I'm alive and well, I promise. Sorry it took so long to update. It's one in the morning and I'm posting now because I feel terrible for making you all wait so long. However, I do think this nice long chapter will make you all happy and hopefully it's been worth the wait. Thank you all so very much for your reviews and adds. I love to know what you guys think, so please let me know. Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Twilight series.

Chapter 8

The following afternoon found me sitting in the backyard, lying on a big blanket, with Paul lounging beside me. The sky was surprisingly clear for once and the sun was warm against my skin as we just laid there together. I had called Dr. Hamilton that morning because I knew if hadn't, Jason would have and I didn't want him to. She told me she'd make a few calls and let me know what she came up with. I didn't want to go back to therapy, but I would humor Jason for a little while.

"What are you thinking?" Paul asked and I turned my head to the left and opened my eyes to look at him. Now that the sun was truly shining on his skin it really did seem to glow gold in the sunlight; just like it did the day he first came to visit me. He was just so perfect and I hadn't the slightest clue what it was about me that drew him to me.

"I'm thinking about how I don't want to start going to therapy again," I said. I answered his question honestly and without any form of hesitation. I no longer had the will to fight the desire to be honest with him and to trust him, but I wasn't quite ready to tell him everything yet. I wanted to believe him when he said he wouldn't leave, but I couldn't quite trust that it would hold true once he knew everything about me.

"If you don't want to go, you shouldn't have to," he said as he turned on his side and propped himself up on his right elbow. He looked down at me with a small smile. "You're doing fine. You said yourself that you didn't have any nightmares last night and I know you didn't while we slept yesterday afternoon. Why go?"

"Because Jason thinks its best," I said as I too shifted to my side, only I remained flat to the ground and rested my head in my bent left arm. "He's a little freaked out that I did a one-eighty yesterday and I can't say that I blame him. It freaked me out a little bit too, but I've decided to not let it bother me. I've accepted that you've got some magical power that makes me feel like I do." There was a smile on my face as I spoke and looked up at him. After a half a beat, he chuckled.

"I don't have any sort of magical powers," he said with a smile that led me to believe he was hiding something, but I pushed away the stupid suspicion because there was no such thing as magic. "I think I just . . . make you feel comfortable."

"Which was why I had a hard time wrapping my head around it," I said before I rolled on my stomach and brought my arms underneath me so I wasn't looking directly at Paul anymore but my upper body was propped up on both of my bent arms. "You know the first night we met, when Jason and I went to Sam and Emily's for dinner," I prompted, knowing he probably hadn't forgotten the night since it was two weeks earlier that very day.

"I don't think I'll ever forget it." He had spoke so softly that I don't think I was meant to hear it, but the air around us was so quiet I did; however, I played it off like I didn't and continued to speak.

"That night was when everything started to change," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked sounding genuinely curious, but I wasn't looking at him. I was looking at the grass that rested at the edge of the dark brown blanket I had pulled from the linen closet.

"Two weeks ago, if anyone would have even just brushed against me, I would have had a panic attack," I said, my eyes still focused on the grass and I could feel Paul's eyes on me. "I would still flinch and tense even when Jason touched me. When I started going to public school again everyone, including the teachers, barely breathed a word to me and it was hell trying to walk down the halls without bumping into someone. That's why I screamed at you and pushed you away when you grabbed me after you noticed my scar. I panicked. I thought that you . . .," I trailed off; stopping myself before I said too much, and I closed my eyes.

"Harper look at me," he said and after taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head to look at him. His dark eyes were intense as my eyes met his and I couldn't look away from him even if I wanted to. He let out a heavy breath before he moved closer to me and my body was warmed by not only the sun but by his heat as well. "Does it still frighten you when I touch you?" he asked softly and as my heart rate increased, I shook my head negatively.

"No," I whispered. He reached out with his left hand and pushed my hair from my face so he could see my face clearly and I could see his. His hand remained laced in my hair and rested on my upper back.

"I would never hurt you, Harper. I would rather die than ever do anything to hurt you," he said deeply. "You believe that, don't you?" There was no room for doubt thanks to the conviction in those words, and the fire in his eyes as he spoke them. I believed him with no question in my mind whatsoever.

"I believe you, Paul," I said and as we looked at each other, he leaned in close and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Good," he said as my breath hitched at the intimate gesture, but I didn't pull away from him. Suddenly, he raised his head from mine but he didn't move it far. I watched with wide eyes as he leaned down and brushed his lips against my right cheek. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and my face flamed red as he pulled his head back and looked into my eyes. "Tomorrow, will you go to the reservation with me?" he asked.

"Why?" I asked softly and he played with my hair that was still in his hands.

"Because I want to show you something," he said. His dark eyes were filled with hope and before I could even think about his question, my answer was out of my mouth.

"Okay," I said with a small smile. He smiled at me then, giving me his beautiful teeth bearing, face lighting smile that only made the butterflies flutter faster and my face to heat even more.

