Chapter 13

"Hopeless"

Iruka gave no sign that he was irritated with Kakashi during lunch. Afterwards, he offered to walk Tsubaki home, but she waved him off.

"I'll be fine. I have some thinking to do," she said. Iruka nodded and then gave her a hug that was a bit awkward.

"If you need anything, anything at all, I'll help you, okay?" Iruka said sincerely. Tsubaki nodded and waved goodbye to everyone. Naruto tugged on the hem of Iruka's tank top.

"Dad, can Sasuke and I go to the training ground by the school?" Because he wanted to speak with Kakashi alone, Iruka agreed.

"That's fine, but both of you need to be at the house before it gets dark to do homework. Keep in mind that Sasuke-kun will need to go home to get his things, too. You are going to stay the night, right Sasuke?" Iruka asked. The dark-haired boy nodded briefly. He had been subdued all afternoon. Even Naruto was having a difficult time trying to cheer him. "Okay then, but I better not have to come find you tonight," Iruka warned as the boys scampered off. Kakashi was immediately by his side, reaching for his hand. Iruka pulled it away and began to walk quickly, irritation pouring off of him. He heard Kakashi sigh behind him.

"What? What did I do wrong now?" he asked, falling into step with him.

"Not now," Iruka said sharply.

"Why not now?" Kakashi pressed, focused on him intently. Iruka flashed a fake smile and nodded in greeting.

"Because you're friends are coming towards us. Good afternoon," Iruka said, when the pretty woman and her companion where in hearing range.

"Good afternoon. I'm afraid I don't know your name, though everyone's talking about you," she said. Her tone was neutral. Iruka didn't quite know how to reply to such a statement, so he settled on just introducing himself.

"My name is Umino Iruka."

"I'm Kurenai, and this is Asuma. Occasionally we work with Kakashi."

"It's nice to meet you both," Iruka replied. Kurenai didn't say anything else. Iruka found himself distracted by her strange eyes. Her companion was tall and average looking, with a glowing cigarette butt almost flush against his chapped lips. Iruka vaguely recognized him from somewhere, but there wasn't anything about his face or dress that was particularly memorable. Kurenai, on the other hand, was unmistakable. He knew her from the restaurant, but a nagging voice in his head told him he'd seen her before, too.

"Hello, Kakashi," Kurenai said pointedly. The silver haired man didn't even twitch.

"Yo," he replied lazily with a bored expression. It was strange for Iruka to see. Kakashi always seemed so animated and talkative when he was alone with him. Then again, when they were alone they were usually either fighting or fucking. Iruka thought about what Sasuke had told him earlier. He knew which one they'd be doing tonight.

Iruka sighed. He'd already had too many awkward conversations that morning. He didn't feel up to facing Kakashi's curious, probably judgmental friends.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to be going. I left something in the oven at home," Iruka lied. Kurenai's eyes narrowed at him, and it occurred to him too late that she was a ninja and could probably spot a lie a mile away.

Oh well. Iruka said a hasty goodbye and left Kakashi alone with them.

Kurenai wasn't going to miss her opportunity.

"He lied just now," Kurenai observed. Kakashi didn't reply. He almost reached for his book, but he figured the confrontation would have to come at one point and it might as well be now. Kurenai and Asuma were the only two other Jounins that he would tolerate questions from. He wasn't close to any of his subordinates in A.N.B.U., but neither Kurenai nor Asuma had ever worked under him. Before he went A.N.B.U., the three of them had often worked on equal terms as a team. Something like a strange friendship had evolved from that relationship, so Kakashi would let Kurenai be a little nosy.

"We saw him before at the bar, near that barbecue place that's so good," Asuma remarked casually. Kurenai's eyes narrowed again, but her tone remained neutral.

"He was with another man – a ninja that works at the Academy, I believe."

Still, Kakashi didn't speak. So far, they hadn't asked him any questions. They were merely verifying information in the disguise of making idle chitchat with an old teammate.

"Are you friends with him or…something else?" Kurenai finally asked. Her voice lost its blandness and her curiosity was apparent.

"He and his son moved in with me recently," Kakashi replied. Asuma finally pulled the spent cigarette away from his lips and flicked it to the ground. He toed it out with his sandal. Kurenai relaxed slightly.

