kyoshi hold 'em
part five: unspeakable acts involving dragonfruit
"Okay, so," Katara started, stirring what remained of the stew (which now contained a depressing overabundance of carrots, thanks to an annoyed Zuko who had been eager to prove that he was a better cook than Jet), "we should be eating in about thirty minutes, once the rice and bread are finished. Ty Lee, how are you and Toph doing with dessert?"
She stayed still and continued to stir the stew aimlessly, figuring that it was better not to turn around and look for herself, as it would probably make her want to die. Things had been bad enough when she'd gotten back from taking a bath (Ty Lee had been as close as Katara had ever seen to actual anger, and Aang and Toph had both been sticky and, in Aang's case, terrified, although Toph hadn't appeared fazed in the slightest), and judging from the sounds she'd been hearing for the past half-hour, she really didn't want to know how things were going. "Um," Ty Lee replied in a small voice, "it's... It'll taste great, I promise."
"What in the name of... Toph, are you okay?" Jet cried, rushing past Katara, eyes wide and horrified. Katara steeled herself, took a deep breath, and then turned around.
Toph was sitting on the floor, a red substance smeared on her face and hands (the cause of Jet's horror -- he clearly thought it was blood), seemingly unconcerned as she whipped cream in a bowl placed between her knees. Her hair was dusted in a fine covering of white powder that might have been flour, although as far as Katara knew, it could be some kind of illegal drug imported from the Fire Nation. Her clothes were rumpled, stained, splotchy with dough (a casualty of her earlier bread-making), and sticky. She grinned.
"I'm great," she replied, pure delight ringing in her voice. "I never thought I would like cooking, but it's fun!"
"Toph, sweetie, you've eaten half of the dragonfruit filling for the pie," Ty Lee said quietly, either afraid to anger the literally half-baked blind girl, or trying to contain an intense anger of her own. Katara suspected the latter.
"Just make Sparky scrounge up some more of them. It's not like the Fire Nation is going to run out."
"With you there," Zuko said, wandering in to see what the commotion was about (and probably to steal some of the stew), "we just might." The girl in question shot him a bright, sticky red grin, clearly having the time of her life. Katara didn't even want to think about cleaning the kitchen after this, or -- worse -- cleaning Toph after this.
She wondered vaguely how much she would have to pay Iroh to do the cleaning for her.
Ty Lee tried to take the bowl of whipped cream from Toph, but it stuck to her hands and came back gooey. She made a face and held the bowl gingerly by the edges, touching it as little as humanly possible. Toph, unconcerned, began licking her hand.
Katara turned to Zuko. "Cleaning this up is going to be a nightmare." He nodded, and reached over to ruffle Toph's hair.
"Is that... flour?"
"Powdered sugar," both Toph and Ty Lee replied immediately. "We didn't start off making dragonfruit pie," Ty Lee continued. "But it just kind of... happened that way."
Zuko glanced at Katara quizzically, who raised her hands. "Don't look at me, I had to bathe and change. When I came back in, Ty Lee was so mad she was crying and Aang told me that we'd be having dragonfruit pie for dessert. I didn't ask."
"Do I want to know what you did intend to make?" Jet asked, shooting Ty Lee a sympathetic glance and sitting down on the floor beside Toph (and swiping a finger over her cheek to taste some of the filling).
"We started off with one of Stretch's crazy Kyoshi recipes," Toph replied nonchalantly, snatching Jet's hand as he tried to get more filling off of her forehead and licking the filling off of it before he had a chance to it himself. He made an odd face and retracted his hand slowly. Zuko snickered.
"I really wanted to try and make Tempura Ice Cream, with dragonfruit glaze and mint garnish," Ty Lee clarified, leaning forward eagerly. "Doesn't that sound awesome?"
Zuko looked at her. "What is Tempura Ice Cream?"
Her eyes lit up. "It's when you take milk and cream, add sugar and vanilla, and you freeze it -- but not too cold, just, you know about to the temperature our rooms are at night -- and then you dip it in hot flat-cake batter, but only for a minute, so it's got this delicious, sweet, fried shell. And you serve it immediately, so it's still all hot and creamy and amazing. I had plans to add dragonfruit to it, you know, for Master Iroh's idea about mixing cultures and stuff? It was gonna be the best desert in the entire world."
