Notes: Yes, I will say this every time. I do not own "One Piece," a most awesome creation of Oda Eiichiro. Everyone should give thanks to Lady Emzebel for persistently beta'ing my horrendous drafts.
Summary: Do you know what happened the last time these two smiled?
Chopper stretched out on the Mini Merry's back seat as the early morning sun warmed his small frame. He had had a terrific night's sleep without Zoro's rumbling snores and Sanji's sleep-cursing to wake him. He sat up and yawned, realizing after a moment that the ship that had docked in the opposite berth had already left.
'Pity. I think the guys would've loved to see a ship resembling Going Merry,' he thought, as he scratched his back on the Mini Merry's figurehead. He sighed in relief as the annoying itch subsided, then shook himself out and marched down the pier to the restaurant.
"Those two imbeciles had better not be fighting already," he groused aloud, his ears straining for the sound of swords clashing, his nose sniffing the air for the smell of blood. "I have another surgery this afternoon..."
When he opened the restaurant's back door, he took stock, then closed the door. The reindeer carefully counted to 50, then opened the door again.
"Hey Zoro, cut the onions in half for me."
"The whole bag?"
"Actually, two bags. Second one should be in the cupboard to the top-right of you."
Zoro opened the cupboard by his left foot, and pulled the savory root vegetables out of their dark storage space.
"Sanji, are they supposed to look like this?"
"Yep, they're sweet oni-"
Chopper closed the door again. He made a 180 degree turn on his back leg and trotted to the end of the long pier. Stuffing himself into the life preserver tied to the end of the dock, he carefully lowered his head in the water. After five minutes of almost drowning, the furry doctor brought his head back up, furiously gasping for air. Once he could breath without too much pain, having successfully confirmed that he was indeed a Human-Human devil fruit user named Tony Tony Chopper, the reindeer stood up. He shook himself out, turned back around, and marched himself back to the restaurant.
Sanji and Zoro looked behind them as the staff door flew open. Chopper's form stood in the doorway, but they couldn't see much of him as the light was shining the wrong way. Thus, they couldn't tell that their doctor had large, wobbling, teary eyes full of sheer panic covering half his face.
"Wussup, Chop the Doc?" Zoro asked genially, as the reindeer timidly stepped into the kitchen.
"Heya, Chop, I got some alfalfa sprouts in an omelet for you over there," Sanji added nonchalantly, pausing his vegetable decimation just long enough to point out the warm breakfast plate.
The doctor sidled to the seat, not feeling sure of his environment even as he began to shovel the delicious food into his mouth. He was a reindeer - caribou to some people - and he'd been the runt of the herd. He was all too familiar with the aura of predators on his tail, and right now, he felt like he'd walked right into a wolf den. Unfortunately, he couldn't figure out just what was making him so uneasy.
"Ready for the next bag?" Zoro asked idly, as if he did not have eight hours of training to get to before lunch.
"Yep, go for it." Sanji replied, as if he actually required anyone's assistance in his kitchen.
Chopper suddenly determined the cause of his discomfort.
"By Santa Claus, you're talking to each other!" the small doctor sputtered, egg flying from his mouth. It took the small zoan all of his wits to covered his gaping mouth with his hooves. When Sanji came over, he was already flinching, waiting for the steel-tip to his antlered dome. Food did not fly from your mouth in Sanji's kitchen, particularly if you liked eating with teeth.
"Hey, don't choke. Here's another one, carrots this time."
Another omelet materialized in front of the reindeer. Blinking, the reindeer man looked up at the gourmet chef, who gave him a broad smile over a stainless steel frying pan. His poor animal nerves fraying, he slowly turned his head to observe Zoro, who was now returning to the table with his own plate of onigiri and tamagoyaki.
"Yeah, eat up," Zoro added, then he too smiled broadly at his little brother and faithful worshiper.
Chopper ran screaming back to the Mini Merry.
[~~~]
Usopp swore to God above and Davy Jones below that he would put a Hellfire Star right down the fucking throat of the person on the other end of the den-den mushi.
"Usopp, answer it."
"Unph unna."
"Hun, it could be for me."
"Unph unna!"
Kaya giggled, half-pleased, half-exasperated with the dark man spooning behind her. Turning in his arms, she kissed the tip of his nose, then nibbled on it while humming.
"You do that and then expect me to get the phone?" Usopp muttered, his mouth no longer muffled by swathes of sweet-smelling blonde hair. One drowsy eye cracked open to give her a chocolate-coated, lust-filled glare. "Woman, you keep that up and I'll throw salt on the damn thing."
"Nuh-uh. I'm gonna answer it myself," she whispered huskily, straddling her husband's torso as she reached out for the device. The sheets slid off of her slim body with her motions, and she was forced to bite back a moan as other parts of her sniper woke up. Usopp began to curse vilely as he scrambled up in the bed, reaching frantically to cover the den-den mushi's eyes.
'Damn voyeuristic bastard keeps trying to transmit Kaya's visual. Wait a minute...is this bitch biting me?'