"So you're just roommates. I'm glad then, because Konoha is a small town and there are dangerous rumors going around. I would advise your friend not to demonstrate his sexual preference in a public place again if he doesn't want any trouble. Asuma and I don't care, but most people do. Some, ninjas and civilians alike, have been talking about telling him to leave. The teacher he was with is probably going to be dismissed. Parents don't want him teaching the children. The general opinion is that people like your friend and that teacher shouldn't be in a village like Konoha."

Kakashi smirked under his mask. Kurenai had assumed too much and gone too far. Asuma realized it, and his eyes widened for a brief second.

"I'm one of Konoha's deadliest weapons. I could be very dangerous in someone else's hands," Kakashi said in the voice he used during battle. Kurenai's mouth dropped open a bit in surprise.

"I didn't think -"

"No, you didn't. Start this rumor, Kurenai. Anyone who threatens Iruka or Naruto will have to deal with me. If he's forced to leave, I'll be going with him. It would be troublesome to update everyone's Bingo books with my information," Kakashi smirked so that it could be seen through his mask. "Just think how much paper it would take to list all of my attacks." With that, he pulled out his book and walked away, reading casually as if nothing had happened.

"This could get ugly," Kurenai remarked, after Kakashi was out of hearing range. Beside her, Asuma watched Kakashi disappear around a corner.

"Yep," he replied, pulling a fresh cigarette to his lips.

"I should report this to the Hokage," Kurenai said with a sigh. Asuma glanced down at her.

"Now that it's not just a rumor, I think that would be wise."

"Umino may be all of the things people are saying he is, but he didn't waste time getting his hooks into someone strong enough to protect him."

"If he's good enough to dupe Kakashi, the guy should have been a ninja," Asuma drawled as the couple began walking towards the Hokage tower. They walked in silence for a few moments before Kurenai spoke very quietly.

"On a personal level, I pity Kakashi. I didn't know he was different. He reads those awful books all the time so I just assumed…but if he is going to be with a man, I wish he'd picked one that wasn't so…trashy. That's really the only word for it. Slumming in bars when he has a child to take care of, sleeping around, and doing that in a public bathroom – Kakashi deserves someone who isn't just after his money."

"You just had hopes of seeing Kakashi settle down with that girl at the ramen bar," Asuma said with a teasing smirk. He blew out a puff of smoke and Kurenai shot him an irritated look.

"He's been flirting with her for years!" Kurenai defended.

"Maybe he was just trying to use her to get to her uncle," Asuma joked, chuckling a bit at his own crudeness. Kurenai rolled her eyes.

"Humph! Obviously not, as he goes for the manipulative, money-hungry types," Kurenai huffed. Asuma looked at her carefully.

"You're really upset about this, aren't you?" he asked.

"Of course I am! We're the only friends Kakashi has, other than Gai, and I don't like seeing him get into this kind of trouble. Like I said, I don't care if he's gay or not, but I do care that he's fallen for someone like Umino. He's just going to get hurt."

"Hey, hey, calm down, honey. There may be more to this then we see. Kakashi may be a little eccentric, and he's obviously fallen hard for this guy, but he's not going to do anything stupid. Kakashi isn't the type to loose his head."

Kurenai opened the door to the Hokage tower and sauntered through, shooting a meaningful glance at him over her shoulder.

"Depends on which head he's thinking with."

Asuma really couldn't argue with that.

Iruka had worked himself up into a fiery temper by the time Kakashi walked through the front door. The ninja had a dark look on his face and an almost murderous aura, but Iruka didn't really care. He wasn't afraid of Kakashi.

"So were you just not going to tell me?" Iruka asked just before bringing a butcher knife down heavily onto a helpless vegetable. He was cooking dinner early, because when he was angry, he had to be doing something.

Kakashi gave him a long, hard look and then simply walked into the bedroom.

"Guess that answers my damn question," Iruka hissed angrily, chopping a few more times before chunking the knife into the sink and stomping towards the bedroom. Inside, Kakashi was staring out the window, spinning a knife at a blurring speed on his fingertip. Someone that didn't know him well wouldn't see the tension in his shoulders and the deadly flash in his revealed eye. Iruka merely huffed in annoyance, his hands automatically going to his hips.

"Put that away before you cut yourself and I have to haul your bleeding ass to the emergency room for stitches," Iruka scolded. He crossed his arms and pursed his lips. "Oh, and speaking of the emergency room, you didn't happen to take Naruto there recently and just forget to tell me about it, hmm?" Iruka could feel his face getting red and a twitch developing in his eye for every second that Kakashi didn't immediately start apologizing. "WELL?" Iruka shouted, stomping over to the infuriating man and getting in his face. The knife stopped spinning instantly, but Kakashi still looked just as dangerous.

