That's Why My Hand Was Shaking by Teenage Anomaly

We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

Day Fifty-Four

The next morning I woke up early and slipped out of Sawyer's sleeping arms, my hands shoved down my pockets, wandering the quiet, mist filled beach while the rest of the camp slept.

Well, most of the rest of the camp.

Ana strode out of the jungle, her arms swinging by her side as she swaggered, a dangerous look in her eyes.

"What's up?" I greeted her, and her dark eyes flashed to me. She took a deep breath.

"There's a woman in the jungle. About your height, long brown hair, smells like she's been out there for a while."

"Rousseau," I said, shaking my head.

"Your buddy Sayid sent me back so he could deal with her-"

My stomach turned over and I stared up at her, jaw dropped.

"What?" she asked, eyeing me like I'd started sporting an afro and a sequined jumpsuit.

"D-did you just say Sayid's with Rousseau?"

"Yeah," she said slowly, as though I was very stupid.

I grinned like a lunatic, punching the air with a whoop of glee and took off through the jungle.

Barefoot.

I never learn my lesson.

However my feet were paid off when I reached the hatch within five minutes. Of course, it was then that I remembered it would be several hours before Sayid came back with Benry.

"Well, damn."

Sighing loudly, wishing that this place had a TV, I fell back onto the couch and drifted back into sleep.

-

Sawyer woke up, and wondered for just a moment why it was so much colder. He blinked a few times before realizing that it was so cold because Katty was gone.

He knew that she'd been having trouble sleeping, but she'd never just left like this. He sat up, looking around the tent, an odd pain in his heart. It was ending. This, whatever this was that they had, was ending. He could see it in her eyes, the pain in her mouth, the turn of her head, hell, he could see it in her absence.

"Shouldn'ta fallen for her, should ya, James?" he murmured to himself before letting his head fall back to his pillow.

-

Sayid froze when he saw Katty, asleep on the couch, her mouth wide open, snoring. He dropped Henry Gale unceremoniously on the floor and then woke up John. When he came back with John in tow Katty was awake, staring at Henry, who was whimpering, like she'd never seen anything quite like him. Henry was glancing at her every now and then.

"Help," he whispered to her, his voice strained with pain. "Help me."

Katty got down on her knees next to him, her mouth open slightly and her eyes wide. Sayid held out a hand to stop Locke and they watched in horrified curiosity as she reached out, very slowly and very cautiously, to the man in orange. Henry regarded her fingertips with the same horrified curiosity that John and Sayid did.

She touched his face, very lightly, and Sayid watched Henry's eyelids flicker.

"You're real," he heard her whisper. "My god, you're real."

Sayid cleared his throat and Katty was immediately on her feet. Sayid said nothing to her as he and Locke approached the man named Henry Gale.

"Minnesota, huh?" said Locke as he looked down on Henry. Katty seemed to have a hard time taking her eyes off of the man in orange, and that worried Sayid. Intensely.

It also made him slightly jealous. He couldn't help but notice the slight blush that spread across her cheeks, the way her mouth opened slightly, the tilting of her head, the calculation in her gaze.

"That's the question, isn't it?" he replied quietly, not taking his eyes off of Henry. Katty's eyes flashed to him.

"Where am I?" moaned Henry.

"Who are you?" asked Sayid calmly.

"Henry, Henry Gale. Ah, my back."

"We're going to take it out, but first I want you to relax." He crouched down next to him. "How did you get to this island?

"Four months ago, we crashed, my wife and I."

Katty still couldn't take her eyes off him. Sayid glanced up and saw her fingers drumming against the seam of her jeans.

"Crashed in what?"

"A balloon," moaned Henry, closing his eyes in pain. "We were trying to cross the Pacific."

"Your wife, " said Sayid calmly, "where is she?"

"She died. She got- she got sick three weeks ago. We were staying in a cave off the beach. Ah, my shoulder. At least untie my arms!"

Sayid and Locke exchanged a look just as Jack walked in, a look of incredulity on his face.

"What the hell's going here?

Katty looked up and Jack's eyes immediately went to her, but her face betrayed nothing.

"Rousseau trapped him in the jungle. She believes he's an Other."

"An other what?" interrupted Gale, looking up at them with his brows creased. They ignored him.

"You shot him with an arrow?"

"Do I have a bow?" replied Sayid, the slightest trace of sarcasm in his voice. Katty snorted. Henry's eyes went to her and for just a second, his face flickered and his eyes became icy and calculating and hard, before he became frightened once again.

The mask had only slipped for a second. But that was all Sayid needed.

Jack crouched down next to Henry. "Hey, hey, you with me?" He looked up at Sayid angrily. "What, you were just going to let him bleed to death?"

"I was trying to get honest answers while he was able to give them." Katty made sure not to look at him. "And his wound is far from life threatening."

"We should let Jack treat him first," said Locke for the first time, "then we'll get our answers."

Jack looked to Sayid, then bent over Henry.

"Jack…" said Sayid quietly, "do not untie him."

-

I ran out of the hatch, breathing heavily. As soon as I reached the jungle I simply stood in the green, panting, staring up at the sky.

I'd been looking forward to meeting Ben since I got to the island, but my reaction to him… was not expected. All the dreams, the memories, the reverse déjà vu, the whatever, came rushing back or forward or whatever the hell it was and I'd had a really hard time controlling myself. I leant against a tree, closing my eyes and trying to control the beating of my heart.