"Chopper, calm down, what is...Yes, Usopp's very much here...Wait, just hold on Chopper. Hun?" Usopp frowned as he shook his hand, glowering at the snail-borne device. He was really going to have to work on his portable telephonic invention, if only to keep random pseudo-pods from lusting after his wife. He grudgingly brought the receiver to his ear, keeping his wife right where she was with the other hand, thank you very much.
"Chopper, whoever you're calling about better be dying," Usopp warned menacingly. As far as he was concerned, he and Kaya were still trying to go on their honeymoon, and it would seriously take a divine act to get him anywhere near the Thousand Sunny for the next two weeks. Maybe three. Ok, at least till tomorrow morning.
"Slow down, Chopper, I can't understand a thing."
Listening to Chopper's ranting, Usopp was beginning to think that he and Kaya would never get enough time away from his crew. The curly-headed sniper scratched his hair, pinched the bridge of his nose, then bit his bottom lip in disbelief as his wife did something to completely destroy any semblance of thought. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to focus more on the reindeer's panic-stricken voice, and less on his wife's rhythmically jiggling chest.
'Oh I'll make time!'
"Repeat that Chopper."
Usopp listened as carefully as he could, then made a decision.
"What you have described is statistically, scientifically, and spiritually impossible. What you do is you take the Mini Merry for a nice ride to some nearby island, then come back next week. If you're still worried, call Franky."
Without waiting for a response from the frantic doctor, Usopp pulled a pouch from under the mattress, grabbed a small marble, and rammed it down the den-den mushi's throat. He smirked evilly as the snail ended the call by keeling over, fire spurting from its mouth.
"What was...ah! Oh my... Ah, Usopp! What was that all about?" Kaya asked breathlessly, her hands positioned on a tanned, sturdy chest as Usopp pulled the blankets back over them.
"Kaya darling, at this point, I couldn't bloody well care," he replied smugly as he cocooned their bodies in white silk.
[~~~]
Nami flailed her hand around wildly until she managed to connect a fist with the den-den mushi. She wrapped the cord around her forearm, eventually bringing the receiver to her ear.
"Mmmh, za? Hmmnh? Huzzat?"
Nami could hear the sounds of Luffy eating away, and not much else. Dammit, he'd started already and she hadn't even opened her eyes yet. At this rate, she probably never would again.
"Chopper?" she began again after clearing her throat. "Whuzzit now?"
She raised herself up on one elbow, frowning slightly. She turned herself away from the annoyingly bright sunlight, her eyes still tightly closed.
"Ok, I swear you have a bad connection, Chopper. Repeat the last sentence to me again."
Luffy languidly raised his head from his meal. Juice was coating his mouth and running down his chin, but none of it escaped his sweeping tongue.
"Ok, that's pretty serious, but I still can't send Luffy out there for another...hour or two at the very least."
Luffy grinned brightly, and resumed his breakfast with a hearty cry of Itadakimasu.
"What's Luffy doing? He's...he's busy. Really, really, really busy. He's eati-"
"Damn Nami, how many of those tangerines do you have here? Good thing my tongue's made out of rubber, or it'd be sprained by now."
Nami gurgled wordlessly as the receiver dropped from her hands. It didn't matter anyways - since Luffy had started talking, all she'd heard on the other line was dead air.
"Man, Nami, it sounds like those guys are in big trouble." Luffy mentioned casually as he split a fresh tangerine with his teeth.
"Nmph!"
Silence. The only sounds were the breeze, Nami's ragged breathing, and Luffy's munching.
"You really should eat something too, Nami. Want me to go get us breakfast?"
Nami grabbed her captain by the ear, pulled it as far as she could, then let it snap back into place.
"Luffy, if you do anything other than eat right now, I will kill you."
The Straw-hat grinned and laughed loud enough to scare the seagulls off the Thousand Sunny crow's nest. He was happy - eating and Nami were two of his favorite things to do.
[~~~]
Chopper felt fat tears well up at the corners of his eyes while he listened to Robin's tone dial phone recorder. Yes, he was 20 years-old, but he really didn't want to know what she could do to Franky with 6 arms, five quarts of baby oil, and a lube can.
'I have to handle this myself? Those assholes!'
The reindeer slowly calmed himself, thinking of peaceful things like snow, sakura petals, sake, lichen, moss, Zoro meditating, Zoro training, Zoro laughing, the marine base/island that disappeared the last time Zoro smiled like that...
'I'm doomed!'
Clutching the Mini Merry's edge, Chopper stopped himself from just fleeing in the general direction of the Thousand Sunny, Luffy's 'breakfast' be damned. Sanji and Zoro were his nakama - two of the six big brothers that took care of him and helped make him strong. He had to figure out what was wrong with them, and then cure it. It was his job as their doctor. Pulling out a flask of Drum Island whiskey that his mother had sent him, he drained half of it in one go, capped it, then cocked his hat down on his antlers. He replaced the tired den-den mushi and pulled up his pants.
