Blue Roses
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
It does things to you. It will always do things to a person, guilt is like poison to a person's soul. It hurts. She felt like she was half of herself.
No.
Less than half of herself.
Not whole.
Swallowed. Eyes were burning.
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
She laughed. Hysterically. It was cold, harsh. It was frightening. The journey was not worth the cost of it all.
And you will lose everything.
She had it.
She lost it.
Him.
Everything.
Her mind was not making sense. She could make nothing register. Nothing but pain in her heart. Nothing but this could not equal that, rocking herself in a corner as he stared at her, perplexed, almost frightened.
She could have attacked him, but she did not care anymore.
Miserable.
She was choking on her own tears now.
Sobbing.
Sobbing.
Guilt.
I enjoyed it.
Crying. Crying could not take it back. Could not cleanse her of her sins. Crying could not bring Vegeta back. How could it make things better?
How could things get any worse?
Bulma felt nothing but hatred in its purest form. Sick. Sick sick sick sick sick HAHAHAHAH...Ah? sick sick and now she was vomiting, retching on the floor as he watched in surprise and disgust and perhaps he was hurt but she didn't care because she was hysterical and nothing could every bring her back and
Oh my lord back and she was a child searching for the Dragonballs with Son Gokou and everything was happy and the danger was almost childish and unreal and she was happy.
Aching and it was insane. She bit her lip until there was blood and her mouth tasted sour and she glowered at him with disdain in its most intense form and she swore to herself that she would make him pay and
Vegeta touching her flesh, lips hot on her neck and she knew it was so wrong and Yamucha was going to ask her to marry him but it didn't seem worth it anymore because Vegeta was practically god and the pleasure was so great it hurt and she felt as though her body and soul had wrapped around him as his did hers and she was happy.
Part of her registered the fact that everyone has a breaking point and this may or may not be hers and she felt sick and she felt insane and it was insane and everything was INSANE AND INSANE AND INSANE AND
The little boy in her arms gave her a gurgle and a warm wave, he was only an infant but his hand was strong and she did not miss the look of approval on Vegeta's face, and by God she was stupid enough to believe that yes, at some point they would become a family, and she was happy.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN?
Her voice was raw, she could not help but shriek.
Her heart had moved on and
Gohan smiling playfully at her, and in all of the darkness and fear and insecurity, he held her and for the first time in a lifetime she felt safe and warm and his warmth was endless and eternal much like his father's, and his sweetness was uncertain and cocky all at once, so aware of himself, like a perfect combination of the two, Gokou and Vegeta, like he was his own person, and she was happy.
"I hate you Juu. I hate you, I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you..." She was rambling along, stuttering on the consonants, and his morbid interest as he just stood there in front of her, arms crossed over there with a blank and ironed face and
every
single
word
hit
harder
than
she
could
ever
imagine.
"Why did you have to kill him?! Why did you have to kill him?! You knew I loved him! You knew I loved him and he made me happy and you knew that he was the last thing I had left and I loved him so much, and Son Gohan was so much more than you will ever be to me," Harsh laughter now, "It's so simple because you don't even get it, that I loved him and I loved him and he is so much better than-"
"SHUT UP!"
...I had to kill him, you guys.