Notes: Without L.E.'s patient beta'ing, this would be a steaming pile of gibberish. Thank you for sparing me some of your ever-dwindling time, dear.
Gender-bending by the Flamboyant One. You can't say I didn't tell you.
Summary: There's a big difference between getting better and healing.
And so another three months passed.
Floating near to Kamabakka Island in his ship, a carrack named Okama My Way, "Big Mama" Bentham adjusted his white bustier and looked up at the mirror on his ceiling. He ignored the ominous creaking from the glass above as it developed a large crack.
"Divine, darling, simply divine."
The most notorious and outrageous okama in the New World was busy rummaging through his travel chest, trying to find something lilac to wear over his lingerie, when a rustle from the direction of his porthole caught his attention.
"Franco, lovey, what are you doing here? Flying back to Jaya already?"
Franco cawed loudly, dropping a sealed message container in the okama's hand before fluttering onto his shoulder to preen. His stoop daintily broke the metal seals and slipped the miniature note out - it was a blank scrap of parchment, no longer than his little finger and tightly scrolled. Bentham pouted, then went to the open porthole to lower a small cup on a long string down into the ocean.
"I really wish that Sanji-chan and Uso-chan would use a different method. Just because they didn't eat one shouldn't mean the rest of us have to suffer!"
Grumbling under his falsetto, Bentham pulled up the small cup and gingerly placed it on the nearby vanity. He carefully dipped the note into the water, then used an old eyebrow tweezer to remove it and spread it open as dark blue writing appeared. The okama princess scanned the paper quickly, then dropped the message back into the cup. As the parchment dissolved, he stroked the feathers under Franco's large beak, deep in thought.
"Looks like I'll be on the job this time, Franco lovey."
[~~~]
"Big Mama!" Elizabeth squealed, sounding much the same as when he...she...it first cornered Sanji. "You're gorgeous, but where are you going?"
Bentham - no, Benniko - stepped out in her full finery, Franco perched on her shoulder and visibly disdainful of the crew. The bird compared Benniko's lilac, ruffled balloon skirt, white lace bustier and flawless makeup to the other transgender crew members' attire and winced. It was as if the okamas on the ship could offend the bird's fashion sense where Zoro failed to - that alone spoke volumes that Benniko chose to ignore at this time.
"Alright, ladies and laddies, don't get your undergarments in a twist. I'm going underground for a while - I've got 10 vials of Ivankov-darling's wonderful shots on me in case I need to pass a more thorough identity test. You know protocol; tell the other darlings what to expect.
"Yes si- ma'am!" Elizabeth saluted her...his...its captain sharply. "But don't forget about the Shabondy issue!"
Benniko frowned. She'd overlooked that indeed. If the slavers and whoremongers saw her ship within 5 days' sailing of the archipelago, she'd blow her other cover. She needed another ride into Shabondy - someone who commanded respect without being considered a complete pawn of the Pirate King. Someone strong enough and crazy enough to make her other target wary, yet incautious of the real threat. Someone with flaming red hair...
"Elizabeth," the captain stated with an enigmatic purr in her voice, "Locate the whereabouts of Sadi-chan and set up a meeting. Let her know that I need to have a ~ mmm ~ private chat with Captain Kidd."
[~~~]
"Mush!"
"As Santa is my witness, Law, I am going to kill you if you keep that up."
Law tried to laugh quietly and failed miserably. Chopper swore under his breath, straining in his traces to heave Kureha's sleigh up the narrow guide wire through Drum Island's nightly blizzard. His current load - one Death Surgeon and his still sleepy first mate, Bepo - weighed a lot more than his mother.
Wait, was that a whip cracking? Tony Tony Chopper's teeth clicked together harshly as he ground something to dust.
Bepo snoozed docilely in the sleigh as an Engraving Hoof rocked the vehicle, Law's deep, dark chuckle growing louder as Chopper blew his proverbial top. Law couldn't help it - the little reindeer pirate doctor was too much fun to tease!
The two physicians balanced on the thin cable, geniuses with two completely contrasting personalities and tenuous threads connecting them at best. Chopper was always the healer, rarely the killer, a herbivore with a very narrow (but vicious) mean streak at best. Trafalgar Law was a carnivore, a large cat with murderous claws covered in soft manners and precise etiquette, more eager to learn via autopsy than consorting with the patient. Their styles, their ways of life were too different - a battle between them had been long-delayed and ultimately inevitable.
Trust Fate to intervene.
"Dr. Chopper, would you happen to know the identity of the creature staring at us right now?" Law asked coolly, otherwise oblivious to the large, marshmallow-like mass that floated up to their level. At 500 feet above the village, that was pretty impressive.
Chopper slowly turned his head, readying himself for a sneak attack. The sight of a giant ghost waving at him threatened to knock his hat and antlers off.
"Perona's ghost? What the hell is she doing here?"
The ghost obliged and answered Chopper's question with a long, drawn-out, one-word request.
"Help!"
[~~~]
"Uhm, sir. I hate to interrupt, but you do know that this is the fourth time that you have saved a life, right?"
"Bepo, please be quiet and stop reminding me. And, as a matter of point, this is the sixth time."
"Geh! Aye, sir!"
Trafalgar Law returned his full attention to the corpse-pale skin of Perona, her pink hair strewn across the bright snow like a path of cherry blossoms. The white bear stood to one side holding on to a misshapen, oddly stitched doll and a frilly, magenta-hued, 'Little Devil' umbrella, his large, furry head bowed in depression. Chopper would have consoled him (despite his captain, he actually liked the bear), but he was too busy trying to revive the cyan-haired, mask-wearing woman that, apparently, was with the gothic lolita. Woman. Whatever.
"Work with me now, please. Your airways are clear, so come on heart, move!" Chopper, in Heavy Point form, yelled loudly while manually palpitating the woman's chest, pumping hard enough to have the slender ribs creaking loudly.
Law opted to forego the loud pep talk that the patients most likely could not hear. He leaned over and whispered in Perona's ear.
"Pardon me, Miss, but if my next attempts at reviving you fail, I'm going to have to slit you open from your gullet to your groin and massage your heart directly."
"Law!" Chopper snapped, his sensitive ears hearing the Dark Doctor's threat.
"What? If I massage her chest much longer, it would be inappropriate; she would think me a lecher!" Law defended himself, clucking his tongue in mild disapproval. Chopper rolled his eyes without breaking his harsh, fast rhythm.
"W-would you make...my stitches look...pretty?"
Trafalgar Law was suddenly engulfed in a pair of large, dark eyes, limpid pools of cold, pain, and fear. He sucked in his breath and held it in awe - a female that could find the beauty in operations? One that wouldn't mind begin slitted and stitched back up? His luck had never been that good.
He fell harder than a Lead-Lead Devil Fruit user in a vat of salt water.
"I've got her friend up!" Chopper bellowed, scooping the broken female into his arms and flush against his silky winter coat as he settled into the sleigh. "Let's get them to the Doctorine!"
"Bepo!" Law called over the howling wind of the blizzard, carefully lifting the goth-girl out of the snow and cradling her in his lap as he returned to his seat, "Get this sleigh back on the wire and up to the castle, if you please!"
