Notes: I wrote this with a cold again. Decongestant medicine is almost solely responsible for any angst and crack. Along with the massive rip in my mind where this universe resides.
Lady Emzebel, thanks as always, so glad you enjoyed your treat! It's less than you deserve for your awesome work, but I'll try to make it up to you.
Poll: Results seem to indicate that a longer chapter is preferred, 75% as opposed to 25% for shorter chapters. Duly noted, so the poll is now closed.
Summary: Ever wondered why pirates don't qualify for health-care benefits at work?
The pile of cigarette stubs in the Baratie ashtray had grown exponentially since the previous day. Three candles illuminated the grim faces of Usopp, Sanji, Zoro, Chopper, and Law as they played poker while waiting for Kaya to finish performing her duties. Law and Chopper were particularly tight-lipped, even though Chopper was forced to stitch up a number of slashes on the Doctor of Death and Law was made to set Chopper's fractured left forearm.
When Sanji and Zoro returned bearing the unconscious patients and the doctors, Usopp had taken one look at the Disaster Duo's faces and made the executive decision to call Kaya away from the Thousand Sunny's spa-like bathtub, despite many vicious threats against his snozzer. Kureha's apprentice had needed less time to assess the situation and chase the men downstairs after securing seastone restraints.
"I fold."
Sanji tossed his hand into the middle of the table and the sniper sighed. Usopp and Sanji, as two of the best liars on the ship, often cleaned everyone's pockets, provided that Nami wasn't playing. For the cook to toss it in so early was bad. It meant that he had murder or women on his mind, and given the peeks of the left eye that the gunner had picked up in the past few hours, it was both.
"Yeah, I'm out."
Zoro, a man who could read deception like a map and had the meanest poker face ever, threw in a perfectly lovely hand; Usopp cringed. Zoro never followed Sanji's lead, which was what usually made him easy pickings. Right now, the swordsman wasn't even trying, too busy petting the new sword in his lap.
Law and Chopper nonchalantly scrapped their own hands. Despite the pile of kingsmarks in front of him, Usopp could not enjoy such a shabby victory. He swore loudly and slapped his hand - an absolutely crappy one, he might add - down on the small hill of notes. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, and when he opened them, Sogeking was in control.
"Okay. One of you talk. Usopp-kun is about to throw a massive tantrum and start firing at will. I am certain that you two, Sanji-kun and Zoro-kun, would like to avoid more shots lodged in the wood of this ship."
The silence dragged on. Sogeking twitched and absentmindedly drew Yasopp's pistols from Usopp's waistband.
Chopper eyed the sniper king warily, then sighed and prodded Zoro. The swordsman nodded slowly and grunted with effort. The green-haired man stopped slouching and hunched himself over the table, even as Sanji passed his pack of smokes around again, his mouth decorated with two burning cancer sticks.
"Tashigi - you guys should have guessed, if you didn't know it right off the bat - she's one of Kuina's clones. First one made, actually. Seems Vegapunk used her because her family has a...what the hell could you call it? Affinity? Yeah, the family has an affinity for the sword. Like how I hear the swords in my head, they can actually be possessed by the swords - meeting of souls kinda. It can lead to great control over your weapon, or the weapon can take over or...whatever. There're like seven million little things that can get fucked up beyond all recognition, so you have to be crazy skilled like my master or have compulsion over them, like I do, or like Tashi - Tashigi's sword loves her. She makes swords fall in love with her as much as she loves them."
Law passed a hand over his own greatsword, then over three sets of stitches. He nodded half-heartedly, as if Zoro's words perfectly explained how a half-dead woman could spring on him with a wakizashi and almost bypass his guard to permanently disfigure him. Sogeking blandly regarded the world's greatest swordsman, then looked askance at the reindeer doctor. Chopper shrugged and nodded before passing Usopp's tankard to the swordsman. Zoro looked at the ale swimming in the half-full mug longingly, but shook his head.
"If I start, I might not stop tonight," the green-haired man added wryly, and Sanji snorted mirthlessly as he dropped one foot on the table and leaned back in his chair, his head craned over the wooden back. The cook seemed to have found something amazingly captivating etched into the ceiling of the VIP room as his brother-in-arms continued.
"So yeah, the sword's soul can jump into the wielder sometimes, just like you've heard about swords gaining a soul. Takes a special sword though, and Shigure sure as hell is special. It was made for a boy, but he died as his mother tried to give birth to him. The husband was a fuckhole, and stabbed her to death with the same sword, 'cause she dared not to give him an heir or some shit. The sword was really good quality iron that the woman had found one day as a child in her home - it knew her, she knew it. You can guess the rest."
Here Zoro paused and stuck a thumb in Law's general direction. The other sword-wielder flipped the green-haired medium off.
"Yes, the sword is indeed possessed of a soul, if that's what you want to call it, but it was sleeping until recently, or else I would more resemble one of Mr. Devil-leg's hamburgers than a human. It was forcibly woken up by some incident, isn't that right Mr. Roronoa?"
The master swordsman's hand wandered around the tankard, but he managed not to sling it back. He gripped the wooden mug tightly enough to cause it to creak, but he eased off before cracks could form.
"She was sent to Marineford. She seems to have thought it was for promotion or something so but...well, it seems that we didn't bury Vegapunk's work deep enough -"
"Or more likely that fucker knew about it from the beginning," the blond cook interjected without moving. The smoke had settled in a cloud over his form, making him appear like a strange, headless creature from the underworld.
Neither Sogeking nor Usopp thought that far from the truth, judging from the red glare winking from deep within the smoke cloud. There was only one person who was ever referred to as that fucker and still living.
"Akainu was sponsoring something foul," Chopper confirmed, his young voice sounding much more tired than it should. "He was sponsoring Hogback's research, if anything that asshole studied could be considered anything other than torture. His handiwork is all over the...patients."
Usopp and Sogeking nodded, fully aware of the indecencies that the former master surgeon indulged in. At this point, Zoro no longer paused at gripping the tankard - he straight out crushed it. As the dark stout gushed over the swordsman's fist, Sanji kicked himself away from the table with a flip, landing nimbly on one foot only to twist and immediately stomp into the kitchen. Everyone had already guessed the direction of the conversation, and it was a wise move to keep the blond martial artist out of it for the moment.
"That motherfucker sent Tashigi into a marine breeding program, along with a bunch of other female marines and pirates. They were trying to breed super officers based on the best or worst women known on the Line. Seems like they went through their stock like I do towels, harvesting eggs and implanting babies. They were using...whaddya call it again?"
"DNA," Law mumbled, tapping his hilt thoughtfully against his chin. "They harvested DNA willingly, unwillingly, or unknowingly from marines and pirates across the five seas, and combined them in the eggs of these women, then re-implanted the embryos in their wombs. A generally unpleasant process when you discount the use of anaesthesia."