'Stones down, man up. Let's do this.'
Then the furry doctor heard the first cries for help.
[~~~]
The sound of his chef's knife coming down on the bamboo board should have eased his tensions, but it didn't.
"Oh fine job, duckweed scalp. Now he's onto us."
Chop chop chop chop chop!
"Shut to hell up, dartboard. The ships sank didn't they? He didn't even wake up!"
Chop chop ch-chop chop chop!
"Rather spectacularly too. Did you really have to cut all of them into three?"
Chop chop chop chop chop!
"You wanted smaller Jenga pieces, flame on?"
Ch-chop chop chop ch-ch-chop chop!
"Shitty ass marimo, just two would have been fine!"
Chop chop chop chop chop!
"Fucking ass dartboard, they interrupted me. I don't remember you going easy on them, will o' wisp. Those pyrotechnics were large enough to get Ace hounding your ass."
Chop chop chop chop chopchopch-chopchopchopchopch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chop!
"Suck my dick, kelpie. I was head deep in the biggest set of boobs on the whole damn Line when those shitty motherfucking marines...argh!"
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chop!
Zoro grunted and resumed his breakfast, steadfastly ignoring the huffy chef and his incinerated cutting board. Sanji snarled at his finely diced - and now charred - red peppers, scraping them into a separate container. He set his hot knife down in the sink, where it boiled away the washing water as Sanji rinsed his hands. The blond's right leg started twitching, and he thought it wise to hunt for a rubber band in a nearby drawer; like hell was he going to scorch his hair again, just from throwing a foot in the green giant's head. Glancing at the living mound of over-muscled seaweed eating at the preparation table, he noticed four eyes glaring at him while the main two were closed. They receded after he returned their glowering in spades.
'At least he's as strung out as I am."
Sanji reached for the cigarette and lighter in his back pocket, smoothing the black pants over his butt to keep the lines in place. Zoro rolled his eyes and muttered something inconsequential about women and fashion and skirts and - when had he launched that foot out? Judging from the scorched footprint eating into the swordsman's white shirt, despite the fact that he'd deflected the leg with the ever bloodthirsty Kitestu, this fight would not end well. At all.
"If you two are going to demolish something, go find another marine base or a deserted island like last time."
Chopper leaned against the doorframe in Heavy Point form, a number of long, wet ropes slung over his shoulder and trailing down to the water. He did not look amused in the least, but the wry smile reassured his crewmates that they might get patched up should they decide to start bickering again.
Might being the operative word.
Sanji lowered his leg and lit the cigarette that had been dangling in his mouth -
She'd laid claim to his mouth like she thought someone would try to jump it if she even let him breathe and her hands on his face were delightfully calloused instead of smooth and soft but that strength was lush and intoxicating and maybe he wouldn't have to hold anything back and he could just let all his power flow like smoke from his mouth -
"Shitty emergency food supply. Haven't I taught you fuckers how to knock yet, or are you picking up marimo's bad habits?"
Zoro sheathed the not-so-hungry blade and scratched his head. He'd forgotten about his hair -
She'd ripped it off and her fingers were in his hair with nails digging in too hard and he was so damn glad because that meant that this was real and she was real and she was not Kuina which was heady and wonderful because Kuina meant regret and sadness and death but Tashigi meant life and desire and dreams -
"Tch. Fucking curlicue was the one who started it."
Chopper threw up a hoof to stop them both before they could get back to brawling.
"Right now, I could care less; just tell me how many marines were in the three ships you two sank this morning."
Zoro blinked, and started adding in his head. Sanji pulled out his abacus and reading glasses from another drawer. After some rapid calculations and muttered consultations between themselves, the first mate answered.
"About 192."
Chopper rubbed his forehead with one furry hand, trying to will away the throbbing headache that he could feel forming. Sighing loudly in exasperation, he turned his head to glare over his shoulder at the nine lifeboats full of injured marines he'd pulled up. His strongest friends blinked as the breeze strengthened, bringing the cries of pain to their ears. Oops.
"Are there about 200 of you back there?" the reindeer yelled. There was definitely a large vein throbbing in his left temple now - it stood out in strong relief against his fur.
"...104...88 of...the fittest made a...break for the base...doc, I ain't gonna make it..."
"Stop your damn whining!" Chopper barked, then ignored the wailing to address Sanji.
"I'm using your dining room to patch them up and ship'em out by lunch time. Most of them can't take any solid food - no thanks whatsoever to you two - so you need to make me some soup."
"Now hold on, Chopper," the pirate chef started, stomping over to poke Chopper in the chest. "I shut the place down to cook for the wedding. What the fuck, you know how much carnage there'll be if there's no meat for that shitty rubber idiot tomorrow!"
"Besides, they're marines. Can't you just ship them back to whatever base they came from? Let their doctors will take care of them." the green-haired loafer added.
