Hello everyone! Thank you all very much for your reviews and adds. Sorry I didn't get to respond to you guys directly, but the last week of work has been absolutely insane. I hope you like this chapter, and let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Twilight series.

Chapter 6

Paul had left around four, leaving me to my thoughts until Jason got home. We'd gotten to know each other a little better and I learned that he rented a small house not far from Sam and Emily's place and that his parents were still together and that he was an only child. I didn't tell him much about me outside of my favorite kinds of music, color, and food.

He didn't ask me many probing questions, but I could tell that he had wanted to and during the conversation he had gotten frustrated more than once and excused himself to calm down. I was still confused by the whole thing and as I laid on the couch and looked up at the ceiling I couldn't wait anymore. I sighed as I sat up and grabbed the cordless phone from the coffee table and dialed Dr. Hamilton's office number as I walked into my bedroom.

"Good afternoon, Health and Wellness Center, how can I help you?" came Penelope's voice and I took a deep breath.

"Hi, Penelope, it's Harper Cavanagh. Is Dr. Hamilton available or is she with a patient?" I asked.

"She just finished her last appointment," Penelope said. "If you wouldn't mind holding, I can put you through."

"Thanks Penelope," I said before the hold music came on. I started pacing in my bedroom as I chewed on my left thumbnail out of nerves. I didn't know if Dr. Hamilton would be able to help me deceiver what it was I was feeling, but I had hope she would.

"Harper, how are things?" Dr. Hamilton asked and I smiled at her voice as I lowered my thumb from my mouth.

"They've been better," I said. "I've got a serious problem." I flopped down on my bed and laid back against my pillows as I looked up at the ceiling.

"Oh?" she asked and I sighed quietly.

"I don't know what's going on with me," I said. "You remember that guy I told you about, the guy that stared at me on Friday night?"

"I do, yes," she said.

"Well, the day before yesterday he was over and he noticed my scar," I said. "I don't know why but it caught him by surprise, and he grabbed me. Of course I freaked and I told him to leave. When he did I just sat down on the floor and broke down. Next thing I know Jason is waking me up from . . . from a nightmare."

"Oh, dear, they're back?" she asked softly, the worry clear in her tone.

"Not exactly," I said before I explained everything that had happened between Paul and me from the moment I ran into him on the side of the road all the way until he left my house that afternoon. "I'm comfortable with Jason now. So much so that it's almost like before. But, I just don't understand what's going on with him." Dr. Hamilton's light chuckle at my words was definitely not what I was expecting.

"Harper, how do you feel when you're with him?" she asked.

"Confused," I said and she laughed again.

"Can you give me a little more than that?" she asked and I sighed quietly as I sat up and ran my hand over the top of my hair that I still wore back from my face.

"It's like I want to hang out with him and I want to be around him, but I don't want him to get too close at the same time. He was careful with me yesterday and today after I freaked out on him the other day, and when he did touch me or stood close to me, I don't think I was afraid."

"What do you think you were feeling?" Dr. Hamilton asked and I took a deep breath through my nose as I stood from the bed and walked over to my bedroom window. I leaned against the wall and pushed back the curtain to look outside at the thick trees that lined our backyard.

"Anxious," I said. "My stomach was in knots and my heart was racing, like when you're about to get up in front of a room full of people and give a speech or something. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. I felt completely out of my element."

"I think your inner turmoil has a very obvious answer, Harper," she said with a warm tone that made me instantly realize she had stepped out of doctor mode. She was no longer Dr. Hamilton during our conversation; she was Maggie, my friend.

"What's that?" I asked. "Because if it's obvious, I'm blind to it." I heard her laugh lightly again and as she did my eyes caught movement in the trees. However, when I didn't see anything more I chopped it up to branches rustling in the wind.

"You're just thinking too much, Harper," Maggie said. "You're a seventeen year old girl who has kept herself tucked away from the world for a long time. You're finally opening yourself up to new feelings and experiences, and this young man, I believe, is your first crush."

"What?" I asked as I looked away from the window and turned away from the wall before I started pacing the floor again. "That's impossible."

"Is it?" Maggie asked and I didn't answer her because I really had no answer for her. "What's this young man's name?"

"Paul," I answered as I continued to pace.