"Tashigi and Bonney were in neighboring cells," Zoro continued bleakly. "They never really talked, but as far as I understand, they were a few of the more lucid women. Seems they found Bonney useful for harvesting because her devil fruit powers allowed her to age or regress to before or after any point of injury. Tashigi has a high pain tolerance, so they were going to use her as a...as a breed mare. She was four months pregnant when she started having bad cramps. Seems that Hogback was going to terminate the pregnancy and her, but they fucked up."
"Jewel-chan got loose. Bit her way through her seastone rope strand by strand for ages," Sanji interjected as he returned bearing a platter of drinking snacks and pitchers of ale. "She got to the armory, somehow remembered Tashigi-san's rambling about her sword and pulled it out, along with other stuff. She then proceeded to tear the lab a new one until she got to the operating room."
Law thoughtfully munched a handful of edamame as he refilled his own tankard and nodded sagaciously. Usopp was now back in full control of himself, and he replaced his pistols.
"So in short," the sniper summarized, "Bonney gave the sword to Tashigi, who was in the middle of a miscarriage and death, and it woke up because it was a similar circumstance to the origin of the soul within."
Zoro nodded as he wiped his sticky hand off on the tablecloth.
"I'm not sure how much of Hogback is left, since he was the one right in front of her. The sword knows the list of victims, though I'm not too sure Tashi does. It was...let's leave it at messy."
Chopper and Usopp winced, while Law smirked and stroked the slash under his eye.
"Miss Bonney was able to use her devil fruit power to reverse Miss Tashigi's age just enough to avoid the miscarriage, but they couldn't be apart for more than a certain distance, and Miss Bonney couldn't fall unconscious. Both happened when their ship got hit by a storm near the edge of here," The Dark Doctor concluded. "Thus, Miss Tashigi should now be going through her miscarriage, and the myriad injuries that both of them have sustained are being treated upstairs by the only person that can safely approach them."
Usopp scrubbed his hands over his face, and wondered again why he let his wife anywhere near medicine. Too often she was in more precarious situations than he had ever faced, short of Raftel.
"So my wife is upstairs with a possessed woman and a devil fruit user capable of chewing her way out of seastone. Do I start firing now, or do I give you time to run?"
"Neither, hun. I'm fine."
Kaya strolled out of the kitchen still stripping her medical mask, already having removed her surgical gloves and apron. Her hair betrayed her state of exhaustion, even if her gait was straight and sure. The only thing that Usopp would ever thank Jango for doing would be helping his wife develop nerves of steel, something that he appreciated every time Kaya kissed his nose after a stressful procedure. The sniper could care less that the blonde woman still had streaks of blood on her in random places - he immediately hefted her into his lap and buried his nose in her sweaty, stringy locks.
"It was easier than I expected once I got the seastone shackles on Bonney - she is truly busted up, by the way. Anyhow, once Bonney's powers were negated, I was able to help Tashigi through the rest of the still-birth via C-section - she's anemic, so I need to give her iron supplements along with castor oil. Bonney's got a herniated disc and pinched a nerve in her back - not as bad as you thought before she almost broke your arm, Chopper. Both of them are going to be too sore to walk and need help using the bathroom, so I'll stay here with them."
Usopp squeezed his wife a little closer - there was no question that he was going to stay with her. She tilted her head to flash him a quick, tired smile, then continued.
"Broken jaw is pinned, a few fractures and dislocations reset, abrasions and gashes bandaged and stitched, one bad burn, ruptured eardrums, dehydration - look, too much to go through now. Let's leave it at they'll heal. Slowly. Right now, they'll need a lot of care and attention, and I'll have to give it to them."
Chopper sighed and Law snorted.
"Kaya, can't you dismiss your older brother a little better?" Chopper grumbled. "You're basically telling me and Law to go back to Kureha and stay out of your way, aren't you? Why not chase away Zoro and Sanji as well?"
The blonde woman shrugged and gave a mysterious smile while responding.
"They're strong enough to help me move the women, plus Sanji can cook better than I can, and Zoro can stop them if they go ballistic."
"Not like I'll let them hurt you," Usopp reminded her gently. His wife laid her head against his shoulder in acknowledgment.
"Besides, you two are already injured," the sniper reminded them bluntly. "Chopper, you haven't seen your mother in ages, either. And Law, shouldn't Bepo be waking up soon?"
"Fine, fine, fine! I get the hint!" Chopper sniffled. "You're saddling me on this monster's submarine until next year at this rate!"
"Dear Davy Jones, I hope not!" Law groaned as he rose from the chair stiffly. "No time like the present to rejoin my crew. Reindeer, you coming or do you plan to out-swim me to Drum Island?"
"Oh go talk a long walk off a short pier!" Chopper snarled as the two doctors packed up to leave.
"Actually, your mother and I tried that one-"
"Stop it! Stop it! I do not want to know!"
[~~~]
Kaya had placed the two recuperating women in Sanji and Zoro's room, while she and the other men bunked down in the future crew's quarters. The blond restauranteur and the swordsman were still downstairs helping Chopper and Law ready a small boat so that the two physicians could rendezvous with the rest of the Heart Pirates. Their absence really meant that Sanji was about to flex the power of his information network.
For a woman-loving, ditzy, blond eyebrow freak, the chef had an absurdly extensive and convoluted mesh of informants, contacts, and favors to call in at will, not including Gil from Don Krieg's pirates, Kamabakka's resident okamas, and the sundry chefs, cooks, hostesses, escorts, waiters, and scrub boys spread throughout the world. In the secretive underworld of restaurants, inns, and brothels, his name was like a skeleton key for buried, long-forgotten, disjointed pieces of knowledge. Along with Zoro's reputation among bounty hunters, bodyguards, mercenaries, and martial artists of all sorts, the blond chef was often the pulse of news on the Line. The power of information was not something that Sanji used at the drop of a hat, and he was so secretive that many people had become unknowing messengers and allies of the Straw-hats.
"Ok, so why are Zoro and Sanji really here?" Usopp asked once he found a suitable hammock to flop into. The sniper cradled his wife as she flopped onto him, despite having the air smacked out of his lungs by her fall.
"Simple. Hancock and her sisters sent those women to All Blue. That means that they wanted to protect them or they wanted them to escape. Who could protect women more ardently than Sanji? And who can protect Sanji from himself better than Zoro? If it's a matter of escape, well that's what we are here for. You are the most slippery pirate on the ocean."
Usopp conceded Kaya's points as she snuggled into him, both of them feeling much more refreshed after a quick shower in the new crew bathroom. Somehow, though, his wife's explanation was not enough to describe the situation.
"Something's different about Sanji and Zoro though. The way that they're taking all of this is ... well it's like someone told them that this was happening to Nami or Robin or something."
