Morrigan's Diary

Day 1:

Mother informed me of the coming Blight and my role in it this evening. Interesting. Was not quite ready for a family, but having Old God for child could be status symbol. No one else has one.

Am starting this journal for my unborn child. This is a record of your conception, oh heart of my heart. When you are grown and feasting on the viscera of a disemboweled world, I hope you remember me fondly.

Day 4:

Considering saying 'tis' instead of 'it is' from now on. Sounds more mysterious.

Day 7:

Mom rescued two Grey Wardens from battle at Ostagar today. One is female, so 'tis the strapping blond I'm meant to shag, I guess.

Day 8:

Mother, seriously? Male Warden is a blubbering idiot who cries a lot and has goofy hair.

Look at me, mom. Really look at me, for once. I'm goth! 'Tis not subtle, with the clothes and this hair, but apparently you've never noticed. Or maybe you're just too uncool to know that goths don't lay with preppy jocks, duh.

You don't understand me at all, mom. I hate you.

Day 11:

Convinced Warden to go to Lothering. Apparently Cousland 'tis a noble family and I'm supposed to be impressed. She's just OK. Kind a square and really into her dog.

Met an archer and a giant, Warden took them along. Archer is a lunatic goody-goody but giant is interesting. A strong, silent type. Pity 'tis not a Warden.

Day 28:

Went to Redcliffe today. Idiot actually son of ex King. Not the stupid one from Ostagar, the Savior one that everyone thinks is all that. Guess the apples fell far from that tree, and hit his sons on the head, making them dumb.

Wardens want to save town from zombies, or something. So many delays. Disapprove! Every extra second I spend with the idiot makes me that much more nauseated. Just want to close my eyes and get this over with.

Day 51:

And now in Brecilian Forest. Great. Idiot keeps oggling the little elf girls in their tiny clothing.

I think Warden and I are becoming friends. She's kind of nice, I guess. Meanwhile, giant is not responding to any of my overtures. Must try harder.

Day 66:

Breaking news: Idiot a virgin. Ha ha ha.

Day 71:

Cousland keeps giving me jewelry. I have enough jewelry. Can't she see I never wear anything she gives me? Oh well, 'tis the thought that counts.

Day 74:

Sexually ambiguous elf tried to kill Wardens today. Suppose I should be happy he failed.

Day 93:

Cousland in the Circle Tower, didn't take me. Whatever, not like I wanted to be in your stupid mage prison anyway.

Elf keeps hitting on me. Ugh. Go away, loser, I'm making time with Sten.

Day 99:

Wardens came back with Circle mage. Old lady's pastimes include knitting and being very condescending. Not a fan.

Of course, idiot thinks she's the cat's pajamas. And I think I saw her checking out his ass, gross.

Did I mention he's a templar? A templar! Mom I really hate you!

Day 101:

I suppose the idiot is your father. I shall try to write of him with more respect from now on. For example, his name is Alistair.

Suspect he's not really a jock. Sometimes he can be sweet. A sweet, insecure whiner who plays with dolls and makes pathetic attempts at humor, all the time, and has an unrequited crush on Cousland.

Sorry, kiddo, this respect thing is hard.

Day 113:

Cousland gave me a grimoire of mother's. Should be an interesting read.

Day 114:

OMM! Mom! What gives? Have to talk to Cousland about this.

Day 115:

Cousland agreed to kill my mom. She's my best friend in the whole world.

'Tis a wonder, but I think Alistair is actually making progress with her. Feel strange about this. Was sort of intrigued by idea of being Alistair's first.

Hmm, the elf seems interested. Will poison Cousland's tea with love potion and point her in the right direction. Sorry, best friend. Alistair's mine.

Day 136:

Journeyed into lost Thaig, fought a lot of spiders. When in spider shape, one tried to hump my leg. Ew. Remind me not to do that again...

Day 145:

Saw Ostagar today. Interesting architecture.

Alistair was really sad. Realize this must be hard for him, finding dead brother and father figure rotting in wilderness. Was struck by feelings of affection. Considered hugging him but did not know how.

Warden decided to burn King's body. Your uncle, Old God baby. Would have rather fed to wolves, but this made Alistair happy. Your dad has a nice smile. Am starting to like his hair.

Day 151:

Picked up Andraste's Ashes today. Stupid religion. Stupid Arl. I froth with disapproval.

Had to strip naked to pick up ashes. And… wow. Wow! Your dad is hot. Really hot. Am kind of excited now.

Day 169:

Arl out of coma, wants to make Alistair king. Huh. 'Tis possible Alistair not an idiot after all. Arl seems to have great faith in him, and Arl a wise old man with beard. Must think on this.

Day 174:

Cousland killed my mom today. Huge weight off my shoulders.

Alistair went with her. He's so brave and strong. And he's never been with a woman before. For the rest of his life, he will remember how I ushered him into manhood. In Alistair I will be immortal, forever young and beautiful and new, our bodies entangled in the fresh discovery of pleasure.

Get to the Achdemon already!

Day 175:

Occurs to me that since Flemeth is dead, I don't actually have to do the ritual anymore. Still really want to.

Day 187:

Alistair killed the traitor today. It was so cool, kind of gave me goosebumps. I guess he's going to marry Anora when this is all over. Whatever, he's mine first.

Day 195:

So long I have dreamt of this night.

I waited for Cousland in her bedroom. No point in talking to Alistair himself, because, I don't know, it made sense to me at the time. Whilst speaking to her, I could barely control my excitement, the trembling of my voice. When she left me alone in her bedroom, I was so nervous I started stealing random things from her dresser.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Warden returned. With Alistair. Damn, he's so beautiful. A golden god unspoiled by experience, as if his whole life was spent waiting just for me.

His laughter, so nervous, still rings in my ears. I capture him for eternity. Alistair is eager, but gentle, as we explore each other tentatively. His body warm against mine, his hands fumbling with my bra that appears out of nowhere. I arch against him in the darkness. He takes me in his arms and I am his, for one night, one perfect night.

Oh... sorry, Old God baby. Maybe you don't want to hear your mom talk about your dad that way.

Day 196:

Alistair gave stirring, if confusing, speech to soldiers. He's going to be a great King. Keep thinking about our tryst, touching my stomach and grinning like a schoolgirl.

Warden did not take me with her to kill Archdemon. Guess we're not friends anymore, whatever. Hope this soul transference things still works when I'm, like, five miles away.

Party's looking at me funny, not sure why.

Day 198:

Cousland and Alistair both live. Guess it worked.

I must leave now, but part of me stays here, with Alistair. Although our love was brief, know that 'twas real, and I will remember your father always, and fondly, each time I look upon you, our draconic Old God demon baby. I wish him the greatest happiness in his life, rule, and marriage.

Sweet child, if you would grant your mother a boon, please eat him last.