"Is he attractive?" she asked and I stopped pacing and felt my face heat with a blush. "I'm going to take your sudden silence as a 'yes'," she said with another chuckle that only made me blush more. "From what you told me about him, other than the staring, he sounds like a nice young man."

"He is," I said as I sat back down on the edge of my bed. Even though Paul seemed like a really nice guy, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was different about him.

"Since he works with Jason it might be a bit awkward, but if something develops between the two of you, don't be afraid of it. Let it happen. I know that you may not be ready for anything serious, but you need to step out of the box you've locked yourself in."

"I'll try, but you know how complicated it is," I said and she sighed gently.

"I know, Harper, but if you don't try, you'll only regret it later," she said.

"I know," I said softly. "Thanks for talking with me. I really needed an ear."

"You're welcome, Harper, and remember what I said," she said and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"I will," I said. "Have a nice night and tell Mr. Hamilton I said 'hi'." She laughed again and I could see the smile on her face.

"I'll do that," she said. "Bye Harper."

"Bye," I said and I ended the call before flopped back on the covers once again. She was right; I couldn't keep myself locked away for forever. However, I needed to avoid Paul as much as I could for a while, or at least until I didn't feel anxious at even the thought of seeing him again.

"Hey, Harper," Jason said as he walked into the kitchen and over to where I stood at the stove, checking the potatoes I was boiling to mash. He had called shortly after I had gotten off the phone with Dr. Hamilton and said that he was going to be late because he had a few errands to run, so, it gave me plenty of time to fix something nice for supper. He looked in the pan with a small frown before he took a deep breath through his nose. "What are you making?"

"Smothered pork chops and mashed potatoes," I said with a smile.

"Seriously?" he asked before he gently pushed me to the side and opened up the oven to see the four breaded and fried pork chops I had cooked already simmering away in the gravy I had made. The recipe was our mother's and Jason's favorite. "What brought this on?" he asked as he closed the oven and looked at me while he stood to his full height.

"We haven't had a decent meal since we went to Sam and Emily's and I thought I'd fix you something nice," I said with a shrug and turned off the potatoes before bringing the covered pot over to the sink. "Could you grab me the mixer?" I asked as I drained the potatoes the hand masher while Jason got the mixer for me. We finished fixing dinner together and once we each had a full plate and were settled at the table with our respected drinks, I waited until he had taken a bite before I spoke. "How is it?" I asked and he gave me a closed mouth smile as he chewed.

"Excellent, Harp, just like Mom's," he said once he swallowed. I smiled at his words before I dug into my own dinner. Jason was right. It had turned out perfectly, and I was very proud of myself for that. "So, what did you do today?"

"Nothing much," I said. "Paul came over to apologize for the other day." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I laughed lightly. "Don't worry, he kept his distance."

"I don't like the fact that he was over here with you alone," Jason said and I didn't say anything as I chewed on the bite of food I had taken. "He'll be back at work tomorrow and I am going to say something to him," Jason said. "I know you don't want me to, but he needs to know to take a step back."

"Okay," I said without argument and Jason frowned. "What? I think you're right."

"You didn't think I was right yesterday," he said and I shrugged again before I cut another piece from my pork chop.

"He's nice and everything, but I need to get my head figured out before I try and make any kind of friends. And as much as I like the others too, I think it would be best that I stay home whenever you go over to Sam's or even Jared's place."

"You did great there the other night, Harp, and you've been getting better every day since," he said and I looked at him only to see the frown still in place on his face. "Plus, Sam said Emily was looking forward to having you over again, and when Kim had stopped by today to bring Jared his lunch she asked how you were doing."

"I'm confused, Jason. I don't understand what's going on in my brain," I said as I turned my eyes to my plate and furrowed my brow. "It's all just happening too quickly.

"All right," Jason said slowly, but I didn't look at him to gage his expression. I kept my eyes on my plate and we ate the rest of our meal in complete silence until we were finished and Jason said he would do the dishes. With the excuse that I was tired, I said good night to Jason and went into my bedroom, closing the door tightly behind me.

I turned on my light and changed into my pajamas before I brushed out my hair and pulled it back into another ponytail. I crawled into bed after grabbing a book from my shelf and I settled back against my pillows to read. However, I couldn't focus on the words. They all seemed to blur together and I had read a line ten times before I gave up on reading and snapped the book close. I sat it on my nightstand and sighed quietly as I leaned my head back and looked up at the ceiling. It didn't take sleep long to claim me.