Kaya smirked into her husband's chest. He always underestimated himself, but he really was quite good at reading his crew and their moods.
"Something is brewing between those four. I'm not sure what, but it will be at least as important as us or Franky and Robin, or even Nami and Luffy."
The blonde doctor-in-training yawned loudly, and felt her husband caress her still-damp locks.
"Something's brewing all right, but don't forget that they're called the Disaster Duo for a reason."
Kaya knew that she had a stinging retort for her husband somewhere in her head, but with his strong, slender fingers in her hair, she really could not stay awake long enough to utter it.
Later, when the shock and fatigue had worn off, she would tell him about Tashigi's stillborn with the sea green hair and they would formulate their escape.
[~~~]
Sanji and Zoro watched as Law and Chopper rowed the boat out to sea, equipped with their life vests, seat belts, and persistent quarreling.
"I told you they would be a world of trouble," Zoro murmured, tapping Shigure against his left shoulder, his lips pursed in thought. He scratched the back of his head in frustration, then angrily ripped out the leather thong tying back his hair.
"And I told you, they're worth it," Sanji reiterated calmly, his cigarettes burning down to the filters. His blond hair rested on his shoulders, a slicked-back, golden plumage. "Do you doubt that?"
The swordsman raked his hand through his hair then yanked his earrings fitfully while responding, exhaustion and rage lacing his voice.
"I don't doubt it. Not when it comes to Tashi- Tashigi. But you know I hate doing nothing. I want something to rend."
The blond chef pitched the cigarette stubs overboard without looking. He slid his hands into his pockets, and finally stopped regarding the horizon in favor of holding the swordsman's gaze.
"Are you sure the sword is right when it says that Hogback is still alive?"
Zoro shrugged and nodded.
"Swords can't be bothered to lie, not even when they want to disembowel you or drink your blood, and they're usually too objective to deny a fact. Hogback was still alive when they freed a bunch of other women and escaped. But like I said, I dunno how much of him is left."
Sanji shrugged and made the rare gesture of clapping his crew mate on the back.
"If he's alive, I'll find him - you know that. Until then, our job is to help Kaya get these women in better shape than they ever were before."
'Revenge is a dish best served cold, after all,'Sanji's blue and red eyes plainly stated to Zoro's almost totally black pair.
The green-haired human of the Monster Trio silently shook off his comrade's hand and turned to go inside as if all the demons of Hell were on his heels instead of the blond chef with the bi-colored eyes. Their souls were too close to the surface - histories and emotions that neither man had dared to remark on were lying raw and open. Sanji closed his eyes and ran a calloused hand through his bangs, dragging them back over the left side of his face as his long legs caught up to Zoro.
"Oi, marimo, wait up! You need to help me clean up the poker table! Who the hell told you that you could wipe your shitty ass beer into my tablecloth?"
"Oh suck it, curlicue, you don't even wash them that often! Shit, what the hell was that kick for?"
For now, normal was close enough.
[~~~]
"Good morning!"
Tashigi winced as the bright sunlight suddenly streamed onto her face. Oh God, could she hurt any more? It felt like every muscle in her body was inflamed and she had a body-wide case of pins and needles. The rich smell of food hit her hungry stomach and bounced right off of her throbbing lower abdomen - looked like her body planned to put eating on the back burner. She loosed an unearthly moan and attempted to roll over, only to be gently restrained.
"No, no, no, Tashigi-swan! You don't want to do that."
Tashigi-swan. Only one person had ever called her that, and the first time had only been a few nights ago.
"Devil-leg Sanji?" she mumbled, her jaw partially paralyzed by swathes of bandages.
"Ah!" the blond chef swooned in front of her bleary eyes. "Such a vision of moonlit beauty still remembers me!"
"Oi, can it, eyebrow freak. They're supposed to be recuperating, not regurgitating."
"That vegetable hair can only belong to the craziest mother-fucking sword-swinger on the whole damn Line. Why're ya here? Where're we? Speak up and stop whispering!"
Sanji and Zoro exchanged a look between them that Bonney could not interpret. She hated it when men resorted to whispering like a bunch of old women. If she wasn't handcuffed to the damn bunk and if her legs didn't feel so damn weak and if she wasn't practically swaddled from head to toe in bandages, she would march right over there and sock them both, no matter how fine the cook's ass might be!
"Good morning, ladies!"
Zoro moved aside from the doorway as Kaya, followed by Usopp, came nimbly up the rope ladder and into the living quarter, stethoscope around her neck and medical bag slung over one shoulder. She loudly greeted everyone once more, making Tashigi wince even as Bonney silently thanked the blonde woman for actually speaking at a volume that normal people could understa-
"Sorry, Jewelry Bonney is it? Well you seem to have ruptured your eardrums when Laboon - you were inside of him, he's the Straw-hat pet whale - anyway, he took a dive to shake you out! We will try to talk really loudly for you, but we might have to resort to sign language, especially for you, Tashigi, because you really shouldn't try to talk with that jaw!"
Bonney looked mildly contrite as she gathered that she was the strange one out of the lot. Sanji, standing in the center of the room with a colossal, covered silver tray on his fingertips, gave her a wry smile with a cheeky wink that made her feel marginally better.
"I take it you ladies already know Zoro and Sanji! Sanji owns the leaky bucket that you are floating on right now! This is my husband, Usopp, who will be our pilot whenever we actually decide to move." Kaya yelled at the top of her lungs, her calming smile not leaving her face. "If you have any questions or need us for anything, just holler or ring the bell hanging above your beds."
Bonney and Tashigi immediately located the small hand bells and simultaneously began clanging them rapidly, the strawberry blonde piratess shaking her own instrument over-zealously due to her lack of hearing, brute strength, and the fact that she had to shake it with her teeth.
"Alright already, we get the point!" Zoro yelled, grinding his teeth as he and the others covered their ears. Sanji was glad that he'd thought to bring along a small table to place the tray on, or else he'd still be deaf in his right ear. Usopp's nose was still vibrating like a tuning fork when Kaya began answering questions.
"How long have we been here?" Bonney began, mercifully ending her bell's jangling.
"About four days," Kaya replied pleasantly, as if someone being unconscious for half a week was completely normal. "You've been in and out of wakefulness, but it may take a while before you remember anything that happened - we had to use a very heavy sedative for your pain."
Tashigi started to open her mouth, then shut it with a frown. Zoro pushed off of the bedroom's door and strode over to bedside while digging into his haramaki. He idly withdrew a battered pair of glasses and a small slate with a piece of chalk attached to a string.
"Here," he muttered, pressing the items into her small hands. "Kaya's fierce about her patients' recovery, so you better not talk unless you want her to sew your mouth shut."
"Now, now, Zoro, flattery won't get you anywhere," Kaya cooed as she put the stethoscope to her ears. "Keep asking questions, ladies, I'll let these gentlemen answer them while I give you a quick once over."
