kyoshi hold 'em
part three: the courses of history

"Zuko wants to know what you need him for," Ty Lee announced, walking into the kitchen area of the lodge they were all staying in. Iroh looked up from the book he was inspecting.

"It's important."

"I told him that, but he still wants to know."

"It could change the course of history. I have a tea for hangovers, see if you can bribe him with that."

"I tried," Ty Lee whined, leaning against the counter and glancing at the book in front of Iroh. She caught sight of the words "seal jerky stew" before he delicately closed it and gave her a pointed look. "Oh, fine. I'll get him out of bed. But if he rips my arms off, I expect compensation."

Iroh beamed. "Thank you so much, Lady Ty Lee." She blushed. Half the reason she let Iroh boss her around so much was because he called her 'Lady'. Most people only called Mai 'Lady', never Ty Lee. Making Iroh happy was worth risking Zuko's wrath.

She bounced out of the room as Katara entered, clutching a tea cup in her hands and drinking it with an expression of pure bliss. "Still trying to work out that stew recipe?"

"Indeed," Iroh replied, re-opening the book. "I think I can mix it with some of the food we brought from the Fire Nation, and make an entirely new dish!" He beamed. "My nephew will be proud to be involved."

Katara raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure about that? He's kind of in a bad mood."

"All the more reason to wake him up and bring him out here. There are few things more soothing than cooking good food."

Katara decided not to argue, figuring that Zuko's inevitable explosion would tell Iroh all he needed to hear. Besides, Zuko tried to act tough and dangerous, but he had a soft spot the size of the sun for his old uncle. He would huff and shout and brood, but in the end, he would help Iroh cook.

Also, seal jerky stew with Fire Nation herbs and vegetables sounded absolutely divine.

"Maybe we can throw in some Earth Kingdom food as well..." Katara mused, looking around the kitchen. Iroh looked interested.

"Oh? Do we have any on hand?"

"I'm not sure... Toph will probably know."

Iroh smiled. "This will be fun. We can all cook together! What better way to celebrate peace than with a meal cooked by members of all the nations, with food from all over the world?" Katara, who had a little more experience in the people involved, thought that it very well might instigate another war, but didn't have the heart to tell Iroh as much. By the end of the day, Zuko would be murderous, Toph would have started a food fight, Ty Lee would be trying desperately to keep the peace, Sokka would be full from stealing all the food, and it would be up to her and Aang to actually finish the meal. And the thought of the chaos that would ensue if Jet got involved was horrifying.

Ty Lee returned then, followed by a surprisingly docile Zuko. "I got him!"

He collapsed into a chair and slumped over.

"Ah, nephew! Up, up, I have a task for you!"

Zuko groaned. Katara snickered at his expense. Heavily, he stood up and shuffled over to his uncle. "What is so important?" he croaked, a tone of heartbroken exhaustion on his voice. Was this the same person who had snapped at them earlier?

"We," Iroh said grandly, turning the book around to show Zuko, "are cooking!" Both Katara and Ty Lee winced in preparation for the inevitable, but it never came. Instead, Zuko looked up into his uncle's beaming face, blinked twice, and then turned around to leave without ever saying a word. "No, no, no," Iroh said, catching Zuko by the shoulders and pulling him into the kitchen area. He shot a glare of pure venom at Ty Lee.

"You said it was important. That it could change the course of history," he hissed.

"He said it was! I didn't know he was talking about dinner courses!"

"Oh, stop whining," Katara huffed, finishing her cup of tea and pouring another, "the rest of us are awake, so you may as well deal with it like everyone else."

"The tea is a hangover remedy, if that helps," Ty Lee whimpered, hiding behind Katara. Zuko gave the two of them an odd look, inspected the teapot, and then picked it up and drank the entire thing, foregoing the whole "cup" part completely. Everyone assembled stared. He set the pot back down delicately, closed his eyes for a moment, and then took a deep breath.

"All right," he said softly. "I feel a little better."

"I'll make another pot, then..." Iroh said haltingly.

Katara sipped at her tea, giving Zuko the coldest look she could muster. Zuko gestured to Ty Lee, who came forward tentatively. "Yeah?" she whispered.

"Is there a reason Katara looks like she wants to kill me?"

