teme," I winked, "We're even,"
"Dobe, we ne-" I slammed the door on his reply and rushed into the boor store, only turning around to see the Uchiha peeling his Oudy Lucy or whatever out into the street.
Knowing Ino was in the women's restroom, I went there as quickly as I could, waving a good morning to the friends I passed. No one really thought much of me going into the girl's bathroom. Everyone probably knew about Ino's predicament much to her embarrassment, and I did it all the time before the store opened when Ino or Hinata (or Sai or Gaara) needed to talk. Barnes & Noble opened at eight and it was only seven-forty.
"Naruto! I've been on this toilet for half an hour!" my blonde friend yelled from her stall. I chucked the package under the door and heard a yelp of 'Ouch!'.
"I had complications,"
"Thanks Naruto," Ino said, coming out of the stall and washing her hands. I smiled.
"Don't worry. It was no problem. I only ran into my bastard of a neighbor while purchasing tampons- I'm sure you can imagine that little exchange- missed the tram because my humiliation wouldn't end fast enough, and had to catch a ride with afore-mentioned bastardly neighbor,"
"Yikes,"
"Understatement,"
We left the bathroom and joined the others in preparing for open time. Sarutobi, the owner of the place, was no where to be found, most likely getting ready to read to the little children that came everyday as part of a summer program. Iruka was already behind the Strabucks café counter, fixing up the display shelves for the day and warming up the coffee makers. Gaara was in the front where the CDs and movies were where I would eventually join him, angrily putting misplaced disks in the correct rows that customers had set down. Hinata was booting up the computers and stacking boxes filled with books that needed to be shelved- which Konohamaru, a kid fresh out of high school and Sarutobi's grandson, was already opening and taking care of. He came to work over the summers, much like I had done when I was his age.
"Good morning!" I announced cheerfully to the general public. I only got grumbles of a reply- something I expected and skillfully looked over.
Ino gravitated towards Hinata, while Konohamaru watched from afar, a whimsical look in his eyes.
"If Kiba finds out you're crushing on Hinata, you're a dead man," I laughed, "He's been pining for her affection for months,"
I left the younger boy with his dejection to pester Gaara. He grunted when I finally reached my station and hugged him.
"Good morning, Sunshine," I cooed, pinching his cheek. He glared half-heartedly and swatted my hand away from his face.
"Morning,"
Gaara had a wonderful voice. Even though he was a year younger than me (23), his voice felt like the velvety sensation of chocolate as it melts down on your tongue. It was deep and rich and left me goose bumps that made me giggle. At first, when we met, Gaara and I had tried flirting a little- before we realized we were more like brothers and after that, I stopped kissing him all the time. He was now steadily single and didn't seem to be looking for anyone.
Everyday, without fail, the very first person to walk through the unlocked doors, right as they opened was our prize regular Hatake Kakashi. He was a strange man; he always wore an eye patch and he always ordered the same drink. We had no idea who he was, and the only one he seemed interested in letting know was Iruka, and I just pretended not to see when Kakashi winked at Iruka. (There was obviously something going on- I had picked up a phone call for Iruka once, only to hang up after getting some nice dirty talk from Kakashi). He was good looking for a kind of older guy with a set of loose morals and a quirky personality. We would always see him reading a little orange book written by Sannin Jiraiya whenever Iruka wasn't around. That little orange book? Porn. Seriously, the only way that shit got published was because Tsunade had a weird soft spot for him.
Jiraiya and his not-really-girlfriend-but-still-loving (-questionable) Tsunade were old friends of my family and had taken a huge role in raising me when I was a teenager. Jiraiya had been the one to teach me things about women and men and sex and dirty jokes and the appreciation of beauty (which usually ended up with a beating from Tsunade) Their not-quite-friend-but-still-important Orochimaru was usually hovering in the background, smiling and seeming pleased just to watch. He was recently released from prison for being caught doing some shameful and mostly forceful things with a little boy and was now under Tsunade arrest (he couldn't go anywhere where she wasn't). I kind of felt bad for the old granny.
So, when Iruka went to unlock the doors, there Kakashi was, cash already out to buy the newest edition of Jiraiya's series and a cup of coffee.