Chopper sighed, and Zoro blinked as a Heavy Gong sent the blond gourmet flying into a wall. He was too late to stop the other fist as he was backhanded in another wall.
"Listen to me. I'm not the strongest or best of us, but I'm just as dedicated as you fools. I'm a doctor - I'm not gonna sit by and let these weaklings be maimed for life just because some idiot sent them here. I take my job just as seriously as you two take yours."
The reindeer grunted as the two men looked suitably chagrined. Sanji got up and brushed the splinters off his baby blue shirt and tie, then stomped off muttering about blood on his tablecloths. Zoro got up a little slower and sauntered up to Chopper with his hand out. The doctor raised an eyebrow quizzically. His green-haired idol sighed and grabbed the ropes towing the lifeboats. Using the other hand, he patted the furry man on the chest.
"Go get prepared, Chopper. We wouldn't want to hold you up any longer."
Chopper beamed, and was soon scurrying through the kitchen door in Brain Point form.
"Sanji, do you have any more carrots?"
"Yeah, yeah. Relax. I'll make a good vegetable soup for the shit-heads, Chopper."
[~~~]
As Chopper worked and enlisted Zoro to fetch the wounded, water, and medical supplies, the small reindeer tried to talk to the typically taciturn tyrant. He figured that this brouhaha was somehow connected to the two women who had come in late last night.
'If it were a man, they could've just knocked him out, but I bet 10 to 1 that Sanji wouldn't let Zoro take them on.'
"What's got you two so grouchy?" Chopper began, then winced internally at his directness. Well whatever, they'd get over it. Besides, animals never bothered to lie. "Did you decide to drive the women off to the south pole for being too nice or something?"
Zoro placed another injured marine on a table and sneered at the doctor. Throwing down a large supply of bandages made from shredded, old tablecloths, the green-haired man chose to ignore the question in favor of showing up Sanji while bringing out two large cauldrons of potage crecy. A marine with a broken arm tugged Chopper's pants as he made faces at the swordsman's back.
"He was with a woman."
Chopper blinked, but the marine managed to haul himself up enough to slap his other hand over the reindeer's mouth before he could squeak. The doctor restrained his natural urges to leave teeth imprints in the offensive appendage, and let the marine whisper in his ear.
"He was with the dark woman. She's got a decent bounty - 60 million beri I hear. They say she's a marine turncoat."
The marine wheezed and fell back on the table, releasing the doctor. Chopper continued his rounds, his mind pondering the information he just received. While standing by another table full of first-degree burn victims, another whisper made its meandering way to him.
"Devil-leg was with Bonney...I didn't even know she'd escaped."
Chopper spread ointment on the men, then made his way to another table.
"I heard they were test subjects for Vegapunk and Hogback."
"A lot of women went into those labs and didn't come back."
"The idiot who sent us to follow them should be shot. Whatever those experiments were, they made those women too strong."
"They put a pig demon in the pink one, that's why she eats more than ten people."
"I heard she cursed the blade when they took her for the first time, so now it only craves marine blood."
"It's so bad even the Straw-hats have pity on us. They didn't even try to keep them hidden."
Chopper took in all the susurrations as he tended to the marines, his head spinning from the volume of information being whispered. Finally done with treatment, he made sure that every marine got a bowl of soup and a little tot of wine - Sanji would only spare the white wine he had in the cellar. The reindeer grabbed Sanji's hand as the chef tried to give him a bowl of the delicate carrot soup.
"You and Zoro, now."
After making sure that the men posed no threat to themselves (because they certainly weren't a threat to them), Zoro sauntered to the kitchen after the his crewmates. Sanji was about to start the clean up process, while Chopper paced around the preparation table.
"So what's up now? I'm way behind on my training, especially since Nami won't let me do any tomorrow."
"And I need to feed a thousand, so prepping now would be good."
Chopper looked up at them with watery eyes. He sniffed once, then ran to Zoro's legs, bawling his oversized heart out.
"It's horrible! All those marines keep saying that those women you were with last night were test subjects for those sh...sh...shitty fucking fake doctors Vegapunk and Hogback! And they've been on the run for a long long long time! And they should have been dead b..but the marines think the Kuja pirates saved them, but no one is gonna challenge Hancock over it! And they're sailing in a little ship just like Going Merry, and I saw it! And I...I...I shouldn't have thrown them around in the dining room and I'm so sorry!"
Zoro didn't even have the strength to console the babbling reindeer. Sanji's hands were shaking as he made to light a new smoke.
"How could we not have seen them in that lab? We went everywhere in that place! What if they've been poisoned, or broken, or had parts taken out of them? I want to help them, but they're already gone!"
"And that's a good thing."
Chopper raised his head from the swordsman's black pants, his muzzle covered in snot and tears. He looked at the blond man incredulously.
"How the hell can that be a good thing?"
Zoro sat down in a nearby chair and leaned back, one arm over the seat. He looked out the kitchen porthole to the back pier as the chef continued.