While Tashigi scribbled on her new blackboard, Bonney asked another question at full blast.
"Where did you find us?"
Zoro yawned while answering, earning a royal round of cursing from Sanji and Usopp, both of whom ranted about the spread of germs and contamination of a sick room due to the swordsman exhaling a great deal of morning breath over the gigantic tray.
"Chopper, Brook, and I found you in Laboon's belly. Looks like you were lucky and floated out to the old doc's ship without getting caught in the digestive acid. You were inside the villa so I guess you finally figured out that the island was actually a ship. Unfortunately, Laboon started diving 'cause the figurehead of your old ship was stuck in his teeth. The pressure outside still affected your eardrums enough to rupture them, but Kaya says they were infected anyhow, so it may have only been a matter of time."
"Tashigi-san had it much luckier - she got washed up on the shore of a nearby island. "Big Mama" Bentham's guys found you and brought you to safety. Then, they called us," Sanji added as he glared at Zoro and removed the cover to the tray. Two bowls were nestled next to an enormous cauldron of clear, hot chicken broth that set Bonney's stomach to growling immediately.
Tashigi tapped her slate furiously before Bonney could ask any more questions or drown on her own saliva.
Have you found a katana with a four-petal tsuba and a green-and-white sheath?
Zoro smiled fondly, a phenomenon that was hard for anyone not familiar with the ex-bounty hunter to recognize, but very apparent to Usopp and Sanji. He pointed to a spot underneath Tashigi.
"Don't worry, Shigure's safe. She's under your bunk in a footlocker, along with your wakizashi. I'll let you see it later."
Bonney's stomach gurgled uproariously.
"Uhm, I think we need to feed them now, hun," Usopp ventured timidly, shocked by the volume of the pink-haired patient's stomach. He hadn't heard anything like that since Luffy last came out of intensive medical care.
"Well, they appear to be healthy enough to eat. That's enough questions for now ladies, we'll answer more after you take another nap. Zoro, Sanji, feed these fine patients while Usopp and I go concoct a lighter painkiller," Kaya stated cheerfully as she finished listening to the mysterious sounds of Tashigi's abdomen and Bonney's lungs. She packed up her stethoscope as she turned her back on the convalescents and practically skipped over to her husband.
"I'm not hungr-!"
"Sistren, I feed mysel-!"
Kaya calmly slipped a scalpel between each of her knuckles before launching herself into Bonney's bunk, weapons poised above the woman's eyes. Her other hand flew towards Tashigi, releasing a fan of blades that made Zoro curse viperously as he was forced to lean back almost double to avoid the young Doctorine's weapons. Sanji yelped as he kicked the silver tray into the air and out of the mad woman's way, only to catch the soup and utensils without spilling a drop - after skidding on his face to retrieve them. Bonney's and Tashigi's eyes were closely imitating saucers as Kaya forcefully captured their full and complete attention.
"Listen, bitch. I just spent a number of hours putting you two back together - the next time you even think of moving yourself is when I tell you, got it? Even if you are about to shit bricks in your pants, you will call for one of us to help you to the bathroom. We can get more linen - I can't find more body parts that easily."
The blonde-haired harridan jumped back momentarily, only to pounce on the ex-marine.
"As for you? Bitch, you eat when I say eat, you swallow when I say swallow, and generally act as if I'm your pimp, 'cause I will pop you if you talk again, then I will shove a hose down your throat and staple your mouth closed. You hoes clear on that?"
The only person in the room not nodding was Usopp - he was too busy chuckling into his hand as he noted the new rips in the seams of his nakamas' pants and the blank, terror-stricken look in the female patients' eyes. No-one was ever prepared to meet the Doctorine.
Sogeking smirked, and wondered if he could injure himself enough to get the same treatment tonight.
[~~~]
"Is she always like that?" Bonney asked Sanji between bowls of soup. The chef had gently but firmly held the woman down to drinking the broth spoonful by painstaking spoonful - he didn't even blink when Bonney threw up all over him, her body quivering as it tried to fight off the dregs of the sedative and devour the nutrients in the broth at the same time. Eventually Bonney's Life Return ability set in, and she was better able to take in the liquid food.
"Sorry, Jewel-chan. When it comes to treating patients, Kaya-san occasionally takes after her aunt," Sanji affirmed as he tipped another spoonful down the strawberry blonde's throat. He shifted on the chair that Usopp had brought up for him, trying in vain to restore the blood supply to his right butt cheek. "She usually has much better bedside manners, but I don't think she got much rest while taking care of you both."
Tashigi waved off Zoro, who was half-asleep in his own chair while holding up a bowl of soup equipped with a wooden straw. She scratched on her slate, now strung around her neck thanks to a strand of green yarn unraveled from her rival's haramaki.
Who took us to the bathroom?
"Kaya did something to you that involved a really thin tube and a bag - I don't really want to go into details," Zoro mumbled while placing Tashigi's bowl on the folding table. The raven-haired woman regarded him a bit owlishly - the swordsman was surprisingly squeamish despite his own legendary battle lust.
"At any rate, she thinks your bladder control should be back to normal, but expect a few issues, especially if you cough or-"
ACHOO!
Bonney blinked and looked under her sheet, still sniffling.
"Sneeze," Zoro continued with a sigh. "I'll go get Kaya to help you."
As he walked past Sanji, whose right eye had already begun to physically shift into a heart, Bonney and Tashigi were filled with sudden trepidation. Was the swordsman really so inept a caretaker as to leave the hapless woman chaser in a room with incapacitated human females?
Zoro walked back into the room before the cook could start noodle-dancing, hefted the blond over one shoulder, then propelled him across the room and down the access hatch face first.
"We'll go get Kaya. Sorry 'bout that, forgot about the lecher for a sec."
With a sharp nod as a salute, the swordsman jumped down, right into a Flambage roundhouse kick. The piratess and the ex-marine sighed in relief and promptly disregarded the sounds of crashing, tumbling, and swearing that flared up from the kitchen below.
"So, how ya feeling, Tashi?" Bonney inquired while trying to wriggle away from the wet spot as best as she could while wearing seastone restraints.
Like absolute shit. That needs to pee.
"I get ya, sistren."
Bonney laid back on her pillow and closed her eyes. Sleep was sneaking up on her. She wondered if the soup had been spiked, then dismissed that possibility - the blond chef (prince) would never risk altering the taste and texture of his food by adding medicine. Her thoughts became very vague, and she was snoring lightly when she heard Tashigi scratching on her slate again.
I lost the baby.
