Can I just say that I absolutely love you all! I mean seriously I can't believe how many reviews I'm getting for this story! I love writing it because I put so much of myself and my own personal feelings in it, those who know me will know how much of this chapter has actually happened to me recently, so yeah hahaaha. Keep the reviews flooding in whilst I lay in bed feeling ill, gotta hate these winter bugs.

Disclaimer: i don't own the song used.


I've been listening to this same song for quite a while now, stuck on repeat, playing over and over, and over again. It didn't particularly fit my mood, it wasn't giving me any sort of epiphany, but there one was line.

One sentence

Eleven words. Eleven words which were being played numerous times with the attempt of convincing myself that I was doing the right thing

'Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same'

And I'm doing the right thing...right? Please tell me I'm doing the right thing. Because right here, right now, I feel anything but right.

It's been a week since I stormed out of Nate's apartment, running to anywhere that provided me with the slightest element of safety at a great enough distance from Shane. Where did I end up exactly?

The cinema, watching the film I watched at the premiere.

It was the only thing screening and I just wanted a dark room, where I could cry without anyone seeing me. And it worked wonders. I spent the entire length of the film and its credits, sobbing silently to myself trying to figure out if I had been a complete bitch over reacting when Shane's absence had been explained to me. Or if I was standing my ground, doing this for my sanity.

And what was my conclusion?

Well that I'm a goner.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to hate Shane Gray I can't. Not one bone in my body even remotely detests the superstar's existence.

So just how well have I been coping without the sexiest voluntary virgin gracing this very fine earth?

Amazing...good...what?! It has been good!

Eurgh fine, it's been terrible. As much as I love Nate and I really do, to anyone else he would be Mr. perfect, a heart of gold, a diamond personality, and the looks of a god ( a young still illegal god may I add) living with him is like living with my parents again.

There were rules, yes that's right Nathaniel Gray was a neat freak, his house was completely in order, and his practice room off limits to anyone but him. It was his haven apparently. So when he disappears into that small room that probably contains nothing more than a piano, drum kit and a guitar or two for hours upon end, I'm left on my own watching TV or with Jason.

And when I say TV, I mean watching Jason get obliterated on call of duty modern warfare. Now no offence, but what is the obsession with that game? They have well and truly claimed the minds and souls of every single male from the age of 10-35 I swear.

But to cut a long story short. It was boring, dull and they simply weren't Shane. They didn't have movie marathons with me where we would crap films for hours on end whilst we stuffed our faces with unhealthy food and leftover pizza I had brought home from work. They didn't care about our daily star buck's trip, nor our Wednesday tradition of going to the mall window shopping.

It just wasn't the same.

I missed my bed, I missed my room, and I fucking missed Shane.

I unzipped my coat, throwing my hat aimlessly on the floor as made my way into the living room, after finishing yet another tedious shift at work. Don't get me wrong , you meet some of the most interesting and crazy people being a waitress in one of the city's most popular restaurants, but it was by far the most tiring thing ever. Especially as thanksgiving is...tomorrow.

I let out an over exaggerated sigh as I threw myself onto the sofa, my feet throbbing as a result of being on my feet for eight glorious hours.

"Oh don't mind me I was only...y'now...sitting."

I let out a laugh as I looked to the other end of the sofa to shoot Nate a toothy smile as he remained trapped under my legs.

"Oh don't worry about it, you're quite comfy" I winked, to which he simply rolled his eyes

"Michelle....."

I rolled my eyes "Yes Nate?" he was after something; he only ever called me by my full name when he was after something or completely livid.

"I know you've said that you don't want to talk about it, but tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and well...are you going to talk to Shane before then?" I sighed opening my mouth to answer, yet Nate interrupted me "I know you're angry at him and you're on this whole 'break from Shane thing' but it not doing any good for either of you. You're both miserable..."

What?

"Shane's...miserable?" I asked quietly

He nodded enthusiastically "Yes! For the love of everything that is holy, sort things out, Shane is half the man he was before your walk out. He isn't as bubbly as he was, he doesn't want to go out and do things, he just talks about you constantly, wondering what the hell he has done for you to hate him so much"

"But I don't hate him" I protested, I didn't hate him, god, as much as I wanted to I could never, ever, ever hate that kid.

"Tell him that Mitchie. He's been racking his brain for days trying to figure out what he did that has made you so upset.