"Aye, captain!"
"Na...mi..." croaked the masked-girl in a near-silent sigh before burying her face deeply into Chopper's fur. She shivered and clutched to him like a small child, but her eyes weren't open and she was unaware of her surroundings. The reindeer doctor could feel bruises and wounds all over her body, leading him to grind his teeth at another of the world's injustices, even as he marveled at the lingering scent of tangerines.
[~~~]
By this time, Tashigi and Bonney had healed physically - they were able to walk, jump, skip, and run without any hitches or accidents hampering them. Bonney's strength was slowly climbing back to its peak power, and Tashigi was able to wield Shigure again. Their recovery was smooth and it looked like they would soon be back in top form. They were even wearing their favorite outfits again - denim ensembles and Shigure for the ex-marine and suspender shorts with multicolored socks and ever-present green hat for the female pirate captain. However, something was definitely affecting them mentally.
Oh sure, they'd been grumpy when they understood how weak they had been, but in the past three weeks, things had worsened dramatically. Bonney, of all people, would break into sudden bouts of weeping, usually when she was left alone with Sanji for more than fifteen minutes. Tashigi would flip between general friendliness with everyone else and acute hatred of the swordsman. The men were often left bruised, battered, and aching - just tonight, Tashigi had thrown Zoro into a wall while Bonney's sudden crying sent Sanji into a panic in front of his banana flambe, singeing the hair at the back of his head.
To make matters even worse, the men hadn't even gotten close to Bentham's place for any 'relaxation' while tending to their guests. Sure, the women were healthy and all they were waiting on was Kaya's confirmation of their non-patient status, but Straw-hat pirates had a thing about leaving strangers alone on their ships.
Namely that they didn't leave strangers alone on their ships.
Thus, two horny, frustrated men were stuck on a ship with two temperamental, recuperating women. Shabondy bookmakers were running a 50,904 (and growing) to 1 bet that it would end well for all parties concerned.
"Okay," Zoro growled out while holding an ice pack to his head, his bunk in the crew's quarters rocking slowly as he sat on it, "Explain to me again why we don't just end all the subterfuge."
"Dear God, the foliage has been reading! Quick, kill it before it becomes literate!" Sanji snapped while craning his neck to one side, running his scissors over the brown, burnt, tresses. He sat on his current bunk on an old, ratty towel, a decrepit-looking apron draped around his neck.
"What part of your lineage haven't I cussed out yet?"
"You were on to Great-Aunt Frigga. Anyway, we aren't telling them anything because I'm still tying up loose ends: keeping that vice-admiral on a wild goose chase while we find out why they would volunteer for the lab and lie to ol' Smokestack."
"Smoker."
"Whatever. I already sent out the main man for the job. We need to keep them here and divert all news about Hogback until we understand what's going on."
"We could just ask them, you know?"
"I hate to force a woman to lie-"
"Not the women, you question mark, the swords!"
Sanji frowned. Marimo had been holding out on him? The swordsman waved his hand and snorted in dismissal, easing the cook's features. It wasn't on purpose; the green-haired man just didn't think in terms of black ops or subversion. The idea had genuinely just come to him.
"I think she had another sword that she found while on the Line. Shigure knows of it, but Tashigi never mastered dual-sword style, so she hadn't talked to it as much."
"Did you know that it is really freaky to hear about your conversations with a bunch of over-sized cutlery? Anyway, do you have a hunch about where we could find this mystical kitchen knife?"
"...And then you wonder why Kitetsu bites you so often? My hunch would be that the sword is with Smoker. The next problem is finding out how close we are to Smoker."
The cook hummed a little tune as he evened up the right side of his hair. Zoro was greatly amused to note that the left side hung significantly lower. The crinkly-brow's hair was more uneven than a pair of nuts.
"I already sent Franco to find h- Holy shit!"
The wakizashi shivered in the wooden wall behind Sanji after leaving a precise, and quite likely permanent, part in his hair. The ice pack had been sliced open, soaking Zoro in freezing cold water. Tashigi stood shadowed in the doorway of the captain's quarters, glaring at the swordsman for all her worth before slamming the door and stomping back to her bunk.
"All right then, fuck this," Zoro intoned lowly as he shook himself dry. Sanji groaned and dropped his head back onto his bunk as he heard Bonney sniffling again.
"Tashigi!" the swordsman roared, knocking on the door with the hilts of his swords. "Get your ass on deck! We're ending this now!"
Zoro put his ear to the door, only to hear the long, annoying sound of someone sucking their teeth radiating through wood. He frowned and ground his teeth together as he seethed. His hand dropped to the swords' hilts.
"No, you shitty ass, over-muscled marimo, not the-"
There wasn't even a creak as the door disintegrated into a cloud of toothpicks. Zoro sheathed Shuusui and marched right over to Tashigi, who faced him with Shigure in both hands.
"On deck. Now."
Tashigi flipped her head to adjust her glasses. Her glower never faltered.
"Alright, let's do it the hard way."
He utterly ignored the meitou in her hand as he made a step towards her, then vanished.
'God, don't you know how much I hate it when he does that?' Sanji silently groused as he was left with the after image of a shark's tail. 'It's too fucking realistic!'
Tashigi screamed as Zoro was suddenly behind her, picking her up by her belt with one hand. He tucked her under his armpit, flush against his damp, naked torso, and lumbered back out of the room, the ex-marine kicking, screaming, and slashing the whole way.
"We may as well join them, Jewel-chan," Sanji offered sheepishly, holding out his hand to her. The piratess regarded his fingers with an odd gaze that he couldn't read, then sighed loudly as she stood up on her own.
"After you, mellorine."
[~~~]
Sanji set up a table and chair for Bonney in the main dining room before excusing himself to prepare a light snack for her. Tashigi seethed as Zoro plopped her onto the deck just in front of the main doors of the restaurant and turned his fucking back on her while walking to the other end. Sure, the amazingly lifelike tattoo of a giant, green shark with all three rows of teeth on display was practically swimming as he walked, but dammit all, she was not so unimportant and weak that he could ignore her like that!
'What the hell?' she thought to herself, grinding her teeth together, 'does he really think so little of me?'
Shifting Shigure in her hands, she got up on the balls of her bare feet and began a low charge.
Zoro stopped, yawned, scratched the back of his head and his ass, then completely dodged her assault. The gall! He hadn't even bothered to move - just a quick twist of his waist and Shigure slipped completely past him, Tashigi stumbling along for the ride.
"Oi," Zoro asked calmly, not even mildly perturbed about the angry, sword-swinging woman glaring over her shoulder at him, "What's your beef, wench?"
Oh...hell...no. He did not just wench her!
"Stop that!" Tashigi screamed, fury coating her face in angry red blotches. "Stop...stop belittling me!"
She really couldn't understand why he was so surprised - he was acting like most any other male, totally ignoring her skills. She growled and slashed at him - she was grimly satisfied when he staggered back in shock. She pressed her attack.
"What the hell? When did I belittle you?"
Slash, parry, thrust, spin, parry.
"You're always looking down on me!"
"What the fuck? When the hell have I done that, woman?"
Parry, parry, slash, spin, slash, thrust.
"Just now! You called me a...a wench!"