It was at that moment that I realized Dr. Hamilton had been right. I liked Paul. I liked him a whole lot and with my new found feelings, I knew I would have to tell him more about myself eventually. It wasn't exactly going to be a walk in the park when it came to explaining my past to him. I had no idea how to tell him in the first place. I couldn't just blurt out that I was raped and left for dead by the man who killed my parents after hours of torture. I had no idea what I was going to do when he finally knew and ran screaming all the way back to the reservation away from the mentally unstable girl with more baggage than Mariah Carey on tour.

After a quiet dinner and an hour of mindless television watching, Jason left to hang out with a few new people he met while picking up some parts at the hardware store in town. It had taken me nearly thirty minutes to convince him to go and have a nice time, and he eventually caved saying that he would check in with me every half an hour. I was sitting on the sofa watching some primetime drama, thinking about what it was that Paul was going to show me tomorrow, when Jason called the house line.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Harp, how are things?" came Jason's voice from the other end of the line and I could hear music faintly playing in the background and people talking.

"Everything is perfectly fine, Jason," I said. "You don't have to call every thirty minutes. Just enjoy the night, okay? If anything happens, I'll call you."

"Are you sure?" he asked and I rolled my eyes as I stood from the sofa and went into the kitchen. That chocolate mint ice cream Jason had brought home from the store earlier was calling my name.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said. "For once, act like the twenty-four year old you are and forget you have an annoying basket case of a younger sister for a couple of hours." I heard his chuckle at my words and I could just see him rolling his eyes. It was a bad habit we seemed to share when we got on each other's nerves.

"All right, all right," he said. "I shouldn't be home too late."

"Go wild Jason! Stay out past ten!" I said dramatically as I smiled and pulled a bowl out of the cupboard. "I hear that's when all the fun stuff happens." He laughed again, a deep rumbling laugh that I hadn't heard in ages, which made me smile again.

"What's gotten into you tonight?" he asked while I moved to the fridge and opened the freezer.

"I don't know," I said as I pulled the tub of ice cream from the freezer. "I'm just . . . happy." The word felt foreign to actually say as I put the ice cream on the counter next to my waiting bowl. "I had a nice day today, plus the sun is still out." That was one thing I loved about summer. The sun didn't set until late, and since it was just past eight the sun would still be shining for at least another hour.

"You called-," he started and I interrupted.

"I called Dr. Hamilton this morning," I said. When he hadn't asked me about calling her when he got home from work, I hoped that he had forgotten about it. Obviously, I wasn't that lucky. "She's going to call me on Monday or Tuesday with a few names."

"Good," he said.

"Well, have fun and don't worry about coming home early," I said. "I'll be fine."

"Okay," he breathed. "If you're in bed before I get home, I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Jason," I said.

"`Night Harp," he said and I hung up the phone. I sighed quietly as I put the phone down on the counter and grabbed the ice cream scoop from the drawer. My good mood was dampened a little bit thanks to Jason's mentioning of Dr. Hamilton, but I wasn't going to let it drag me down.

I dished myself some ice cream and put the carton back in the freezer before I sat the scoop in the sink and grabbed myself a spoon and my bowl. I walked out of the kitchen as I took a bite of my ice cream and was halfway to the sofa when the phone rang again. I rolled my eyes and turned around to get the phone from the kitchen. I put my spoon in my bowl before I grabbed the phone from the counter and raised it to my ear.

"Seriously, Jason, we just hung up," I said but there was only silence on the other end for a second. "Hello?" I asked with a frown.

"Hi, Harper, it's Emily," came the soft and slightly confused voice of Emily Uley. I blushed crimson and made a face as I turned around and headed back into the living room.

"Oh, hi Emily," I said. "Sorry, I thought you were Jason. He's gone out tonight, but his mother hen tendencies were getting the better of him." Emily laughed at that and I didn't feel as embarrassed as I did before.

"Don't worry about it," she said. I was curious to know why she called, but it wasn't in me to ask. "Sam told me you're doing better. I was glad to hear it." I sat down on the sofa and propped my bare feet up on the coffee table before I sat my bowl on my lap.

"Yeah, I was going through a bit of a rough patch," I said before I took another bite of my ice cream and looked up at the television. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Emily said with a soft sigh. "I'm very ready to have the baby so I can actually sleep and not go to the bathroom every five minutes." I chuckled at that and took a small bite of my ice cream before I spoke again.

"Do you know what you're having?" I asked and she laughed lightly. For some reason I could picture her rubbing her hand on her stomach as she smiled down at it. I don't know why, but the image made me smile.

"Sam and I are waiting," she said.

"Really? What made you guys decide to wait to find out?"

"We want to be surprised," she said. "We've got names for a girl and a boy picked out, so, there won't be any scrambling." I laughed and the conversation continued from there. I found it terribly easy to talk to Emily, much like I found it easy to talk to Kim that night we had dinner at his place. We had been talking for almost a half an hour when Emily and I realized it. "Listen to me, going on for forever and not even talking to you about why I called."

"It's okay," I said with a laugh as I stood from the sofa to take my empty bowl into the kitchen.