"So what happened?" Jet asked, rubbing his hand on his pants. Ty Lee glared at Toph, who grinned impishly.
"Toph happened," she replied dryly.
"And I prefer pie," Toph cut in delicately.
"She ate my ice cream," Ty Lee said petulantly. "And she got Aang and Smellerbee and the Duke to do it with her so there wouldn't be any of it left."
"Oh, come on, Ty Lee," Katara said, shaking her head, "you say it like she did it just to spite you. I know it's annoying, but she probably thought it was up for grabs."
"Nope," Toph answered gleefully, "I did it because she said that we couldn't make dragonfruit pie -- which is my favorite food in the history of everything -- because we were using the dragonfruit to garnish her ice cream thing."
"Oh," Katara said uncertainly. "Well, then." Zuko slouched against the counter, still confused.
"I brought more than enough dragonfruit for both, though. Why didn't you just get more?"
Ty Lee coughed. "Um, you haven't checked your room lately, have you?"
He slowly stood up to his full (and intimidating, especially to the comparatively tiny Ty Lee) height. "What will I find when I do?" he asked dangerously.
"You, um, don't have any dragonfruit left, for starters."
Zuko closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and Katara could practically hear him counting to ten. Slightly calmer, he asked, in an extremely tight voice, "Why did you eat all of the dragonfruit that I brought as a gift for King Bumi?"
Everyone winced, and Ty Lee shifted a little so that Katara was standing between her and Zuko (Katara looked from one to the other and became suddenly engrossed in stirring the stew). "Well, it's um... It's kind of Aang's fault? And Smellerbee's. And... mine..." she trailed off in a tiny voice. Zuko raised an eyebrow.
"Go on."
The rest of her explanation came out in a single, frightened breath. It seemed that all of her time spent hanging around Azula had made Ty Lee extremely wary of the Royal Family, even though she was (most likely) safe from Zuko. "Well, Smellerbee was planning something really crazy and huge and scary for Aang to do in return for her apples, and I think it had something to do with chocolate and I don't know but Aang was really freaking out and then I remembered that you had all that dragonfruit you had said we could use for dessert and I said that maybe Appa would accept dragonfruit instead of apples, so Aang decided to try it because he was terrified of Smellerbee and it turned out that Appa really likes dragonfruit and so Aang and, um, I went through your stuff to find some more dragonfruit but Appa was really impatient so Aang just grabbed your bags and rushed off to the barn and, um..."
Katara tried to decide which would be the better course of action: to calm Zuko down and save Ty Lee's life, or to simply slink away (as, she noted, Jet and Toph had done the moment Ty Lee began her explanation) and avoid the inevitable fireworks. She glanced at Zuko, whose face was horrifyingly calm, and realized that she couldn't, in good faith, leave Ty Lee to face Zuko's wrath alone.
"Zuko," she started, placing a hand on his arm, "it's going to be fine."
"The fruit was a gift for the King of Omashu," he hissed through tightly clenched teeth, "I promised him I would bring him dragonfruit."
"It's King Bumi," Katara said, trying to be as soothing as possible, "he'll understand. And Aang will explain where all the fruit went, I'll make sure of that."
He didn't look convinced, but he also didn't look like he was about to lunge for Ty Lee's throat, so Katara tentatively called it a win. Ty Lee, for her part, had nearly collapsed in relief (Katara was reasonably certain that she now owned the acrobat's first-born child) and was smiling weakly.
"I'm really sorry it got so out of hand," she said meekly. "I thought we could just give him, you know, one or two, but..."
Zuko took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I... I guess it's all right. No one got hurt."
"And on the plus side," Katara said brightly, "Appa is happy, and Aang doesn't have to do anything unspeakable for Smellerbee."
She wasn't entirely sure, and -- on pain of death or dismemberment -- wouldn't even consider thinking about it in any kind of depth, but she could have sworn that Ty Lee mumbled something that sounded like more like to Smellerbee. But she must have been hearing things.
Yes.
All other options were simply too horrifying to contemplate.
She glanced at Zuko, who, judging by the look on his face, had also heard what Ty Lee most definitely had not said. An awkward silence descended. "So..." she said slowly, trying to break the quiet. "Why don't we get everything ready for dinner?" Two immediate replies answered her.
