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". god!" screamed Rosalie and Renee together!

Rosalie was very beautiful, she looked sort of like Pamela Anderson (not with big boobs you sick fucks!). Her hair was long and she had violet eyes. Renee was her sister, and she had waist length hair, curly and honey blonde, and dark pink eyes. They both had pale skin.

"Hayley, when you do it you do it BIG!"

"Of course, bitch. I can get crunk whenever, wherever!" I said in giggles. Suddenly I remembered I was being penetrated so I told them to go away. Carlile and I flew to my house (because we're vampires duuuuuh! I know it's not in the books but pretend it is ok?). We both lay on my bed and he told me that he wasn't married to Esme anymore since yesterday because Alice predicted she would die of a heart attack (see, so they aren't married anymore). I hugged him.

We made out until I fell asleep.

I woke up and went downstairs.

All the Cullens were there:

Carlile in his tight boxer briefs, Edward and Bella in pajamas, Renesmee and Rosalie and Emmet, and a young girl with short black hair. Her name was Alice.

"Hey guys!"

"HEY GOOD MORNING HAYLEY!" they all chanted together.

I felt right at home. Suddenly two people came in the door:

A pretty emo guy named Jasper and a weird looking girl came in. I got embarrassed because he started staring at my you know what's since I was only wearing a white shirt and red underwear.

"Oh Hayley," said Carlile. "That's jasper. He has X-ray vision."

Now I got pissed because I knew he was trying to see if the carpet matched the drapes.

"OH MY GOD, YOU FUCKING SICK PERVERT!"

I ran pissed to Carlile's room and cried. I felt so sick, like I was being raped.

Everyone except for the culprit came to comfort me.

"Hayley, how do you feel?" Rosalie asked stupidly.

"How the fucking hell you think I feel?!" I asked angrily.

Suddenly something unexpected happened. A red bat came through the window and transformed into Amelia Vlad Dracula Lee.

"Thanks for nothing douche!" she hollered. Then she did a devil chant and a weird penis shaped thing tore out of her stomach! It had a trillion green eyes and four-hundred seventy six teeth!

"Pee-pee, tear THOSE BITCHES APART!"

And it charged towards us.