My day went by as it normally did. There weren't usually a lot of people during the lunch hours, since everybody had to work. But there were two other regulars that came in at this time. His name was Nara Shikamaru. And even though we closed for lunch, he always managed to get in somehow, right before. I always thought of him to be lazy in a calculating sort of way. I don't think he sleeps so much as he thinks with his eyes closed. I also noticed Ino worrying about her hair when it comes to lunch time, though it could be my imagination. The other was my long time best friend (since middle school) Inuzuka Kiba. He and Hinata had been interested in each other for a long time but had never really done much about it.
"I'm glad you survived your morning dilemma, Ino," Konohamaru snickered as we all took our seats at the tables in the café area. I felt the air to my left (Ino's seat) get a little dark and chilly and I struggled to change the subject.
"It's okay, Ino," Hinata said in her soft voice, "It's happened to all of us girls at some point,"
"So, it's happened to you?" Kiba asked with a grin, putting his arm around the girl. She went fire engine red and hit his shoulder lightly with a playful scowl. I pouted. A lot of people here had someone. I huffed.
"My neighbor is an asshole," I blurted, finally finding a topic that would not cause blood shed among my friends. My associates could become quite scary sometimes.
"Like- the biggest asshole you've ever met- Neji asshole," Kiba cringed and Ino inhaled loudly through her teeth, "No offence Hinata,"
She shrugged.
"I know it better than anyone that he can be a total jerk sometimes. But he really isn't that bad,"
"What about that time he locked Kiba in his own trunk for hitting on you?" Ino asked, "Or that one time he made four girls cry in one day?"
We spent the rest of lunch talking about horror stories involving Neji and weird people from high school (i.e. Shino, Sasori, that history teacher Kisame) before reluctantly returning to work.
Gaara and I spent the rest of our time playing online games on the store's computer, though we weren't really supposed to. It wasn;t until we were about to close that he really said anything.
"We have to be here at six am until ten pm Thursday through Saturday this week,"
I groaned. Wait a minute-
"Tomorrow's Thursday!"
"Hmm," Gaara stated, "So it is,"
"Why do we have to be here that early?" I groaned. Gaara stared at me for a long moment before bringing his shoulders up slowly and letting them drop in what I realized was a shrug.
"Can't remember,"
"That only gives me," I counted on my fingers, "seven hours of sleep!"
Gaara nodded.
" I'm going to die!" I cried, dragging out the word die like my life was hanging on it.
"You're such a drama queen, Dickless,"
I spun around, my stormy clouds of misery dispersing at the sight of my smiling pale friend.
"Sai!" I exclaimed, grinning and pulling him into a hug.
Instead of releasing me, he hung onto me from behind, his arms around my torso and his chin resting on my shoulder, like some kind of koala.
Anbu Sai and I had the strangest relationship ever. We were total opposites in personality- he was an emotionally retarded jerk and I was awesome and emotionally abundant. Despite that, we never ran out of things to talk about. Ino liked to call us a pair of gossiping girls because we used to stay up all night talking on the phone about anyone and anything. Emotion, criminology, fashion, cooking, sex, sports (though I didn't know jack about most of it), and music.
He was also the only guy I knew that dressed as eccentrically as I did (for instance, he was currently wearing a pair of tight leather jeans, a belly shirt with a turtleneck collar, pink bunny slippers, and bright blue lipstick) We usually ended up trading eye shadow and fingernail polish.
Am I still coming over to your new apartment for dinner?" Sai purred in my ear while talked to a last customer. Another thing about Sai- he always had to touch me. I found it a little odd since he wasn't like that with anyone else , but I liked Sai and his quirks, even if there was no real reasoning behind it.
"Yeah! Have you already picked up the food?"
He nibbled on my ear which made me laugh and take as an affirmative.
At seven pm, we left 'ol B&N in Sai's pale yellow bug, Bar-B-Q and potato chips waiting in the back seat.
When we got to my apartment after singing Disney songs the whole way, we clambered into the lobby, my arms full if Styrofoam to-go boxes.