"You lied to Kurenai. Why?" Kakashi said in a cold voice. Confused at the topic change, Iruka shrugged in dismissal and then poked Kakashi in the chest.

"I don't know, but don't try to change the subject!" Kakashi scowled and clenched his knife.

"Are you always going to be yelling at me for something? You haven't known me for that long, so I figured there wasn't that much you could get mad about, but so far I've been impressed with your creativity," Kakashi growled. Iruka rolled his eyes and the hands were back on his hips.

"What can I say? You keep finding new and exciting ways to act like an ass! This is the health of my son we're talking about here. That is NOT something you hide from me, ever. Am I fucking clear?" Iruka questioned harshly. Kakashi advanced a step closer putting them inches from each other's faces.

"Well, you've certainly been fucking something. Guess I should have realized that if you'd suck my dick in a bathroom you wouldn't hesitate to fuck Mizuki in a bar!"

Iruka stepped back as if Kakashi had physically pushed him.

"What the hell are you talking about? That was years ago. I was sixteen, we were dating, and I didn't even know you!" Kakashi slammed his hand against the wall, but it wasn't so hard that it dented the wall.

"I'm talking more recent, but that's really fucking disgusting, just so you know. It was a Konoha bar. Ring any bells? Apparently, the whole village is talking about it. People are offended and they're sacking Mizuki because of it –talking about running you out of town," Kakashi explained in a cold, hard as steel tone.

"What?" Iruka asked helplessly, sitting weakly on the bed behind him. He ripped his hair tie out and jerked his fingers through his hair anxiously. "That doesn't make any sense! We were tipsy and we danced, maybe kissed a few times, but that was it. It's not like there were children watching or we did something indecent!"

"Iruka, when was this?" Kakashi asked, still obviously furious. Iruka stood and began to pace.

"It was…I don't know…it seems like it was forever ago, but I guess it was only two or three weeks past." Iruka tugged on a lock of his long hair, obviously emotionally upset about the circumstances, but then his expression transformed back into one of anger. "Look, I don't care that some stupid people get their panties in a twist because I fuck other men. What's wrong with Naruto? What are you trying to hide from me?"

"Nothing! The night Tsubaki and I came over to Mizuki's, and I went to check on the boys, Naruto was showing signs of the demon taking over. His body was rejecting food and he was hurting himself. I realized it was because the seal weakened when he became emotional, so I re-enforced it. It knocked him out and since someone had neglected him for a week and made him upset, he hadn't been eating well and the demon was hurting him. I took him to the hospital and told them he'd had the stomach flu so the doctors wouldn't be suspicious. Once the seal was strengthened, he just needed some food and a good night of sleep. As you saw, he was fine the next morning," Kakashi explained in an angry rush, not sparing Iruka's feelings in the slightest.

Iruka quit his pacing after Kakashi's explanation and moved to stand by the window, staring out vacantly while Kakashi sat wearily on the bed.

"Kurenai was trying to warn me that someone is going to threaten you, or maybe even Naruto. Nobody wants gays in Konoha. It's a conservative place, and people rarely break the unspoken rules here. The wealthiest most noble ninja clans in the world live here – they don't want the trash of society setting a bad example for their brats. They don't know any better," Kakashi explained tiredly, rubbing at his face. Iruka's eyes slid from the window to rest on Kakashi.

"You thought I was trash, too. You aren't so different from them, Kakashi," Iruka said. Kakashi stared at him, almost in disbelief.

"What more do you want from me? I'm letting you live here even though we don't really even know each other, I'm supporting a loud-mouthed kid that isn't even mine, I'm dealing with your psychotic ex-boyfriend, and now I'm going to risk everything I've worked for in this village to defend your right to stay here! And nothing I do is right in your eyes. If I'd wanted a wife to bitch at me, I could have married some bimbo years ago and saved myself a hell of a lot of trouble," Kakashi spat.

Iruka returned his gaze to the window, as if nothing Kakashi said hurt him.

"What you did to the seal—will Naruto be safe now, or will it weaken again?" he finally asked. His tone sounded like he was merely commenting on the weather. Kakashi stood again and walked into the bathroom. Iruka listened as he splashed water onto his face. When he returned, his mask was bunched around his neck and the material was damp.

