Disclaimer- See chapter one.
A/N: I broke fifty reviews! I love you guys. Sorry about the delay in getting this out. I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I covered each person that I wanted to, so... Just to clarify things, Alice hasn't caught on yet because even though Bella's been dreaming a lot about him, other than her doctor's appointment, her only real encounter with Carlisle was last night. Until Bella made the choice to give in, there was nothing to see. And in the middle of the lemony goodness Bella, and apparently all of you guys too forgot... JAKE WAS RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. Thank god Bells isn't a screamer... Happy reading!
Chapter Six
I didn't protest when Alice insisted on driving. Not did I protest when she insisted on taking Carlisle's Mercedes. All in all, by the time we got on the road, Alice was on edge.
She glanced over at me suspiciously. "We're not really going shopping, are we?"
"We are. Head to Port Angeles," I directed. "But more importantly, we're getting out of hearing range. I'll let you buy me whatever you want today, and let you play Bella Barbie every day this week, but you had better start fessing up," I warned her.
She pursed her lips unhappily. "Fine." Alice grimaced. "I have a headache. I didn't even know it was possible to get headaches. And you know why I have one?"
I shook my head. "Beats the hell outta me."
"It's all your fault. You spend so much time with the mutt lately that by the time your future reappears again, you've decided to go see him, or he's decided to go see you, and there you disappear again! I only get to see quick glimpses." She frowned.
"Have you ever thought about not looking so much?" I asked. "Privacy is clearly too much to ask for among Cullens." I eyed the speedometer, warily, noting that Alice was pushing ninety. "Some of us are still painfully human, you know. Please try not to kill me."
Alice snorted derisively. "Bella, you are awfully grumpy, and by now we are well out of hearing range. Please tell me what is going on," she asked.
She was so polite and matter of fact that I wanted to strangle her. "It's about you! You're a cryptic little bint and it's driving me nuts," I snapped.
I could swear I saw the beginning of a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "Bella, you're being rude. I don't know what you mean."
"Alice..." I warned, biting down on my lip. "It's necessary... It will all be worth it... It'll fix everything... He wont be able to resist you?" I asked. "Hello?"
She turned to look at me, shock in her eyes. "He didn't did he?" She asked, clearly worried.
I looked at her like she was nuts. "Hello, Alice? Where the hell have you been? Of course he did! It didn't fix squat, we broke up! Where have you..." I trailed off, as I noticed to playfully smile flitting across her lips. "Alice?"
"Who said I was talking about Edward..?"
"Carlisle, love?" I looked up to see Esme standing in the doorway to my study.
I smiled up at her, beckoning her to me. "Come in," I said.
"Actually, I was hoping we could go for a walk," she said suggestively.
I gave a small smile, setting down my paperwork, and followed her outside. I looked to her for encouragement, and her nod was almost imperceptible, but it was enough for me, and I broke into a run. I didn't have to listen for her near silent footfalls or even look behind me to know she would be following me.
The colors of the forest streaked by in one great blur, no match for my speed. Some time later, far away from the house, sure we had, privacy I stopped. Esme slipped her hand in mine, and I took it, more out of habit at this point in time than anything else. I couldn't help but marvel at how cool and firm her flesh was in comparison to Bella's, and I felt disgusted with myself. What we had done was wrong enough, but to compare the two was truly shameful.
"You wanted to talk?" I asked, gently. "Is something bothering you?"
"Bella and Edward broke up today," she said, and I couldn't help but freeze, surprised.
"Did they," I said, absently, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Yes. Bella ended things with him," She said. She paused next to a fallen log, and sat out of habit. She looked up at me, and I had a hard time not looking away. "Did you know?"
I could answer honestly. "I had no idea. But, I cannot say I'm surprised," I also admitted. "Edward, in his quest to prove his love often does the opposite. Jasper has mention she often feels insignificant or inadequate with him."
"I know. That son of ours can be so very clueless when it comes to love." The corner of Esme's mouth turned up slightly. "Tanya was with him when Bella came to speak with him," she said meaningfully.