"We were with them, but they left. The most we did was sink our weekly quota of marine battleships. If they'd stayed here, they would be dead tomorrow."
Sanji moved towards Chopper, his eyes fey and steely. He crouched before the doctor, turning his head to the kitchen door to release a stream of tobacco vapors before speaking.
"Remember: Retired Vice-Admiral Garp, Vice-Admiral Smoker, Coby, Helmeppo, those fuckers Fullbody and Jango, Commodore Hina, and probably Admiral Aokiji will all be here tomorrow. We didn't even know about Bonney and Tashigi before this, so it's too late for Nami to renegotiate the truce to include them. If they've been on the run so long, they wouldn't have a chance against those marines. And before you say that we could protect them- " Sanji stopped the reindeer from speaking with one yellow-stained hand. "Before we could even protect them, I'm pretty sure that the routes into and out All Blue will be covered. Their ship isn't even coated, so they wouldn't be able to escape underwater. Those guys would've scoop them up in a heartbeat if they hadn't left last night."
Chopper whimpered. His heart was too large, his need to care for anyone injured in any way too great for the moment. He lowered his head as Zoro not-so-gently scrubbed the back of his head and Sanji tickled his furry stomach. The reindeer snorted in disgust.
"Don't worry. Those women are strong. They'll probably try to come back after the wedding, so you can check on them whenever they return," Zoro reassured the doctor.
Chopper sniffled loudly and wiped a hoof along his muzzle. He swatted the men away and made to go back in the dining room. He stopped momentarily in the door.
"I heard there's a barren island 20 miles south from here."
Sanji tried to pretend that he wasn't listening. Zoro decided to close his eyes as if he were sleeping.
"A couple of sea kings told me it's too small for a log post, but it should be big enough for a fight."
Silence reigned.
"There even a few coconut trees, so you shouldn't get too thirsty," Chopper added, as he left the kitchen to fully enter the main dining area. Popping a Rumble Ball, Chopper started his transformation as he stalked towards the treated marines.
"Now, if you pansy-assed seaboys are well enough to gossip," he began, antlers growing to ridiculous proportions. "Get back to base!"
By the time he'd chased the last sailor into the life boats, the kitchen was empty, and Mini Merry could no longer be seen at the end of the pier.
[~~~]
"Ha. Ha. Ha."
Tashigi continued to swing her bokken, her arms settling into the rhythm of the exercise. Her mind began to distance itself from the trappings of her body as the wooden sword became an extension of her body.
'It's really nice being on a ship with another woman and no men. I can leave myself unclothed and unbound in this lovely breeze. Though, when they're loose like this, they disturb my swing. Guess I really need a new bra-.'
"H-ha. Ha. Ha." Tashigi's rhythm stumbled as she remembered where she had been just mere hours before -
His arm was crushing her against his chest, and the feel of his muscles gliding underneath the scarred skin made her shudder from her head down to her toes, the tingling sensation of sliding her softness against all his rigid planes making her -
The ex-marine shook her head, and resumed her workout. She could not dwell on that.
"Ha. Ha. Ha."
' I can barely compete with swordsmen as is, and I haven't increased my strength at all. Why am I a woman in love with the sword? At this rate, I'll never be able to defeat Roronoa and show him that I am just as good as Kuina. As is- '
Zoro's mouth sank to the crook of her neck, lips now rubbed soft from such delicious friction, smooth and warm as he licks that sweet spot. She's gasping his name and he whispers against her, "Your smell is so different from hers..."
Tashigi's strikes increased in speed. Her calm facade was marred by a slight frown as she forced her mind off of her green-haired lov- nemesis.
'I wonder how Bonney move around with those...things on her chest? That has to be uncomfortable. But then again, if she has to make herself an eight year-old, having a bra on would be silly.'
"Ever considered usin' yer sword like a woman, and not a man?"
"Ha~a?" Tashigi cried, her swign going awry and almost pulling her face-first into the solid wood deck.
Bonney strolled out of the galley into the afternoon sun, scarfing down a large block of cheese. Her bosom heaved with every bite; Tashigi couldn't watch them, afraid that she'd become seasick from the motion. The strawberry blonde continue obliviously.
"Ya work out like all the rest of the sword freaks I know, but yer the first woman sword-lover I've ever that keeps trying to move like a man after her first bleed."
Tashigi scrunched up her nose in disgust. Didn't she have any nicer way of referring to her period?
"Listen sweetie, take it from me. Unless ya stop fighting yer body and learn how to use the darn thing, yer gonna get taken down all the time. It'd take something mighty scary to get the strength in yer body up, so find another way."
Tashigi slid her gaze along the length of the bokken. She had never thought of sword fighting as something personal before until she'd met Roronoa's unique Santouryuu style. Then she'd been at a complete loss; was it because she was a female that he had not taken her seriously? After learning about Kuina from his own lips, she was furious with herself; he'd told her progenitor that strength didn't matter, it was the skill that would show who was better. How was she any better that a crappy clone if she thought the same thing?