"Isn't that just another word for woman? What the hell are you if you ain't female?"
Spin, slash, spin, thrust, parry, roll, thrust, slash.
Sanji, wearing his blue working apron, returned with a pile of pizzas on one tray and two bottles of clear liquor, which he presented to Bonney with a flourish. She barely smiled, but didn't wave him off when he silently asked to sit with her. She picked at her food as Sanji lit a cigarette and took a few puffs; she could feel the questions vibrating in the air between them, but he didn't try to pry. The whole situation made her talk in spite of her mood.
"Hasn't any woman ever told ya that yer too nice?"
Sanji chuckled around his smoke and shrugged nonchalantly in response. Bonney frowned and dropped the slice of pizza she'd been nibbling on.
"I'm bein' serious! Yer waiting hand and foot on me like I'm some princess 'r somethin' else that I sure ain't! Yer too damned nice and that's gonna get ya hurt!"
The blond cook chuckled again and Bonney cursed her luck that she was sitting to his left; she couldn't see his eyes or face from her position due to his overly long bangs. Sanji grabbed one of the bottles, pulled a corkscrew from his apron pocket and began working on the cork.
"It has been my experience, cherie, that the women who say that have never had a man treat them properly."
The cork left the bottle with a satisfying, low pop. Sanji drew two shot glasses from his other apron pocket and poured a clear glassful for Bonney's enjoyment, despite her pout.
"Men don't treat women properly. Not unless it gets them in some hot pussy or money. That's why ya don't get anywhere when yer so nice - it's suspicious."
She watched him carefully, but the chef didn't even bat an eyelid. His merry smile winked at her through golden hair as he poured himself a glass of the same liquor.
"Touche. However, a real man will treat a woman properly even without any hot pussy. Just look out there."
Bonney looked up just as Shigure clattered onto the deck.
Zoro had Tashigi's hands in one of his ("Again!" her mind screamed vexatiously), his fingers relaxing as the sword fell to the wooden floor below. With her forward momentum and inherent clumsiness sans sword, Tashigi was immediately in danger of slamming face first into the deck, except Zoro had grabbed her around the waist and brought her up short. To anyone who had not been present for the beginning of the squabble, they would have looked like dancers.
Or lovers.
Bonney sucked in her breath, certain that Zoro would press his advantage now and drag Tashigi away to ravish her. His light whispering and the way he was gazing at the ex-marine's lips as if hypnotized were not good signs as far as the pink piratess was concerned. The look on Tashigi's face - like a deer caught in the path of a runaway carriage - did not bode any better. Bonney's chair scraped on the wooden floor as she leapt up to stop...well, something.
The chef's warm, powerful hand covered only one of hers, yet effectively halted her motion.
With a sharp intake of air, Zoro pulled Tashigi upright and stalked towards the table. He grabbed the other bottle of ouzo from Sanji's outstretched hands, yanked the cork out with his teeth and guzzled a quarter of the bottle without pausing. His perpetual scowl returned as he caught sight of Bonney, half-standing.
"Oh, cut the bullshit. It's not like you weren't going to try to seduce us anyway."
It was Bonney's turn to be shell-shocked, a look echoed on Tashigi's face as Zoro looked over his shoulder at her wistfully before snorting in dismissal and stalking off, bottle still in hand. He staggered once as the liquor took effect, but he kept on going.
"What did he tell ya?" Bonney barked at Tashigi, ready to shake her companion's head off if necessary. "Do ya have to sleep with him later? I'll give ya tips from the dens-"
The ex-marine shook her head furiously, but her face was still puzzled.
"No, he didn't. He told me...he told me if I want to get better, if I want to get stronger than anyone else in the world, I just have to learn to...trust him. Then he just...left."
Sanji smirked and took a sip of the licorice-flavored cocktail. He got up, nodded once to the stupified women, then walked back to his kitchen, whistling jauntily. He turned back to them with his hands in his apron pockets, mischief crinkling his one visible eye.
"The same offer is extended to you, Jewel-chan. Learn to trust me and you'll become strong enough to challenge Luffy himself."
With a cockeyed salute, the chef disappeared through the swinging galley doors. Bonney and Tashigi looked at each other for a long while before both of them shrugged and sat down with the rest of the liquor.
[~~~]
Kidd gave Killer a wary look as they rocked and rolled down to the captain's quarters.
"Sadi-chan has a new girl who asked specifically for me?"
"Yes, Captain," Killer stoically answered. One would have been hard-pressed to tell that this was the sixth time the first mate had answered the question.
"And you're sure this isn't a trick of some sort?"
"Yes, Captain. I searched her myself."
"Everywhere?"
Killer was not one to discount his captain's paranoia - he'd been proven wrong before.
"Yes, sir, everywhere. I even made it a point to have her flash-roasted to burn off any possible poisons, then I had her hosed down to wash off the rest."
Having finally reached his quarters, Kidd paused outside the door, his hand resting lightly on the doorknob. He turned and looked his first mate (best friend) in the eye.
"This isn't an attempt at revenge, is it?"
Killer made an indelicate sound in his mask - something between a growl and someone coughing up a wad of phlegm. Kidd gave the man a genuine smirk of appreciation.
"So, how did she take the rough welcome?"
Killer shifted his stance awkwardly. Kidd swore he could see the mask blushing.
"A fellow masochist? Killer, baby, you and Sadi-chan are too good to me."
The curly maned blond rolled his eyes and gave a self-deprecating smirk that his captain heard rather than saw. He shooed Kidd's pale hand off of the handle and opened the door with little fanfare.
"Madame Benniko, this is Captain Kidd. Attempt to harm him and I'll carve you into so much fish food. Will you need anything else, Captain?"
Kidd waved him off, totally indifferent to the closing of the door as his eyes were captivated by the stunning beauty before him.
She was tall, almost as tall as he was even in her brown ballet flats, with a long, straight neck, broad shoulders and an absolutely tiny waist, all highly defined by her over-sized, lace-up bra and girdle that also managed to push her bosom up enticingly. Lilac ink peeked from beneath the lingerie, hinting at a massive tattoo on her back. Her hips flared sweetly below her torso, accentuated by the lilac skirt that puffed out from her waist to the middle of her thighs. Black, silky hair slid down her back like an inky waterfall, shimmering in the room's scanty candlelight. Kidd held his breath and found himself praying for a glimpse of her panties as she lifted her leg back, back, back into a beautiful arabesque. With nigh-preternatural grace, she pivoted on one foot, spinning twice before facing the South Blue yonkou, Eustass "Captain" Kidd.
"Oh my, lovey," Benniko murmured appreciatively. "You're just as yummy as I expected. Not many men can pull off a fur coat and not much else like you do."
Kidd's smirk was absolutely lecherous. Somewhere in the four seas, choir boys and milkmaids were thanking God for deliverance from an unseen threat on their innocence.
"So," the captain drawled as he walked past the ballerina, shedding his coat on the ground right at her feet before flopping onto his bunk. He kicked off his boots while folding his arms under his neck. "What brings eye candy like you to my quarters...all alone at that?"
Benniko tugged at the bow on her bustier in a most indecent manner and gave the reclining pirate an utterly depraved wink. Kidd groaned quietly - he did so love a cock tease.