The next day I had gone about my usual routine for the day and it wasn't until a little after one that afternoon that everything changed. A hard knock sounded on the door and I instantly knew who it was that stood on the other side of the door without even looking through the peephole. I debated on whether to answer the door or not, but when he pounded on the door I relented and went to the door. I slid on the chain before I undid the three deadbolts and opened the door.

"Why did you tell Jason to tell me to stay away from you?" he demanded as he leaned his right hand on the doorframe and looked down at me. He looked very, very, angry and I took half a step back from the door as I held onto the doorknob tightly.

"Because I'm not ready for anything," I said weakly.

"Did I ask you for anything?" he asked and I shook my head negatively. "Then why are you pushing me away?"

"Because I'm not ready," I said again and a deep scowl formed on his face as his body literally started shaking.

"Ready for what?" He practically snarled the question as his dark eyes held mine and I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat.

"To let people in," I said and the anger melted from his eyes for a second as hurt filled them before the anger was quick to replace it. "Please, Paul, just go away. I don't want to see you."

"You're lying," he said and the lump was back in my throat.

"No I'm not," I said. "Don't come by here anymore."

"Don't do this, Harper," he said.

"I have to."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand, Paul."

"Try me," he said as the tremors slowly ebbed away.

"No," I said. "Go away." I spoke as firmly as I could, but I didn't sound very convincing even to my own ears; so, I slammed the door and locked the deadbolts before I rested my palms against the wood.

I heard a growl on the other side before I heard him stomp off the porch. Seconds later there was a pain filled wolf howl in the distance and it felt like the sound waves shook the house. I pushed myself away from the door and raised a shaking hand to my mouth before I walked to my bedroom and laid down on the bed. Another howl sounded followed by another and I closed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around my pillow.

I felt like crying as I laid there. I didn't know why, but my chest ached and the tears filled my eyes far quicker than I expected. Before I could hold them back, they were falling and I let out a quiet sob before I turned my head and scooted down on my bed so I was lying down. I pressed my face into my pillow as I cried, but I hadn't the slightest clue as to why I felt like my world was coming down around me.

For the rest of the week, the ache in my chest only grew and by Sunday I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed, however, I did. I had to keep up the house and made sure Jason had dinner on the table when he came home, but I wasn't very talkative. Jason was worried. I could tell because of the way he looked at me, but he didn't say anything. Sunday rolled into Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday, and when Thursday morning dawned I stayed in bed, buried in my blankets.

Ever since the incident with Paul, the nightmares were back and the fear that once owned me had its hold on me yet again. When my harsh screaming woke Jason for the fourth time in a row, he promised me that he would be staying home with me that day. As I laid there I could hear him talking with Sam as he stood in the hallway just outside my door.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but this is the third night in a row, the forth this week," he said. "She hasn't been like this in two years, and I don't want to leave her alone." There was a pause in the conversation as I snuggled deeper into my pillow. "I know you're already shorthanded with Paul off, but it's . . . it's complicated, Sam." He paused again and I closed my eyes before as I took a deep breath. Jason told me Paul hadn't gone back to work last week and Sam and Jared hadn't told him where he'd run off to, but he hadn't asked.

Just thinking about Paul made the ache in my chest grow and I sighed as I opened my eyes. I hadn't slept and I had barely eaten. It was like I had gone back in time and I was fourteen all over again and living in the hell my mind created for me. I knew what was next. Jason was going to call Dr. Hamilton for a referral to another psychologist or even a hospital he could take me to.

"He's the reason she's like this in the first place." Jason let out a frustrated noise before he spoke again. "He's not coming here, Sam, I don't give a shit if he'll be able to help her. He'll only make it worse."

"Jason," I called.

"Hold on," Jason said before he stuck his head into my room. "Did you need something, Harper?"

"I need to see him," I said and he frowned as he lowered the phone from his ear to his shoulder.

"What?" he asked and I sat up.

"I think I need to see him," I said and he walked further into the room. "Please, Jason, I want to see him." Jason pursed his lips before he raised the phone to his ear.

"If you can find him, bring him here," Jason said. "Harper wants to see him."