Luke opened his eyes and wiped away a lone tear. He was lying in his bed at Lily's house. He had not dreamed of Reid's death in a long time. He knew why he had remembered it last night and knew that today – exactly a year since Reid died – was going to be a crappy day.
Slowly, Luke got out of bed, took a shower, and threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He made his way downstairs and encountered his mother sitting at the table eating a piece of toast and drinking coffee while reading the Oakdale Times.
Lily looked up when she heard footsteps. "Luke, sweetie," she said gently.
"Hi, Mom," Luke said, pouring himself a cup of coffee but not looking at her; he couldn't bear the sadness that was in her eyes as she looked at him.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" Lily asked.
"I've been better," Luke said.
"Why don't you have some breakfast?"
"I'm not really hungry, thanks. I think I'm just gonna take a walk," Luke said. "I'll see you later." Luke kissed his mother on the cheek and left the house.
It was a beautiful end-of-summer day, but the bright sunshine and warm weather did nothing to loosen the fist that was squeezing his heart, the pain the worst it had been since the first couple months after Reid's death. Despite the lessening heartache over the months, the aching of Luke's soul was just as deep as it was the day that the doctor had slipped away from him. Everyday, Luke encountered situations about which he longed to tell Reid, only to call him or go to the hospital and remember that there was no one to tell. Other times, Luke would find himself at stuffy black-tie events or board meetings thinking of all the sarcastic comments that Reid would be making and his anxiousness to leave. No matter where he was or what he was doing, every time Luke closed his eyes he saw Reid's face and knew that no one could ever or would ever replace the good doctor in his heart and his soul.
Luke was not really thinking about where he was going, but his feet had carried him to Olde Towne. Despite the hustle and bustle that was always present in the plaza, to Luke it was always empty, even now, a year later. The people around him were simply specters, ghosts of a life Luke used to know. But it was not just Olde Towne that was empty and cold; it was all of Oakdale. Without Reid by his side or a phone call away, the town in which he had grown up and which he loved so dearly seemed so much dimmer and unfamiliar to Luke.
Within minutes, Luke was standing in front of Oakdale Memorial Hospital. The board had made a unanimous decision at their last meeting that the now-not-so-new neurology wing would be rechristened as the Reid Oliver Neurology Wing. It had been chosen that today would be the ceremony in honor of the doctor's memory. Bob Hughes had asked him to be there but now that he was standing outside the hospital, Luke was not sure he could summon enough strength to be there. Instead, Luke turned around and began walking to Luther's Corner Church.
Once there, he made his way to the back where the graveyard was situated.
Slowly and breathing heavily because of his constricted heart, Luke absentmindedly walked over to Reid's grave. He smiled a little at the inscription that he insisted be carved into it:
Reid Oliver
1975 – 2010
Not an easy man to get along with.
Luke bent down and gently kissed the top of the headstone and then sat down on the ground in front of it. He put his arms around his knees and pulled them up to chest, trying to make the aching of his heart a little less so.
"Hi, baby," Luke said, his voice quivering slightly. "Sorry I haven't been to visit you in a while. Things got kind of busy with the Foundation and I couldn't get away. But I'm here now. It's been a year since I lost you. Did you know that? Some days have been harder than others. Like today. Today it was hard even getting out of bed.
"I went to the hospital just before I came here but I didn't go in. I couldn't face it. They're renaming our wing for you. You'd hate that. And you'd hate the replacement they chose for you," Luke said, smiling. "He's got nowhere near your talent and he's a clown, making a fool of himself everywhere he goes. He knocks things over and he loses important files. You would say he shouldn't even be cutting deli slices, let alone brains. And he's nice to the nurses. He doesn't make them cry. Can you imagine that? He treats them like they're his equals. And you should see the way he treats his patients. He fumbles over his words and he makes them so nervous. I don't know why Bob ever let the board choose him to head the neuro wing. He's totally incompetent. But I guess anyone would seem incompetent after you."
Luke sat staring at the grave for a few minutes, the sun shining down on him. Then, suddenly, he said,
"I was at a dinner for the Foundation the other day. You would have been miserable. But you would have enjoyed the food. It was delicious. And you would have loved mocking all the pretentious people trying to be sincere to all the other pretentious people when they clearly couldn't stand each other. They couldn't quite fake sincerity the way you could. No one could. That's a skill that was reserved for you."
"Yes, it certainly was," a female voice said from behind him. Luke turned around and saw Katie Snyder-Hughes standing behind him. He had been talking so he had not heard her footsteps. "He once said to me that once you could fake sincerity, you could fake anything," she said, placing a bouquet of flowers on top of the headstone and sitting down next to Luke.
"Hi," Luke said, not looking at Katie.
"How are you doing Luke?" Katie asked.
"I've been better," Luke said, still staring at the tombstone.
"You know, after Brad died there were days when I couldn't even get out of bed, the pain in my heart was so bad," Katie said. "But every day the pain got a little less. Obviously, there were times when I really missed him, like on my birthday or Jacob's and holidays, but I told myself that he would always be with me in my heart. Even though I'm married to Chris, I still love Brad with all my heart and soul and nobody will ever replace him."
"I still text him or call him," Luke said. "A couple weeks ago I even went to the hospital to ask if he wanted to go to lunch and I was standing in the middle of the neuro wing before I realized that he wasn't there." He smiled a sad little smile. "I miss him so much," he said, his voice cracking.
"I know," Katie said, pulling out her cell phone which had started buzzing. "I have to go. Will you be alright, Luke?" She stood up.
Luke nodded.
"Okay. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me." She lightly brushed his hair with her hand.
"Thanks, Katie," Luke said and she walked away.
"Did you hear that, baby? I miss you so much. I can't seem to stop loving you," Luke said, smiling slightly at the gravestone that marked his precious Reid. "I don't think I ever will. You were my soul mate, Reid, and the love of my life. I will always love you and no one else will ever reach the depths of my heart and my soul the way you did."
Luke's phone buzzed in his pocket and he unfolded himself to see who was texting him. He looked at the message from his mother and stood up.
"I have to go, but I'll come visit you soon. I promise," Luke said, walking to the headstone. "I love you," he said, kissing the top of it again.
Sadly and with a heavy heart, Luke walked away from the doctor's grave, leaving behind him a piece of his soul he could never get back.