Summery: "You like him," my editor stated. And though I had a feeling I would soon be eating my words, I opened my mouth. "Prove it"- And it all started with a fat lady, though it hardly ended with her singing. SasuNaru AU

Warnings: Slight OoC, though I'm trying my best to stick to the characters. =/

Mentions of a lemon and bad language

Also, I gave Sai and Naruto a very adventurous sense of style

Disclaimer: Plot © Me, Naruto(+characters) © Masashi Kishimoto

Edit*: Slight SaiNaru because I love Sai too damn much. Also, Naruto is an idiot in this one.

Edit*: Less SaiNaru, still hints though. Less idiotic Naruto

Edit*: I think this will be the last one…

Sequence Four: Emergency Monogamy

"I have an emergency," I said, looking Ino dead in the eyes, my grip on her shoulders tightening for dramatic effect. My blonde friend took one look at my sleep deprived eyes and bulldozed for the girl's bathroom, hanging the 'Out of Order' sign on the door knob.

"You look like a zombie!" she gasped.

"Ino, we all look like zombies. Hello, it's six o'clock in the morning,"

She blinked.

"Oh, yeah. Then what's the emergency?"

I groaned.

"I… I am officially attracted to the biggest bastard on the planet," I moaned in despair, grabbing the front of Ino's blouse and taking comfort on her bosom (a good sized C-cup type of comfort, too)

"What's the big deal? You've been attracted to tons of bastards,"

"It's too progressed! I'm miserly!" I wailed, shaking my head. Ino pushed me back, smacking her hands on either side of my cheeks and keeping them there.

"By progress, you surly don't mean… monogamy?" she hissed, horrified, "As in, telling Sai to back off, progressed?"

I nodded despondently.

"Oh my god!" the blonde girl cried, releasing me and putting a hand to her forehead in disbelief, "I can't believe this day has finally come!"

"I know!" I whined, "I've barely known him for less than a week and I feel like a school girl with a fat crush,"

"At least you make a very cute school girl," Ino offered with a slightly pained smile.

I laughed and pulled the bathroom door open, mind muddled of thoughts about the nerve wracking day I was about to hopefully live through.

"How is it that I've been waiting months for something to get started with Shikamaru, but you've only known each other days?" Ino complained.

"How is that going by that way?"

"It's not!"

We rolled around in out own separate miseries for a few extra minutes.

"We still have work to do," I declared, the two of us leaving the bathroom and ignoring the stares from Neji and TenTen who were not used to my habits.

"Girl's Bathroom again, Naruto?" Kiba asked loudly, laughing.

"It's considerably cleaner," I replied with a series of nods, walking towards Sasuke's table.

He gave me an unreadable look and handed me a cup of steaming coffee.

"Iruka told me what you usually get," he mumbled, looking off to the side, an almost-pout on his face. I took the cup and tried not to drop it when our fingers collided.

"Thanks,"

Again, Tsunade climbed up onto the desk and cleared her throat.

"Welcome to day two! I see that everyone is in fact on time today. It's going to be more crowded this afternoon since it is a Friday. Don't go easy on your little helpers, guys,"

I looked at Sasuke, only to quickly look away when his dark eyes caught mine.

"Well? Get moving!" Tsunade barked.

The doors were opened and already, a line had formed at each table. I took the moment of Sasuke being busy take in all of the fans. It was obvious that there was a pattern with each writer. Most of Jiraiya's line consisted of men over their thirties (including Kakashi, who had a whole wagon-full of books he wanted to be singed, literally. The wagon was red with black polka-dots.) The majority of Neji's fans were women- he wrote a variety of 'self-improvement' books that I hadn't really looked at and had only heard through what Ino had learned from being his helper. Sai had a very diverse crowd, though most of them came in packs. There would be a chunk of gossiping girls next to a group of world-hating I'm-so-hardcore teenagers next to an old couple that was in their seventies. There were also a lot of males that looked like they swung on my side of the fashion spectrum. Sai wrote a series of poetry books with a short story written at the end of each book. I had bough his first one and had it sitting on my bed-side table. Sasuke's line was diverse, though not as much as Sai's. Most of his fans were older- the youngest reaching maybe twenty and mostly male. Any exceptions were the giggling grade-schooler girls that wanted his picture.