'Have I just been using my skill incorrectly all these years? That can't be! What a waste of time that would be!'
Before the swordswoman could brood anymore, Bonney slapped her around the back of her head.
"Ow!"
"Then stop moping. I won't have that kinda shit in my crew. You helped me break outta that fucking lab cause you needed my ability, now it's time you pay back! I ain't no Kuja pirate - I like dicks on my ships, thank ya kindly - but I won't take any pissants, not man or woman. If we're gonna run from the marines fer the rest of our lives, ya need to find yer own way to fight."
[~~~]
The sky's hues were fading, from blue to gold to orange and purple, as the Mini Merry drifted in the ocean. To the untrained eye, it would appear to be nothing more than a lost boat; perhaps washed away from a nearby harbor, or lost by children playing near some shore. A closer inspection would show a thin trail of smoke wafting upwards, as well as a jumbled mass of legs and hands trailing in the ocean. An even closer look would reveal the carcasses of three overly-ambitious sharks tied to the back of the boat; one with a severely crumpled nose, one with a large wound that ran completely down the middle, and one that apparently had its nose banged in as it was being eviscerated. Obviously, flight instead of fight would have been the better choice.
Sanji let out another puff of smoke, and made sure to drop his arm on Zoro's head as he let it flop back down. The green-haired swordsman barely made a sound, but he pointedly socked the cook in the ribs with his elbow, making him cough up something bloody.
"Shitty ass ball of seaweed."
The silence continued for a while, as the tiny boat continued its aimless voyage. Zoro watched as the night sky slowly crept into power, and thought of her hair.
"Tashigi nearly stabbed the shit out of me, you know."
Sanji let the nicotine settle in his lungs for a bit, then let it flow from his mouth like a small storm cloud. He'd noticed the idiot had been favoring a wound on his right side; tanto, maybe a wakazashi.
"You called her Kuina didn't you?"
Zoro grunted. From all the years fighting with and against the taciturn algae colony made human, the blond man knew that was agreement of sorts.
"I was comparing them again."
A long, weary sigh punctured the evening's peaceful atmosphere.
"Yeah, I'm an idiot."
"Interesting. I didn't actually have to say it for once."
Zoro felt the water on his hand, cool and soothing as it rippled around his fingers. He was pretty sure three of them were broken again.
"Why'd Bonney toss your ass off the ship?"
The silence returned. Sanji absently scratched his hairy thigh just above his knee. The pants were tightly rolled up high on his legs, and were probably stopping him from bleeding too much.
"You're gonna have to tell me. I have as much knowledge about women as I do about navigation."
"You green louse; are you trying to say Nami-san and Robin-chan aren't women?"
"One's a money-sucking, alcohol-metabolizing witch, the other is a morbid, goth genius. Both of them are manipulative evil made manifest. With breasts."
"Didn't we fuck each other in front of those same sets of evil brea- Nami-san and Robin-chan?"
There was a pause for a heartbeat.
"Do you mean to tell me that you still haven't realized that they positioned us to look like we had sex when we both passed out in there? The only thing we got was laid out cold on the dining hall floor."
The nicotine curled around their heads, accompanying the sound of teeth being sucked.
"Tch. It was fun while it lasted. If you knew, why were you all nice to me?"
"Blackmail. Fucking Usopp took photos and threatened to send them in to the Grand Line Times if I got in a fight with you for those seven days. I think we destroyed one of his inventions two days before that incident."
"And here I thought the shitty long-nose was supposed to be looking out for me. Kaya will forgive me if I break his beak right?"
Zoro snorted indifferently.
"She can fix it, can't she?"
Sanji grunted. Years of badgering and fighting allowed Zoro to translate the gruff sound as a certainty that Usopp would be breathing through his mouth the next time the chef saw the sniper. The companionable silence stretched for long, slow minutes, as the blond finished his cigarette and flicked the embers overboard.
"You know you're fucked in the head, right?"
"'S that so?"
"You keep saying Nami-san and Robin-chan, none of that other idolizing cuteness shit."
Sanji curled upwards, pressing on Zoro's diaphragm to assist himself in sitting on the back seat. He look back towards the crumbling island as the mean green demon hacked up a lung.
"She said she was protecting us as thanks for feeding them."
Zoro finally felt like he could breathe again, so he kicked Sanji in the back as he sat up, and crawled onto the Mini Merry's front seat.
"Protect us from what? Her appetite? An eating contest between her and Luffy? Certainly not the marines."
The blond shrugged but his expression of nonchalance was like an entire conversation to the green-haired man. He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling the ever-present pull of sleep on his system.
"You can't expect to have her trust you fully in a few hours. You know what most ships make female crew members do. You know that those two fucking sadists were working on sick shit that not even Law could think up."
"I'm not like that."
"I know that and the nakama know that, but she doesn't know that. You can't just protect every female out there. Give her some time. If she actually doesn't find that question mark on your face offensive, she'll come to you."
