kyoshi hold 'em
part nine: a pot of porridge

"What is that smell?"

Katara yelped. Of all the people to wander into the kitchen while she was making porridge... "It's porridge, Zuko," she replied, stirring frantically and trying to contain her nerves.

"Why are you making porridge?"

The truth was that she was making it because she didn't know what else to do as the blizzard wasn't letting up, and her only options were to sit around and chat with Mai about Jet and Zuko (unappealing for several reasons), go back to her room with the Duke and Smellerbee (even less appealing), or wander around aimlessly like Sokka. And since it was roughly breakfast time - or, well, okay, it was actually more like two in the afternoon, but who was counting? - she had decided that everyone could do with some porridge. The only problem was that she, along with just about everyone she had ever spoken to, despised porridge.

"Because it's breakfast time, obviously," she said, trying her damnedest to make it sound flippant and uncaring. Zuko didn't seem to notice her anxiety, and came over and leaned against the counter beside her, still shirtless.

"I though you hated porridge," he said, leaning over the pot and wrinkling his nose. "I seem to remember you saying that it was the most awful thing you've ever tasted in your entire life..."

She flipped her hair airily, "That was only your porridge," she proclaimed. "When I make porridge, it's delicious."

He didn't rise to the bait, instead giving her an odd look. "Uh-huh. Because there are so many ways to make porridge."

"There are."

"Right." He peered into her face curiously. "What are you so nervous about?"

The fact that he was approximately four inches from her face, shirtless, and slightly sweaty apparently didn't occur to him as a possibility. She glared into the porridge and stirred faster. "I'm not nervous about anything."

"Yes, you are. You're all jittery and flushed. And cooking like a maniac, which you only do when you're nervous."

"Because you know so much about my cooking habits. And I'm not cooking like a maniac!" she cried, but her statement was somewhat lacking in effectiveness, as it was punctuated by vigorously-stirred porridge being flung out of the pot and splattering against the wall. They both stared at it for a long moment.

"Yeah," he said finally. "So what did you do last night that's got you all hot and bothered?"

Of course. Of course it would be her luck that he wouldn't remember. She should have expected this. After all, he hadn't remembered why she was in his bed yesterday morning, and he had only been hungover for that. Of course he didn't remember that she kissed him.

...Now what?

"I didn't do anything last night, thank-you-very-much," she said primly, tossing her hair again for effect. It smacked him in the face, and he glared as she tried not to snicker.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

It was her turn to glare, and she decided not to answer that question, because he was wrong and she was a perfectly good liar, when the situation called for it. He continued to stare, watching her carefully, and leaning forward ever-so-slightly.

"Come on, Katara," he said lightly, "you can tell me."

Her mind clicked into full-on panic mode at both the slightly jealous tone in his voice and the closeness of his face and the heat from the fire (which was, of course, why she was turning blood-red. Yes.) What to do? What to say? She couldn't just say, oh I tried to make out with you while you were plastered but then you passed out so yeah it's kind of awkward. Or, well, she could, but she had this strange thing where she actually liked her dignity being somewhat intact.

She could lie, but apparently he could see through her lies, and he wasn't going to listen to her repeated insistence that she didn't do anything last night - and then he might ask someone else, like Suki or Mai, and that would probably be the end of her life. Instead, she focused on the now-overdone porridge, and pulled it off the fire, trying to look anywhere but at the barely-clad firebender directly in front of her. He, however, was having none of that.

"Wow, it must have been bad," he said, grabbing a towel and then the other end of the pot, forcing her to stay in place. "Who'd you sleep with?"

Now he was definitely looking annoyed, although it could have been caused by the tug-of-porridge-war going on. "I didn't sleep with anyone!"

All of a sudden, Sokka wandered into the kitchen and held up both hands in supplication. "I do not want to know anything about this conversation," he croaked. "I just want water. Please don't tell me anything about this conversation."

Katara growled in frustration, but Zuko ignored Sokka's rambling. "Come on, Katara, you can tell me. Who was it? Jet?"

Sokka let out a yelp, followed by a horrified whimper. Katara glared. "No, I did not sleep with Jet."

"I don't believe you," Zuko said, glaring at her.

"I didn't! I couldn't have!" She cast around for an out, but found none, so she decided that, sisterhood be damned, she had to get out of this situation. "Because Mai did that!"

There was the sound of breaking glass as Sokka dropped the glass of water he had been holding. "Mai slept with Jet?" he asked, incredulous.

Zuko gaped. "No... She didn't..."

"She did! On Sokka's bed, in fact!" Sokka let out a cry. "Suki walked in on it!" Okay, so it wasn't precisely true, but close enough. Zuko stared at her blankly for a long moment, and then nodded.

"Wow, that's... Horrifying, actually," he said slowly, his grip on the pot slackening. Katara, who had gotten used to sharing the weight between two people, tipped forward slightly and almost fell over, causing Zuko to remember the porridge and, unfortunately, why he was holding it. "Okay, so you didn't sleep with Jet. Who did you sleep with, then? Aang?"

Behind them, ignored, Sokka grumbled darkly as he picked up the shards of broken glass.