I liked to engage them in conversation about Sasuke's books while they waited for his signature. A lot of the girls called me cute and even wanted to take my picture. I had read two of the three he had published and owned one copy of each- though I hadn't told him any of that. It would make his head get big.

A lot of the younger girls tried to launch themselves across the effing table in excitement and I had to push them back. All of them made my stomach boil and I wasn't stupid enough to not recognize it as jealousy. I really was crushing on the asshole. But at the moment, the most he ever said to me was 'I need another pen' and 'I need some water'. One week I had known him. One week- and I was already ready to throw caution to the wind and claim him. There had to be something wrong with me.

Lunch finally rolled around- thank god. I needed a break to get my anger out of my system for having to witness the Uchiha smile at a hundred people. Instead of eating it with Sasuke though, I used the free time to grab a hold of Sai and talk to him.

"I need to talk to you," I murmured in his ear after I had gotten my food. He looked up from the crowded tables we had pushed together again and nodded with one of his unique smiles.

He grabbed his lunch and we walked over to his signing table to sit.

"What can I do for you Dickless?" he asked, resting his head on my shoulder. I petted his head fondly and sighed.

"I have a crush on the Uchiha,"

"I know Ino calls us gossip girls, but I really do think she's joking. You're not going to talk about how his eyes sparkle just so and his hair is silky or anything like that, are you?"

I laughed and elbowed him.

"No, smart ass. I just…,"

"Yes?" he prompted, laying on my lap and looking up at me.

"I need for you to touch me less,"

"I don't touch you a lot," he whined with a pout, sitting up and scooting his chair closer.

"Yeah, but I need you to touch me less,"

He wrapped his arms around my stomach and bit my necklace that Tsunade had given me a long time ago, holding it between his teeth.

"You've never told me to stop when you dated other people,"

"Sai!" I said exasperatedly with a laugh, "You'll make Sasuke explode with jealous rage,"

"I wouldn't mind that much," he muttered, straightening up again and taking my cheeks in his hands, much like Ino had done that morning.

"I won't" he said leaning in so that our noses brushed, "unless you let me kiss you,"

I smiled.

"Here?"

"Here," he said, rubbing his nose against mine in an Eskimo-kiss.

"That's going to be a pain explaining to Sasuke," I said with a laugh.

"Not my problem," he pouted, "Kiss or no deal. A good one too- we're not teenagers,"

"Tongue?" I asked, feeling a little put off. Sai smirked at me, and I had to look at him cross-eyed to see it.

"Only if you can't resist me,"

I rolled my eyes and closed the distance between us, closing my eyes and mixing my lip-gloss with his white lipstick. He tasted surprisingly like oranges. I could feel him smile as one of his hands traveled to my hairline. We kissed a little longer than I planned, and when we pulled apart we lingered in each other's breathing space before completely retreating.

The jingle of a bell caught our attention, and I looked up just in time to see the back of one Uchiha storming out.

"See what you've done?" I asked with good humor.

"I'm not sorry a bit," Sai practically sang, stealing another peck on my lips before he started eating his lunch.

An hour after lunch, and I had a horribly grouchy Sasuke in my hands. He was doing everything he could to not look at me and when he sent me on errands, he snapped and sneered. It didn't help that Sai would snicker loudly enough for me to hear whenever it happened.

"Do you need any water, Sasuke?" I asked, glancing at his half empty cup.

"No," he answered shortly, "I don't need anything from you,"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. After a few silent minutes of him signing pictures and books and me taking pictures, I decided to take things into my own hands.

"Hey Sasuke,"- he didn't look up, but offered a weak 'hn'- "Don't you need to go on a bathroom break?"

"Do I?" he mouthed off.

"Don't you have to pee so bad?" I asked, standing up and moving behind him and resting

my chin on his hunched shoulder, "Like Niagara Falls in your bladder?"

