kyoshi hold 'em
part seven: harmless as a baby moose-lion
"Okay, well, all that's left is the ceiling, and I vote that we make someone else do that part," Zuko said, popping his neck and looking around at the assembled group, "all in favor?"
Surprisingly, after the brouhaha with the mop bucket water, Mai's exodus from the dining room, and Jet and Toph's addition to the crew, things had gone remarkably smooth. Apparently, Jet was deeply opposed to being frozen to another wall by Katara and Toph was threatened with being returned to her parents in Gaoling if she should cause any mayhem (she grumbled darkly and insisted that "Sparky wouldn't do that to me" but Zuko received glares from Katara, Sokka, and Suki, and so kept his mouth shut). As such, they had managed to finish the massive cleaning operation within an hour, studiously ignoring Iroh's gleeful proclamation that "look, now you've all learned a valuable lesson about the benefits of cooperation over arguing!"
"I'm in favor of making Uncle Sparky do it," Toph said, collapsing into a chair as though she had done all the work.
"I'll vote for that," Jet agreed, and began rummaging through the cabinets. "Hey, do we have anymore of that firewhiskey? Oh, hello..." he trailed off, pulling out a large bottle of a clear, brown liquid. "What have we here?" He pulled the top off and sniffed at it.
"Uh," Sokka answered, stepping forward and reaching out to stop Jet before he did exactly what he was about to do, "that's Akavit, and you're not supposed to - drink it," he finished lamely. Jet coughed hard and hit himself on the chest a couple of times.
"That is awful, Sokka, what is this?"
"It's a traditional drink, used in a coming-of-age ritual," he replied, holding out his hand for Jet to hand him the drink, which he did as though it was covered in poison. "It's also something like 70 percent alcohol, so your liver is about to jump out of your body and strangle you."
Jet waved him off, "I only took a sip. Besides, I've got the alcohol tolerance of..." he cast around, unable to think of anything that was particularly known for its alcohol tolerance, "something that doesn't ever get drunk," he finished, and returned to searching the cabinets. "Holy... Is this Absinthe? Who the hell brought Absinthe to a peace summit?"
Zuko was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit. Toph snickered.
"We are not, I repeat, not," Katara said, roughly snatching the bottle from Jet's hands, "drinking that. End of discussion."
Jet held up his hands in supplication, "Sure, fine," he said airily, and then leaned forward, "so that means you're drinking with us, right?"
"I never said that!"
"You used the word 'we'," he insisted, grinning, "that means you're in with us. And if not, well," he held out his hand for the Absinthe, forcing her to make a choice. She glared at him, and then looked at the Absinthe, weighing the pros and cons.
"Ugh, fine. I'll drink with you, but I am not getting drunk again like last night."
"Fair enough," he replied, smirking, and returned to the cabinets. "So, Sokka, you're going to play Kyoshi Hold 'Em with us again, right?"
"Who said we were playing Kyoshi Hold 'Em again tonight?" Zuko asked suddenly. "Some of us might prefer to sleep."
"Yeah, right, Sparky," Toph said, elbowing him in the ribs. "You know you want the chance to get Sugarqueen out of her shirt."
"Hey!" Katara interjected, holding an arm pointlessly over her chest while Zuko turned bright red and stammered something to the effect of No, I don't, "That's not true, and besides, who said I was going to play?"
"Well," Jet said, pulling out a bottle of Olde Omashu Meade and inspecting it curiously, "you did say you were going to drink with us. And don't you have some things you need to win?"
Ty Lee waltzed over to the counter, where everyone was gathering, followed by Suki. (An annoyed Aang watched from the opposite side of the room disapprovingly.) "What's going on here... Is that Absinthe?"
"It is," Toph replied proudly, "but we're not drinking it."
"You in for another round of Kyoshi Hold 'Em?" Jet asked, raising the bottle of Meade like an offering.
"Of course," Ty Lee replied.
"No way," Suki said at the same time. Then she caught Sokka's eye, "I will help Sokka, though."
"You can't do that!" Jet said loudly.
"You and Ty Lee and Zuko all got together last night and conned him out of his clothes! At this point, anything is fair game."
Zuko rubbed his chin thoughtfully, wincing at the day's growth of stubble that he hadn't had a chance to shave, "She's got a point. Besides, if Toph is going to play, someone will have to help her. Maybe we should play in teams?"
"Can't," Sokka said suddenly, counting on his hands. "We have an uneven number of players."
"No we don't," Ty Lee said brightly. "Aang, come on. Play some cards with us!"