"No! I didn't! Aang is like my little brother, how could you - !" She tugged ineffectively at the pot of porridge.

"Who, then? Kuei?" She let out a shriek of indignation, and an odd look suddenly came over Zuko's face. "Ty Lee?"

There was a moment of silence, and Katara narrowed her eyes. "Yes," she replied sarcastically, "Yes, I had sex with Ty Lee. Amazing, acrobatic sex involving... involving lots of pink outfits and roleplay and - and - and chi techniques!" she finished, somewhat lamely. Zuko blinked at her. Sokka stood up and walked over, towering over his sister.

"What did you just say?" he asked dangerously.

"It was sarcasm, Sokka!" she cried. "Of course I didn't sleep with Ty Lee! I didn't sleep with anyone! Now give me the porridge!" she shrieked at Zuko, who finally let go of it and raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine," he said sourly, "don't tell me." He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Katara with a pot-full of porridge and her brother's deeply suspicious glaring.

"Oh, shut up," she snapped at Sokka, "go yell at Jet for having sex in your bed."

The reminder worked, and Sokka suddenly leaped up, shouting obscenities as he ran out of the room to find Jet, leaving Katara with a pot-full of porridge. She stared at it, groaned, and wished that she could just rewind and start this morning over with. Or, better yet, go back in time to last night and smack herself over the head for getting roped into another card game. She glared into the porridge for a long moment before setting it on the counter and stalking out of the room, thinking that maybe she should warn Mai that her secret was out, or maybe she should go talk to Suki.

Instead, she found herself back in her room, tripping over the Duke and Smellerbee, and falling face-down on her bed with a sigh and a groan.

Well, great.

"Who made porridge?" Jet asked, stumbling into the kitchen and peering into the pot that was sitting innocently on the counter. He swiped a finger in it and tasted it, making a face. "Really bad porridge, at that," he muttered, glancing behind him to Longshot, who he had roped into helping him clean and then into helping him avoid Sokka's wrath. Behind Longshot was Ty Lee, who was giving the archer odd looks and laughing at everything he said (which, admittedly, wasn't much, but also wasn't generally funny).

"I love porridge," she trilled, dancing over and pulling a spoon out of nowhere, digging in deep and taking a huge bite. She made a face. "It, um, needs something."

Jet snorted. "Yeah, it needs to not be porridge anymore."

The acrobat took the pot and set it over the fire, opening a cabinet and pulling out all sorts of little bowls and a canisters. "Ooh, cinnamon! And brown sugar! And some nutmeg, and honey, and - what is this?" she peered at a canister of long, thin brown pods and sniffed at it. "Vanilla? Jet, tell me if this is vanilla."

He leaned over the counter and sniffed the pods, wrinkling his nose. "Yeah, that's vanilla. Have fun using it."

"You can help me," she said brightly, pulling down a mortar and pestle. "Here, just crush a pod or seven. I love vanilla."

"It's a pretty strong flavoring, Ty Lee," Jet said uncertainly, taking the supplies from her. "You'll probably only need a half a pod."

"But vanilla is so good," she whined.

"You're already adding a bunch of other flavors," he pointed out, and she finally caved.

"Okay, fine, half a pod," she conceded, and began humming to herself while she stirred the porridge. "I thought everyone else hated porridge," she said suddenly, as though they had been having a conversation about it. "But apparently not!"

"Right," Jet said absently, crushing the vanilla and pretending it was Suki's face. As though reading his mind, Ty Lee continued.

"I wonder what Suki was so mad about this morning. I mean, we didn't win that much from Sokka last night, did we?"

Jet coughed. "I don't know," he replied evasively. Ty Lee caught on.

"Oh, really?" she said, clearly interested, and leaned on the counter, grinning. "Longshot, do you believe him? 'Cause I don't." Longshot made a noncommittal noise, which Ty Lee took as agreement. "That's what I thought. So, Jet, why was Suki so mad this morning?"

"I'll tell you why," Sokka yelled, bursting through the kitchen furiously. Jet abruptly stopped crushing the vanilla and bolted for the exit, counting on Longshot and Ty Lee to distract Sokka for long enough to escape. Unfortunately, he misjudged Ty Lee.

"Oh, no," she said, taking the vanilla, her shoulders dropping, "Sokka found out that you kissed Suki yesterday?"

Everything stopped. Sokka froze mid-rant, Jet froze mid-leap, and Longshot shuffled surreptitiously out of the way.

"He did what?" Sokka asked dangerously. Ty Lee blinked.

"Um, apparently not," she replied sheepishly, as Jet glared furiously at her. "Just... carry on," she said, laughing nervously, and then turned back to the porridge and began stirring hastily.

"Jet..." Sokka began, but Jet had already escaped.

"So..." Ty Lee said, wielding the spoon as a sword to protect her from Sokka. "What were you gonna say?"

Sokka howled in frustration. "That little - " here he cursed so violently that she stepped back in fear, "had sex with Mai in my bed! And he kissed my girlfriend!"