"This advice coming from you? You've been hunting for Tashigi every chance you get since you defeated Mihawk. You've made a little dream-world where she's the same Kuina that you were sworn to, instead of a separate person named Tashigi, who probably has a different dream!"
Sanji rocked his head back, banging it on his crewmate's thick skull. The move made him a little dizzy, given the amount of blood that he'd lost already, so it was natural that he leave it there, and let his eyes sink close. In any case, Zoro hadn't even noticed the impact. The blond was surprised to open his eyes and see that night had completely fallen, the ocean around them all deep blue. A thin fingernail of a moon was reflected in the relatively still waters.
"She wants to gather the meitou. Keep them safe and out of the hands of bad guys."
The lighter's click was loud in the night, but Zoro realized that Sanji was still resting his blond head against his own green-clad skull. He was being told to continue.
"She told me that in a ratty old sword shop way back in Loguetown. She helped me buy- no, she chose Kitetsu and Yubashiri for me. I wanted to tell her about Yubashiri and give her the duel she deserved that time."
Sanji offered the swordsman a cigarette by way of his elbow to the earrings in his left ear. The green man took the proffered smoke and light after the ringing in his ears stopped.
"We are incredibly, stupidly, in love at first sight with those women, aren't we? You're actually smoking another cigarette in less than a year."
"And you've forgotten to cook for the wedding."
They leaned against each other and enjoyed the tobacco as it filled the evening sky. Far away, a dark cloud glided swiftly.
"Luffy and Nami-san are going to kill us."
"Yep."
[~~~]
"Ah!"
Tashigi was forced to dodge left as Bonney came at her again. The pink woman was swinging for the fences, putting her full strength into the fight.
"Come on, Tashi!" she roared, as she whirled a leg around to strike the ex-marine in the back. Tashigi was able to block it with her wooden sword, but she had to duck right as an overhead leg strike came sailing out of nowhere. Too late. Her move put her left arm squarely between Bonney's long legs, and suddenly Tashigi was in a world of hurt. She tapped the deck frantically.
"Che. Ya have no idea what yer body is s'posed to do, do ya?" Bonney panted, releasing Tashigi from the arm bar. The piratess stretched out on the warm wood and watched the sky-
His eyes, when he's laughing and sinking his face in her-
She closed her eyes, and banged her head against the decking until the feelings of blue heat on her skin passed. Now if only she could take his taste out of her mouth-
He was oh so hot, sweet and smoky and satisfying, like barbequed meat after a long day on the farm-
She banged her head on the decking again. She'd never had a man stay on her mind like this. She was one to scratch her itches and then forget about them, but he was a big, big thorn in her side.
'They should've called him Three-Leg Sanji,' she thought, snorting wryly at her own joke. She only wished they'd been able to get that far before Tashigi spied the marine ships. She'd seen the wild look in his eye after she tossed him off the ship; like a campfire about to flare up. She almost felt sorry for the marines, but if he knew what that lab had been working on, she was sure he'd do something foolish that would get his fine ass killed. She and Tashigi would have to resolve this themselves, then come back.
"I can't stop thinking about him either."
Bonney opened her eyes and turned her head towards Tashigi, who was now sitting up on the deck with her legs crossed, cradling her left arm. Her face wasn't visible, but she knew the dark swordswoman was looking back at Eros Cuisine. Looking around, Bonney registered that night was fast encroaching. The ex-rancher's daughter turned her head back up to the faint bits of blue still in the sky.
"I haven't stopped thinking about him in 5 years, especially - no, maybe because of the lab."
Bonney sighed and rolled straight up to her feet. Sliding off her suspenders and stripping off her shirt, she went to the side of the ship and threw a large, open barrel into the water. The barrel was attached to the ship by a thick skein of rope, so the pink-haired woman was able to haul it back up when as soon as she deemed it full enough. She hefted the nigh-full barrel up and over her head - this was effectively the women's showering system.
"Did you tell him?"
"Are ya nuts? Did I land a fist in yer head too hard? 'Course I didn't tell him. That shit is not what a man wants to hear, especially right after he's met ya."
Bonney, dripping wet, turned around and shook out her hair like a horse drying its mane. It was still tossed over one wet shoulder when she glared at her companion, her rosy skin showing bright red patches where the cold water had hit her the hardest.
"Please tell me ya didn't tell Roronoa."
Tashigi huffed as she moved to join Bonney. She really wished they had a working shower.
"No, I didn't, though I doubt that he'd care. He's in love with the original, not the copy."
Bonney looked the other woman in the eye, green to brown, as she hauled up another barrel of seawater for the aching woman. The ex-marine was, quite frankly, morose; a frustrated bundle of virgin sexual tension and romantic fantasies. Bonney curled her lips in a salacious smile as she tipped the water over the younger woman.
"You know, you'd probably feel better if you'd just take care of yourself."
Tashigi gasped as the cold water hit her flushed skin and sluiced down her back. Strands of her blue-black hair stuck to her jaw as the force of the water sent the dark mass down her neck and over her shoulders. Bonney followed a drop of water as it hung off the woman's ear. She wondered if Sanji's skin would make the water sizzle.