"Yes, definitely."
"On it!"
Ty Lee, face brilliantly red, rushed out of the room, hopefully to find all the people who would be eating, and not simply running off to hide in mortification. Zuko gathered utensils and placemats and began setting them out on the big table. Jet and Toph poked their heads back in the door.
"Is it safe?" Jet stage-whispered to Katara. At the table, Zuko smacked his palm to his forehead. She couldn't help but giggle.
"Yeah, it's safe," she replied loudly, ignoring Jet's frantic shushing motions. "Is the pie ready?" she asked Toph, who nodded.
"Should be. Where did Ty Lee run off to so fast?"
Zuko coughed. "I think she went to get everyone," he said in a hoarse voice.
Jet looked deeply suspicious, and leaned over to Toph, in that same loud whisper (Katara was beginning to think that he had missed a crucial lesson on 'how to talk quietly' somewhere along the line), "I don't believe him. Let's find out."
"You do realize I can hear you, right?" Zuko said, clearly running thin on patience. Katara had half a mind to step in -- again -- and try to soothe his temper, but at the same time, Jet kind of deserved it. Besides, Zuko and Jet getting into a fight would probably be pretty entertaining.
A blush rose to her cheeks as the image leapt not-quite-unbidden to mind. She had been spending way too much time around Ty Lee.
(Speaking of, if they did get into a fight, she should make it a point to find the acrobat. Ty Lee would want to witness such an event. Plus, she could probably start taking bets on who would win and make a good amount of money -- and besides, she still needed to win her earrings back from Ty Lee.)
She mentally smacked herself. Since when had she been so callous toward her friends? Sure, she and Jet (and Zuko) had something of a rocky relationship, but that didn't mean she was free to start betting on the outcome of a fight between the two of them!
"Fifteen coppers on Sparky," Toph said suddenly, sidling up next to her. Katara snickered in spite of herself and shook her head.
"I won't take that bet."
"Oh, come on," Toph wheedled, smirking. "It's almost winter at the South Pole, Sparky's firebending is at its weakest. Jet might actually have a chance to win this one."
Katara laughed. "Sparky -- I mean, Zuko," she shot Toph a glare, "doesn't need firebending to beat Jet."
"I dunno," another voice mused suddenly from behind them, causing both of them to jump. Sokka and Suki were standing behind them. Sokka continued, "Jet's a pretty good fighter with those hooks of his."
"They don't have weapons!" Katara protested. As they argued amongst themselves over the outcome of the possible fight, Jet and Zuko meanwhile regarded each other warily and finished setting the table. Jet glanced at the group congregated around the stew pot.
"What do you think they're talking about?" he whispered.
Zuko rolled his eyes. "They're probably plotting your death, especially Sokka. I'm surprised he hasn't killed you yet, by the way."
"For what?" Jet asked, affronted. Zuko gave him a look. "Okay, who told you?"
"Aang."
Jet heaved a sigh, and shook his head. "That kid... I would have thought that after all that time he's spent with Toph, he would have grown out of being such a goody-goody. I've got to work on breaking him of that. Anyway, it didn't mean anything. I was just making a point."
"You kissed her against her will."
He shrugged. "Suki's a big girl. If she wants to make me suffer for it, she can do it herself. She doesn't need Sokka to kill me for her."
"Still," Zuko mused, "it's a matter of male pride. If Sokka finds out..." he trailed off dangerously. Jet raised an eyebrow.
"Are you... Are you blackmailing me?"
Zuko gave him a grin that would have made Toph proud.
"So we meet here tonight to sample the exquisite food made by members of all four nations, in the name of peace, brotherhood, and kinship," Iroh said dramatically, sweeping a hand over the assembled meal. In addition to all of the cooks, King Kuei and King Bumi had both shown up, along with Hakoda, Gran-Gran, Master Pakku, Chief Arnook, and an assortment of servants and by-standers. Zuko also noted that his uncle had a distinct lack of apples, and was beginning to suspect that the old man had never had any intention of cooking the dinner himself.
It would be just like Uncle.