"I am not getting involved in this," he replied, furiously scrubbing the floor even though it was spotless.
"C'mon, pleeeease?" she begged, bouncing over to him and pulling him up off the floor. "Someone's gotta help Toph play..." she sing-songed, a grin blooming on her face as Aang sighed and walked back to the group with her.
"Okay, okay," Jet said, pulling down glasses from another cabinet. "Say we do this team thing. That's Toph and Aang, Sokka and Suki, me and Katara - "
"No," Katara said abruptly. "I am not going to be on your team."
He turned on his most charming smile. "Oh, come on, Kat," he said in a low, flirtatious tone, "we'd make an amazing team!"
"No," she replied shortly, crossing her arms. "And do not call me Kat."
"Fine," Jet grumbled, dropping the sultry tone, "Me and Ty Lee, then, so Katara is teamed up with Zuko. Hmm."
"Or," Ty Lee said, with an odd glint in her eyes, "Me and Katara team up, and Jet and Zuko work together..."
Jet smirked suggestively, "I can run with that." On the other side of the counter, Zuko mouthed save me to Katara, who rolled her eyes.
"No, I can't be on the same side as Ty Lee. She's still got my earrings. And my shoes."
"Oh, fine," Ty Lee huffed. "I'll be on Jet's - Wait! What about Mai?"
"Mai won't want to play," Zuko said.
"How do you know?" a voice drawled from behind them. Zuko winced and ran a hand over his face. "Maybe I love Kyoshi Hold 'Em." Mai shuffled in, leaned against the counter, weaving just a little, and pulled a tall bottle of clear liquid out of her sleeve. "I also brought vodka. Finest in the Fire Nation." Her voice was very slightly slurring. A deep terror began to rise in Zuko's soul.
Mai had come here with two bottles of Fire Nation Vodka.
"I knew we kept you around for a reason," Jet said cheerfully, taking the vodka from Mai (who glared and almost didn't let him take it) and setting it up with the other alcoholic drinks he had found. "But now we have too many for teams."
"I could just not play..." Aang said, but Ty Lee drowned him out, going so far as to shove a hand over his mouth.
"Oh well, then," she said quickly, "guess the team thing is out."
"I'm still playing with Sokka," Suki insisted.
"You can't," Jet replied. Something cold glinted in Suki's eyes, and she leaned forward dangerously.
"Well, I am."
Jet wisely backed off. "Tch, fine. Whatever."
"So," Toph said, jumping into the awkward silence, "let's take this to common room and get started."
"Someone help me with the drinks and glasses," Jet called out, before the group could get too far away and leave him with it. Aang stepped forward, but Ty Lee suddenly jumped in and nudged him away, nodding toward Toph, who was standing still and tapping her foot, waiting for someone to lead her away, unable to see on the ice.
"Ty Lee?" Katara asked, watching the exchange and picking up a bottle of Makapu's Finest Whisky, "is there any particular reason you're so determined that Aang get involved in this game?"
"Why?" she replied quickly, and then leaned forward suspiciously, "You're not still with him, are you?"
"No," Katara said slowly, "but he is one of my best friends and if you're... planning anything..."
Ty Lee laughed, "Oh, I'm not planning anything. At least, nothing that'll hurt him."
"You want to get him drunk," Katara accused. "Is there any reason why?"
"Are you kidding?" Ty Lee said incredulously, "The Avatar, drunk off his skull? I'd pay good money to see that," she nodded several times for effect. "It'll be fine, Fussybritches. It's just a little alcohol. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."
"He's against drinking, Ty Lee. You can't force him."
"No one's forcing him," she assured, "but it's a lot more fun once you get a little alcohol in your system. Besides, he didn't take any vow of non-alcoholism, right?"
"Not that I know of..." Katara started uncertainly. "But - "
"Then it's all good!"
Katara gave up and walked away, rolling her eyes. Ty Lee watched her go for a long moment, and then glanced back at the counter, where the bottle of Absinthe was still sitting, looking innocent and harmless as a baby moose-lion. She grinned and picked it up. "This'll make things a lot more fun..."
"All right then," Jet announced, taking the seat that Zuko had been in the night before. "I'm dealer this time, so what I say goes."
"Who made you dealer?" Zuko asked, setting down two handfuls of glasses and shooting Jet a glare.
"I did," he replied flippantly, and continued like he hadn't been interrupted. "So we've got two teams, of Toph and Aang, and Sokka and Mega-Bitch - "
"Jet!" several voices yelled.
