Based on the song "Baby don't' you break my heart slow"

Everything belongs to the BBC. Except the song, this version of which belongs to Vonda Shepherd

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

"Need a hand getting it up Owen?"

"If I did it wouldn't be you"

Tosh felt the words stab through her, sharper than a scalpel. Had she been fooling herself all this time? She tried to remember…had she just imagined it?

Christmas Eve, 3 am. Ianto hadn't come drinking with them. But then, he'd refused so many times they'd stopped asking, stopped even looking his way when they left. Suzie had vanished over half an hour ago. Jack and Owen were arguing. Tosh sighed. Nothing ever changes.

"Merry Christmas, you two," she interrupted. "I'm going to find a taxi. Enjoy your day tomorrow."

"Hang on, Tosh, you can't go wandering about by yourself. Too many drunks about,"

"What, like you, Owen?" Jack laughed.

"Sod off, Harkness."

"Not a happy drunk, is he? Anyway, Merry Christmas, Tosh." Jack's lips brushed Tosh's cheek. He stepped onto the invisible lift, vanishing even though they knew full well he was still there.

Something was fluttering inside Tosh's stomach. It sounded like Owen had been trying to get rid of Jack. To get her alone?

"Let's find you a cab," Owen grunted.

The flutter turned into a glow as he took her arm. Maybe this was it. Tosh slid her hand inside her coat pocket and fingered the sprig of mistletoe she'd filched from the bar, wondering if she'd be brave enough to use it.

There was a line of people waiting at the rank. Drunk and jostling. Tosh's hand was jerked out of her pocket, sending the mistletoe flying.

Owen bent to retrieve it. "This yours?" he asked, a smile sliding onto his face.

Tosh's own face flamed. "Must have …er….fallen into my pocket," she stammered.

"Shouldn't waste it though, eh?"

And Tosh's Christmas wish came true, right there in the taxi rank.

She was back in the present, playing one of Gwen's silly games. Telling the others about the Christmas kiss felt like a kind of therapy. A stupid moment. A senseless dream. Purged, now. He'd kissed Gwen. Already. The knowledge washed through her brain in a shower of ice, bringing clarity. Now Tosh could see the hunger in Owen's eyes, and it wasn't aimed at her. She watched Owen and Gwen scurry off together after firewood and felt vaguely like throwing up.

But at least now she knew.

-XXXX-

Owen and Gwen scampered off like a pair of deer in springtime. Tosh fled into her tent. Jack fixed Ianto with that stare again. And again, the young man fidgeted, unable to meet his eyes for long.

"Why did you lie?" Jack asked quietly.

"Didn't," Ianto responded. At least he wasn't pretending he didn't know what Jack was referring to.

"Your last snog," Jack persisted, "Was with me."

"Didn't think kiss of life counted," Ianto raised his eyes challengingly for an instant, then looked away again.

"You joined in when you became conscious," Jack pointed out.

Ianto shrugged. "Must have been thinking you were Lisa."

"Are you saying you didn't know who you were kissing?" Jack demanded

Ianto rose to his feet and dusted invisible dirt from his jeans. "One tongue's much like another, after all." No 'sir'. Not the slightest hint of deference.

"I'm crushed," Jack told him, feeling a laugh bubbling to the surface. Amazing how the butler persona drops whenever the others are out of sight.

"You had a gun to my head," Ianto reminded him. "You're the last person I'd have expected to be trying to revive me. Easier for you if I'd died, I'd have thought. Easier for me too. Why did you bother?" Ianto's voice raised, ragged with pain. "You should have just let me go."

"I'm not ready to give up on you yet," Jack admitted. "And I can help." He was on his feet too, reaching for the tortured young man.

"Don't touch me," Ianto spat. "I played up to you to get the job, and I played along to keep it. But Lisa's gone now and I don't have to put up with this shit anymore. Leave me alone."

Jack's arms fell to his sides. He tried to convince himself it was only the pain speaking. There'd been more to their stolen moments, surely? Ianto couldn't be that good a liar. Everyone could lie with their words and their bodies. But not their eyes.

But he wasn't sure. Ianto stormed away. Into their tent, out again with his arms full of his own belongings. Into Tosh's tent.

Guess I shouldn't have suggested he share with me, Jack thought. Maybe all those cracks about harassment were real. Jack's stomach twisted with guilt. Had Ianto just been submitting to keep his job? Did I not see it, or did I just not care? Is that really the sort of man I've become? And the thought made him feel sick.

But at least now he knew.

-XXXX-

Tosh looked up dazedly as the tent flap opened. But it was just Ianto, his arms full of his belongings.

"Can I stay here tonight, Tosh?" he asked. "I can't share a tent with him. I just can't."

Tosh sighed sadly and opened her arms to her friend. Amazing how close they'd become, in such a short time. All it had taken was bringing him a coffee. He'd been as lonely as she was. But now they had each other.

"Of course you can," she agreed. Her voice hardened. "I suspect there'll be plenty of room. I have a feeling Gwen won't be needing her half."

"Sorry Tosh," Ianto answered, returning her hug. "Forget him, cariad. You deserve better."

"Easy said," Tosh answered, shaking her head. "And you. What did he do?"

"Nothing new," Ianto answered. "Just hit on me again. But I think I finished it this time. And it's for the best. I'm just a game to him, something he plays with when he's bored. And I know I've just been using him."

Tosh looked at him shrewdly. "I don't believe that, you know. About either of you. Give it time."

Ianto looked back at her and a tired smile crept across his face. "We're both going to be stupid enough to hang in there, aren't we?"

Tosh sighed, nodded. "If we had the slightest bit of sense," she said, "we'd fall for each other instead."

"You're so right," Ianto tightened his arms around her, wishing the embrace would spark even the smallest hint of desire. But nothing, for either of them.

Tosh smiled again. "At least we know," she agreed.