Ty Lee stared blankly. "You inadvertently called her an idiot. You don't remember?"

Zuko gave her a look. "No. No, I don't remember."

"It was only about fifteen minutes ago..."

Zuko blinked, and then looked around as though the memory was floating somewhere around his head. "Was it?" He turned to Katara, and then said louder, "Katara? I'm sorry for inadvertently calling you an idiot. I wasn't exactly conscious."

Katara turned to the two of them, raised an eyebrow, and took a very dainty sip of tea.

"I've heard more sincere apologies," Ty Lee commented. Zuko sighed.

"Well, considering I don't actually remember doing it, that's about as good as it gets. Why did I call her an idiot, by the way?"

"You said that your sleep kept being interrupted by idiots, and she was one of the people who interrupted your sleep."

"She did?"

Ty Lee, in a moment of bravery and pure exasperation, smacked him on the back of the head. "You really don't remember?"

"Head trauma won't jog my memory. It's been a really long day, okay?"

She leaned in. "When I first came in to wake you up, the two of you were cuddling."

Zuko paused, looking for a moment like he was about to laugh, and then seemed to hit upon a vague memory. "Wait a minute... She wanted me to help her with her hangover. What was she doing in my bed?"

Ty Lee shrugged, and sighed wistfully. "I don't know, but it was adorable."

"Katara," Zuko said, ignoring Ty Lee's hasty motions for him to shut up, "why were you in my bed this morning?"

Iroh returned with the tea, and a look of great interest bloomed on his face. "Oh? What is this all about?"

Katara blushed. "You wouldn't let me leave."

Zuko looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"It's a long story, okay, just... Food! Let's get cooking!" She shoved past Ty Lee and a still-baffled Zuko to join Iroh at the cookbook. Iroh, with a somewhat ominous smile on his face, began dictating ingredients for Katara to find -- and then, naturally, sent Zuko with her to get them. As soon as the two had left, Ty Lee leaned on the counter.

"I was thinking we could decorate the wedding in blue and gold. Wouldn't that be pretty?"

"Oh, it would be," Iroh agreed sagely. "But would it be in the Fire Nation or here, in the South Pole?"

"Fire Nation," Ty Lee replied promptly. "Because Zuko's the Fire Lord. We can't have a royal wedding out of the country."

"True, true. Do you know if anyone has apples?"

Jet stumbled into the common area, yawning and pulling on a shirt that was either Sokka's or Longshot's, he wasn't entirely sure. Sitting at the table, playing with a knife, was that dark girl he'd seen wandering around with Ty Lee on occasion, although she had made herself pretty scarce the night before.

"Well, hello," he said, taking the seat opposite her. She simply looked at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you know where Ty Lee is?" she asked in a slightly annoyed monotone.

"Last I heard, she was hunting wild clothes for Sokka. Why?"

"None of your business."

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "All right, then," he muttered, "didn't really want to talk anyway."

The dark girl growled, and then sighed. "This place is so boring."

Jet laughed. "Of course it is. It's the South Pole. What'd you expect, parades of dancing platypus-bears?"

A vein twitched in the girl's forehead. "Not exactly, no."

"Listen," Jet said conspiratorially, leaning forward, "you're going about this all the wrong way. Take it from someone who knows -- you can't go anywhere in the world and expect interesting things to just fall on you. You want life to be interesting? Make it interesting. Do it yourself, see? Take me, for example," he leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on the table, "I found myself in the Earth Kingdom, bored out of my skull. What did I do? I'll give you a hint," he pulled a long stick of grass out of seemingly nowhere and started chewing on it. "It wasn't sitting around in an empty room complaining about boredom."

All of a sudden, there was a series sharp thunk sounds, and Jet found himself laying in the most uncomfortable position he could recall, still (technically) seated in the chair, but with his feet pinned to the table, his back on the floor, and his arms above his head, several knives holding him fast in place. The grass that he had been chewing on was now lodged painfully in his throat, and he had to cough several times to get it back into his mouth.

"I do not like you," the dark girl drawled, standing over him, another knife in her hand. He gaped at her. What the hell had just happened?