This did surprise me. It was a development I hadn't expected, and I was unsure what to make of it. Tanya's feelings were common knowledge, and although Edward has never discouraged her, he never gave her reason to pursue them either. "Really?" I asked. She nodded. "I can tell you I did not see this coming. I wonder..." I trailed off, wistfully.
"As do I. Carlisle, you know I love you, right?" She asked timidly. I was surprised at the sudden turn the conversation had taken, as well as her demeanor. This was unlike Esme, shying away.
"I know. I love you as well." Though Esme and I had drifted apart, for all that we'd shared over the decades, I cared for her deeply, fiercely, but perhaps not in the fashion she needed. Not in the fashion she deserved.
"I'm not stupid, though. I fear for our family. I would fear for us..." She trailed off, grief etched in her features. "But there's not been an us to fear for in quiet some time, has there?" She asked.
It was a shock to hear Esme of all people admit to this. She had clung to our marriage as though it were a lifeline. It had made her desperate in the last century. Any time I worked late, she would make wild accusations, and she wanted to spend every moment with me. She asked me before we moved to Forks to take several years off, a vacation of sorts, and was furious for a good few months when I refused. I know she felt neglected, and I had been sorry, but I never worked any more or less no matter where we were, and I felt upset that she didn't or wouldn't understand. Working as a doctor was the thing that gave my life meaning. I was comforted to know that unlike others of my kind, I was saving lives instead of taking them. How does one take a break from that?
"No, I suppose not," I admitted, sadly. "Esme, dear..."
"You don't have to say anything, Carlisle," she assured me. "I've seen this end coming for some time. I didn't want to admit it, but I have to face the facts. It's rare that we say I love you. Other than that weekend last month, we haven't made love in... at least two years."
I looked down, ashamed, well aware of the weekend she'd spoken of. I had hoped that by making love to Esme I could rid myself of this... obsession I'd had with Bella, but it was useless. After I'd been with Bella, I just couldn't rid my system of her. "I'm so sorry, Esme. We should have tried harder..."
Esme shook her head, placing her hand on mine. "Carlisle, do not. If we were really meant for each other, we wouldn't have let things get so terribly out of hand. It's clear that we're been holding onto something that isn't real."
I looked to her, torn. I felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from me, but also I couldn't help but feel that I failed. "What does this mean for us? For the family?" I asked her.
"We can't be together any longer, Carlisle. It's not fair to us, or the true mates that we have somewhere out there."
I knew she was right, but it didn't make the concept of ending a decades long marriage any easier to comprehend. "So... Where do we go from here?" I asked, lost.
"Well, we'll file for divorce... I think it's a good idea for one of us to move into a new room," She said slowly.
"I'll move. You can take the room. It's mostly your territory," I said with a smile. I never minded much what the rooms look like, and was always happy to let Esme take care of the decoration. Whereas fashion was Alice and Rosalie's thing, interior decoration was all Esme.
The only room I ever took care of was my office. That was my haven. It was the one place in the house that was mine and only mine. Two walls were lined with built in recessed shelving, filled mostly with books, but it had the occasional nicknack or framed photo from my many years of travels. One wall, the wall that was at the back of the house was lined with windows that reached from ceiling to about thigh, and it had smaller shelves underneath it, with cushion on top to form a long window seat. Finally the last wall, the one I placed my desk next to, was dark cherry wood paneling, and had a large painting of myself with Aro, Caius, and Marcus, from my time in Italy. All of the furniture was done in dark, glossy cherry wood, the furniture upholstered in deep, rich colors.
"I'll move the rest of my things into the spare room," I said.
"Oh, but sweetheart, we made that Bella's room, remember?" She said.
I shook my head. "Oh, yeah. I forgot. Um... I guess, just pack my stuff up. I'll find a place for it later. What about telling the others?" I asked. I was still in a bit of a shock at all the changes taking place today, I couldn't help but fall back into old roles. I just let Esme call all the shots.