He didn't seem won over, and if this ended up not working, I didn't really mind dragging his by an ear.

"I mean, think about all that water you've been drinking today. Surly you can squeeze something out,"

If he couldn't, I could certainly do that for him.

"Naruto," he sighed, finally looking up at me, "What are you-"

"Great!" I grabbed his tie and pulled him after me.

"Preferably the men's restroom," he grumbled and I almost considered taking him to the girl's just because he said not to.

We got into the pee-room and I hooked the 'Out of Order' sign up. There were a few men who looked startled at my barging in, but even more so when I pushed them out before they could even button up their jeans. There was a guy who insisted on washing his hands that I was forced to toss a bottle of hand soap out after him.

"Now that that's taken care of," I started, turning slowly on my heel to face the Uchiha who was leaned against a papered wall, "I can start on you,"

I was kissing him before I lost my nerve. I even got so far as him responding before he was pushing me back and looking pissed.

"Is this how you work, Namikaze?" he hissed, grabbing me by my pastel blue button-up and pushing me to the wall he had just been leaning against, "You go around kissing whoever gets you going?"

"No!" I responded angrily, "That's why I brought you in here: to explain,"

"I don't want your explanations,"

"Oh, shut up. I kissed Sai for you,"

He looked up at me, curiosity buzzing around all that rage in his eyes.

"I told Sai to stop hanging all over me, and he said he would only agree if I kissed him,"

There was a pregnant silence in which I hoped he was being convinced.

"So you weren't together,"

"We never were. He's always been that way with me,"

"And you've never told him to stop?"

"Well, I have now," I said with an annoyed tone, "Can we please go back to ravishing each other now?"

He looked me over carefully before smirking and decending his mouth on mine. His coffee taste wiped out any memory of oranges in no time. His tongue was a bit too demanding-jabbing and moving so quickly I couldn't successfully pin it down- but I wasn't complaining (mine was trying to tie knots, so I wasn't one to talk).

I cried out when a cold hand touched my lower back underneath my shirt. Deciding to get back at him, I ran my hands up his chest, then down, raking my nails on the way. He hissed against my smile. It didn't take long for us to decide clothes were a hindrance and I found myself shirtless and pants-less faster than I though possible (not that Sasuke was far behind).

I hastily hoisted myself up and wrapped my legs around his waist, and I moaned loudly when our arousals rubbed firmly against each other. Any other thoughts after that were blocked when another cold hand slipped beneath the elastic waistband of my boxers.

I man that I had only known for less than a week and knew nothing about was touching me. And not stopping. And putting me on my back, the cold tile making me gasp. It didn't take a genius to know where this was going. (Or where that was going, I thought as I felt his hard flesh grind on mine again.)

"Wait, Sasuke," he stopped biting my neck and faced me, "You have fans waiting,"

He went back to leaving a very dark hickey and yanking off my underwear. I thought he was just going to ignore the question when his fingers brushed somewhere I hadn't been touched in a while.

"They can wait,"

For once, we didn't have to argue.

"I can't even begin to tall you how pissed I am!" Tsunade bellowed, "You were on a job!"

"Sorry," I mumbled, body still buzzing from the attention it had just gone under.

"Sorry? Sorry?" she continued, "There were children! Do you even realize what we all heard coming from that bathroom?"

I had forgotten that I wasn't only loud out of the bed… well, bathroom in this case.

"Can you at least try acting a little rueful, Uchiha? You're lucky none of the children's parents sued!"

I peeked over at my partner in… ah, crime. His black dress pants were still unbuttoned, having not had the time to fasten them. His bare chest was littered with red lines and marks from my nails and his hair was disheveled- sticking up in all directions. I felt a little upset that our rushed moment had left me with no time to leave a proper hickey.

"You know I'm not sorry at all, Tsunade," Sasuke purred, leaning back in the chair and folding his arms behind his head.

"God!" she exclaimed.

"Yes?" Sasuke asked smugly.

The woman looked positively livid. The dark haired man glanced over at me, rolling in pride and self-satisfaction. I snorted and looked down at myself. I was no better than him.