"I'm not really happy with you at the moment either," he replied, futilely trying to spit the grass out of his mouth before he inhaled it again, well aware that he had left his dignity somewhere back at the door. The dark girl smirked -- the first hint of emotion he'd seen on her face -- and walked away. "Hey, hey! You're not just gonna leave me here!"

"Give me one reason not to."

He couldn't come up with an answer. The smirk on the girl's face became a full-out smile as she left, clearly in higher spirits than before. Jet cursed violently, struggling against the knives, not caring whether or not he tore his clothing on them. Unfortunately, Sokka's (or Longshot's) shirt was of higher quality than he had expected, stubbornly refusing to tear and allow him to free himself. He heard voices out in the hallway that might have been Suki and Aang, and, taking a deep breath, he swallowed what remained of his pride.

"Hey, hey! Anyone out there?"

Sure enough, Suki, Aang, and Toph poked their heads in the doorway, confused. Aang immediately came forward to help him, but Suki stood at the doorway, doubled over laughing ("What is so funny?" Toph asked in frustration). As soon as he was free, he stood up, thanking Aang, and started brushing off his clothing, trying to ignore the raucous laughter from the door.

"I see you met Mai," Aang started tentatively, holding out the knives. "And she wasn't in a good mood."

"Oh, she was in a great mood by the time she left. I think throwing knives gets her hot or something, I don't know. All I did was tell her how to not be bored anymore, and she attacked me!"

Suki finally controlled her laughter and walked in the room, guiding Toph behind her. "I think that's Mai's way of flirting."

"No," Aang said, as horror passed over Jet's face. "I'm pretty sure that's just Mai."

"You'd be surprised," Suki said, leaning in for the kill. "She probably finds you intriguing. Why else would she torment you? If she didn't like you, she'd just ignore you."

"Well, she did that, too," Jet muttered, peeling the grass out of his mouth and tossing it on the ground, crushing it beneath his feet. Suki made a face.

Toph grinned hugely. "Mai and Jet, sitting in a tree..." she started, teasingly.

Suki took the bait. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

"Wow," Jet said loudly, "the maturity in this room is mind-boggling. C'mon, Aang, let's leave these little girls and go be men somewhere else."

Aang looked between Suki, who was egging him on with childish glee, and Jet, who was steadily turning redder. He grinned, in spite of himself, "First comes love, then comes --"

"I hate you."

"Oh, come on, Jet," Suki said, "it's just a little payback for what you did to Sokka."

"I didn't do anything to him."

"You took advantage of his drunkenness and conned him out of his room."

"Only so me and my crew would have a place to sleep. Besides, I was also drunk." He found another piece of grass in his pocket, inspected it for any obvious impurities, and started chewing on it. Suki made another face.

"You do realize how gross that is, right?" she said, leaning against the wall. "Chewing on grass? There's all that dirt and bugs and other disgusting things, all in your mouth now."

Aang saw what was going to happen the instant before it did, and tried to leap into action to save Jet's skin. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough. Jet, who's pride had taken one too many beatings today, strode forward purposefully and grabbed Suki, planting a giant kiss directly on her mouth, sweeping her into his arms and dipping her in a bow. It would have been a very dramatic kiss, if not for the grass in Jet's mouth and the look of utter fury spreading over Suki's face.

He pulled away and took the grass out of his mouth. "Look at that. All that dirt and bugs and other disgusting things are in your mouth now."

Suki let out a growl and lunged, but Aang stepped between them, dragging Jet away from the livid Kyoshi warrior. "Hey, Jet, let's go talk to Appa. That sound like a good idea? Toph, why don't you and Suki go find a hat for Sokka or something? Wouldn't that be great?" Aang pulled Jet out of the room while Toph held Suki back, laughing out loud. Once out in the hallway, Aang released Jet and glared at him. "Why did you do that?"

"She was making fun of me."

"She'll kill you. And if not her, Sokka. He's already out for your blood, you know?"

Jet smirked. "Totally worth it."

By the time everyone had gathered in the kitchen to hear Iroh's plan for dinner, Suki was raging about something Katara didn't dare ask about, Jet was in possession of six of Mai's knives (again, Katara wisely decided not to ask), Sokka was fully conscious and wearing a hat that probably belonged to Aang at some point (it was yellow and orange, with a pom-pom on top and two long ear flaps), Toph was seated on the countertop, chatting with Iroh and being highly amused by everything, Zuko had hidden somewhere and had not yet been found, and Aang looked like he was seriously considering hiding in an iceberg for another hundred years.