"I couldn't say. It depends on how powerful he becomes," Kakashi replied, just as blandly. Iruka turned around, but stared down at his feet. His hair fell around his face, and Kakashi suddenly felt tired of fighting with him. He just wanted to hold him and forget about everything.

"So if Naruto gets stronger, the seal is more likely to weaken again?" Iruka asked. Kakashi shrugged and ran a hand through his spiky, silver hair.

"It just depends. But yes, that's a possibility," Kakashi said. Iruka nodded. Kakashi felt distinctly like he'd been shut out, and he didn't like the feeling at all. "Iruka…what are you thinking?" he asked. Iruka glanced up at him slowly, and then pushed off the wall and passed him.

"Nothing, really," he said. Kakashi cursed mentally and followed after him. Iruka didn't leave, as Kakashi had been expecting him to. Instead, he simply went to the kitchen and resumed cooking. Kakashi stood watching him, not knowing what else to do.

"You're not still angry at me?" Kakashi asked, shoving his hands in his pockets so that he wouldn't reach for Iruka's hands. Iruka began to rhythmically chop a carrot.

"You said you didn't want me to bitch at you, so I'm not bitching. Am I doing something else that's bothering you?" Iruka asked, still without a hint of anger. Kakashi sighed. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and walked into the kitchen area. Iruka paused his chopping.

"Yes! We should be making up and fucking – not this weird…whatever this is," Kakashi said ineloquently, gesturing at Iruka chopping vegetables. Iruka slowly resumed chopping, his eyes not even staring at his task.

"Are you saying you want to fuck me?" Iruka asked dully.

"It usually fixes whatever we're fighting about, so yes," Kakashi said, not even sure what was going on anymore. Iruka absently dropped the knife and pulled off his tank top. With the same lack of modesty or emotion, he stepped out of his pants (they were Kakashi's) and revealed that he wasn't wearing any underwear. He'd dressed in a hurry that morning, Kakashi remembered. Without looking to see if Kakashi was following or not, Iruka went into the bedroom and stretched out on the bed. Kakashi followed, shrugging out of his own clothes. Eventually he stood by the bed nearly nude, staring down at Iruka who simply stared up at him blankly, like he was far away, or sleeping with his eyes open. Kakashi sat down on the edge of the bed and Iruka continued to stare up at the ceiling. Kakashi grabbed his hand and rubbed it a bit between his own. Iruka blinked slowly, but didn't look at him. His other hand rested on his tan stomach. He didn't move.

"Iruka, snap out of it. I'm sorry, okay? Please, baby, look at me."

"Don't -" Iruka started automatically, but then he cut himself off. He finished with a monotonous, "I guess I don't care what you call me."

Kakashi began to get angry again. He let go of Iruka's hand and Iruka just let it flop onto the bed.

"Quit acting like this! Are you doing this just to get what you want? You can't work this out like an adult? No, you have to resort to playing this stupid game because you know it's pissing me off! Just tell me what you want and I'll do it! Don't you realize that I'd do anything for you? Don't you? TALK to me, Iruka!" Kakashi began to shout, leaning closer to Iruka's face. Iruka didn't even wince when Kakashi's spittle hit his face. Finally, Iruka frowned and rolled over, turning his back to him.

Afraid he would loose his temper and do something he regretted, Kakashi stood up, scooped up his clothing, and left the room. He slammed the bedroom door behind him, but it didn't get any reaction. He dressed hastily and left, no particular destination in mind, until he found himself at Mizuki's door.

When the other man answered, Kakashi expected himself to just haul off and beat him, but instead he just stared. Mizuki looked like shit. He obviously hadn't bathed, his teeth were yellow and his eyes were bloodshot. A beer dangled from his fingers and a cigarette poked out of his mouth. Slowly, the man lifted his hand and pulled the cigarette away. He blew a cloud of smoke at Kakashi, who merely glared.

"What the fuck do you want?" Kakashi didn't answer. Mizuki grinned. "Did you come here to beat the shit outta me for the honor of your little slut?"

"I want to talk with you about Iruka," Kakashi said. "I want to know what you know about him."

Mizuki looked at him like he was crazy for a second, and then he turned and walked back into his filthy apartment.

"Come on in. I mean, why the hell not? Let's talk about baby cheeks."

"You look like shit," Kakashi remarked absently, staring in disgust at the nastiness that had built up around Mizuki since Iruka had left.

"Yeah, well, I got fired this morning after getting back from a fucked up mission and my girl left me just an hour ago."