My hair was probably spikier than usual, and I knew my neck looked like one big bruise with the amount of interest Sasuke had shown it (I figured he had some sort of neck fetish and stored the information for better use later). I was actually wearing Sasuke's shirt from grabbing the wrong one in my haste and Sasuke insisting I wear it when I tried to give it back. My shirt was still on the bathroom floor and my yellow skinny jeans were- like Sasuke's- unfastened.

Tsunade fumed silently, fists clenched on top of Sarutobi's desk (She had taken us back there after we had been interrupted by Sakura's "Are you finished?").

It had to have been the shortest and best sexing of my entire life. (Not that I had had sex a lot in the past. There was that short time I dated my first love Deidara in high school and that time when Sai got me drunk…) I hadn't had much of an afterglow in the bathroom. It had barely even been an after-flicker before that banging on the door started. Damn Sakura.

"You're both fired for the rest of the day! And then suspended for the next week after tomorrow. As much as I hate to admit it, we need you for the rest of book signing. And get here early, so you can clean that bathroom,"

I didn't even question the fact that she wasn't even technically my boss. When we didn't move, the busty woman growled.

"Go!"

I quickly grabbed the smirking Uchiha's arm and pulled out of Sarutobi's office and into the main part of the store. I froze when I saw everyone crowded around the office door.

There was an irruption of applause, and it took me a moment to realize that it was aimed at us. Ino and Sakura were laughing and clapping the loudest. Jiraiya was passed out on the floor, an ice pack for both his head and crotch with tissue wads in his nose. I ducked my head down, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"I guess he forgave you," Sai teased. I felt like my face was about to explode. Sure, usually I bathed in attention- but this was just too much.

I began to weave my way through the taunting group- the only exception it seemed was Iruka, who looked just as embarrassed as I was.

"Get'chu some!" Kiba crowed as I thrust the Uchiha through the door and out onto the concrete.

I would never live this down.

"And here I thought you didn't bottom for guys that are bitchier than you," Sasuke proclaimd, unlocking his car. We both climbed in and I slammed my door harder than necessary and shot him a glare.

"You are such a dick,"

"You didn't seem to mind ten minutes ago,"

I thought about that comment for a second before grinning up at him.

"If you can get us to your room faster than that, I might not mind again,"

Needless to say, we got to the apartment quicker than ten minutes.

The second time having sex with Sasuke was a lot more thorough. He did embarrassing things, like watching my face, paying attention to the smaller details. We got to enjoy and indulge in each other, and I put out of my mind that he was an almost-stranger.

His fingers trailed down my chest before following the spiral of my black tattoo, thrusting into me slowly and shallowly. My back was arched off of his bed, each plunge making me gasp then loose my breath- making it impossible to even moan.

Sasuke's lips feathered against my collar bone, and I clutched blindly at his dark, dark hair. I caught his deep voice as he chuckled lightly, but I didn't have time to get mad because he had brushed my prostrate at the same time. It seemed my back would never touch the mattress- though I did finally get to groan and it was loud.

"Sasuke," I breathed when he hit that spot again, thrusting with more purpose than before.

I came before him, like the first time, and he followed me close after.

He pulled out gently and lay beside me on his rather large bed, and I briefly wondered if he did this often. It was something to ask at a later time, though.

We were both breathing heavily despite how tender the experience had been. That didn't keep me still long though, before I was climbing on top of Sasuke and asking- demanding- for a third round.

Instead of waking up in my usual manner- a beeping alarm clock that sounded distinctly like an ambulance for some reason- I woke up to the sound of snoring (then realized it had been my own and the room had been so quiet, I had woken myself up). I rolled over, coming face-to-chin with a certain bastard. Huh.

It was too bad Tsunade had told us to be early because Sasuke's sleeping face was hilarious (slobber was a good look for him), but I loved my job too much to let him be the reason I get fired. I tried to sit and screamed a very bad profane word. Shit, I needed an aspirin. This meant absolutely no mercy when waking that pale ass up.