"I don't know Nate, I...fine. At some point I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Nate smiled "that's all I'm asking, now one last thing, can you get off of me, I've lost all feeling from the waist down"

"We wouldn't want that now would we" I winked, causing him to blush as I swung my legs off of him and hoisted myself off of the couch "I'm gunna go take a bath, call me when dinners ready my love"

"But it's your night to cook!"

"Your point is very accurate, but, your mom"

"Your mom comments, seriously Mitchie? Wow you have been spending too much time with Shane, I'll just call in for a take-out seeming as you're a lazy butt"

I grinned a Nate "thank you darling, you're a star"

-

I groaned as the sound of Nate banging on his drums, waking me up from my peaceful slumber. I rolled over, squinting as I tried to make out the time on the clock without blinding myself from the light streaming in the room through the blinds.

11.45am

Ah shit.

I had overslept.

Today was thanksgiving, the day where both the Torres and Gray families came together to celebrate the holiday in a way that only the members would see fitting. It was a tradition, for as long as I can remember, we would spend the day together, eating till we couldn't move, singing till we couldn't speak, and laughing till our sides ached.

It was by far one of my favourite days in the calendar, and yet this year, I wasn't looking forward to it.

I rolled out of bed, setting out my clothing for the day, a pair of jeans and the most tackiest jumper I could find at the mall. Every year Shane and I wore a tacky jumper to Thanksgiving, regardless of how utterly ridiculous it made us look. It started when we were seven and our parents showed us photos of our first thanksgiving together when we were toddlers, and the horrendous jumpers we were modelling, and ever since, we have stuck by it.

I looked at mine, a red jumper with an oversized gold hearts all over it, brought from the most embarrassing shop ever, that even the sales assistant looked at me strangely.

I took a quick shower, freshening myself up before throwing my hair up in a messy ponytail, feeling no need to make an effort in my appearance today before throwing on my controversial outfit and running down the stairs

"Now, I would say you look lovely, but that jumper...my oh my Mitchie, where on gods earth did you find that from, it's almost as bad...actually its worse than last year's" I rolled my eyes at Nate as I threw on my coat

"You're just jealous that you can't pull off something like this"

I eyed up his choice of attire, with approval, a simple navy dress shirt and a pair of jeans, his natural curls falling in front of his eyes slightly where he hasn't had the time to go get a haircut recently. "Mmm you caught me Mitch, jealousy is an understatement." He shot back sarcastically as he removed himself from his precious drum set.

"You all ready to go?" I asked, grabbing my keys from the counter

"When there's food involved, I'm always ready"

"I swear to god, one day Nate, you will get sooo fat. And I will laugh"

Nate clutched his chest in feigned hurt "Ouch Mitchie that hurt."

I laughed, hitting his shoulder playfully as we left the house "get over it, fatty"

-

"Nate I don't want to go in there" I whined as we walked up the path of the Gray's parents house, dragging my feet along like a child having a tantrum

"Look Mitchie, it'll be fine, just sort things out okay? He's here on his own, no interference from Miss Barbie or whatever you call her, just you, Shane and everyone else that loves you."

I sighed, damn Nate for being so good with words.

"You're late" Mrs Gray cried out as the door swung open, her hands stuffed in oven gloves "dinners just about to be served so head straight into the dining room"

We quickly apologised as we made our way through the hall and into the dining room to see everyone else sitting at the table...everyone including Shane.

I swear my world nearly stopped, as well as my heart as I had the chance to take in his appearance for the first time in days. He looked amazing, admittedly a little more tired than usual, and he hadn't shaved, the visible stubble around his jaw making him look more mature, and even more irresistible than I thought humanly possible. A small smile came to my lips as I looked at his jumper, a black woollen jumper with happy holidays written on it in silver.

Totally disgusting.

But I totally loved it.

I looked around noticing that there was only two more available seats, one next to Shane and one directly opposite him. Another tradition of ours, sitting next to each other. Thanksgiving wasn't thanksgiving if we weren't messing about acting like immature little children during dinner, but this year, with things how they were, I opted to sit opposite him.

I cringed slightly as I watched his face, his already saddened look, becoming even more sad as I sat down. He looked towards his plate as I shifted my gaze elsewhere now feeling guilty.

The meal went without drama, conversation flowed between the parents, talking about the usual boring parent crap, like how work was going, latest insurance deals, basically anything that anyone under the age of 30 couldn't give a flying fuck about, as the rest of us stuffed our faces with good home cooked food

And as for Shane and I?

We both I ignored the odd, confused glances we were receiving from our parents, the whispering between them, the fleeting comments as to why we were sitting at complete opposites at the table, but most importantly we were still ignoring each other.