Katara, on his left, was looking nervously between the food on the table and the guests around the table, clearly worried that there wouldn't be enough for everyone -- not an unsound fear. On his right, Smellerbee was fidgeting uncomfortably, shooting glares alternately at Aang and Iroh, finally earning a light smack on the back of the head from Jet, on her other side. He smirked a little -- he had purposefully placed Jet beside Sokka, who was blissfully unaware of the venomous glares Suki was sending from his other side at Jet. The Duke was seated beside Suki, and Gran-Gran and Master Pakku were both sitting in between the Duke and Longshot -- at the request of Master Pakku, who had wisely suggested splitting up the more rambunctious of their crew.
Unfortunately, seated directly across from Smellerbee was Toph, and Zuko had a feeling that things would, indeed, get out of hand. He could only hope that the presence of both Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation royalty -- not to mention the leaders of both Water Tribes -- might keep the chaos to a minimum.
"I bet I can eat more Fires of Agni peppers in one mouthful than you can," Toph hissed across the table at Smellerbee, who cast a sidelong glance at Jet (who appeared far more interested in wrestling a slice of bread away from Sokka than anything else).
"You're on," she replied, eyes narrowing.
Zuko bit back a groan, and wondered how much he would have to pay the Water Tribe in reparations for tonight.
"Well," Sokka said tentatively, looking around the monstrously messy dining hall, "at least the food was good."
Katara laughed weakly. Master Pakku clapped a hand on her shoulder. "I must apologize. I thought that breaking up the trio who blew up my house would keep things under control. I admit, I had forgotten about Lady Bei Fong."
Suki glanced behind them, "Speaking of, do you think she'll ever get the pie out of her hair? It looked pretty... nasty."
"All right," an elderly voice called from behind them, and Suki, Sokka, and Katara all turned. Gran-Gran walked in, with mops, dish-cloths, two brooms, and copious amounts of soap, "here are the cleaning supplies." She passed them out to her grandkids (and Suki, who may as well have been). "Enjoy."
"But we made the dinner!" Sokka whined, cluching weakly at a mop.
Pakku nodded and slapped him on the back in what should have been a jovial manner, but in the circumstances was simply cruel. "All the more reason to clean up your own mess."
Katara looked around. "I'm trying to decide if getting Jet and Zuko and Mai and Ty Lee and all of them in here will make this go faster or not..."
Suki ran a hand through her hair thoughtfully. "Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee, yes. Jet and his crew, no. We should also leave Toph out so she can bathe. Oh, and we should get Aang! He'll be helpful."
Sokka nodded resolutely. "Okay. You two get started in here, I'll go get others to help us."
Both Suki and Katara shouted in protest and stopped him, shoving him unceremoniously to the ground and pinning him there with the butt ends of their mops. "No way," Katara said firmly. "Suki, you make sure that he doesn't move from this spot. I'll get the others."
Katara left Suki to guard her brother, and began hunting for the rest of the group. She found Jet, Smellerbee, Longshot, the Duke, and Aang all crowded in Sokka's room, raiding their bags for clothing to change into (and, in Aang's case, to borrow soap and a razor from Jet). Smellerbee, she noted, was literally dripping with pie and scowling at Aang. Having spent much of the food fight hiding under the table from the chaos, she wasn't entirely sure how the other girl had ended up covered in pie, but she had a sneaking suspicion that the reason was named Toph.
"Aang, could you help us clean up the dining room?" she asked quietly, not wanting Jet to think she was for some reason asking his help. Luckily, Jet was arguing with Longshot over the identity of someone's shirt, and so wasn't paying attention. Aang cringed.
"Um, I will, just... let me change?"
Katara nodded. Aang currently bore a distinct similarity to an ice-cream sundae -- his shirt was splattered with alternating bands of dark brown stew and what might have been mashed potatoes, and a large quantity of whipped cream had ended up on his head. She was overcome with the mad urge to find a cherry and place it delicately on top of his head.
Zuko was in his own room, half-changed already, and barely glanced up when she walked right in. "You forgot how to knock?" he asked sardonically. She shrugged, and found herself a little disappointed that he was only shirtless.
Yes, she had definitely been spending far too much time around Ty Lee.