"Awe, dammit. Sai, will you reach into my back pocket and grab my keys?" I asked as we walked across the lobby.
"Certainly,"
I felt both of his hands slide into my pockets and rest there.
"I new you had a nice ass, Dickless, but I must say, I'm getting a much better feel, now," he said, snickering, "Quite snug too. I didn't realize just how tight there really were,"
"You should know, idiot" I said laughing, "from the amount of times you've put them on. Anyways, all my pants are this tight,"
Instead of replying with something perverted like I expected, Sai's hands traveled to my hips and pulled my back against his chest.
"Uchiha,"
I furrowed my brows at the hostility in Sai's voice and found the source of it standing in the lobby's entrance, a cup of coffee in his hand and the pink haired lady he's always with.
"Sai," the woman said with a small smile, "Tsunade is mad that you left work early again,"
So he did skip work to see me. How sweet! I smiled at the news, glad to have such a dedicated friend like Sai.
"I told her I had plans," he hummed, nuzzling the side of my cheek with his.
"We can see that," Sasuke bit out, knuckles turning white as he gripped the flimsy coffee cup. If he held it any tighter, it would fold in half.
"Well," Sai cooed as he led me by the waist to the stairs, "I've got a date with Naru, and you've got a date with your manuscript,"
Naru? I tilted my head in thought. How did Sasuke and Sai know each other? And why did they seem to not like each other? Sai continued to cling to me with more vigor than usual and when we got to my room, my hunger totally distracted me from any further thoughts on what had just happened.
"Finally! I'm straved,"
I heard my dark haired companion mutter something about 'fatty', and I elbowed him as we collapsed onto my bed with the food.
While we ate, I mentioned Barnes & Nobel opening early again, and he finally explained what Gaara couldn't.
"That's because there is a book signing for all of the top authors in Sannin Publisher Co. They're opening up, so fans can start coming in as soon as possible. Tomorrow won't be so bad, but Friday and Saturday are going to be packed,"
I thought about it for a few seconds before smiling.
"You're a top Author, right? I bought your book of poetry the day it came out. It was so good!"
Sai kissed me all over my cheeks and neck and arms a lot that night after I said that. I guess he liked compliments.
The lasy few hours he was here, we had enough dialogue for me to write a book myself. Not that that mattered much since I had the writing capabilities no better that a fourth grader. Maybe fifth grade…
"See you round, Dickless,"
I waved to Sai as he left and shut the door when the top of his head disappeared down the stairs. I looked at myself and started laughing. There were blue kiss marks all over me from Sai's ridiculous lipstick. I had to practically tie him down just to go on a pee break (Awkward when I have the lack of luck to run into Sasuke again with blue hickies all over my face.)
Gathering up my dirty laundry in a basket after a shower (I was now blue-free, save for my eyes) I whistled my way down to the basement where the laundry room lay tucked.
"Shut up and put your money where your mouth is…" I sang to myself quietly, "That's what you get for waking up in Vegas,"
"Your singing is atrocious,"
My eyes cut to Sasuke who was busy stuffing whites into a dryer. I scowled and kicked the door of the dryer hard enough to slam his fingers. Not make them bleed, but a good pinch.
"You probably can't sing at all," I shot back as he nursed his fingers with an identical look of anger. I dumped my dirty laundry in a washer and threw some detergent carelessly in there after.
We happened to start up the stares at the same time and happened to walk the same leisurely pace.
"You know Anbu," Sasuke- well, I think it was supposed to be a question, but it really came out like an accusation.
"We met a year ago at an art exhibit that I was invited to by your brother," I said, nodding, "How do you know him?"
I pretended not to notice we were in fact walking together.
"Work," he said after a long stretch of silence that I had almost forgotten about the subject completely. And then he said nothing else, killing conversation. I decided to ignore that too, since it was probably the first time we had ended a conversation without yelling at each other.
I hadn't realized that I had paused at his door when we got there until he was looking down at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Nigh, Dobe,"
The door slammed practically taking my nose off and I jerked back, holding it as if it were about to be stolen from me. I growled.
"Teme!"
Sequence Two: End
I'm SOOOO sorry that was so long! *wails*
TBC