I miss you always.
But "always" isn't big enough to say how much i miss you, when you are in the background of everything i think, and when missing you is not really a thought or a word anyway, it's just a feeling: a pain that aches dully in my throat one minute, then burns, then throbs, then aches again.
It all depend on what i'm doing, what time it is, whats just happend, and a thousand other tiny things.
Right now, it throbs like a heartbeat, and all because i found myself humming a couple of lines of a song while i got dressed.
Singing was your thing from the start: no one sang at home, nobody sang, period, unless they were hymms, and i never joined in with that anyway.
Wheras you...you sang almost as much as you talked, and it didn't even have anything to do with whether you were happy or sad.
I've seen you storm into a room, fling your bag on the floor, and then hum while you pull off your shoes and throw them at the wall.
I've seen you burst into tears, and then sing along to something on the radio while you hunted for tissues.
When we first became roomates, it first intrigued then irritated me. I thought it made you seem even more diva-ish and attention seeking, and yet i was always fascinated because i'd never imagined singing so publicly, so self-assured.
After we became friends, singing gradually became OUR thing.
At first, i'd just hum a few lines of whatever you were singing, if i was feeling particularly brave, while we got ready for morning classes.
As our friendship deepend, i gradually relaxed. Sometimes, we'd sing along to the radio, sometimes it would be just our two voices, but after a point, it was always two voices instead of one.
I haven't sung for so long. The last time, i remember, we were in our adjoining hotel rooms the morning before we met the Wizard in the city, and we'd left the doors open so we could talk more easily.
Grew up in a town that is famous as the place of movie scenes
Noise is always loud, there are sirens all around and the streets are mean
Even if it ain't all it seems, I got a pocketful of dreams
I'm from New York
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can't do
Now you're in New York
Who knows what or where New York was? Some people said it was made up just for the song, but wherever it was, it didn't sound too different to Oz.
I'd loved that song before. It sounded like something i'd be humming on and off for years.
But now, the tune i've tried so desparately to forget comes back, unbidden, and all at once, i'm sobbing. I'm standing in front of my mirror, brush in my hand, and i'm hurting and crying for something that is already lost.
I'm crying because i need to see you again, and i know i can't, which makes it hurt more than i can bear, more than i can feel without going a little bit numb.
This is the kind of grief that tears you to pieces.
And then, in a broken voice that i don't want to recognize as my own, i'm humming, trying to find a tune.
I like the way you're not afraid
You've got the world planned in your mind
Remember. We keep hearing snatches of this song around campus, and it drives us crazy for weeks until we hear the entire thing.
It's our song. Its tune is the tune of long summer evenings and bright early mornings at Shiz.
People say you cannot do it
But they don't know a friend like you
As i stutter and choke the words, half of them sunk below a whisper, i can see you in my minds eye, wherever you are, thousands of miles away, singing it with me...
The girl you love has gone away
Still too young to know her heart
She'll return her love renewed
Cause she'll never find a friend like you
The songs are Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys, and A friend like you by Joshua Radin.
Please reviewww! I3 all reviewers!
Lotsa love to those who've reviewed so far! :)
Sometimes, there are songs that fit so well, they could've been written with you in mind.