"You deserved it. A guy like you shouldn't be teaching children," Kakashi said. Mizuki shrugged. He opened his small refrigerator and pulled out another beer. He chugged the one in his hand and then tossed it against the wall. The shards of glass broke and clinked against the tile floor.

"A guy like me, yeah…heh…I guess your shit's pink and smells like flowers. Want a beer?" Mizuki asked. Kakashi shook his head. "Suit yourself. I'm getting' wasted, so you caught me at a great time. Otherwise, I would have shut the door on your high and mighty ass."

"Don't judge me, you shit head," Kakashi snapped. "And don't act like you're such a victim of life. I really can't stomach it." Mizuki gave him a long look.

"We're all victims of something."

"Don't act like your wise, either. I won't fall for your bullshit," Kakashi snapped. Mizuki didn't reply. Instead, he opened his new beer and took a deep swig. He leaned against his kitchen counter.

"I've never lied about who I am, and I don't try to hide my sin behind a mask," Mizuki settled on saying. "But still, everyone loves to hate me. Why? Because I actually do what everyone else is wishing they could do, and I'm honest when it counts."

"I've never had the urge to beat up a woman," Kakashi replied with a one-eyed glare. Mizuki slowly shifted his eyes to him and smirked.

"But you've had other dirty urges. When you were a kid and everyone said it was nasty to jerk yourself off, I bet you were too afraid to do it, afraid your parents would find out. Or what about the first time someone you loved died, and all you wanted was to find who did it and break their mother fucking neck – but you didn't, because everyone tells you not to. You live your whole life denying what you really want to do – everyone does. People like Iruka and Tsubaki—and people like them are everywhere—love me the most. You wanna know why?"

Kakashi remained silent.

"It's because they're the kind that fight those urges the hardest. They're those sickeningly good people that earn everyone's respect and don't know who the fuck they are because they spend their whole lives trying to make other people happy. They love me because I'm the one person that they can't ever satisfy. Because what I want is to see them miserable, and for people like them, feeling miserable is a luxury. I mean, just think about it! If you spent your whole life getting fucked by life, but you always kept your chin up, always kept your stupid faith, there's a part of you that wants everyone to see how broken down my life you feel on the inside. I break people on the outside. I'm the bad guy, and they want it. They want me to fuck them up so bad that they can't pretend anymore. They can't deny that they fuck and cuss and shit. They live through me, live with me. And the ones that walk away from me, survive me, feel like just once in their life they really lived without having to pretend that everything was good." Mizuki looked at him challengingly, waiting for a response.

"You're drunk," Kakashi finally observed, though his mind was spinning.

"Yeah, yeah…I haven't been sober for years," Mizuki replied, waving him off with his beer. Mizuki took a deep drag on his cigarette. His eyes slithered up and down Kakashi's frame. "You wanna fuck?" he asked. Kakashi was too shocked to reply, so Mizuki kept talking. "And I don't mean the gentle, romantic shit you do with Iruka. I mean pain. I mean forgetting about everything and acting like fucking animals! Usually I don't go for your type, but I'm drunk so I'll make an exception for you. Fuck everything that's fucked you lately, and let's just…"

"Fuck?" Kakashi asked dryly. Mizuki lost the gleam in his eyes and he took a big swig of beer.

"Yeah. But I can see you're not interested."

What scared Kakashi was that a part of him was interested. A part of him rebelled against the serious commitment he found himself trapped in with Iruka, and the idea of carnal fucking with a stranger sounded good. It was one of those bad things he knew he shouldn't do – something he knew he'd regret – the kind of thing Mizuki had just been talking about.

"I love Iruka. I don't want to hurt him," Kakashi said, without even realizing he was speaking.

"You almost fell for it," Mizuki smirked. Kakashi thought he caught a glimpse of what the devil might look like.

"You're better than I thought you were," Kakashi paused, and then shook his head in sad realization. "Iruka didn't stand a chance against you. His parents dead, uprooted from his home, raped by a stranger…trying to stay strong and so desperate to break down. He must have looked just like a big target to you."

"Eh, I wasn't as practiced then as I am now. If you recall, my situation wasn't much different from his. I just decided then that I was going to quit pretending I cared about what other people thought. I didn't have anything to hold me back, so I could do whatever I wanted. I wanted Iruka. I wanted a lot of things back then." Mizuki's voice was getting softer, less wild. He was slumping now, more than standing, and Kakashi wasn't sure if Mizuki even knew where he was.