Well, to be honest, we were just not speaking. I wasn't ignoring his existence; in fact I was appreciating his existence, and his jeans.

Especially those jeans.

I couldn't help but steal glances at him; I had to restrain myself from leaping across the table and tackling him to the floor. My will power was bullet proof.

My mentality, not so much.

I watched with suspicion as the three brothers all exchanged weird glances to one another, before Nate got up and excused himself from the table. Followed by Shane. I looked towards Jason who was now the only member under the age of 40 besides me sitting at the table.

Where have they gone? I mouthed to Jason. Did I get a reply? No. instead he completely ignored me and turned towards his parents "mom, dad, do you mind if you could excuse me and Mitchie please, there's something she needs to see"

Oh, say what now?

Both Gray parents nodded as I was literally dragged out of my seat, through the hallway into the living room. "What are you doing?" I hissed as I tried to release myself from Jason's death grip, but no such luck.

I entered the room to see Nate sitting on the sofa, legs bouncing up and down in anticipation whilst Shane was sitting by the fire, his acoustic guitar placed beside him as he nervously played with his hands.

I heard the door click shut as Jason pushed me in the direction of Shane as he whispered 'just sit down' before joining Nate on the sofa.

"What's going on?" I finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room. I hated surprises and they knew that, so it was safe to say I was more than a little unimpressed right now. Not to mention still craving more food.

"We've got something we want you to hear...a new song" Nate said

My eyes widened "What? You guys are writing again, that's great" my voice was a little too enthused, but I didn't care. It had been months since the boys had productively put pen to paper, complaining of writers block, I was just glad they were back on track. "I told you, you'd overcome the writer's block Natey."

"I didn't write it" he added all too quickly.

I furrowed my eyebrows together confused. "Well who did then?" Nate was the writer, the lyrical genius; all of the bands greatest hits to date had been a result of Nate's undeniable writing ability.

"Me." I whipped my head around to come face to face with Shane, his piercing eyes looking straight into mine.

"You?"I questioned my voice full of disbelief.

He nodded.

"When? You never told me, I've never seen you write..." I was confused. Hell I was very confused.

"This past week, I guess inspiration just hit me" he shrugged, his voice quiet and full of uncertainty. This wasn't the Shane Gray I was used to hearing; he was always so confident, so bold. This Shane was full of doubt for himself.

"So err, yeah the song..." Shane began as he picked up the guitar, settling it on his lap "It's called who I am"

I smiled as he began to lightly pluck the strings, a beautiful melody filling up the room.

I want someone to love me
for who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone
I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong
I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again

I want someone to love me
for who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am

I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have

I was so fixated on the song being played before me, the words so sincere, so true that I didn't realise that both Nate and Jason had somehow left the room, leaving just me and Shane by the fire, eyes locked.

"I want someone to love me, for who I am"

The last few words of the song rang through the room for a few seconds longer, a silence settling between us, yet for the first time in over a week, it wasn't an uncomfortable one.

I continued to stare at his saddened eyes as I bit my lip, he had just spilled out all his feelings into this beautiful song, a song I didn't even know he had the ability to write, and here I was absolutely speechless.

He settled the guitar beside him, resting his hands on his knees "so err, what do you think?"

Yeah what do I think?

Well I can't help but think how incredibly sexy you look wearing that jumper, regardless of how tacky it is, nor how irresistible you are when you're nervous and that all I want to do is run my hands through your newly cut hair.

Oh were you not talking about your body Shane? OH... Well then...

"It was, beautiful Shane" I replied honestly as a small smile spread across his lips

"I ended it with her Mitchie" My attention was caught; he had ended it with her?

Time out.

Sorry for the interruption...but please excuse me whilst I burst out into a rather cringe worthy happy dance inside my head.

And we're back. "What?" I asked quietly, still thinking my ears had deceived me.

He inhaled sharply, shifting himself nearer me; his legs still crossed "I ended it with her. I did some thinking whilst you were gone and it was never going to work out. I had had my suspicions from day one that she was more than likely only with me to boost her career in one way or another, and I couldn't go through the pain of being shot down once more because I was their fast track pass to their fifteen minutes of fame. Things were okay for a couple of days, I spent more and more time around her, I mean, with your absence I was lonely, but that only opened myself up to hearing her talk about you constantly..."

Say what now?