Bonney nodded awkwardly. She knew that that would happen from the moment she woke up inside that whale alone. Despite Tashigi's best efforts, the fruit of all the lab's experiments had been lost. Now they would never know if Hogback had actually found a way to counteract one of the devil fruit's curses, or if the son of two sword-masters would be able to depose Roronoa Zoro. They no longer needed to find a place of safety for the babe and Tashigi - all of that had been lost, lost to the Grand Line. And yet, despite Tashigi's quiet, muffled tears...
"Ya know," Bonney began, a lump in her throat choking up her words, "It's really weird - I'm chained to a bunk with seastone handcuffs, we can't eat solid food, we're practically paralyzed from the waist down, the baby is gone, the marines are hunting us down, we're the prisoners of the Straw-hats for all intents and purposes, and...I've never felt safer. Ever."
The silence dragged on. Each woman remained locked in her own thoughts until sleep reclaimed them.
[~~~]
Sanji and Zoro read the mangled note again.
Sanji, Zoro,
We have to go and harvest more of Kaya's medicinal herbs - we used them up to make the medicines on the table.
We have to go now - if we don't, we'll miss the short harvesting period for a number of rare plants on Heracles' island and - look, we'll try to get back as soon as possible, but it might take us a few weeks.
Usopp
P.S. Within a week, make sure Tashigi walks around the ship twice a day at least.
P.P.S. As soon as Bonney's back pain is manageable without medication, make her walk around the ship twice a day.
P.P.P.S. Keep them safe or I will kill you - slowly.
Love,
Kaya
"Well fuck," Sanji uttered softly as he and Zoro gaped first at the letter, then at each other.
"They abandoned us to their job and snuck out to continue their honeymoon? What the fuck?" Zoro growled, smacking the letter out of Sanji's grasp with the back of his left hand. "They can't have gone far, let's go after-"
The two men felt their hackles rise as they watched the paper float out of the kitchen's porthole. The sheet wafted in the air before landing on the deck just outside the kitchen.
Whereupon it promptly exploded.
"Usopp's booby traps. Great. Lovely. Splendid. Not!" Sanji snapped as ash blew past the restauranteur, his hands covering his head and his right leg raised defensively.
"We've been well and truly played, haven't we?" Zoro grumbled, brushing small pieces of paper and dust off of his clothes. "I should've known something was up when Usopp was whistling."
"You moronic mass of moss, he's always whistling. I should've known something was up when Kaya smiled at me," Sanji groused, lighting a fresh cigarette. "What're we gonna do now?"
A loud sneeze echoed down the access hatch, followed by a groan of pain and annoyance.
"You get the sheets and towels, I get the clothes and soap. This is going to be a long week," Zoro sighed, turning to open the door that led outside rather than head back upstairs to Sanji's new linen closet. The chef negligently grabbed the swordsman by the collar of his banana-printed pink and yellow shirt, briefly wondered how the swordsman could ever have so much difficulty matching basic colors, and bodily hauled his crew mate upstairs. Five seconds after their feet touched the landing of the living quarters, both men heard the rapid fire sound of poisoned needles hitting the wood of the door downstairs.
"Fuck Usopp. I am going to throw out every ounce of pike in the cold room," Sanji ground out around his cigarette. "And I promise to throw him in it - I wouldn't want his corpse to stink up the place."
[~~~]
Usopp sneezed loudly. He sniffled and adjusted his hand on the tiller of his small sloop, Merrily Along.
"Hun, are you sure this is a good idea? You shouldn't just go around playing matchmaker at the drop of a hat. Are they even psychologically ready to handle anything, far less those two?"
Kaya stretched out on her beach towel spread out across the deck and sipped her pina colada.
"We aren't really going far, at least, not at first. We're just going to observe them from a distance for a few days."
Usopp snorted, unconvinced.
"Please tell me how that is any better?"
"Well," Kaya began, "Close quarters and absolute dependence may convince those women to actually tell Sanji and Zoro the truth. They were both pregnant - I guess they were running out of breeders and started using the supply line women, so to speak. Tashigi - it's just a hunch, but still... And Bonney seems to have performed a self-abortion - there are some street girls that know the right weeds to use, unfortunately, but it leaves telltale signs because it's so harsh. Anyway, she must have aged herself to force the healing, but all of that has been reversed now."
"And this means what again?" Usopp asked, his confusion obvious in his tone.
"It means that they're weak - too weak to do what they need to do, mentally or physically. They need to spend some time getting stronger, and you can't help but get stronger around those two. I think that's why Hancock wanted those four to meet - she has a tendency to lead people on to their fate. I also think she sent them because we all know that Zoro and Sanji need to discover something much dearer to their hearts to protect, or else they've only got Death to look forward to. Your crew already paid enough of your lifespan to Death after Marineford, no need to beg the...entity...to take the rest. I think those women are in a similar position."
"Occasionally you could just use lists or bullet points you know," Usopp grumbled as they yawed over a wave. "So basically you think they can save each other from a short life plagued by obscurity, bitterness, and a lack of meaningful love aside from nakamaship?"
Kaya snorted indignantly at her husband and stretched out on the deck again, pointedly ignoring his pout.
"It's a good thing to do, hun, but I'm just going to sit back here and worry anyway," Usopp replied, locking the tiller into place.
Now all he needed was an easel and his supplies to capture his wife's beauty for posterity - he had no doubt that Sanji and Zoro were going to kill him, so he might as well leave portraits for his unborn progeny to enjoy.
[~~~]
And so the days passed.
The two care-givers came to an agreement with the two patients that amounted to 'mule and board.' The men worked in shifts to carry the women to and from the bathroom as needed, change bed linen and dressings, prepare suitable food, and ply the patients with sustenance and supplied medication as prescribed by Kaya. The women promised not to strike them in the gonads, and only opened their mouths to eat or drink as ordered, ask for assistance to the bathroom, or call Zoro to chase Sanji out of the bedroom. For everyone's safety, Bonney wore the handcuff on one wrist to stop the women from using her devil fruit powers to heal and escape. No points for guessing who negotiated the terms of engagement. Or who held on to the key for Bonney's handcuff. Nevertheless, the first week moved along quite uneventfully until a Jaya South bird arrived with a message in its beak.
"Yo, Franco!" Zoro called excitedly as the bird sailed through the window to perch on his shoulder. "Wassup?"
The swordsman threw one of his morning onigiri into the air and the chef took the letter from the intelligent bird while Franco's beak gaped open for his pickled-plum rice treat. The bird had grown rather attached to the Straw-hat Pirates after Skypeia, particularly the perpetually lost first mate. After following them to Raftel, the bird often made the long flight to the Thousand Sunny from Jaya, not resting for more than a night until it found Zoro.
"Hnn, looks like he found Usopp before you, marimo," Sanji muttered around an unlit cigarette, the letter already opened and examined by his nimble fingers and eye. "It's from Kaya, of course - I think we're safe to walk around the deck now."