"Fine, fine, Sokka and Suki. Happy? Other than that, no teams, free-for-all, same rules as last night."
"Um," Aang began, raising a hand, "What were those rules?"
"You know how to play Kyoshi Hold 'Em?" Jet asked, lounging in his seat and shuffling the cards. Mai and Toph nodded. Aang rubbed the back of his neck.
"Kind of? I mean, I've heard of it..."
"You'll be fine," Jet said, brushing him off. "So, here's the deal. You gamble with whatever you've got on-hand. Spare change, clothes, sexual favors - "
"Jet," Zuko hissed dangerously, but was ignored.
"- And you pay up if you lose a hand, to whoever wins. You can get out of betting by folding before betting begins. That means you give up that hand and bow out. Also, if you lose, you take a shot of... whatever we're playing with at the moment. We're starting with, ah," he cast around the table and landed on the Olde Omashu Meade, "this stuff. I don't know what it is, but it looks innocent enough."
"It's honey wine," Suki supplied, "and it's... relatively non-alcoholic."
"Really?" Jet asked, in a tone of great disappointment. "How non-alcoholic are we talking?"
"I don't know, but compared to everything else on this table..."
"Fair enough," Jet said, shrugging, and continued shuffling. "You also take a shot if you fold after the flop. That's about it for the rules. You got that, newbies? Oh, and who takes the shot for the teams?"
"I think they should switch out," Ty Lee suggested, "You know, first loss, Toph takes a shot, second loss, Aang..."
"I'm not drinking," Aang insisted.
"Come on..." Ty Lee whined, "You can't play and not drink."
Aang shook his head firmly, "I am not drinking."
"It's okay, Stretch," Toph said, "I'll do all the drinking in this team. Besides, we're not gonna lose enough to get drunk, right Twinkletoes?"
"Right," he said, sounding much less sure about it than Toph was.
"And I have no plans of going through another hangover like this morning," Suki said, "so I won't drink either. I'm just going to be Sokka's adviser."
"You can't do that!" Jet yelled angrily.
"Stop me. I dare you," Suki replied.
"You know," Sokka said, looking between his girlfriend and Jet, "it seems like there's some bad blood between the two of you. You should work this out."
A flash of sheer horror crossed over Jet's face, and he quickly turned back to dealing the cards. "Nah, it's fine. Just... do whatever you want to do," he growled. "So," he said sourly, "anyone going to be cowardly and fold on this first hand?"
"I am," Mai said quietly, laying her cards face-down on the table. "And I am not a coward to do so."
"Sure you aren't," Jet sneered. Alcohol seemed to mellow Mai out even more than usual, and she merely shrugged at Jet's attitude. Zuko sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whatever spirit had deigned to watch over him today.
Aang leaned against Toph's chair and peered at the cards, but Toph didn't much need his help. It turned out that the drawings on the cards were slightly raised from the paper, allowing Toph to get a pretty good handle on what she had in her hand. "What are the community cards?" she whispered to Aang, who leaned up to see and told her.
"A three of spades, Jack of diamonds, and four of hearts."
She wrinkled her nose, but threw in a bet anyway. "All right. I'm betting my sash and Aang's belt."
"Wait!" Aang yelped, but the rest of the table went on without him.
"Gotta have something at stake, Twinkletoes," Toph said with a smirk.
"I'm throwing in Katara's earrings from last night," Ty Lee said, pulling them out of her pocket.
Suki leaned down and whispered something in Sokka's ear. "Are you sure?" he replied, and she nodded. "All right, then. I'm betting, uh, the shirt I'm wearing, which I'm told is Zuko's. Zuko, can I barter with your shirt?"
He waved a hand, "Yeah, sure. I'll bet my jacket."
"My left shoe," Katara said absently, looking again at the cards. Jet raised an eyebrow.
"And I'll throw in my shirt," he said, and then dealt another two cards to the middle of the table. "Any changes to the bets?" Everyone shook their heads, but Toph smacked Aang on the arm and gestured to the cards.
"Oh, sorry," he said, "um, seven of diamonds and two of spades."
"Okay, then," Toph said, and poked Aang again, "I'll add his shirt to my bet," she said, grinning. Aang whimpered.
Toph, it turned out, was a better gambler than Aang gave her credit for. Before long, she had amassed a pile of clothes to rival Ty Lee's from the night before, and had even managed to save Aang from utter humiliation after a particularly hairy round which had ended with a massive argument over whether a straight was higher than a flush, and if that meant that Zuko had to lose his pants or Aang did (Toph won and, although he insisted that a straight beat a flush, Zuko had lost his pants).