"Well, there's no hiding it from Alice. And hiding things from Edward can be so difficult," she said. I fought not to laugh. You're telling me. "We're going to have to tell them. I don't know how they'll take it. I mean, I'm sure Alice has had time to prepare. Edward might have some inkling, as well as Jasper. I don't know. Maybe they won't be surprised at all," she said sadly.
"When do you want to do this?" I asked.
She thought for a moment. "The sooner, the better, I think. All in one go. Nice and clean." She turned to head towards the house again, but paused. "Carlisle?" She asked.
"Yes?"
"Tread carefully. Many hearts hang in the balance."
"How long have you known?" I asked her. We were in the dressing rooms of some ridiculously expensive store Alice had made a bee line for. I had waited until we were out of the range of others before I started asking the questions.
"Well, I saw your appointment, but it took me by surprise. It was a spur of the moment thing. And I missed out on last night thanks to the mutt, but I'm assuming something happened," she said, vaguely. "Come out of there, will you. I want to see what I'm buying."
Rolling my eyes, I cracked the door, and Alice swooped into the dressing room booth with me. She took one look at me and squealed. Looking into the mirror on the wall, I couldn't help but agree. She had me in a simple blue dress. It was a little shorter than I was used to, coming in at about three inches above my knee. It had a v-neck that reached down to the the bottom of the empire waist, meaning I would have to wear a tank top underneath it. It was a very dark teal, and Alice mentioned something about it playing of the brown of my eyes, but it's not like any of her fashion psycho babble made any sense to me anyhow.
"Yes, just so you know, something did happen," I told her, while wriggling into a pair of dark indigo washed flare jeans she'd gotten me. For the longest time she'd tried to get me into skinny jeans, but they drove me nuts. I felt like my ankles were being choked. "And I cannot believe that you kept this from me. Or more to the point, I cannot believe you kept this from Edward. How?" I asked. "And how are you not more offended by me being a complete home wrecker?"
Alice snorted. "Hiding things from Edward get easier the longer you're around him. You build up natural barriers, and just learn to think of other things around him, really. And Bella, you're not a home wrecker. There hasn't been a home to wreck in several years. Esme left Carlisle today," She said absentmindedly.
I froze in place, stricken. "Oh my God. Oh my God, Alice. This is all my fault," I said, panicked.
"Bella, if you get hysterical, I'm going to have to slap you, and I know you'll get offended by that," she warned. "And you're being a little self centered. No offense, but you alone couldn't break up a decades long marriage. It took more than that, sweetie. Esme's been thinking about this for a while," she assured.
We gathered our things, exiting the dressing room. "It's just that when you broke up with Edward, Esme finally got the courage," Alice explained. We headed toward the registers, but not before Alice scooped up an entire shelf of lace trimmed cotton camisoles. I gaped at her, and she smiled. "What?" She asked. "One in every color for you, me, Rose, and Esme," she explained, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I looked away from the total when Alice slammed down a very shiny, very elite looking glossy black credit card. The sales person was suddenly all smiles and pleases and thank yous and calling Alice 'miss.'
Maybe you should just be nice to all of your customers in the first place instead of just the rich ones, I thought, disgusted. Alice and I piled on the shopping bags, and she practically floated out of the store as I trailed behind her, trying to catch up. I don't think I've ever seen Alice quite as happy as she was when she was shopping. Spending money was that girl's passion, I would swear to anyone who would listen. No one could disagree.
We were wandering aimlessly, waiting for Alice to see another store she just couldn't live without visiting, when I felt my stomach rumbled unhappily. Alice looked up, and smiled knowingly. "Oops. I forgot to feed the human," she said with a giggle.
The look on her face was just so funny, I had to laugh as well, and we doubled back in the direction of the food court. I looked around for a moment, before getting in line at a pizza place while Alice sat down. I turned around to face her. "Sure you don't want something, Alice?" I teased. "I bet the red head behind the counter is delicious," I teased.
"Bella," she hissed, her eyes wide. "You can be a real bitch sometimes," she said, biting her lip. I knew she was trying to stifle laughter.