"No girl has a future with me if they speak about my best friend in a negative manner, no girl. And the moment she began bad mouthing you, I ended it. It pained me hearing someone who barely knows you speak about you badly, it made me realise just how much I missed you. I don't like this, I don't like us arguing, not talking. I miss you nagging me to pick up my clothes off of the floor; I miss our movie marathons Mitch. I'm sorry"

What do you do when undoubtedly the most attractive guy you have ever laid eyes on apologises to you and tells you he dumped his girlfriend because they were bad mouthing you?

You jump them?

No...?

Not even a little?

Fine "I've missed you too" I smiled "No offence to your brother or anything but his jamming sessions at 3 in the morning are not appreciated"

Shane let out a small chuckle as he extended his arms and stuck out his bottom lip, mustering the best pout he could "hug?"

I simply nodded as he got onto his knees and shuffled his way across the hardwood floor towards me, engulfing me in what had to be one of the best hugs I had ever experienced.

We stayed there for what felt like forever, neither of us wanting to let go, how did I manage to ignore this guy for over a week again?

Wow I must have some killer willpower when I put my mind to it.

Shane reluctantly pulled away, but only slightly as he rested his hands on the floor either side of me

"I don't think you realise how much you mean to me" his words filled up my ears, melting me inside slightly.

My breath hitched in my throat as I realised just how little distance was between us, my heart racing in my chest as if I had just completed a marathon. I didn't dare look into his eyes as he placed two fingers under my chin, lifting my head up, scared that I would completely lose all composure there and then.

This guy should come with a warning.

"Seriously" he added his voice just above a whisper. "You're my world"

I closed my eyes, my imagination going into overdrive as I tried to push my fantasies of him kissing me senseless out of my mind. That and not wanting to cry. I had heard his song, he wanted to find someone now, and this wasn't a stupid little crush he was after, it was a full blown relationship.

And I was just going to have to accept that, and make the most of words like this, knowing full well that they won't last much longer.

But I whilst my eyes were shut tightly I felt his breath tickle against my skin, the smell of his cologne becoming even stronger, his hands finding their way to my cheeks.

I went into some sort of cardiac arrest as I slowly opened my eyes as Shane's stared right back before the lowered to look at my lips. No words were exchanged, no signals made as I felt Shane's body edge towards mine, making the little distance between us nonexistent. I closed my eyes, my body aching intensely as it felt like hours before Shane's lips found mine.

Hell either this shit was happening or my imagination is incredible. I think for the best interest of the world, this better be real because I will be pissssssssssssed, is this is a dream. There was no hesitation as I began to kiss him back.

I had probably dreamed of this moment a million or more times, imagining what it would be like to have his lips on mine, and even now, I would have never been able to imagine how right it felt. My arms found their way to his neck, allowing my body to now lose balance at any moment, however as soon as my arms locked themselves around his neck, he abruptly pulled away, breaking all sort of bodily contact from me.

"Oh god" he muttered barely audibly, most probably with the intention of me not hearing him, but I heard him right.

Normally those two words wouldn't have affected me in the slightest but within a split second they filled me with fear. He had obviously regretted it.

I cautiously raised my glance to meet his; afraid that the slightest bit of eye contact may send me into a hysterical frenzy, as I unintentionally raised my finger to my lips.

His eyes were wide once more as he ran his hands through his hair. The silence, absolutely killing me.

"Shane..." I said cautiously, breaking the silence, scooting closer to him slightly.

"No Mitchie, that shouldn't have happened, this isn't what friends do!" my heart sunk as the words left his lips, my mind replaying the sentence over and over again in my head.

'This isn't what friends do'

Friends.

The definition of a merely platonic relationship. And the reason as to why my heart was currently shattering into a million pieces.

"Oh" was all I could manage to say, scared that if I dare to say anything else, my voice would betray me, letting out all the emotions I was currently experiencing.

I nodded my head quickly "Sure, friends...right" I got up on my feet, harshly gulping back the sob that was forming at the bottom of my throat as I dared eye contact once more, to find him staring at his hands.

Wonderful, now we're back to square one once again. I couldn't stand the growing tension in the room any longer as I threw my head back to look at the ceiling as I took in a deep breath, trying to calm the war of emotions and thoughts currently going on inside me, before striding out of the room as quickly as I could.

"Whoa hey there pretty lady, where's the fire?" Nate exclaimed as he blocked my path in the hallway, face full of confusion.

"Let me past Nate" I ordered, my tone short.

He extended his arms out in front of him, keeping me at arm's length. "Mitch?" he raised his eyebrows, his face scrunching up slightly. Any other time I'd comment on how goddamn cute it was when any of the Gray brothers scrunched up their faces, but now, now, just no.