"I need you to give me a ride somewhere in the general direction of the Shabondy Archipelago. I was supposed to meet the rest of my dancing troupe three nights ago but certain...ah, circumstances...made me late and the ship we had booked passage on left without me."
"Circumstances?" Kidd interrupted, his eyes glazing over at the sight of a thin strip of blushed skin between the bustier and the skirt's waistband. "Please, do enlighten me."
Benniko flushed, embarrassment, humiliation, and something ever so slightly naughty playing over her face.
"I got rather carried away with someone and absolutely lost track of the time. Anyway-"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, Miss Benniko. We need details."
A dark, arched eyebrow shot up on her face.
"'We,' Captain Kidd?"
Kidd leered as he ran his hand over his pants and said no more. She caught his hint and her face resembled a tomato.
"I...caught up with an old boyfriend of mine and...and we thought we should give it another test run."
Kidd chuckled, the sort of sound that would give nightmares a dose of bad dreams.
"Go on."
Benniko pouted shyly and continued.
"Anyway, I'm the headline act for the show and I'd really, really, really like to get paid. Could you help me?"
The captain made a great show of pondering the request as his eyes raked over her form. Benniko wiggled under his gaze.
"What's in it for me, Ben-chan? Or does Luffy still call you Bon-chan?"
Oh. Crap.
"Dammit," Benniko hissed under her breath. "What gave me away, Kidd-chan?"
The crimson-haired pirate laughed loudly (and a tad maniacally).
"You were very convincing, but that saucy wink of yours is unique to only one pervert - you. So, what's my payment for this trip?"
Benniko grumbled and stamped one foot impatiently.
"Well, since I took a shot of Ivankov's hormones, the whole idea was to seduce you in return, but I suppose that's out..."
"And why on earth would you think that?" Kidd asked amusedly, sitting up in the bunk and swinging his feet to the floor in one smooth motion. He stalked closer to Benniko, just barely able to hover over her head. He casually gripped a long swath of the midnight tresses in each hand and dragged the female version of Luffy's spy closer to his bare chest and very evident desire.
"I'd like to propose an equitable trade over the next few weeks - a ride for a ride, so to speak."
Benniko took in Kidd's sharp grin, his scent of rust and blood, and the large hands twisting in her hair in a rather possessive manner.
"Oh my!" she gulped as the room became several degrees warmer. "What about when the hormones wear off? You'll regret it!"
Kidd's grin spread even wider. The buckle on the large brown belt that adorned the skirt suddenly popped off and slid to the ground with a loud clatter. Benniko looked at Kidd with a mixture of amusement, lust, and trepidation.
"Oh my."
[~~~]
By the time Sanji finished cleaning up the galley for the night, Bonney and Tashigi were as tipsy as toadstools.
"Sthanji!" Bonney cried, leaning back dangerously far in the chair. "Come'n join uth!"
Tashigi snorted loudly and belatedly covered her mouth with her hand. She muffled her brief spate of giggles before slinging back one last shot of the ouzo and slamming the glass on the table.
"I'mma find me Zoro somewhere, yeah?" Tashigi declared loudly to no-one in particular - Sanji was too busy trying to catch Bonney as her chair teetered on its back legs. "He's gotta listen to me sometime, yeah?"
"Sthe said 'yeah' again!" Bonney sniggered as she collapsed back into Sanji's outstretched arms. She sighed quite loudly as her back hit the chef's warm chest, barreling both of them over on the floor. The ex-marine snorted loudly again before a gust of giggles broke from her chest.
"Sanji, you know where Zoro is, yeah?"
The chef, covered in drunken, sweaty, pink piratess, spluttered out a reply through a mass of testosterone, adrenaline, and strawberry blonde hair.
"Mellorine! He should be in the hold - through the kitchen, there's a trap door."
"Thanks; he and I need to talk, yeah?"
Bonney burst out laughing once more. Apparently Sanji's attempts to detangle himself had struck her funny bone. Shrugging, Tashigi pulled herself out of her chair and, with the grace of an acrobat on a tight wire, carefully made her way to the galley.
And if the ex-marine leaned a little to each side as she walked - well, who noticed, yeah?
[~~~]
After many weeks of tears, Sanji was overjoyed to see her broad, cheerful smile again. He hadn't realized how much it pained him to see her so inconsolably dejected and resigned. Oh sure, it would have pained him to see any woman like that, but her cries pierced him even through the fog of cooking. They rent his heart to shreds as the unnatural sobs left her throat, so much so that he would have given her his hands on a platter, roasted to perfection, if he thought that would have helped.
He'd never thought of giving any other non-nakama woman his hands.
The realization had left him stunned for a few days before he absorbed the shocking difference between what he had felt for the navigator and other women five years ago and what was blossoming now with this female supernova.
He supposed he should have realized what was happening when he missed having her in his kitchen - she had become as integral to his surroundings as his stove. For the first time ever, he began to dread his own domain as the conversations with Bonney grew too short and stilted.
This was nothing like what he had felt before.
Nevertheless, he had no time to dwell on the knot of emotions that gnawed on his heartstrings; now he had his hands full dealing with an inebriated Bonney. When she wasn't laughing at the strangest things, she was pawing him in all the wrong places. When she wasn't leaving warm kisses on the back of his neck, almost causing him to set the whole ship ablaze while trying to out his lanterns, she was rubbing the muscles in his back and shoulders with needy caresses and greedy gropes.
He bit off a groan and almost half his cigarette when she goosed his ass again. Sanji spat out the spluttering stick of tobacco, barely remembering to grind it out under his heel as he threw the towel in, literally and mentally.
"Time for bed, Jewel-chan," Sanji stated clearly with a sharp clap of his hands. "Being the gentleman that I am, it would please me to no end to carry you to your boudoir."
Kneeling down with his back facing the drunken woman, he glanced over his shoulder and felt the blood gushing from his nostrils when a smooth leg rose up and over his head, wavered, then lowered over his left hip. He quickly blotted his nose with his apron and applied considerable pressure to it to stop the flow. As Bonney threw her other leg over him then took her sweet time wriggling down his back until she was comfortable, Sanji had to remember to ease his grip on his nasal appendage before he inadvertently broke it.
"All mounted up!" she declared with a chortle. The throaty laugh made the Pirate King's chef seriously consider whether he wanted to add "Ravishment of Judgment-Impaired Women" to his list of crimes against the World Government. He gnawed his bottom lip as he finally convinced himself that it was more bother than it was worth, then rolled upwards.
'Dear God, when is she going to wear brassieres?' the chef prayed earnestly as his libido reared its ugly head at the feel of soft, unarmored globes pressing into his back.
Bonney wriggled again and the chef's libido gave his common sense a roundhouse kick.
"Jewel-chan," the blond restauranteur whined, his voice hitting a peculiar note as her cotton-clad heel nudged his crotch. "For fuck's sake, keep still!"
The chef was dearly regretting his decision to carry the former ranch girl on his back. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time - a gentlemanly way of getting Bonney into her bunk without losing any years off his already short lifespan or getting an over-strengthened knee in the testes. However, he hadn't even made it halfway through the kitchen yet and the front of his apron was awash with blood from his nose.
