Thanks so much for all the reviews. I want to get this fic finished up (there's only one more chapter left) and then I'll go back to working on my other ones. And the song is Airplanes by B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams or Airplanes, Part II (with Eminem), these lyrics are the same. :)
Part Two: Seeing You Again
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now.
(Wish right now, wish right now)
Stars dot the sky like teardrops falling from the heavens. Kate isn't sure whether to be saddened or filled with peace at the sight above her. Lying in a wide open field, she closes her eyes and listens to the wind whisper through the tall grass around her.
For the first time in a long while she doesn't feel lonely, there's only a vague sense that she has something important to do nagging at the back of her mind. She pushes it away, enjoying nothing but the feeling of the night surrounding her.
A hand entwines with hers and her eyes open slowly – she has no sense of urgency here and isn't afraid of who the hand might belong to. Seeing Jack's smiling face above her, her heart leaps with joy. It encases her soul and lifts her up, lightening her mood in ways she hasn't felt in ages.
"Jack," she whispers as he sits down next to her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She lifts her fingers up to caress his face and as soon as she touches his skin, something clicks inside her. The missing piece of her heart is right in front of her, is looking deeply into her eyes with nothing but love and affection for her, and instantly she becomes whole again.
"I've missed you so much," she whispers, tilting her face up, searching. He knows what she wants and he presses his lips gently against hers, passion exploding between them.
Suddenly she begins to cry, hiccupping in short gasps though she refuses to stop kissing him. He is the one who pulls away, cupping her face in his rough, calloused hands that are so familiar to her.
"What's wrong, Kate?" he asks tenderly. She shakes her head, unable to speak. "Did I do something wrong? Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have come." He begins muttering to himself, so softly that she only catches part of what he is saying. "...should have just left her alone. Maybe I should go now before I cause any more damage..."
She hears his plan and grips his arm tightly as he tries to stand up. "Don't leave me, Jack!" she pleads, her voice breaking.
"I didn't come here to hurt you. I only wanted to make sure you're doing okay," he explains.
That's when she finally understands. "This isn't real?" In the back of her mind, she's known this could be nothing more than a dream, but his nod of agreement nearly kills her. The tears come faster, taking away her breath.
He sighs. "Oh, Kate. I'm sorry. I have no right to come here and disrupt your life. I'm not part of that world now and I have to stop pretending I am."
"You're still a part of my world. And you're in the memories of everyone else who ever knew you. We all miss you, Jack. And I don't know how to keep living my life if you're not in it," she tells him sadly.
A smile lights up his face as he gazes at her with adoration and pride. "You already are. You've been living without me for a while and you have to keep doing that, okay?"
"I can't!" she sobs, the words bursting from her mouth before she can stop them. "Every day I wake up and remember that you'll never be there to kiss me good morning or make me breakfast or go on walks with me again. And the world turns a little bit darker and it's all I can do just to get out of bed."
"You're doing great," he praises her. "Better than I would be in your situation." He chuckles to himself at some inside joke. "And it's not like you won't see me again. One day, when it's your time to go, I'll be waiting on the other side to see you again."
So Desmond was right, she thinks, surprised. She's never been a big believer in faith; it has never been an important aspect of her life. But Jack's words fill her with a sense of tranquility.
"Why can't I come with you now?" she wonders, willing to give up whatever life she has left just to be with him again.
He shakes his head, swearing quietly. "See, that's why I shouldn't be here telling you this, Kate. It's not your time yet. You still have things to do here. And I want you to live your life for the both of us, okay? You have to promise me that you won't come find me for a long time. Not until you're ready."
"But I am ready," she says and it's the truth.
"No, Kate, you're not. You only think you are. But trust me, you still have a great life ahead of you. Don't give that up just for me. Do you promise?"
With him staring at her so intently, willing her to accept what he's saying, how can she resist? "I promise," she says, making him smile that smile again, the one she loves so much.
"Good." Then he leans down and kisses her again, more gently than she could ever imagine.
But she isn't having that. She knows it will be their last kiss for a while and she doesn't want it to be sweet and reserved. She wants it to be filled with uncontrollable passion.
So she deepens the kiss, filling it with as much emotion as she can. He responds, pulling her closer to him. They both break apart, gasping for breath but grinning at each other like lunatics.
"I love you," he tells her seriously, squeezing her hand tightly.
"I love you too," she promises, meaning it more than anything she's ever said before. Staring at his face, so handsome and wonderfully familiar, she knows this moment is more perfect than anything else she could ever ask for.
Then she wakes up.
It takes her a while to remember where she is, her thoughts moving sluggishly. But the silence of her bedroom is deafening and it finally reminds her that she isn't on the Island or in some strange meadow. She is at home, whatever home she has left.
She touches her mouth numbly, still feeling his lips against hers. If she keeps her eyes closed, she can imagine him lying next to her. She breaths deeply, taking in his scent. And for a moment, she actually fools herself into thinking the past five months haven't happened and Jack is still alive and right beside her.
Her eyes snap open and the last remnants of her dream fade away. The pillow beside her is empty, no one else having ever lain there. She presses her hands to her mouth, holding in a cry of anguish. It's always like this, each morning waking up alone, the pain of it never fading away, only seeming to get worse with time.
She remembers how it felt to lie in bed alone after Jack left her and Aaron. The pain she felt then was nothing compared to this. At least back then she knew Jack was still alive and out there somewhere. And that was when she still had Aaron to comfort her, to keep her sane.
Now she has no one, she's pushed them all away. They still spend time with her, but it's nothing like the true friendships she used to have. There is no one left who cares deeply enough about her like Jack did.
The air becomes stuffy with heat, its weight pressing on her lungs and stifling her breathing. She is reluctant to move, but soon it becomes too much and she gives in, rolling out of bed to open a window. A faint breeze blows in, pushing away her irrational sense of claustrophobia.
Lying back down, she notices for the first time that tears are leaking from her eyes. She is surprised she hasn't run out of them yet, that all her crying hasn't left her tear ducts dry.
She lets herself cry, having no reason to stop the flow of tears. And she thinks about her dream. It seemed so real but how is she supposed to know if it was or not? Maybe Jack really did visit her in her dreams, maybe he didn't.
And then something else occurs to her. Maybe it doesn't matter. Either it was a dream or it was a different kind of reality. All that's important is she knows wherever he is, Jack still cares about her. He misses her too and is counting down the days until he can see her again.
What's to stop me from being with him right now? she asks herself, considering the easiest way to do that. Some part of her shies away from the thought, remembering what Jack said. Aside from him being pissed at her for cutting her life short, Kate finds herself reluctant to end it all.
Jack was right, she isn't ready.
But she has to do something, find some way to get past this pain and continue living. She's tired of hiding away, being miserable and making everyone else around her miserable too.
Suddenly she knows what she needs to do. She needs to accept what happened on that Island – which means accepting Jack's death – and move on. She needs to say goodbye.