Ty Lee had run off in an attempt to find Zuko, or, failing that, Mai -- assuming that Mai probably knew all of Zuko's hiding places from when they used to date -- a fact that Jet seemed deeply, deeply opposed to.

"I don't understand what we need Gloomy for anyway," he insisted, "it's not like she'll help us cook."

"It's only fair," Iroh responded easily, organizing the assembled ingredients. "Besides, if anyone can find Zuko, it's Mai. Now, we're going to be making seal jerky stew with Fire Nation herbs and Earth Kingdom vegetables. Toph has graciously provided us with what foodstuffs she brought from Gaoling -- "

Sokka interjected with a stage whisper, "Or she bullied Kuei out of what he brought from Ba Sing Se." Toph smirked. Iroh went on as though he hadn't been interrupted.

"Unfortunately, there aren't any precedents to this kind of thing, so we're going to be making this up as we -- Ah, Mai!"

Ty Lee and Mai walked in, forcing a distinctly ruffled and extremely unhappy Zuko into the room in front of them. "He was hiding in Toph's wardrobe," Ty Lee said helpfully.

"What were you doing there, Sparky?" Toph asked suspiciously.

"I thought it was the last place anyone would look for me."

"Can I go now?" Mai asked.

"Yes," Jet replied, unprompted. "Go be bored elsewhere, while we do fun things with food. Oh, and I'm keeping your knives."

"Jet, stop being a prick," Suki hissed. "If she doesn't want to help us cook, she doesn't have to. And give her back her knives."

"Make me."

"Oh, you slimy little -- " she started toward Jet, a murderous expression on her face. Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Iroh all stepped in, pulling Suki away from Jet and putting as many people as possible between them.

"Why don't we compromise?" Katara suggested, one hand on Suki's arm and another on Jet's. "Jet, why don't you and Mai go find something to do?"

"No way," three voices said at once. Having expected Jet's and Mai's, Katara turned to the third speaker.

"Toph? Why not?"

"Because Jet's the only person here who knows how to cook anything from the Earth Kingdom."

"That's not true, Suki cooks, sort of," Katara responded, voice fading out toward the end of the sentence. Everyone glanced at Suki, who put her hands on her hips.

"That's right. I'm one of the best cooks on Kyoshi Island."

"Fan-girl, I've been to Kyoshi Island and that's like saying you're the nicest guy in the prison complex."

"Because the food on Kyoshi is so bad?" Aang asked, genuinely confused. "It wasn't the last time I was there..."

"No," Toph replied coolly, "because it's a complete and bald-faced lie. Fan-girl can't cook to save her life. Even if Jet sets his hair on fire, he's still a better cook than Suki."

"Hey," Sokka interjected. "Don't talk about her like that!"

"I am standing right here," Suki reminded everyone, a tone of intense and barely-controlled anger in her voice. "But," she continued, taking a deep breath, "you're probably right. Why don't Mai and I go do something?" She turned placatingly to Mai, who shrugged noncommittally.

"Sure, whatever."

"I'll go with you," Sokka said, valiantly ignoring the food displayed all in front of him for his girlfriend's sake. She smiled.

"Okay. Between the three of us, we can find something interesting to do, right?"

Mai let out a short, sarcastic laugh, earning a poke from Ty Lee. "Don't be so negative!"

"No," Jet gasped, "Gloomy McDeath is being negative? Never!"

Sokka looked at him. "One day," he said calmly, "someone is going to kill you in a fit of rage, and you're going to deserve it. And I would bet very good money that it'll either be Mai or Suki who does you in."

Jet waved him and the two girls off. Katara sighed.

"All right. Now that that's all taken care of, maybe we can start cooking." She looked around, and let out a yell of frustration. "And where the hell is Zuko?"

A/N: Jet/Suki was requested, and I aim to please. You thought I was kidding about that Jet/Everyone, didn't you? I wasn't.

1. Yes, Sokka is wearing Jayne's hat.

2. I actually quite like Mai. I know this chapter kind of hates on her a bit, but it gets better.

3. Review!