"Aw, Sthanji, lighten up! Yer tho - goody goody!" Bonney giggled as her hands looped around his neck to massage his chest under his apron. And shirt. And cotton vest.
"Hunny, we were all prepared to go all out thanking y'all for yer hothpitality," she crooned in one ear, sweet smelling licorice clouding the blond man's senses.
'I can make it,' Sanji thought to himself, fending off his devilishly overactive libido with every mental barb he had in his arsenal. 'She's just tipsy. She'll have regrets. She'll cry. She wouldn't even remember it in the morning if you spread her legs and took your time savoring her before you both reach heav- Stop! Sit! Stay, damn it all to Hell!'
"I wath the top dominatrix in my den...did it all without whipth or- or chainth or nipple rings too," Bonney continued, idly weaving her hands through her bearer's flaxen locks.
Sanji never figured out how he got both of them up the ladder without breaking his neck. He was too lightheaded from blood loss by then to remember much of anything.
Staggering under his own iron will, Sanji carefully made his way to Bonney's bunk. He heaved, sweat dripping from his forehead as he somehow managed not to molest the sweet, springy ass cupped in his hands, but instead turned Bonney's dead weight so that she was in front of him. His eyes lingered on her flushed face - her vibrant eyes were half-closed and shimmering and oh God, he didn't think he had ever wanted to kiss a woman so much or so little in his life because dammit, he knew that if he kissed her now, she wouldn't remember it.
He'd realized since their last kiss that he didn't want her to ever forget about him.
He was already incapable of forgetting about her.
"Easy does it, Jewel-chan. I'm just gonna lay you down in bed, and when you wake up, you can forget that this ever happened." he murmured to her, his own eyes softening to match her hazy gaze. She gave him a sad, sweet smile as she brushed his bangs gently, and his heart didn't just skip a beat - it threatened to flat-line before coming back with a rhythm hard and strong enough to break his sternum open.
It would be said, for the record, that the blond pirate had been caught unawares.
With a wicked wink, Bonney suddenly swung her legs around his torso, crossing them neatly at her ankles while she wrapped her arms around his neck. She smirked at his surprised face, then crushed his ribs in a tight leg crunch, all while leaning backward over the bunk. Sanji's pained gasp for air was cut short as he landed on top of the pink-haired woman and the bunk with a solid thump.
"Hogeeh!"
Despite his own injuries (mainly to his pride) Sanji started to scramble off of Bonney with all due haste, but he couldn't escape from her clutches and the peculiar twang in her voice.
"Thtop!" she cried, her face buried in his shoulder. She had never let his neck go as he fell on top of her. "Pleathe, jutht...jutht thtop fer a bit."
Tentatively, gently, Sanji relaxed into the warm, albeit too tight embrace. As the strange twang continued, he felt moisture spreading on his shirt and smelled the tang of tears.
"Don't move. I ain't cried 'bout dith in ageth 'n' I dun' wantcha sthee..." she hiccuped loudly. "Jutht...pleathe...thtay."
Sanji nodded slowly as he wrapped his arms around her as best as he could, stroking her hair as she wept into his shirt. He never shifted in discomfort or stopped caressing her, even as Bonney went on to talk about a mother who left her, a horse that died trying to rescue her, and a father who hated her so much that he sold his own flesh and blood to the brothels. He didn't let her see the red eye glimmering under his bangs as she spoke about her first time and every time afterwards; about how she conquered her world and her customers by the time she was a teenager; about how she earned her name and appetites and first crew, and about how she lost them all. And when she bawled in his arms after whispering the truth about the lab - how she was made to choose between herself and her crew and how she never regretted her choice to save her first friends, no matter what horrible experiments she went through, no matter the bitter loss of her child from the genes of a renowned swordsman after sharp, sudden pains, Sanji still didn't move.
Slowly she uncurled her face, eyes and cheeks swollen from the crying. She regarded him warily, waiting for him to say or do anything, but he still did not move. With tender hands, she ran the the tips of her fingers over his stubble and along his temples, before sweeping back the bangs covering the left side of his face. Bound by his promise to stay, he made no move to stop her.
The ruin of his left eye, with its hemorrhaged iris and scarred skin, opened slowly. Bonney did not gasp, or scream, or yelp and throw him off of her - instead, she gently brought her mouth to kiss the raw, glistening, hairless skin. Sanji felt his vision waver as tears sprung to the surface unexpectedly. She was a glimmer of pink in his blurry eyes when she finally pulled back.
"I really want to trust ya, Sanji," she declared softly, still rubbing one hand along the bottom of his burned eye. "Please forgive me fer comparing ya to any other man I ever knew. Yer definitely different."
An old, gnarled part of his soul broke away. He pulled her closer and held her that way for the remainder of the night. When the sun rose on them both, his only motion before she awoke was to kiss her lightly, chastely, with great restraint, on the temple. Forever afterwards, Bonney would swear that the spot never grew cold, especially when she wanted to cry.
[~~~]
Zoro was happily ensconced in his favorite corner of the lightless hold, wrapped in an old swath of canvas and warmed by the ouzo - he'd even managed to leave a fifth of it back, just so Chopper wouldn't nag him as much.
He just wished that his heart would stop carping at him.
He frowned and hunched down lower. How the hell did Sanji put up with this pain every time a woman strung him along like such an imbecile? When Tashigi had thought that he, of all people, had been ridiculing her, he felt like he'd been sucker-punched. What, had he really been that unemotional? It felt like his feelings were written all over his ugly mug - he thought a damned sea cucumber could see what he thought about her.
He groaned and tried to roll into a new position that allowed him to bang his head on the hull without coming out of his makeshift blanket.
He'd rather fight Enel and Mr. 1 together than go through her disdainful anger again. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but he'd been furious when she'd ignored him to laugh at Sanji's jokes. He'd been ready to cut the whole ship up when she stopped coming to him to polish swords. He'd damned near shouted for joy when she actually bothered to talk to him, even if it was to yell or scream or throw things at his head. He'd been...he'd been an absolute wreck.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid emotions," he grunted, banging his head on the wall for good measure. "It was bad enough worrying about the whole damned crew, but this is ridicul-"
"Zoro~? You're down here, yeah? Whoops, almost missed a step..."
Even today, the world's greatest swordsman still would not be able to tell you how he got out of the blanket and underneath the hold's staircase so swiftly - he lost the entire motion in a startled blink. When he saw her - well, made out her general outline in the scant lights in the kitchen, he glowered balefully.
"Don't bother coming down here if all you want is a fight. I can smell the liquor on you - you're drunk as all hell. Just get yourself upstairs and go sleep it off."
Tashigi pouted and puffed out her cheeks, then held out her arms. The long rope which allowed a person to close the trapdoor while in the hold dangled in one petite hand. Zoro batted his eyelids uncomprehendingly.
"Carry me, yeah?" she asked in a snippy tone. "Can't see worth a damn down here. What, ya want me break my neck, yeah?"
Zoro rolled his eyes at her turn of phrase and smirked at her stubborn refusal to leave before lifting her off the steps. When her arms wrapped around his chest, she released the rope and the hatch cover slammed down,cutting off almost all light.