"The reason I called was because I wanted to invite you to our house on Sunday," Emily said. "It's Sam's birthday and we're having a get together with everyone. We mentioned it to Jason earlier in the week, but he didn't think you guys would be able to come. However, since you're doing better I'd thought I call and give you the invite myself."

"Thanks, Emily," I said as I put my bowl in the sink. "I'd like that." That was another thing that was new. I actually wanted to leave the house and since I knew that Paul was going to be at the party, I wanted to go even more. "I'll talk to Jason in the morning."

"Great," she said happily. "I'll let you go then and give me a call tomorrow. Jason has our house number."

"Okay, I will."

"Bye Harper," she said.

"Bye Emily," I said back with a smile before we ended the call. I put the phone down on the charger before I rinsed out my bowl and left it in the sink.

I walked into the living room and turned off the television. I had decided to call it a night since spending the day outside with Paul had seemed to drain away my energy. Who knew that the laying out in the sun could make a person so tired? However, the more I thought about it I figured the reason I was so tired was because I spent the day with Paul. I'd been anxious and then relaxed, anxious and then relaxed all day and it had taken its toll on my body. I wasn't used to it at all, but I certainly wasn't going to complain.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I changed into my pajamas and threw my hair up into a messy bun. I'd forgotten to turn the light off in the living room, so, I went back out into the living room to turn off the light when there was a stiff knock at the door. I frowned and left the light on before I walked over to the door and turned on the porch light to see who it was. My frown only deepened when I saw who was standing on the other side of the door. Despite my confusion, I made quick work of the locks and opened the door.

"Paul, what are you doing here?" I asked as I looked up at him. He was shirtless again and only wearing his cut offs yet again, but what confused me even more was I didn't see a car anywhere. How did he get all the way to my house from the reservation if he didn't drive?

"I forgot something earlier today," he said, his eyes intense as he looked down at me. I blushed when I remembered I was dressed only in a black tank top and my red and black plaid pajama shorts. His chest was rising and falling quickly as he breathed heavily, but he didn't look angry. I couldn't read the expression on his face. It was like he was fighting a mental battle with himself, but the longer he looked at me the more it looked like he was coming to a decision.

"Oh? I didn't notice anything," I said as I pushed away my embarrassment. "What did you forget?"

"This," he said deeply before he closed the distance between us, tilted my chin up, and pressed his lips to mine. It all happened so quickly that it took me a second to realize what was happening and to my surprise I found myself easily responding to the gentle pressure of his lips against mine. His left hand gently held my upper waist while his right hand rested on my neck while our lips moved together. My hands found their way to the heated skin of his chest and rested there while his body practically consumed me as he leaned over me and kissed me. I was suddenly thankful that I wasn't terribly short because it would have made the kiss more awkward.

Never in the last three years of my life did I ever imagine that I wouldn't panic the moment a boy tried to make a move on me and kiss me just as Paul was that very second, but I wasn't panicking. In fact, I felt like I was floating and it was easy to see what all the fuss was about. Paul was my first true kiss and the memory of the first time a man's lips were on mine was slowly disappearing. If that was really how it felt to kiss someone you cared about, I never wanted to stop. He pulled back after several amazing seconds but he didn't step away from me. His hands remained on my body while mine remained on his chest as I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"You're perfect," he breathed against my lips before he kissed me again, chastely and very briefly. "I don't want to just be your friend, but I know you'll need some time and I'll wait," he said, speaking so softly that if I hadn't seen his lips moving, I wouldn't have thought it was him talking.

"Why did you kiss me?" I found myself asking. It was a very stupid question considering what he just confessed, but I couldn't help asking.

"So you know where I stand," he said, his voice deeper and rough as he ran his thumb along my jaw, "but it won't happen again until you're ready. You have to be the one to make the first move." I smiled as I looked up at him, and he smiled back. All the tension that had been in his body when I opened the door was gone, and he almost looked like a completely different man. His face was bright and his eyes were dancing. I had a feeling the same light was reflected in my eyes as I looked at him.

"I'll be here at ten, wear shoes you can walk in," he said. I nodded and his hands slipped from my body. I instantly missed his crazy warmth around me as he stepped back out onto the porch. "Get some sleep," he said softly and I nodded again. My voice no longer seemed to want to work, which made him smirk. "Good night."

"Good night," I finally managed in a small whisper before I watched him turn away from the door. It was then that I slowly closed the door and locked it. I laughed lightly as I pressed my back against the door and raised a slightly trembling hand to my lips as I stared off into space. I could still feel his heated lips against mine and my skin still tingled from his touch.

If anyone would have told me that four weeks after moving to what had to be one of the smallest towns imaginable that I would slowly find my life changing for the better, I would have called them insane. I had no idea what road I found myself on, but there was no going back for me. I no longer expected my life to be dull and meaningless. I saw a future full of joy and, dare I even think it, love. The tears that came to my eyes were unexpected, but they were not the tears of pain or fear. For the second time in two weeks, they were tears of pure and unimaginable happiness.