"What do you want now?" Kakashi asked, possessed by a strange curiosity. Mizuki took another drink and slid down his cabinet to sit cross-legged on the floor. Mizuki laughed, his head tilting back against the wood.

"Things I can't have. It's karma I guess, for all those years I took what I shouldn't have taken. I want to be young again. I want my parents back. I want to go back and do it all over again. I could have changed, maybe, a long time ago. Iruka gave me a ring once, you know." Mizuki smiled fondly. "Maybe a part of me wants to go back to that time and be good to him. Iruka was my first, and I guess that makes him special. When I was with him, a small part of me still cared what he thought. It didn't last long, but it was nice. Could have had kids or bought a dog or something. I'll go out with a bang though. I'm dying, but I'm going to live my way one last time before I go."

Kakashi sighed. Mizuki was just rambling. The alcohol had washed him into oblivion. He only had one more question.

"When Iruka shuts down – when he won't respond and just obeys – what's going on in his head?" Mizuki looked up at him, as if trying to remember who he was.

"He's getting wasted. Good people that don't take drugs, or drink, or just beat the shit out of someone else, have to do something when they can't cope anymore. So Iruka just goes in his head for a little holiday. That's the bad thing about breaking people down. Sometimes you break them into so many pieces that they can't reassemble their masks again. I thought last week he'd gone for good. I was going to kill him, just to put him out of his misery. Then you showed up. Good riddance, I thought. Doesn't surprise me that he's doing it again."

Kakashi left without saying another word. Mizuki just watched him go.

When he returned to the house, it was not yet dark. Iruka was dressed again, cooking in the kitchen. Kakashi was surprised that he was out of whatever funk he'd been in. When Kakashi came in, Iruka glanced up and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I lost it. Guess I just shut down for a while. Do you want to talk some more?" he asked.

He was trying to make him happy, Kakashi realized. Mizuki, who felt too miserable to pretend, would hate that fake smile when he knew what was behind it. He'd want to break it. He'd want Iruka to be honest with him. Kakashi wanted that, too, but he couldn't use Mizuki's method. He didn't want to hurt Iruka. He'd have to be careful with his words and say just the right thing.

"Iruka, does it make you upset when you think that you're not making me happy?" Kakashi asked. Iruka's eyes narrowed, and the mask slipped.

"You've been talking to Mizuki. Listening to him as if he's sane. Maybe now you don't think so low of me to have fallen for his bullshit."

"I underestimated him, and I didn't understand why you needed him. Now I do," Kakashi said gently. Iruka's eyes flashed, and Kakashi realized there was something monstrous in Iruka. It was something wounded and dark and sick that he'd been suppressing for a long, long time. Kakashi began to feel a little frightened—like he was getting in way over his head.

But if he was drowning, it was because he was trying to pull Iruka out of the water. He'd have to be strong.

"You have one chat with Mizuki and you think you know me. Well you don't. I loved Mizuki because he was my first and because I clung to him after my parents died. It's not because of what Mizuki says – about me liking it when he hurts me."

Kakashi started to doubt what he'd been so sure of just minutes before. Iruka relaxed, and Kakashi realized he was being read like an open book. Iruka spent his life making other people happy, so he knew how to read him – knew what was going through his head probably at the same time he thought it. Iruka knew just what to say, and just how to respond to him. So he'd have to do something Iruka didn't expect. It was a game, and the stakes were high.

"I love you, and I know you're not happy. I may not know how to help you, but I'm staying right here for however long it takes." Iruka's eyes flashed again. That was a good sign.

"Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to blow a hole in Mizuki's theory, which you've swallowed hook, line, and sinker. Contrary to what he says, I do give in to what I want from time to time. I don't appreciate the fact you think I'm sick in the head now, and I don't like the superior attitude you have towards me. I wanted to do this on good terms, but I'm leaving you. I might be leaving Konoha completely. I tried it here, and it's just not working out. I know you'd be happier if I stayed, but I'd be happier if I leave, so I'm leaving."

"You say that, but really you think that if you leave, I'll be happy again," Kakashi retorted. Iruka glared at him hotly.

"Quit being dense! I don't love you! I don't care if you're happy or sad or whatever! You were just a rebound after the man I really love broke my heart – again! I'm leaving because this past month has been the hardest month of my life, and that's saying something!" Iruka yelled. Kakashi's doubts increased. He moved to sit in a dining room chair. He felt too weak to stand. He clutched his face.