It was dark and slightly chill. For a moment, Zoro just stood there and held her, his senses swimming as he realized that yes, this licorice-scented bundle of muscles and nerves and dangerous curves that he had inexplicable started to care for too deeply was hugging him tightly as well.
"I'm sorry, yeah?" she whispered in the dark, her voice a sibilant balm to his frayed nerves.
"Yeah," he murmured in response, taking the opportunity to nuzzle her hair. He began walking back to his cozy corner, trying to prolong this rare opportunity to touch her without being decapitated. He didn't stumble or waver in the darkness, but walked a straight and narrow path to his makeshift den - a familiarity gained from the curlicue cook making him porter all the goods to and from the room. He reluctantly went to seat her on a barrel of pickled onions when she shook her head vehemently.
"Just...just hold me for a while, yeah?"
He sighed loudly, because close contact with her svelte frame and smooth skin were definitely working their insidious magic on him. Despite the likelihoods of revealing his extended period of celibacy, he never let her go as he slumped to the ground with the ship's hull to his back. He covered them both in his canvas blanket while she shifted on his lap, never releasing her hold around his back. He brought his knees up to cradle her better, also managing to hide his own growing discomfort at her efforts to make herself comfortable. They stayed this way for some time as the silence descended on them comfortably. Zoro's eyes slid closed with a light moan as warm, callused fingertips held his mouth closed with delicate pressure.
"I'm...not afraid of darkness like most women, yeah?" Tashigi started hesitantly, her wavering voice unwittingly winding his oft-hidden sexuality tight as a coiled spring. One of her hands wandered over his face with feather light caresses as the other hand kept him from speaking.
"In the dark, where my eyes are useless, I can completely trust my other senses - they never fail me. I can trust them completely."
Here, with her hand under his jaw, she paused to kiss the corner of his lips. Zoro drew in a harsh, desperate breath in an attempt to control himself.
"I want to trust you like I trust the dark, yeah?"
And then he broke.
Even in the gloom they did not fumble as their lips pressed against each other - lightly at first because dear God or whatever divine being it was that he was supposed to believe in, he did not want to scare her away with the wave of longing that had drowned him since he first met her. Her lips were soft and bitter with silent tears that he lapped away with the tip of his tongue before pressing his lips to her hard, bruising them in a fit of uncontrollable desire before he could rein himself in. He was speechlessly pleased to feel her lean into him when he finally pulled away.
Yes, the desire, the electricity was still there between them, but he knew by her trembling body and liquor-rich breath that what she needed most of all at this moment was his strength. He shielded her with his massive arms and finally spoke.
"Why do you need to be strong? Tell me everything. I won't speak until you're finished."
Tashigi, the ex-marine with the navy hair and warm, chocolate gaze, begin to tell her story - the confusion of having no memories before the age of thirteen; the overwhelming lust for the sword and mastery over it; the development of her strange belief that she could hear the souls of the swords; the birth of her dream to rescue the meitou; the frustration of her declining eyesight and lesser strength as compared to her male colleagues in the World Government's navy, hampering her goals.
She relayed stories of her gradual rise under her father figure, followed by the tragedy of her downfall after her last 'promotion', where she was forced to choose between her own destruction or the ruin of Smoker and all those under his command. She wept and cursed as she remembered the lab and the experiments and finally mourned the loss of her baby, derived from the DNA of a red-headed savateur, howling in impotent rage as she lashed out at the wall of flesh in front of her until she could no longer lift her arms.
But she would never apologize for her choice - between herself and her father, the only option had been as clear as daylight to her. She had no regrets.
Meanwhile, her clever fingers never stilled as they found and mapped old wounds and scars all over his body. Her hands smoothed over ridges and valleys filled with light scar tissue as she memorized the proof of Zoro's claim as the world's greatest swordsman, lingering long over the bisecting slash from Mihawk that could be traced above the ever-present green haramaki.
"Is it because you've never given up? Is it because you don't feel pain? Is it because you have your convictions?" she murmured against his collarbone, her voice shaky and small. "Why? Why are you so much stronger than me? What can I do, as a female, to make my dreams come true? Or am I just doomed to be a baby-bearer and housemaid because I'm a wom-"
Zoro never said a word in response, but merely tightened his hold around her and laid his chin on her hair, effectively silencing the self-defeating thoughts. He rocked her and sang snatches of the few songs he knew as she fell asleep, somehow awakening some secret part of his psyche that remembered a time when he was not so sure of himself; far from confident to the point of arrogance. They stayed that way, in the comforting darkness of the hold, until well after morning had broken. His warmth and strength suffused her so thoroughly that she would feel and smell phantom puffs of his breath whenever she was sad and doubtful.
When Sanji finally opened the trapdoor well into the late hours of the morning, he looked like a broken man. Sunlight streamed weakly behind the cook, bringing Zoro's baggy eyes into sharp relief as the swordsman drew his hand back from the hatch.
Without speaking, they both knew that the women's situation had now become very, very personal.
"Only one way to find out," Zoro stated plainly, exhaustion and anguish lacing his voice. He passed a sack of flour up to his crew mate. "Remember, he likes okonomiyaki."
"Oh joy," Sanji intoned ruefully as he took the proffered sack. "Death comes for dinner."
[~~~]
"They're stable," Chopper sighed aloud as he carried another basin of water out of the castle's bathroom. "Looks like we managed to prevent frostbite from setting in."
Law hummed in response. He was stretched out on one of Kureha's sofas, his usual bed when he wasn't 'entertaining' the Doctorine. Kureha was still away in another village, tending to an outbreak of measles.
Chopper came back with the empty basin and dropped it with a loud clatter; the reindeer was tired. He and Law had been defrosting the chilled women all night, carefully searching for frostbite, trenchfoot, and chilbains. So far, Perona was only suffering from a minor case of trenchfoot; the other woman had been very cold as well, but luckily nothing else afflicted her. The more surprising thing was what he had seen of her body - and what he'd smelled. Slumping down in a chair opposite to the couch, Chopper inhaled deeply and remembered the tangerine fragrance with a painful undertone, a scent that confused him; tangerines meant the safety of Nami's grove. The wounding undertone was one he had only inhaled a few times before the herd chased him away. He frowned as he pondered other mysterious symptoms before finally giving up and consulting the lazing physician.
"Law, have you ever seen a human female present with multiple nipples?" the smaller doctor asked brusquely, his mind still in diagnosis mode. "Combine that with hardened upper and lower extremities with limited flexibility and no hair and large-scale bruising on the torso - aside from that expected from manual external heart compressions."
"Multiple nipples? Kinky, but no, I've never heard of that. The other symptoms would match up to scleroderma, except for the bruisin- well,maybe even that. Would also hint to extreme sensitivity to cold - particularly under stress," Law replied absently, staring up at the rafters in the ceiling. The dark man was puzzling over his own set of symptoms. "The goth-girl - Miss Perona, you say? - she's presenting symptoms of spontaneous birth. Tender breasts that are leaking colostrum, tender abdomen, trauma to the vulva and second-degree tear in the perineum. I've already sent Bepo out to look for the infant's corpse."
Chopper nodded wearily in agreement.