"We still have to -- "
"Clean up the mess," he completed for her, pulling a shirt on and shaking his hair, still wet from what must have been a very fast bath. "I'll be in there to help in a bit, but I've still got to discuss some things with Kuei and Uncle."
"Need to make sure that a face-full of rice and vegetables isn't going to start up another war?"
Zuko flinched. In truth, she wasn't entirely sure it was Zuko who had thrown the food at King Kuei -- it didn't sound much like Zuko, and he had been sitting right next to Smellerbee -- but either way, the dinner had been Iroh's -- and therefore the Fire Nation's -- idea, meaning that it was Zuko's responsibility to apologize for all the shenanigans that occurred at the dinner.
"Kuei's pretty reasonable, right?" he asked earnestly, scratching the back of his head. Katara nodded.
"It'll be fine. Just meet us there whenever you're through. I'm sure we'll still be cleaning."
Mai and Ty Lee were a bit harder, but she finally found them -- oddly enough -- in the barn with Appa. Mai looked distinctly uncomfortable as the object of Appa's current affections (considering the amount of dragonfruit that had ended up on her clothing), but Ty Lee was petting Momo and cooing happily at him, suspiciously clean. They both jumped when she entered the room and coughed, and Ty Lee gave her a guilty look.
"Oh, Katara... Heh. What brings you to the barn?" Ty Lee asked nervously. Katara raised an eyebrow and glanced at Mai, who raised both of her hands in supplication.
"It seemed like the safest place to hide," she said slowly, and then gave Appa an odd glance, "but that was before I realized this... thing would be here."
"He likes dragonfruit, Mai, I told you that," Ty Lee said, exasperated. "And we weren't hiding, we just, um..."
"Wanted to see Momo and Appa?" Katara supplied. Ty Lee nodded brightly, but Mai sighed and stood up.
"Okay, okay. We'll help you clean. Just... keep the animals away from me."
"But we haven't even seen Bosco yet..." Ty Lee said, stalling. "You know how much he likes you..."
"Ty Lee," Katara said dangerously. The other girl sighed.
"Fine, fine. We'll go. Just let Mai change first. She's still all fruity."
"Of course," she said, reaching out and grasping Ty Lee by the elbow, "Mai can change. But you look awfully clean, so come help us." Katara could have sworn that Mai snickered. Actually snickered. Katara was flabbergasted. Mai actually found something funny? An oddly warm glow flooded her at the thought that she had made the most stoic and unexpressive girl in the entire world laugh. Her, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe.
She dragged Ty Lee back to the dining area, to find Suki stradding Sokka's abdomen -- in what was possibly the least sexy way imaginable. Her mop was placed across his collarbone, holding him tight to the ground, and her knees were on each of his elbows. She also had a disturbing smirk on her face.
"Say uncle, come on, Sokka!"
"I refuse!"
Ty Lee coughed, and Suki jumped, giving Sokka the leverage he had been looking for. In a flash, he had turned the tables, wrenching the mop out of Suki's hands and getting her in much the same position he had been in. He grinned.
"Come on, Suki..."
"Oh, fine," she said, sighing, and leaned up, kissing him very slowly and langoriously. Katara and Ty Lee glanced at each other, worried at where this might end. But Sokka reacted quickly, breaking the kiss and pushing her back down.
"Oh, no. I know what you and your... wiles were planning to do. You wanted me to let my guard down! Not this Warrior!"
"Damn," Suki grumbled. "Fine, since Katara and Ty Lee are here... Uncle."
Sokka let out a whoop and leaped up. "That's the first time I've ever beaten her at that game!"
"Really?" Katara said, with a tone of great surprise and happiness, "Sokka, that's wonderful!" Suddenly, she dropped the cheer from her voice and thrust a bucket and soap into one of his hands. "And I don't care. Let's clean."
Sokka shot her a dark glare and mumbled something about stupid spoilsport sisters under his breath.
A/N: If you'd like to imagine the food fight, I encourage you to watch Hook with Robin Williams and Dante Basco (AKA Zuko's voice actor, for the three of you who didn't know), and watch the dinner scene. For maximum enjoyment, superimpose Zuko's image over Rufio's. I didn't write it because I feel like food fights are one of those things that only really work well in visual media, and besides, it's more fun to imply things that happened and let the reader fill in the blanks.