"I don't understand any of this."

"Kakashi, look at me," Iruka encouraged. Kakashi reluctantly pulled his hands away from his face. "I told you this was more than you could handle. It's more than I can handle, sometimes. I'm not playing any games with you, and if I were you, I'd dismiss whatever Mizuki told you." Iruka sighed and came closer to him, reaching out to run his fingers through Kakashi's hair. "Even if you think what he says sounds right, he's not a guy you want to take advice from. But he can get into your head. I know. He's always been good at that."

"You're leaving," Kakashi said dumbly. Iruka stepped away again.

"I really think it's best. Naruto's going to be upset, of course, but I can't keep living down the street from Mizuki with him teaching my son. I'm getting tired, and it's getting harder and harder to keep my faith that everything's just going to turn out happily ever after for everyone."

"Everything we went through was for nothing," Kakashi said disbelievingly. Iruka gave him a considering look.

"I guess you could look at it like that. I prefer to think that I learned a lot and made a lot of mistakes that I'm not going to repeat again. To be honest, my plan now is to find some woman that will be a good mother to Naruto and try to make up for all the disappointment I've caused him."

"That's stupid, Iruka. You aren't straight. That won't make you happy, and that doesn't even make sense," Kakashi hissed irritably. Iruka just shrugged.

"I don't know what else to do. I didn't realize the world would judge my child because of who I'm fucking. Well, I guess I did realize it. I just didn't want to admit it. I was wrapped up in Mizuki's games and falling for your charm. It was easy to pretend my actions wouldn't have an effect on Naruto. I've just been deluding myself, and I've been very selfish. This move was about Naruto, but I've fucked things up so badly that I can't bear to stay here. The real victim of all this is Naruto."

"When I came in, you said you wanted to talk about it – like we could work this out."

"I meant talk about it like we're doing. Nothing can work this out. It's gotten too…too…tangled." Iruka ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm good at untying knots. Let's just consider all your options," Kakashi said calmly. Iruka sighed, but came to sit at the table. He was at least willing to hear him out. Kakashi took a deep breath. "Alright. The first option is that you can stay in Konoha. Naruto can keep going to school and you and I can stay together. We can keep trying to learn from each other until we make it work. If anyone tries to hurt you or Naruto, I can take care of you," Kakashi said. Iruka stared at him expectantly. Kakashi smiled sadly. "I was kind of hoping you'd like how option one sounded and I wouldn't have to come up with any others."

Iruka grinned. "It does sound good, but it isn't working. We fight more than we should, and I don't like that. I'm not over Mizuki and I'm using you as a rebound. I don't like that either, especially if you are starting to care for me."

"But we're doing good now, aren't we? We're talking things out instead of just fucking. You're telling me how you feel. This is working, isn't it?" Kakashi asked a bit desperately. Iruka shook his head, but at the same time he looked thoughtful.

"I'm just…tired of all of this. Aren't you tired?" Iruka replied.

"I love you. I don't want to consider any option that means you leave me."

"You keep saying you love me," Iruka protested.

"Because I do love you. I don't look down on you, I just get angry and say what I think will hurt you. It's what I'm trained to do as a ninja – to recognize weaknesses and exploit them. It's hard on you, I know, but you have to know that it's not how I really feel. I see you as my equal. I care about Naruto. I want him to look up to me and approve of me being with you." Kakashi gently took Iruka's hand. "Sometimes how fast everything is going between you and me is overwhelming, but I want it at the same time. I want that happy ending with you. I want to protect you from anyone that would hurt you, and I want to stand up to this village and tell them that you're my lover and that you're a good, kind person with every right to live well in Konoha." Kakashi looked deep in Iruka's eyes and then leaned forward, sweetly brushing his lips over Iruka's. "Tell me how you feel, please. Talk to me."

Iruka shook his head, as if the situation still seemed too hopeless to him. "I'm mad at Mizuki. I'm worried for Naruto. I'm upset that people I don't even know are judging me, and that your friends think poorly of me. I'm tired of worrying about how you feel, and trying to force something emotional out of something that was originally just sexual. Mostly, I just wish I could be alone."

Kakashi was quiet, thoughtful. He let go of Iruka's hand.

"This is one of those times where I have to let you go so you can be happy, isn't it?" Kakashi asked sadly. Iruka nodded slowly.