"I wouldn't even know where to start. That wasn't exactly a part of marine training."
"You people are sad, ya know that? Who cares if yer a frigging clone, if ya'd just fuck him silly, ya'd already be three up on her. Besides, yer already doing something she sure as hell didn't."
"Bonney, don't bother saying it again!" Tashigi yelled, her hands two tight balls of fury.
"You're already living and yer- "
But Bonney's statement was cut off as the Grand Line cyclone made its typically unpredictable appearance.
[~~~]
Zoro secured the shopping boat to the dock as Sanji carried the shark carcasses to the fish scaling area at the back of the restaurant. The chef knew he was in deep shit, waiting till night to prepare for the massive wedding reception the next day; not for the first time did he wish that he could use Gear Second. The blond man, who was busy calling himself nine different types of a moron, slowed as he saw the light on in the restaurant's kitchen. He stood and cocked an ear, catching the distinct sound of someone singing badly, to the cheers of others.
"What the hell is all the commotion? Didn't Chopper clear this place out earlier?" Zoro asked grumpily as his boots clumped noisily on the dock behind Sanji. The blond could only shrug, and open the kitchen's back door.
"Glaze the ducks, you yellow-bellied tongue-tied- "
"I'll glaze yer ass is what'll do, ya fuckin- !"
"Who de rass lef' de damn rice ta bu'n pun de- !"
"Suck ma dick, I'mma headin' up dis station!"
"What in hell are you shitty ass peons doing here?" Sanji bellowed, his face resembling a pomegranate. Outside, even Zoro stepped back; the blond prince was prissy as all fuck about his restaurant, and even worse about the kitchen. The din quieted down immediately, leaving the sound of pots boiling, liquids bubbling, and ovens steaming. A small figure fought its way through the mass of white-clad bodies.
"Well, I figured you wouldn't want fur in the food, especially after I've been cutting people up. Besides, you should at least thank me for saving your sorry asses, you two."
Copper emerged from the middle of the kitchen, nurse his right hoof. He still had on a lab coat and one of the scopes that Usopp had fashioned specifically for the reindeer.
"Ten minutes after you guys left, I called these guys up. Fortunately they hadn't sailed too far, so they made it back in the afternoon and got to work. Thanks for leaving the menu out, by the way," the reindeer continued with a smug smile. Sanji didn't know whether to hug the beast or kick him in the head till the other antler broke. He looked over his sheepishly grinning staff, and could only smirk.
"Is this how I taught you shit-heads to cook? Since when do you take an eye off the food?" the blond owner barked, clapped his hands together sharply. "The ingredients for the cake better be at room temperature by the time I finish washing up. And you shitty ass ambulatory amalgamation of algae, don't sleep at the preparation table! Make yourself useful and haul up the liquor from the hold. And Chopper!"
The reindeer cocked a tired eyebrow up. Really, what did Sanji have to bitch about now?
"There's ice cream in the big freezer. Strawberry and vanilla."
The doctor squeaked in delight and raced to the floating restaurant's cold room. Zoro smirked and smacked the blond in the back of the head, receiving a boot in the side of his knee for his efforts. The entire staff knew that sending Zoro for liquor was the equivalent of three barrels of sake going missing, and a lot of snoring.
"Ahoy, boss, there're two bottles of rum missing from the cupboards."
"Never mind those, I used them this morning."
[~~~]
Tashigi coughed up seawater as she surveyed the wreckage of their ship. She tried to ignore the wracking pain in her groin and abdomen as she frantically tried to find the devil fruit using woman.
"Bonney!" she screamed into the night sky, but the wind from the tail-end of the cyclone ripped her words away. The muscle spasms in her abdomen were increasing sharply.
"Bonney! Where are you? Bonney!"
The ex-marine screamed until her voice cracked, and then screamed some more as the pains began again. Her last conscious thought was to use the belt in her pants to secure herself to the bit of flotsam that she'd manage to hang onto. The pains were proof enough that Bonney was no where close enough to save. Her devil fruit ability was wearing off of the former marine, and the experiment was bearing fruit again.
"Bonney!" Tashigi screeched brokenly, her sobs lost in the cruel Line.
[~~~]
Author says:
Chapter two of seven, because carpal tunnel is too painful to drag this out. I have to give a nod to my reviewers for some of the thoughts in this chapter (you know who you are). As always, feel free to comment/flame to your heart's desire. Advice is always welcome.
Vocabulary to note:
Tamagoyaki: slightly sweet Japanese-style omelet
Bokken: wooden sword shaped like a katana
Tanto: small Japanese knife, usually with a blade under 11 inches, may accompany a katana
Wakazashi: a short Japanese blade, 12 to 24 inches in length, may accompany a katana
Potage Crecy: French cream of carrot soup.
- UPDATED FOR MISSING SECTION SEPARATORS -