"What gives you that idea, dartboard?" Zoro asked absently, busy stroking Franco's feathers into place as he and bird repositioned themselves to face south. Sanji turned the note around so that the swordsman could see it as well.
What the fuck are you imbeciles doing? Walk them around the deck already before they clot up and die of embolisms! Twice a day, no, three times a day since you asses have waited so long! Can't a woman relax?
Zoro and Franco grunted in affirmation.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think those two were spying on us, but they couldn't possible be so suicidal," the blond chef mumbled, already sucking in nicotine as his match flared around the end of the cigarette. Franco began whistling and tried to turn his head away from the cook, only to have it snap back to the south. The two pirates ignored his angry squawking.
"I guess Usopp was kind enough to set a defuse timer on his traps this time."
"Well, whatever, we'll deal with them later. I guess the fact that Franco made it through the window without becoming dinner was proof enough. Which one do you want to assist?"
Sanji moodily glanced at the swordsman out of the corner of his eye. The over-muscled killjoy was actually giving him a choice? That could only mean...
"I'll walk Tashigi then," the restauranteur stated with a sinister grin on his lips. The swordsman, without blinking, promptly dropped a boot on Sanji's foot, while the South Bird dropped a beak on the blond's head.
"Walk me where?"
The men looked up to see Tashigi peering down at them.
"Ah, my midnight raven of beauty!"
"...Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"
The ex-marine waved off Zoro's deepening scowl and Sanji's heart-shaped eye.
'He's worried I'll bleed on him but if I keep still much longer, I'll go bananas.'
"Where are we walking to?" the raven-haired sword-mistress asked again.
"Under the direct command of your beautiful physician-"
"Ya mean the one who ditched ya to actually spend time with her husband?" Bonney cried out groggily from the captain's quarters.
"- yes, her. Anyway, it behooves me to escort you gently around my vessel for a morning constitutional-"
"What this ass means," Zoro interjected firmly, his fingers wrapped tightly around Sanji's neck as if it were the string to a balloon, namely the chef's blue face, "Is that we have orders from the young Doctorine to walk you guys around the ship twice a day. She says it'll stop you guys from forming clots. So when you've finished your...uh...toilet..."
"The word is toilette, ya big lummox!" Bonney none-too-gently supplied.
"...Yeah, that - when you're done, we'll all take a walk together around this leaky bucke- fuck it, quit biting me!"
"Ok!" Tashigi piped up, unable to keep the enthusiasm of leaving the confining chamber out of her voice. "I'll be down soon!"
"Oi! Tashi! What about me? Ya salt-sucking marine bitch, help me out of bed at least! When I get my hands on you-!"
Franco began shaking his head as he settled on the back of a chair to watch Sanji and Zoro throw down again. This was going to be a long day, and the sniper hadn't paid him nearly enough in fish to deal with this.
[~~~]
And so the weeks passed.
Tashigi and Bonney - albeit with much grumbling, quarreling, and cursing from the latter piratess - went walking around the ship three times a day. Within a week, the men were freed from the chore of taking the women to the bathroom. Three weeks later saw the women confidently taking showers and sitz bathes in the captain's bath, leaving Zoro and Sanji to spend hours manning the pump and the stove when the women unwittingly used up all of the solar-heated water - at least they said they didn't mean to. By the end of six weeks, Zoro and Sanji had a loud audience in the kitchen with them at every meal, cheering and jeering them through their frequent tussles.
At some point during the last week, Franco, who'd taken to sleeping on Tashigi's head when Zoro was busy attempting to make Sanji-sized carvings in the ship's hull, suddenly perked up and flew out of the window. Zoro looked a bit forlorn for the rest of the week, so late that Saturday morning, Tashigi proceeded to drag the swordsman from the table and yank him behind her up the ladder to the living quarters.
"I shouldn't be letting you do this much climbing," Zoro groused as he tried to place his eyes everywhere but on Tashigi's behind. "Kaya said walking, not rigging clambering."
"Be quiet, Zoro. I'm trying to do something nice for you - don't make me regret it already," Tashigi quipped, sticking her tongue out cheekily as she peered down at Zoro from the landing. The large man harrumphed gruffly as he tried to cover the flush of blood that rose in his face when his name rang out in her voice.
"Well, hurry it up. I've got a three o'clock ass-kicking scheduled with that question-mark panty-chaser while you all walk around the ship."
Tashigi looked up and up and up as the swordsman pulled himself onto the landing, his green eyebrows and black eyes glowering down at her. Her heart made a strange somersault in her chest, but she ignored it in favor of slapping the Pirate King's right-hand man upside the head.
"Hurry up and show me Shigure already! It's been a month already, and I miss her!"
Zoro's glare deepened, but he gave his affirmative grunt and lead the way into the captain's quarters. After much wriggling and swearing, the green-haired sword-reader managed to get the footlocker from under Tashigi's bunk and unlocked it. He stood up, covered in sawdust and dust bunnies, and scratched his head momentarily.
"You better sit down for this. Shigure was really upset when she saw the state you were in - she might reach out more than she means to. Let me sing to her a bit."
Tashigi adjusted the cracked glasses on her face and blinked owlishly at Zoro.
"Uhm, dare I ask what the hell you're talking about?"
The swordsman contemplated explaining everything to the ex-marine, and settled for rolling his eyes instead.
"Just watch, okay? I'm doing something to make sure you don't go into a coma, or else Kaya will eat my liver raw."
Tashigi grudgingly acquiesced to his demands and her own curiosity. What was her miserable green-haired warden doing now?
Once he was sure that Tashigi was comfortable on the bunk, Zoro dropped onto the floor below her in a dignified lotus position. He opened the foot locker and pulled the sword out of the lead-lined chest. The ex-marine briefly imagined that she heard the tantalizing whine of metal on metal.
Zoro sat with the sword across his lap, both hands covering the hilt as his eyes drifted halfway close. For a few seconds, Tashigi was convinced that he had fallen asleep on her, however, as she watched him closely she realized that an almost subsonic crooning was coming from his (warm) lips. The deep sound traveled through her body, making her nerves vibrate in time with his droning. She had no idea how long she sat there watching his lips and listening to his quiet chanting, her body humming along unconsciously.
"Ok, she's calmer now."
The swordsman's voice was harsh and hot in Tashigi's ear, making something inside of her break. She woke up with a start as the leather sheath was placed in her hands. The ex-marine's fingers curled familiarly over the sword, and she hugged the blade close to her face.
"Oh Shigure! I missed you so much! Were you ok? Did you get wet? Just wait, I'll take you out for some air and polish you up right now."
Zoro stood to one side and watched as his raven-haired temptress unknowingly worked her magic on the blade and himself. Her lips whispered along the leather as she cried with the sword, and he could feel their satiny fullness kissing up his back. He cleared his throat grumpily as he stomped all over his feelings.