"That was insane," I told my self, Ben's bright eyes burned into my mind. My skin felt like it was on fire.

And then, out of nowhere, I saw Sawyer's face in my head and a vice clenched around my heart and tears sprang to my mind.

I'd known this would have to happen since the beginning. It had started with a perfect kiss, but it had to be this way. I had to leave him so that he could move one. Perfect could never keep what we had alive.

And that was what was so damn tragic, wasn't it? I thought to myself as I shoved my hands down the pockets of my jeans and began trudging back to the beach, not looking forward to what I'd have to do once I got there.

Sawyer and I were perfect together. We accepted each other, we understood each other, and, most importantly, we loved each other. So why the hell wasn't it enough?

Cause I was an idiot. That's why.

I kicked a tree in frustration, which proved the point that I was, in fact, an idiot.

"Life sucks."

-

When I reached the beach, knowing that I had maybe one more day with Sawyer, I was slightly psychotic. Think angry grizzly bear. Only smaller, and blonde, and then you'd have me.

Sure enough, no sooner had I come out onto the beach than an arm found its' way around my neck and someone- three guesses who- was giving me a noogie and cackling.

I didn't have the heart to end it then. I elbowed him in the stomach and then took of running when he released me with an "oof."

He chased me down the beach, both of us laughing and kicking up sand behind us, before pinning me to the ground with a spectacular flying tackle.

He pinned my wrists over my head and my breath caught in my throat as I looked up at him, his hair falling down, panting and smiling, his eyes dark and happy and loving.

I loved him. I didn't deserve him.

Warmth spread through my abdomen as he leaned down slowly and kissed me softly, his lips warm and sweet and gentle, his hair falling around my face, his hands still wrapped around my wrists, his hips pressing into mine, pinning me into the ground.

He pulled away.

"Good mornin' to you too," I said. He smirked.

"Where you been all day, hobbit?"

I shrugged- an interesting experience with my wrists locked in his grasp.

"In the jungle."

He kissed me again before pulling back.

"That's all I'm gonna get, isn't it?"

-

We spent the day together- our last day- laughing and joking and flirting and kissing. There was an air of finality around it- something bittersweet and tragic. I had to try not to cry.

That night we simply lay in my tent, him shirtless and me in a tank top and a pair of his boxers, lying next to each other as he traced patterns on the skin of my stomach as I tried to work up the nerve to tell him that this had to end- we had to end.

I took a deep breath and rolled onto my stomach.

"Sawyer?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"…"

He levered himself up on his elbows, looking at me expectantly. I had no idea how to say this.

"Sawyer, I-"

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

"What?"

He smiled at me sadly. "Knew it was coming, Kat. I can see it in yer eyes; it's been coming fer a long time. But not tonight. Tonight, let's just pretend we're okay. Let's pretend we're back home and everything's normal and we're safe and we don't have to leave each other so you can do somethin' noble and heroic."

He grasped my face very gently, rubbing my jaw with his thumb. "Lie t' me fer tonight, Kat. Pretend wiv' me. Pretend we're just another normal couple."

I had tears in my eyes but I gave him a quick grin.

"Nine to five jobs?"

"And a fat cat we gotta feed."

"Let's name him Melvin."

He chuckled and then kissed me. "Whatever you want, love."

We collapsed into each other, me lying in his lap and him with his arms around me. I knew he was holding back tears too.

"You can cry," I said, my own voice shaking. "It's okay."

He pulled me up and I looked at him- looked at the tear tracks already on his face.

I'd made Sawyer cry.

And that was when I lost it.

The sobs came uncontrollably, shaking my body, making me gasp even as I gritted my jaw together, tears rolling down my face as Sawyer crushed me to him and held me, rocking me back and forth.

"Life," gasp "freaking" sob "sucks."

He chuckled. "Got that right, darling."

He laid back down on his back with a soft grunt and I pressed my tear soaked cheek to his warm chest, my breathing still uneven.

"Whatever happens," he murmured, his fingers resting on my shoulder as he turned to look at me, "I'm not sorry fer loving you."

-

The night was longer than we day. We didn't sleep and didn't talk that often, just lay in each others arms and cried and kissed, holding each other as close as we could without becoming one person- and it almost felt like we were, sometimes.

Our last night together, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell him I loved him.

-

Day Fifty-Five

When Sawyer opened his eyes the next morning, she was gone. He could still feel her on his skin, on his lips, he could still smell her presence in the tent- but she was gone. For good, like he'd known she'd be eventually.

He sat up slowly, looking around the tent with an ache in his chest, at the computer, at his clothes and hers, scattered across the tent.

"It has to be this way," she'd said, over and over again.

And the pain abruptly turned to anger.

"Fuck that," he snarled, rising to his feet and running out of the tent to find her.

He'd finally found someone who he'd loved as naturally as breathing. She was insane if she though he was gonna let that go without a fight.

LOST

"Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson

A/N: Oh the drama. Well, it had to happen sometimes. And what is Sawyer gonna do? Hmmm.... And Benry :) Oh Benry. Things are gonna get VERY INTERESTING.

And that song. My word is it perfect for this or what? The perfect kiss was at the end of the last story and the poison is the knowledge of Kate and Juliet... I mean my gosh it's just perfect!

Love you people. Review!

Sarah