"Please Nate just let me pass" I now begged, losing the willpower to remain strong. "Please"

Nate pulled me into a tight embrace, as I let out a small, pathetic sob. "Mitch" he whispered into my ear "what's happened? You were all rainbows and butterflies when I left you not even 20 minutes ago?"

I raised my head from his shoulder, to look at him through now blurry eyes, I swear one day, one day I'll make it 24 hours without crying like a baby.

The male gender has done this to me.

Actually Shane has.

Either way, I blame men, because I can.

I couldn't formulate an answer as the concern in Nate's eyes grew. He pulled me out of the hallway, up the stairs at lightning speed into his room before shutting the door firmly behind us.

As soon as I heard the door click shut I let go of what little composure I had left, as I fell to the floor, burying my head in my hands

"Mitchie, what the hell has happened?"

"What has happened?" I repeated, my voice muffled as it remained covered by my hands "why don't you go and ask Mr Mindfuck downstairs"

"Mindfuck?"

I lifted my head and nodded "Yeah, it's a term that describes someone who is FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND!" The last few words came out a lot louder than I had anticipated, but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore.

Side note: complete lie. I care too much. But I want to not care. I really do.

I screeched in frustration as my hands pulled at my hair, the sharp pain from my scalp, weirdly helping the pent up anger I was now releasing.

"Why would he do that?" I questioned out loud "Why the fuck would he just do that!!!!"

"Do what?" Nate asked cautiously as came down to the floor, meeting my current height.

"Freaking kiss me!"

"WHAT!" Nate shouted, his hand flying up to cover his mouth as soon as he had said it.

Alright love, I know it's a shock but don't have a stroke over it.

"Sorry" he quickly apologised, his volume significantly lower "but what?"

"One minute he was singing, the next his tongue was down my throat."

"That's a good thing though, right?" he looked at me hopeful to which I simply gave an unimpressed stare "...or not. But isn't that what you wanted? God you women are so complex. Life is so much simpler when it's just me, the Xbox and call of duty."

"Sorry to be such a disappointment to you Nate but no, this isn't what I wanted. He pulled away and basically told me he regretted it. For god knows how many years Nate I've dreamt of that moment over and over again, playing out every scenario a million times where he would just spontaneously grab me and pull me into a kiss, and there and then my life would fall into place. All the hurt and uncertainty would just disappear, because I would finally be able to call him mine. And now I've had that kiss. I had the earth shattering, pulse racing, 4th of July celebration kiss, undoubtedly the best kiss in my entire life. And he pulled away with a face of regret."

Nate's expression had turned to one of sympathy and sadness. I didn't want his sympathy. I wanted him to tell his douche of a brother to man up and make a woman out of me. But this is Nathaniel Gray and as heroic as he may be in my eyes, he would never do that. "I'm sorry Mitch"

I shrugged "Not your fault is it? It's not your fault that Shane isn't in love with me. It's not your fault that I've been so head over heels in love with him since I can remember. I just can't be dealing with the pain anymore Nate, I left because I was losing my sanity. And now I'm pretty sure it's gone. I feel myself falling; I'm so out of my depth here. Just tell me what to do Nate, please" my voice had become whiny and desperate again, my heart literally physically aching as I remained sprawled over Nate's floor, his arms now tightly wrapped around me.

"I really don't know Mitch, you know it kills me to see you like this, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you if it meant I could see you happy, and I know Shane is causing you all this pain, but I know he's the only thing that can fix everything. I still believe that you two are meant to be, as reluctant at times I am to admit it. You just realised a little before he has"

I sniffled, momentarily forcing myself to stop crying "You know, if I wasn't so crazy in love with your brother, I would have jumped your bones by now Nate. You're incredible, don't let anyone ever tell you any different, because they'll have me to answer to"

Nate didn't say anything, but just smiled and held me closer. I must have looked an absolute state, no doubt the expensive waterproof mascara I purchased in case of times like this has deceived me and is currently running down my cheeks in a mix of tears, making me look like something between a clown and a panda.

Ah the joys of being a girl.

I didn't plan on leaving Nate's embrace for the rest of the evening as I continued to sob until unconsciousness overcame me. Little did I know that the guy who had the killer grip on my heart had been on the other side of the door, listening to every word I had said.

Well there you go, that's another chapter done and dusted! SORRY IF IT WAS CRAP AND DIDNT MAKE you happy with the ending of that chapter? Well, I am too. When I write my fic's I don't plan anything ahead so not even I was expecting that. So I'm at 132 reviews at the moment, 155 for next update my loves!