"Same with her friend - well, maybe not the tear - anyway, she definitely gave birth recently. I can only hope we find the children alive-"
"Can the search, boys," grumbled a heavily muffled voice. The door of the castle's large infirmary broke open forcefully and rebounded off of the cold stone wall behind it. Kureha put her foot down and guzzled from her bottle of plum wine before stamping into the room. Bepo was behind her, being dragged in by the back of his uniform.
"Get warm, you overactive rug," Kureha muttered as she quite literally threw Law's first mate in front of the fireplace before slumping into the chair behind her desk.
"Ngeh! Captain, can't you make her stop?" the bear asked plaintively from his prone position on the chilly stone floor.
"Bear with the lady," Law answered with a smug grin. Chopper and Kureha rolled their eyes at the pathetic attempt at humor before the Doctorine continued her explanation.
"Those girls were my patients. I delivered the babies about a week ago, but they had their cords wrapped around their throats."
Chopper bowed his head in defeat. Law turned his shadowed gaze to his current sugar mama.
"Both stillborn?" the Heart captain asked with clinical detachment.
"One may have had a chance to make it if I'd been there a day earlier, but the Zoan never could have made it to viability without extra help all the way. Where'd ya find the patients?"
Before Chopper could respond, Law rolled up off the couch and into seated position with a deep furrow of concentration across his brow. His eyes never left the centenarian woman across the room.
"With all due respect, Doctorine, a live-birth Zoan never happens - Zoans are only created by the curses of Devil Fruits."
"Technically speaking, pipsqueak, that's true, but I wrote a thesis about that theory," Kureha continued loftily. "Just because I'm bending you over a bed every few hours doesn't mean you get to leach all my knowledge. I'm sure you two are smart enough to figure it out. Were they out near Dalton's place?"
Chopper felt the fur on his hackles rise up in a wave as Law's intense stare remained, unblinking, the predatory man puzzling over the Doctorine's reply. The younger doctor chose to answer his mother instead of work out the dangerous thoughts churning in his head.
Or deal with the fact that she was practically raping Law on a daily basis.
"Big Horn? Yes, we'd just finish grocery shopping when Perona's ghost found us."
"Impressive. They got pretty far considering their anemia," Kureha pondered. "They need iron pills at the very least, some willow bark for the bruising..."
The marauding thoughts that had swirled around the reindeer medical practitioner's head screeched to a sudden halt. In his normal form, he popped out of his chair and scampered out of the door, heading straight for the patients' room. He distantly heard Law's pounding lope behind him as he ripped the door open and almost off of its hinges.
His eyes landed on the young, masked, blue-haired woman and he scurried from the door over to her bed. Her nude frame was covered by a thick, woolen blanket lined with Lapin fur, which Chopper summarily ripped off.
The patient was of average height with curiously black fingers and toes that bent with difficulty. On her chest were a rather normal-looking (and quite perky) pair of pink nipples, but four more adorned her upper abdomen - barely more than bumps, but definitely there. While her fingers and toes were smooth, hard and hairless, she herself had more than a sprinkling of body hair all over - long and silky and as sky blue as his nose. The light furry covering did nothing to hide the curious bruising around her midsection; it looked as if huge, many-fingered hands had wrapped around her waist before pinning her to a wall.
Chopper sprinted around the patient and noted the large, long bruise swelling on her back. He amended his belief; she had to have been slammed into a tree. He hesitantly began taking off the large,dangling black mask away - a curious affair that was more like a large sock draped over a coat rack with eye holes cut out. The reindeer wavered.
"With all due respect - scant as it may be," The Doctor of Death excused himself as he suddenly took the mask out of Chopper's fore-hooves and ripped the ensemble away to reveal-
A petite rack of still-hardening antlers and a short, royal blue muzzle.
"Hrm," Law rubbed his chin as he pondered the possibilities out loud. "Interesting odds, aren't they? How many people would have thought that there really was a Reindeer-Reindeer Devil Fruit?"
Chopper's jaws worked noiselessly before he closed them with a nerveless clatter. His eyes, which had gone very, very large at the sight of the antlers, suddenly narrowed into thin slits. They were growing redder under the lids, and his breath snorted from his flared nostrils.
"Law, with me," Chopper finally ground out, swirling on one hoof to stalk downstairs. "Bring Bepo and the sleigh."
Law followed the seething reindeer at a slower pace, more out of curiosity than any compelling note of command (although the compelling note was a little scary). His left hand slipped into his pocket while the sword balanced precariously on his right shoulder, resting on the heel of his other palm.
"Manners, please, Dr. Chopper. You know how poorly I respond to instruction. May I ask what you are planning to do at this moment?"
They were at the front door, the wind howling like a lost banshee outside of the thick, protective wood. Chopper the doctor lowered his hat over his eyes and turned to glare sinisterly at the pirate captain behind him.
This was the mean Chopper, the Reindeer Monster, the one who had finally and emphatically earned a bounty worthy of his blood-thirsty crew. The reindeer grinned sardonically.
"An' it please thee, Captain Law, I would see fit to supply your generous crew with certain supplies ere we sail back to the New World."
Law's eyebrow rose up in silent appreciation and amazement at the choice of formal language, but he knew better than to fall for such flowery (if appropriate) terms.
"An' it please thee, Doctor Chopper, what, pray tell, wilt thou grace my crew with?"
"My good sir, have ye no knowledge of the medicinal wonders of Drum Island's venison?" the Pirate King's physician asked slyly before opening the door and stepping out into the wailing snow storm.
[~~~]
"Your leg's lookin' supa ship-shape, Coby-bro," Franky crowed loudly as the marine lieutenant leaned on his first mate (best friend, never can tell), Helmeppo Morgan. "Even the extra padding doesn't add a ton of weight or nothin'. You'll be back to kicking Luffy's ass in no time."
"Other way round, I think," Helmeppo quipped as his hand slipped around Coby's shoulder to draw the smaller man higher up while looking around for a place where his commanding officer could stretch out. Coby was always like this when his leg was being readjusted - slow, morose, pained, unaware.
Betrayed.
Helmeppo shook it out of his head quickly. He couldn't dwell on the old wound, or his own anger would come up, high and fast and unpredictable and so utterly like his father's that someone would invariably lose a body part before the young ensign could calm dow-
A sharp crack snapped through the salty breeze of the ocean just beyond Water 7. Helmeppo's eyes focused suddenly as pain lanced through his cheek.
"Enough!" the strawberry-blond marine muttered acidly to his sunshine-haired first mate, uncaring of Franky's side-long glance at the hand that had just slapped a stubbly, reddened jawline. "Don't dwell, remember Helm-kun?"
The blond ensign panted lightly, struggling to remember where and when he was (between Jaya and Water 7, 5 years after the war, no Akainu around). He sighed loudly and shook his head again. This time when he raised his head, only a sort of faint annoyance was visible.
"Franky-san, have you got a lawn chair or something? Dammit, you'd think you'd know by now that the Lieutenant needs one every-"
A long patio chaise walked out onto the deck on slender, shapely, femininely un-Franky legs. It stopped behind Coby and kicked Helmeppo's shin until he grudgingly helped his commanding officer stretch out on its surface. The legs lowered the seat to the ground, then vanished.