Then Jet had won Zuko's pants and was betting both them and his own, and Zuko was determined to win.
Unfortunately, he had a nasty hand - a two of clubs and a Jack of diamonds - and the community cards were giving him nothing good enough to win with. Katara leaned over surreptitiously and inspected his hand, then whispered, "I've got a Queen of diamonds." He started and then looked at her oddly, folding his hand over to hide it from her.
"So?"
"So? Look at the community pile! There's an ten, an Ace, and a King of diamonds! If you give me your Jack, I've got a royal flush!"
"Or if you give me your Queen, I get a royal flush," he hissed, catching on. "And I can put my pants back on."
"Let me win this one! If I lose, I won't have anything left to bet but my bindings!"
"My. Pants." Zuko insisted.
"Here, you give me your Jack, I'll bet your pants next round." Katara gave him a wide-eyed, hopeful look. He glanced at Jet, who was grinning arrogantly - clearly, he thought he had this round in the bag - and watched as Jet's eyes landed on Katara's mostly-exposed chest with an almost predatory glint in his eyes. Zuko glared.
"Deal," he muttered, and 'accidentally' dropped his cards. "Damn!" he said loudly.
"I've got it!" Katara said, slipping one of her cards into her hand as she leaned down and deftly switched the cards, handing Zuko a seven of spades and taking his Jack. Jet peered at her suspiciously.
"...Are you cheating?" he asked, leaning forward. "Because you know the penalty for cheating is that you have to get totally naked."
Katara froze. Zuko, however, snorted. "Yeah, right. Like Katara would cheat," he said sardonically.
"Yeah, Sugarqueen's such a goody-goody," Toph said airily, from the seat beside Katara. "The day she cheats at poker will be the day I suddenly regain my sight."
Aang looked at Katara strangely, "I don't - " he was suddenly cut off by Toph's foot slamming down on his own. "Never mind," he conceded, and then leaned down to whisper to Toph, "Why are we covering for her?"
"So she'll owe me a favor," she replied easily, barely moving her lips. Aang blinked, suddenly feeling very out of his depth.
"All right, all right," Jet said, apparently assured. "Any last bets or folds?"
"I'm folding," Zuko said, and downed his shot. Ty Lee and Toph had already folded, Mai laid down a three-of-a-kind, and Sokka winced as he showed a two-pair hand. Jet grinned as he laid down his cards with a flourish.
"Full House," he crowed. "Lose the skirt, Katara."
Katara smirked, and set her cards down. "Royal flush," she said easily. "Lose the pants, Jet." Jet gaped.
"No way. You cheated!"
"She did not cheat," Toph insisted.
"How do you know?"
"Because I can tell if people are lying," she said proudly, gleefully lying through her teeth because Jet was the only one here who didn't know better. Jet, however, didn't look convinced, so Aang stepped in.
"I was watching her the whole time," he said. "She didn't cheat."
"All right..." Jet conceded slowly, standing up and removing his pants, "but I've got my eye on you."
As he dealt the next hand, Toph leaned over slightly and whispered, "You owe me one, Sugarqueen. You too, Sparky. You owe Aang as well." Both Zuko and Katara gave her sheepish looks, like children who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
"Thanks, Toph. You too, Aang." Katara muttered, pulling the pile of clothes off the table. Zuko eyed his pants eagerly.
He made a small sound in the back of his throat. "Just don't do it again. You shouldn't cheat," he whispered.
"It won't happen again," she insisted. At least not unless I lose my skirt, she thought. But that was okay. Aang would agree with cheating, as long as it was to avoid something even worse, which was having to remove her bindings in front of this group. She shuddered at what Jet (and Ty Lee, come to think of it...) might do if she ended up completely topless.
Maybe Zuko would be gallant and offer her something from his pile of clothes to wear. But then, he wasn't doing nearly as well tonight as he had been last night, and his pile of clothes was much, much smaller. Still, though, she doubted he would be cruel enough - or crass enough - to leave her completely exposed in front of Jet. And if not Zuko, then surely Sokka would save her.
Then again, she had let Sokka lose everything he had, including his hair, last night. So maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bank on Sokka helping her.
Zuko, though. Zuko was on her side.
She hoped.
A/N: Before anyone tells me I'm wrong, I did look up Akavit, and no, it's not nearly as strong as I have it here. That's pure Rule of Funny, like everything else in this fic. Just run with it.