Several chapters later, Castle wished that he had not eaten so fast or so many onions. He had major case of indigestion. Sometimes drinking cold water helped. As he got up, a wave of dizziness and nausea hit him hard. Rick found he had to walk slowly from bed to bed because his legs suddenly felt weak and wobbly. He knew there was a nurse behind the glass wall but did not want to take any chance of waking Kate just for a bad case of indigestion.
Holding onto the curtain, he felt worse by the second but was able to make the last few feet to the toilet. Rick sank to his knees and quickly lost his last meal. After what seemed like hours, his stomach was empty but he had no strength left to get up. Resting his head on the toilet seat for a few minutes, he tried again to get up but knew that he would need help. Calling out for Kate, his throat hurt from being sick and now he was shivering with cold. He tried to call out again but his voice was so weak, he knew she would never hear him. Rick stretched out on floor for a short while gathering strength and then tried to crawl closer to Kate's bed.
Suddenly he stopped! What if this whole mess wasn't a joke? What if he had really caught the plague? He didn't want to take a chance of passing it on to Kate. Rick felt colder as his fever rose, his mind was cloudy as fears, wishes, dreams and fantasies raced and overlapped. He saw flashes of all the happy moments raising his daughter, most of the best memories of his life revolved around Alexis. He had set up a trust for his daughter a very long time ago, it now held most of the money he'd made from the sale of his books. The trustee he had chosen was a friend and a lawyer, someone he trusted to make sure that his mother would always be taken care of. Rick wanted to make very sure that Gina but most especially Meredith would never have unrestricted access to Alexis or come up with any way to get at her money. Castle had also hoped that one day, sometime far in the future, he would live to see his daughter get married and looked forward to spoiling his grandchildren. There was enough money so his little girl would never want for anything. That she could do or be anything she could dream of, just as long as she was happy, that's all he ever wanted. He couldn't complain about the hand that fate had dealt him. It was not a bad life when you only have a single regret. Kate Beckett!
They started off all wrong, he was annoying and she was certainly annoyed. When they first met, Kate had a murder to solve and even Rick had to agree that he behaved badly. For a long tiime after he'd forced his way into her life, she barely tolerated him. Everything he did or said seemed to anger or disappoint her. Slowly she learned to tolerate him and maybe now, she even trusted him a little. Rick wanted to worthy of her trust and had left most of his old wild and crazy lifestyle behind. Truth be told, it no longer held much interest for him. Kate Beckett was so different from the bored and boring heiresses or the rich husband hunting celebutants, wanna-be actresses and writer groupies that had always draped themselves all over him. They cared nothing for him, they just wanted to be seen or photographed with him or get into his bed hoping to be the next Mrs. Castle. He would be the last to say that all of it hadn't been fun at first but after meeting Kate, most other women seemed so shallow, even hollow. Rick was curious to know what it would feel like to be loved, really loved by a woman with no hidden agenda, someone who didn't want something from him.
The only real love he had ever known was his daughter. In many ways Rick grew up with her, indulging in and enjoying the childhood that he never had with his daughter. Moving from place to place with Martha as her shows opened and closed wasn't much fun as a kid. He also hated the endless string of her deadbeat boyfriends and husbands. Growing up, he had been a wild child and would be the last to deny it but compared to some of the jerks his mother brought home as her new husband, he was a saint. Thankfully Alexis did not take after him that way and he had always been careful to keep his womanizing far away from her. Now his little girl would soon be leaving for college and Martha had Chet. He would be all alone and that thought did scare him. What scared him even more was the thought that eventually and probably very soon, his time with Kate would be over. He would never admit it to anyone but he had enough research for several books. Rick could not imagine his life anymore without Kate Beckett in it.
At this moment, he had never felt so sick in all his life and just too tired to pretend anymore. What he wanted most was Kate, to somehow show her who he really was and make her take him seriously. He had been burned twice by marriage and was afraid to try again...but what he really wanted was to ask Kate to marry him and to have a child with her. He smiled at the thought of another pretty little girl but with dark hair and Kate's beautiful eyes. A child they could raise together and live as a family, happily ever after.
All the fairy tales he read to Alexis as a child must have filled his brain with some hopelessly romantic and impossible dreams. Kate didn't need him. Sometimes, he wasn't sure that she even liked him. Why would she want him? Kate had a real purpose, an important life! She caught criminals and got justice for victims of crimes. No wonder she had been unimpressed with his money, glamorous lifestyle or the expensive toys. What could he give her? What did Rick Castle do that was so worth while? He wrote books, murder mysteries….pulp fiction. Eventually his books would be thrown out, sold at a yard sale or used to prop open a broken window.
Money meant nothing to her, he knew that Kate liked little things, a cup of coffee, a bear claw, a box of take out Chinese noodles but mostly she liked that he helped with her work. They worked so well together. The last several months had been the very best time of his life...and now it was over. With a last look at her, he felt what little strength he had left drain away. Rick head rested on his arm, his eyes closed and the darkness took him away.