"Thanks, hunny!" Franky roared out loud, only to be graced with a flurry of petals stroking past his lips as a delicately shaped ear disintegrated. The cyborg closed his eyes and reveled in the light, fresh scent before smiling ruefully.
"How's Miss Nico doing?" Coby inquired lightly, trying unsuccessfully to hide the way his hands gripped at the stump of his right leg. The phantom pangs were obviously at work again, but Helmeppo did nothing but bite his own lip as the pink-haired man hissed in quiet frustration, digging short nails into bloody half-moons on the uncompromising flesh.
Franky could sympathize. Even today, there were still occasions where he'd wake up with the odd feeling of being a slightly gangly teenager who'd just been crushed by a train. How his baby-making equipment ever survived the trauma, he'd never know. And then that Dos Fleur recruitment tactic? It was a damn miracle that Robin was in the condition she was now!
"She's feeling excellent this week. Not too much morning sickness now, but we're still following Nurse-sis' orders and keeping her on bed rest for the next month or so, whenever Long nose-bro comes back." the cyborg responded while scratching the bottom of his left foot with a wrench. Damn, now he really was having phantom pangs of his own - one of the few drawbacks of creating prosthetics, the cyan-haired man pondered wryly.
"Will that take you out of miscarriage dange-" Helmeppo began, only to be cut off by Coby's headlock. Leg or no leg, Coby's Soru was still too damn fast! His vision was already swimming when he heard the Pirate King's shipwright chuckle.
"It's fine, Coby-bro, no worries. Yeah, if Robin can make it another month or so, we start moving out of miscarriage trouble."
Helmeppo glared at Coby, who sheepishly grinned before letting him go and flopping back on the chair, unusually exhausted. Helmeppo immediately went back into mother-hen mode as he used his own jacket to wipe the cold sweat off of the younger man's face. The blond suddenly seemed to realize what he was doing and froze, glancing worriedly back at the shipwright-cum-prosthetics maker.
'Dammit, I gotta stop doing this! This is the sort of shit that gets us too much heat back in Mariejois!'
"You bros got anything planned for your vacation so far, or you just planning to fraternize with enemy pirates the whole time?" Franky tossed over his shoulder, his massive back already turned on anything that the marines could possibly get up to while he made minor adjustments to Coby's leg straps on his portable workshop table. Helmeppo sighed in relief before answering.
"We're supposed to take a trip back home to East Blue, visit Luffy and Nami for a while, then chill out on an abandoned island somewhere that Smoker or Aokiji can't find us," the blond kukri knife-wielder grumbled warily, now standing to wring out his jacket.
Coby briefly opened his eyes only to be struck with a mass of broad shoulders and lean torso and bullet wounds and scars - he shuddered as a result, but dismissed his concerns for the ways that Helmeppo chose to protect him in battle, even though he was the better fighter of the two. He turned his gaze to the sea to disguise his worries, absently scouting the horizon until something in particular caught his eye.
"Helm-kun, eyeglass," the lieutenant called sharply, slipping naturally into the leadership role. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Helmeppo wondered if he would ever get to boss the pink-haired shrimp around before he rolled his eyes in despair and handed over the telescope.
Bobbing on the ocean was a small puff of steam. At first it looked like a very innocent cloud, but many others of the same size soon followed. Then, cresting over a wave, a small paddle-ship - paddle raft, really - became visible. It was piloted by a rather small speck-
Franky grunted over Coby, eyes narrowed against the glare of the sun.
"That's my student, Chimney. She's addicted to steam engines - still, her craft's ridin' real low today."
The paddle raft made its way inexorably towards Franky's personal cutter, The Don. Eventually all of the men on board were capable of hearing the young voice on the breeze.
".. ...nky-nii! Get .. . ..dic! I ... .. a dr... v...!"
"Shit, I've told that child forty-eleven times to carry a den den mushi on her," the cyborg growled, but he'd apparently gotten the jist of the message as he stripped off his shirt and threw it over the off-duty marines' head. "Helmeppo, I hope your first aid is up to snuff!"
And then, as nimble as a walrus on ice, Franky went over the side into the water. When he came up for air, he was halfway to his pupil's craft. It only took a few strong stokes to bring him to the edge of the tiny paddle boat. Coby watched as the ship bobbed in place for a few moments while an animated discussion took place. Then, Franky slipped to the back of the raft and began to push the float swiftly to the waiting ship. Chimney, for some reason, began to jump up and down.
"Please, take these."
Helmeppo all but jumped out of his skin and into Coby's lap as a voice spoke to them through the cabin wall.
"Please, Marine-san, give Franky these towels to dry off the young woman, and have her brought down to me after she has been revived. I'll take care of her."
Robin's laden hands and mouth showed through the wooden wall, a secretive smirk gracing her sensual lips. Coby gave Helmeppo a hard pinch to get the heavier man off of his aching lap, glaring pointedly at his ensign, who finally got a clue and stumped off to take the towels from the disembodied arms.
"We'll make sure to do so, Miss Nico," Coby replied properly, "But shouldn't you be resting? We can take care of the - woman, I guess - and let you take your bed rest properly."
Robin's mouth gave a little smile as the hands disappeared in a flurry of petals.
"That's quite alright, Marine-san - it's the least I can do for a former colleague."
Before Helmeppo or Coby could ask another question, Robin's extra body parts had vanished. They heard the telltale scrape of wood against the side of the ship and they turned to watch a teenaged girl with obscenely thick, mint-green, upstanding pigtails and a tight, sleeveless, striped dress jump on board.
"Yo, Marine-nii!" she called loudly before turning back to Franky, who was lifting in a small child. This was not the first time that Coby and Helmeppo had been favored (or cursed) with Chimney's company, but this was the first time she had brought a friend over when she dropped in on her adopted parents. She'd certainly shot up since her grandmother retired to Merman Island.
"Wait a minute," Coby started out loud as he dropped his glasses over his nose. His eyes scanned the young figure of Chimney's friend incessantly as his photographic memory went to work. "That's that escapee we got a bulletin on just before we left base. The one that escaped from Miss Hina."
The wheels in Helmeppo's head didn't turn quite as fast as Coby's, but his best friend gave him ample time to stare at the women's baby-like face. The light of understanding was suddenly in his first mate's periwinkle eyes.
"You mean she's Miss Goldenweek?" Helmeppo gawked, sputtering almost as much as the unconscious female that Franky was gently trying to pump dry of salt water.
[~~~]
Author says:
What a messed up couple of months! I know this chapter is late, so sorry. Please enjoy and let me know how I can improve by reviewing.
Savateur - a practitioner of savate, or French kickboxing. It's the closest fighting style I could find to Sanji's own.
Arabesque - Bon-chan's favorite ballet position, where one leg is raised behind the ballet dancer with the supporting leg kept straight and the supporting foot either flat or on tiptoe.
Okonomiyaki - A yummy, savory Japanese pancake-like meal. The batter makes it similar to pancakes, but the toppings make it close to a pizza or an omelette.
-Nii - Chimney says bro and sis similar to Franky's mannerisms, but she uses the Japanese suffixes, -nii (big bro) and -nee (big sis).