As I sat down to eat with her, I peppered her with more questions. She had expertly dodged most of them so far, and though it drove me nuts, I couldn't doubt that she had her reasons. "It's always been a possibility. I saw a few visions, but they were always wispy and faint... Like smoke. They weren't solid. Not until last night, anyway," she admitted.
"Well, what now? What do I do now?" I asked.
"I can't tell you that, Bella. No one can. This is all you, sweetie. You need to choose and learn from this yourself," She said. "You are the only one that can shape your future."
"So... do you want to talk about it?" Tanya asked, gently. Everything about her was tentative and careful around me, as though she were walking on eggshells. Like she was cripplingly terrified she'd do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing. She was always hoping that some time down the line I would change my mind about her, so he tried her hardest to never do or say anything that would hurt her chances.
I was sorry about it, but never sorry enough to discourage her. I felt selfish, but I didn't want to give up her friendship. She was an easy companion because of this behavior. She never pushed me, or asked too much. She was always okay with either not knowing, or waiting until I was ready to talk. She was a kind hearted person, and her thoughts were always like her, gentle and calm. Most of the time it was quiet with her here. "Not really." I paused. "Maybe. I guess... I don't understand. She dumped me. I promised I would never leave her again after... you know. And I had hoped she would leave me sort of. I wanted a safer, simpler life for her you I guess at the same time it never occurred to me that she'd actually do it."
"Eddie... I don't mean to be cruel... But did you really not expect this?" She asked. I looked up, meeting her eyes, confused.
"Of course not."
"Your Bella, from what I've been told, is very independent, and self sufficient. She's also stubborn. But here you were, trying to make choices for her. You even told her that you knew better than she what was best for her." Oh, Eddie... What were you thinking?
"I have no idea," I said truthfully, in response to her unexpressed thoughts. "I don't know. I really did that. My God. I'm an idiot," I said, dropping my head into my hands.
Can't argue with that. My head snapped up, and I glared at her. "Sorry," she said, a sheepish grin on her face. I rolled my eyes, throwing my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.
"Thanks for listening. Can't be easy, hearing me moon about Bella," I guessed.
"It's gotten easier with time, you know. I even have spare moments were I think of things other than you," she teased. I punched her shoulder, and she rubbed it, faking a wounded expression. "I wish you felt differently, but jeez. You're not the center of my universe. Far from it. You need to stop underestimating the women in your life, Edward. You keep digging yourself an awfully deep hole."
"I know, I know... You don't have to tell me."
Though I spent a lot of time with the family over the next few days, it was rarely at the Cullen's house. Things just felt... different there. Tanya was always there, for one, and Carlisle had moved out of Esme's room. It wasn't that the house was an unhappy or tense place... Not at all. These decisions and choices were mutual and without much hurt, but the house, and the family within it were changing. It was a hard adjustment, and not just for the vampires who had set in their ways over the years.
It was hard on the human, too. Me. I struggled to find my place within the family now that I was no longer 'belonging' to Edward. I felt as though I had come between Esme, even though Alice had tried to convince me my role in there split was miniscule, and even that was a stretch. And then there was Tanya. I didn't need to have Jasper's gift to know she was staying around for Edward. She was in love with him, and though I wasn't sure how I felt about it, or any of this, I was glad there was someone around to help him pick up the pieces.
And then there was the man himself. Carlisle. It was difficult to be in those house, surrounded by such perceptive vampires. It was difficult to control my emotions or my constant blushing and stuttering any time he came near. And anytime I did blush or stutter, he had a hard time controlling the smug smirk on his face. I wondered how long we could keep a lid on this secret, with a magic eight ball, a mood ring, and a mind reader all in the same house.
I wondered a lot of things these days. But on top of it all were two things. First and foremost, though no one knew where they fit in with the Cullen's these days, Tanya and I were definitely Cullens. And secondly, things were definitely changing for the Cullens.
A/N: Don't hate me. Please. I know it was short, but if I felt that this was were I needed to leave this chapter, because next chapter is too different, and will have too much content, I think. Just hold tight, and tell me what you think.