Ty Lee's jaw dropped. "Wait," she whispered, "Mai slept with Jet? And she didn't tell me?" she shrieked, and then, apparently forgetting about the porridge entirely, she ran from the room to find and interrogate her best friend. Sokka followed close behind, shouting angrily for Jet to stop hiding and face him like a man.

Longshot looked at the porridge and sighed.

Toph wandered into the kitchen, hair and clothing askew, and sniffed at the air. "Who made porridge?"

Aang was sitting on the counter, eating a bowl. He shrugged. "I don't know, but it's really good. It's all sweet and thick and creamy. I've never had porridge this good."

"Give me a bowl," Toph said, hopping up onto the counter beside him. Aang complied, ladling out a generous portion of the breakfast to her.

"So, do you know what all the screaming was about earlier?" he asked, licking his spoon. Mmm, vanilla. Toph shook her head.

"Nope. But whatever it is, Sokka's really mad. This is really good porridge," she mumbled around a spoonful of it.

"Hmm," Aang muttered, "Jet apparently did something to tick him off." Toph shrugged.

"Probably," she agreed. "Also, Zuko seemed to be in a bad mood when I passed him in the hallway. You know what that's about?"

Aang shrugged. "Who knows? It's Zuko, he'll get mad about anything. I don't think we should play Kyoshi Hold 'Em anymore. It seems like it just makes drama."

"See," Toph countered, gesturing with her spoon, "that's exactly why I think we should keep playing. All this drama is hilarious."

"You only say that 'cause you're not involved," Aang told her, glowering into his bowl and considering a second helping. Deciding that it was most certainly worth it, he began ladling himself another. "If you were involved, you'd be screaming and ranting just like Sokka, and you wouldn't find it funny."

"Please," she said, snorting, "since when have I ever cared about drama? I think I would find it funny even if I was somehow involved."

Aang glanced at her. "True," he said, "but still. Sokka scared the life out of Momo when he chased Jet through the barn. It took me forever to get him to come down from the rafters, and I don't even know what Sokka was so mad about."

"Sokka's chasing Jet around?"

Aang nodded. "Oh, yeah. And screaming, too. I don't know, something about Jet being a diseased prostitute who does dirty things to tigerseals. I wasn't really paying attention. I was trying to control the chaos."

Toph laughed out loud. "A diseased prostitute who does dirty things to tigerseals? Oh, man! I've gotta remember that one!" In spite of himself, Aang laughed with her. It was pretty funny, even if it was an insult. "I wish I did know what was going on. I bet it's priceless," she howled joyfully, and dug into her porridge with gusto. "Diseased prostitute," she muttered, still snickering.

"But still," he said, controlling his laughter, "it's getting pretty bad."

"Maybe you should do your Avatar duty and go fix the problems," Toph said, a teasing note in her voice. "Here, gimme another bowl."

He took the bowl from her and thought for a moment, "Yeah, I probably should," he said, but made no move to get up and actually do so, "but this is more fun."

"Sitting around the kitchen eating porridge with me is more fun than Avatar-ing Sokka and Jet all over the place?"

Aang snorted, and ladled Toph another bowl of porridge. "Not when you put it like that. But it really wouldn't be fun. They'd just keep yelling and try to get me to take sides and I'd have to, I don't know, ice them down or something. This is much better."

"You could just smack them both upside the head."

She couldn't see it, but he stuck his tongue out at her. "That's your way of solving problems, Sifu T, not mine. I'd have to be all mature and... mature," he finished lamely, unable to come up with another thing he would have to be. Toph snickered.

"Yeah, yeah," she elbowed him in the ribs, and mimed in a high-pitched voice, "Look at me, I'm Avatar Twinkletoes and I can't just smack idiots around 'cause I've gotta be a big, strong man about it."

Aang couldn't help it. He dissolved into laughter, "I do not sound like that!" he gasped. Toph waved a hand uncaringly.

"Sure you do."

"That sounded like Momo!" he said, laughing. Although she was clearly trying to maintain her blank, superior facade, she cracked a smile.

"Did not."

"Yes it did! It was like if Momo could talk and make fun of me."

"Oh man, can you imagine what he would say?"

They both burst out laughing at the thought. "Look at me, I'm Toph," Aang squeaked, in the nearest approximation to Momo's screech, "I like to earthbend rocks at helpless flying lemurs."

"I'm the Avatar and I'm nowhere near as awesome as my earthbending teacher," she countered in the same high voice. Aang laughed.

"You're all so immature! Eating porridge while your friends argue," he squeaked, wincing as his voice cracked halfway through the word friends. Toph, however, found it hilarious.

"Did your voice just crack?" she asked, poking him in the head. He turned red and glanced away, causing her to laugh even harder. "Are you going through puberty, Aang?" she said teasingly, leaning forward.

"No," he replied obstinately, sticking his tongue out at her again. "I have already been through puberty, thanks."

"Aw, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she crowed, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "In fact, it's perfectly normal. Think of all the possibilities this opens up to you! My little Twinkletoes," she faked a large sniff and pretended to cry, "all grown up."

"Meanie," he muttered, trying not to grin. "After I got you porridge and everything."

Toph just laughed.