"Can we hurry this up? I don't see how you're doing anything nice for me yet."
The owl became a hawk as she glared at the swordsman. He pretended that the butterflies in his stomach were a bout of gas.
"Fine, you oaf. I was going to polish my sword with you, let you see and touch the blade, but if you prefer to go downstairs and mope over the loss of your parrot-"
"Oi, Franco is a South Bird, not some crappy, stupid parrot!"
"-Whatever. Do you want to polish swords together or not?"
Zoro had a minor flashback to a most interesting introduction to puberty, but his inner Ashura form promptly cut the cords to his brain before he could get a clearer picture. With a shrug, the swordsman decided to go with the flow as he went to his footlocker in the crew's quarters.
"Which do you prefer? Linseed or flaxseed liniment?"
"What? No nugui?"
"Since when did marine pay cover the cost of nugui?"
"I'm not putting your crud on my blade!"
"Oi, my mix is better than nugui!"
Zoro's eyes flashed like lightning as he glared up at Tashigi, but there was no anger in him. It had been so long since he had a decent argument with anyone related to sword care. Despite the large number of pirates and marines that wielded the weapons, very few actually cared about the swords themselves, using the basic care taught to the masses. To see the passion in this woman as they argued about the simple steps that soothed a blade's spirit and calmed the mind of its master; to experience the combat of words and minds through the haze of her deep brown windows; to hear the blades resonating with each other, creating a rapturous symphony of steel and strength-
He couldn't ignore the lurch in his chest as Tashigi stuck her tongue out at him, childishly yet strongly parrying his words. She was not Kuina, nor was she better or worse than the girl idol of his childhood. She was someone completely new and wholly more enchanting.
She grinned and passed one of the polishing stones to him. Oh God, how the hell was he going to stay away from her now?
[~~~]
"Really? So much noise over polishing a piece of metal?"
Bonney, seated at the preparation table, looked upstairs skeptically as Zoro and Tashigi yelled at each other. Sanji briefly followed her glance, but totally ignored the commotion in favor of watching the strawberry blonde's loose patient gown slip down her shoulder. Over the past few weeks, his fascination with Bonney's bosom had waned and he found himself much more interested in mundane parts of her body, like the curve of her collarbone. He shook his head to break his reverie, and turned back to the sink in front of him.
"He's a blade-maniac and she's possessed by - er, obsessed with - meitou," Sanji groused while wiping a small trail of blood from his nose with his kitchen towel. He wiped his wickedly sharp chef's knife on his apron, flipped it into the air and caught the handle, directing the force of the utensil's descent precisely behind the gills of the unfortunate marlin that he had caught that morning. The head went sailing past Bonney, who didn't even blink.
"Shitty ass fish, thinks it can nick my knife and get away with it? Oh, what were we talking about again?"
The chef looked up just in time to see Bonney suck a droplet of the marlin's blood off of her thumb. Something died in his brain. His libido assured him that it wasn't important.
"Nmh, too hungry to remember, Princey. Maybe some sashimi would help?"
A platter, neatly lined with paper-thin slices of one quarter of the marlin, materialized in front of the piratess with a large side of wasabi, shoyu soy sauce, and lemon slices. Bonney squealed with delight - thereby killing off more of Sanji's remaining brain cells dedicated to common sense - and popped three slices into her mouth with a generous coating of shoyu.
"Oh, right," she mumbled through the mouthful, "I was asking ya why'd ya start smoking if yer so crazy about cooking? Won't that shit kill all yer taste buds or something?"
Sanji sighed. He got this lecture from random culinary artists and diners at least twice a day. If it were anyone else, he would have changed the topic or drop-kicked them out of his kitchen, but since it was Jewel-chan, he just stuck out his tongue.
"Shee dis?" he garbled with his tongue hanging out of his wide open mouth, "Cuh cosher 'n ake a ook."
Bonney popped another four slices in her mouth and peered at the fleshy pink appendage. She frowned in concentration.
"Hun, ain't that too many dots on yer tongue?"
Sanji closed his mouth with a quick swipe over his dry lips, then smirked at his inquisitor before returning to the sink.
"Observant. I have more than twice the normal number of taste buds and a pretty sensitive olfactory organ - Chopper confirmed that fact when he last hauled me in for a check-up. If I didn't smoke, the scent and taste of most foods would overwhelm me."
"What about kissing then? With that many taste buds, I bet you could prepare a girl's most perfect meal!" Bonney joked, mocking the chef behind his lithe back with a sashimi slice hanging out of her mouth. Sanji snorted and turned to reply, only to be knocked out of his mind.
The kiss robbed him of air in a swift flash of action that promptly short-fused his mind. He couldn't even respond to the smooth sensation of her lips smearing soy sauce and tingling wasabi over his own pair, nor the taste of her warm, wet mouth, so sweet and tantalizing that his toes were beginning to curl.
When she pulled away as suddenly as she'd begun, looking for all the world as if she'd never stopped eating, Sanji lost a handful of sashimi in sheer amazement, his mouth delightfully reddened and bruised. The slices dropped into a mix of condiments before slipping off of Bonney's plate and heading for the floor. He never even noticed as she nonchalantly caught the sashimi and devoured it.
"- wild raspberries - grilled pork - glaze - Jewel-chwan!"
Sanji shook his head hard, displacing the lurid scenes that the kiss had lodged in his head. The pink piratess grinned at him mischievously.
"What does that gibberish even mean?"
"What?" Sanji countered, still lost. Bonney grinned wider and popped another piece of fresh marlin in her mouth.
"So? How does kissing affect those taste buds of yours?"
'How does...? What you should be asking is how you affect me!' the chef thought to himself, still wallowing in his own world of shock.
"Kissing - kissing you - makes me think of wild raspberries boiled down and caramelized, slathered over fatty pork tenderloin with salt and cayenne pepper, then grilled on an open fire until the fat and raspberry juices run together in a thick glaze over the meat."
Bonney rubbed her legs together and made a note that Sanji could make a perfectly normal menu description sound like a dancing girl's show headline.
"No wonder you're called the best chef on the ocean. You're going to have to make that for me sometime soon."
"But of course!" Sanji sang out, already going into flat-out mellorine mode. "To serve you is my joy and pleasure!"
"Calm down, Princey," the pink-haired object of the cook's affection snickered as she licked her fingers clean. "Jeez, the way you act, ya'd think that ya'd never gotten laid. I've never met a man like ya, hun."
"Enchante, my dear. I'd like to think you'll never meet a man like me again, either." Sanji parried with a broad grin and a quick bow before returning to the marlin. A part of his spirit was feeling very, very good. It was rare for any female to stay in the kitchen with him when he was cooking - Nami really preferred the outdoors, and Robin said all the scents and steam were bad for her books. Other women had been somehow intimidated by his culinary skills, acting as if he expected them to be able to plate up foie gras without his many years of knowledge. Still others had wanted him to wait on them hand and foot while ignoring his patrons, something he would not do for anyone outside of his nakama. Actually, he'd never felt this comfortable with a woman in his domain before - snacking on his food without any hang-ups, rewarding him with kisses that knocked his socks off, talking about him, instead of her-
"But why are ya so nice to women? And how'd ya get the name Mr. Prince?"