"Hey!" I yelled, falling onto my back again, rolling over, and smacking the side of his face.

"Heeeey!"

God, I couldn't wait to do this every morning.

"Wakey-wakey,"

He grunted and I maturely answered by yanking his pillow out from under him and hitting his side with it.

"Shouldn't you be in pain?" he groaned, rolling over onto his stomach. I tried not to get too wrapped up in his rich bed-room voice.

"I am. That's why you have to get up and get me some pain-killer,"

I squirmed over and on top of him, all the way until I was on his other side. Putting my back to the wall and my feet to his back, I shoved until he fell off the edge.

There was a heavy thud, then silence. I wriggled back over to my side (We had sides?) and peeked over the edge.

"I'm going to kill you," he croaked, sitting up on the floor and running a hand through his hair.

"After you give me the pills. Hop to,"

Once the edge had been taken off of my tenderness, we went to the showers (unfortunately not sharing a stall in order to save time- that would have to wait for next time). Once I had been washed of sweat and other unholy bodily fluids, I went to my own room in order to get clothes.

I settled with black pinstriped shorts and an orange v-neck t-shirt. I pulled my wet hair back with a glittery bobby-pin. It was while I was applying bright green eyeliner when my phone rang. I grabbed it, seeing it was Mom (What it Tsunade told her about yesterday?- I asked myself with a panic) and flipped it open.

"Morning, Mom,"

"Good morning. Sleep well? I tried calling yesterday evening but I kept getting voicemail," she sounded worried. Facing my mirror, I craned my neck in order to get a

better look at my reflection and wince at the amount of markings I found there.

"Sorry, I was with a friend," I hastily answered- it was half the truth, I was with someone- while abandoning my mirror and pulling on some socks and my Chucks.

"You're coming for dinner tonight, right?"

There was an impatient knocking on the door.

"You done priming?"

"Naruto, who was that?"

I opened my door and accepted my work-vest from Sasuke.

"Sorry mom, gotta go. I love you,"

I didn't wait for an answer and pocketed my phone and keys. I stepped on Sasuke's shiny polished black shoes, making a few nice murky scuffs in revenge for his 'priming' comment as we walked down the stairs.

Haku was behind the counter, though not alone. There was a tall, scruffy-looking man, leaning on his elbow on the table-top. I could only guess that was the mystery Zabuza.

They were speaking in hushed whispers, and I winked when Haku caught my eye as Sasuke and I were leaving. His face flaming up was the last I saw when the door shut behind me.

"We might be a little late," I mused, buckling my seatbelt.

"Tsunade'll live,"

Sure, but we might not.

The engine hummed to life, and Sasuke smoothly pulled out and onto the street.

An awkward silence filled the car in which my mind took the time to wander into dangerous territory. I had sex with Sasuke in a bathroom, in his room, spent the night, and he still offered me a ride. I took it as a good sign. So what were we? Boyfriends? (Good) Fuck buddies? (Bad) Victims of a one-night stand? (Worse). We liked each other I was sure, even though we argued over everything and bickered like no tomorrow. But that still didn't tell me what we were now. And I'm positive we didn't love each other. Well, at least not yet, if I had any say in that. Sasuke didn't want to pretend that it never happened, did he?

"So… are we dating?"

He stared at me until I told him to watch the road.

"Only you would ask such a stupid question,"

I gawked at him.

"It's a damn good question, you ass!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned into the Barnes & Noble lot.

"Would you listen? Only you would ask such a stupid question," he said, looking

pointedly at me.

Oh.

I smiled.

"Want to come to dinner at my parent's tonight?"

"Yeah," he cut the ignition.

"We're really late,"

"Yeah,"

We got out and walked towards the store where a fuming Tsunade was no-doubt waiting for us. But when a cool hand caught and wrapped its fingers around mine, none of that seemed to matter so much.

Sequence Four: End

That's the end folks. Hope you enjoyed.

Also, about the Deidara thing: there was literally no one else left that I hadn't already mentioned in the story besides the Akatsuki members, Rock Lee, and a few

older people.

The End~

Owari~