"I think it is. I have a lot to figure out, and I just can't get my head straight here," Iruka said. "But it means a lot to me that you're actually listening to me. It makes me think that maybe you really do love me." Iruka smiled at him hopefully. Kakashi couldn't find it in himself to return it.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Iruka stood and returned to the kitchen. Kakashi sat still, just trying to wrap his mind around everything that had been said.

"There's one other thing I need to talk about with you," Iruka said. Kakashi waited – it couldn't be any worse than the news that Iruka was dumping him. "I was hoping that after Naruto and I leave, you'd take care of Sasuke. He needs someone to love him like a parent."

"I can do that," Kakashi agreed, after considering it for a little while. Sasuke was a good kid and a quick learner. He'd make an excellent ninja one day – possibly even A.N.B.U. Captain like himself. Kakashi sighed. Naruto and Sasuke would be upset that they'd have to leave each other, and it would crush Naruto that he couldn't become a ninja. Had Iruka considered that?

"What about Naruto's dream?" Iruka had been stirring a pot of stew, but he stopped and put the spoon down.

"It's just a dream. Kids change their minds about what they want to be when they grow up all the time. Naruto will find a new dream." There was a heavy, sad silence in the kitchen that Kakashi couldn't bear.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" Kakashi asked, swallowing thickly. Iruka turned to consider him, really thinking about the question.

"I don't think there is. I'm sorry, though. I never meant to hurt you."

"I think…I need to be alone for awhile," Kakashi said slowly. Iruka nodded in understanding. Kakashi stood and left the apartment. His feet carried him through the village and past the graveyard, into the woods where a stone stood in a clearing. He couldn't find the words for anything – couldn't even keep a thought in his head. He trailed his fingertips over the cold rock, pausing on names that he knew. He found Obito's name on autopilot and tried to draw strength from the letters, but it was just a carving. It offered him nothing.

Kakashi slid to the ground and hung his head. He buried his hands in his hair and his shoulders shook. Tears leaked steadily out of his Sharingan, splotching his forehead protector with moisture.

There was a whistle of chakra, and an A.N.B.U. was standing in the clearing behind him. Kakashi instantly stopped shaking, and pressed the palm of his hand against his Sharingan, pressing the metal harshly to force the tears to stop.

"What is it, Bear?" Kakashi asked in a flat tone.

"The Hokage requests your presence, sir."

Without replying, Kakashi used a jutsu to appear in his bedroom. Thankfully, Iruka was in the kitchen and remained none the wiser. He dressed quickly and exited through the window, Hound mask firmly in place, emotions effectively sealed away.

When he appeared in the office, the other two A.N.B.U. bowed to him respectfully. Bear was there, along with Cat. Sarutobi glanced up at him from under his Hokage hat and then nodded to himself, shuffling some papers on his desk. He began to brief them on their mission. A rogue ninja was fleeing Amegakure with a hostage. He was approaching Konoha from the north, and needed to be found and killed. He was number 16 in the Bingo Book.

Kakashi nodded, and Sarutobi dissmissed Bear and Cat.

"There is another matter we need to discuss. I have been doing a great deal of thinking about the Fox Demon."

"His name is Naruto," Kakashi interrupted blandly, almost disrespectfully. Sarutobi glanced at him sharply. There was a long pause, but then Sarutobi continued speaking.

"The parents of several clans have insisted Mizuki-san be removed from his position at the Academy, but he will not be forced to leave Konoha. I gave no authorization for Umino Iruka to be evicted, but I fear some villagers might take the issue into their own hands."

"He's leaving," Kakashi said. Sarutobi puffed on his pipe, his brown eyes thoughtful.

"I'm glad to hear it. I have decided to ask an old student of mine to train Naruto. It would kill two birds with one stone if Umino-san would be willing to seek him out with Naruto in tow. My student does not like to linger in Konoha, so he constantly travels. Konoha will fund the trip and the training expenses for the three of them. It will appease the villagers that Umino-san is leaving, and Naruto will be able to continue his training. When you return from your mission, I'll give you a scroll to deliver to Umino-san that will explain everything."

Kakashi was silent.

"You…care about him, Hound?" Sarutobi asked gently. Kakashi didn't reply. He didn't need to.

"I'm sorry that it has to be like this. Dismissed."

Kakashi nodded and disappeared, focused entirely on the mission – refusing to allow himself to wallow in sadness. It seemed like there was nothing he could do.

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, and I'll be replying to some of them in the last chapter, which I'm posting as soon as I post this one.