Bonney heard the slightest hitch in Sanji's chopping as he split the marlin's bones for his giant stock pot.
"I had a really strict upbringing," the chef began, his back still facing Bonney. "I got courtesy to women drilled into me from an early age. Lots of people found my chivalry outrageous for the area where I grew up, so they called me Mr. Prince, or Prince Sanji."
The piratess could hear the whispers of another story underneath the brief description, but she didn't bother pushing it - not only was Sanji nice enough to keep her fully fed on a daily basis, but he hadn't tried to negotiate a way into her pants yet, even though he almost got in them a few weeks before. As she watched his lean body efficiently prepare the fish, wrap the steaks for storage, set the bones in the stock pot, and clean the kitchen, her mind got stuck on one fact. He was treating her like a real lady - something she hadn't experienced in ages. Not since -
She remembered him, his laugh as they ran away over her father's fields. She remembered the loud crack of thunder, and his fading eye as he laid dying in the clover -
Sanji was left in utter confusion as Bonney suddenly fled the table and headed up to the living quarters as fast as lightning. Within a few minutes, Zoro and his swords were thrown down the access hatch with a loud squawk and a resounding thud.
"What the hell? What did you do, curlicue?" Zoro bellowed at the shell-shocked chef from his landing place on the kitchen's floor. The blond glanced at him with a frown.
"For once, marimo, I can honestly say that I'm not sure."
[~~~]
"Bonney, pull yourself together."
"I'm trying, dammit! Ya know I hate cryin' more than anything!"
Bonney was lying on Tashigi's lap, her face streaked with tears, buried under her own pink tresses. The sword-mistress was completely perplexed by the woman's behavior; Bonney was normally rough and ready for anything. She rubbed Bonney's strong back and ran her fingers through the long, pink hair awkwardly - no-one had ever soothed her when she was crying.
"Uhm- Uh- There, there? It'll get better?"
Bonney glared up at Tashigi, who smiled sheepishly before grimacing at the length of mucous dripping from the piratess' nose.
"Sorry, I'm not too good at the comforting thing. No mother, adopted father was a marine captain, all of that y'know?"
Bonney shrugged and sniffled loudly, then used the hem of her gown to wipe her face clean. She returned the other woman's grimace when she took a look at what she wiped off.
"You know what we need?" Tashigi suggested loudly, putting aside her sword to jump off of the bunk.
"Food?"
The raven-haired woman glared at Bonney, who shrugged carelessly.
"No, exercise. We need to start back training!"
Bonney rolled her eyes as Tashigi started calculating training schedules that weren't humanly possible, even if the sun were to stop.
"Oi, Tashi, can it already. Exercise may make you feel better, but I still feel like shit for some reason."
Concern crept into Tashigi's demeanour even as she eyed Bonney skeptically.
"Maybe something that that weird masked girl gave you in that salad?"
A snort of derision. Tashigi frowned.
"Hey, you never know! I still think I should have cut them up, then you wouldn't have lost your-"
"Tashigi, yer the one who tried to warn me away from those weeds in the middle of a miscarriage. It ain't the damn salad - at least I'm pretty sure it ain't. Nah, it's just- I think it's the men that's getting to me. I'm not used to all this nice treatment - food, clothes, and care usually come with a price for me: ass, stash, or cash. I ain't got no narcs that they can't get from their own doc, and we're as broke as the china in the shop that the bull went through. That leaves ass."
Tashigi felt a shiver snake across her shoulders and down her back.
"Are you saying that we prostitute ourselves-!"
"Just until we get stronger and can find the others ourselves, that's all! Come on, it's not like I told ya to suck Absalom's dick or something. Zoro and Sanji ain't that bad - girls back in the dens would've killed for customers like them, even give'em free passes."
To say that Tashigi looked reluctant would be to grossly understate her expression. Bonney threw her hands up in exasperation.
"We haven't even heard about the other volunteers that we ran with! Not one word from mask-girl, goth-freak, muscle-head, none of them! These two ain't nowhere near as evil as the lab people, and those guys were marine-sanctioned!"
[~~~]
'Volunteers? They knew what they were getting into?' Sanji puzzled himself with that thought. As soon as he could pull his ear from the ceiling, he would have to follow up on that lead.
"God-dammit, you curdled brow, wash your feet!" Zoro grumbled below the chef, trying to avoid the scent of the toes digging into his shoulders.
"Shaddup, you moronic moss ball," Sanji snapped in a whisper as he tiptoed higher. "I'm trying to hear them!"
[~~~]
"I've had five blasted well years to figure out that the Straw-hats weren't evil, that not all marines are good, and that Justice isn't always fair, or swift, or even sane! I got that far too well at Marineford!"
Bonney fell silent. Marineford had been her downfall. That war robbed Bonney of her first crew through self-sacrifice - it was either her or them, and she actually did care for them. Tashigi had lost her innocence and her first love - the marines held little for her after she watched a pirate yonkou save a young marine's life from Akainu.
A noise from outside the door startled both women. Sanji and Zoro's bickering voices grew louder.
"Look, one problem has been solved for both of us, one way or another," Tashigi finished in a low voice. "The slate is clean again. Once we're fine, we can slip away from these two-"
Thumps echoed through the floor. An imprint that looked remarkably like Sanji was beginning to form in the decking.
"-but we need to get stronger before we can do anything," the ex-marine finished, suddenly tired as old failures struck at her. As she unconsciously held her head in her hands, defending herself from imaginary attacks, Bonney gave her a knowing glance.
"Just keep it together, keep sweet, and keep them gullible until we figure out where the others are." Bonney sniffled loudly, using her hands to scrub her face clean. It was the same rule that they had lived by during the last bad months in the lab. The piratess stood up just in time to avoid the destruction of the bunk as the owner of the Eros Cuisine launched the Straw-hats' first mate through the floor and jumped through the wreckage to wreak more havoc, only to be met with a downward Dragon Twister. She peeked at Tashigi from the corner of her eyes and flashed a bittersweet smile as the two men fell back through the floor to the kitchen.
"Besides, it ain't like we're pretending that much anyway."
[~~~]
Author says:
Nugui: A specific blend of I-don't-know-what used in the polishing process for Japanese swords.
Shoyu: Good soy sauce.
*Sneezes loudly* Hear that? That's my brains flying out of my nose. Reviews can fill in the cracks :P
Hope everyone enjoys this installment. Until then, this is P1 signing off.