Summary: You thought your cousins were bad dinner guests? Meet a pirate's worst visitor...
Sanji set out the last platter on the dining room table, then stepped back and wiped his brow. By his rough estimation, the women still needed another three hours to sleep off the alcohol in their systems; that should give him and the marimo plenty of time to sort things out.
Zoro placed the plum wine and three small ceramic cups on the table before huffing irritably. His hair was streaming back over his scalp, dripping water onto his bronze shoulders. His chest, arms and legs gleamed pinkly under his usual tan, evidence that he had scrubbed himself quite vigorously - Sanji would bet that even the scalp under all that kelp was an angry pink. The Pirate King's first mate was only clothed in his fundoshi and was also conspicuously swordless.
"I don't know why your green hide bothers. You'll still need to bathe afterwards," Sanji groused vacantly, fiddling with a number of polished bamboo chopsticks.
Zoro did not respond as he set himself up in one of the chairs. Sanji didn't care. He himself was only clad in his boxers, his skin an angry red in many places - all evidence that he had cleansed himself at least as harshly as Zoro had. The blond cook even left his eye exposed, knowing that it might be needed if things went...wrong. He took a seat opposite his crewmate. Both drew their legs up in lotus position and closed their eyes.
"Let's get this over with," Zoro growled out, his first words in over an hour. He arranged his hands in his lap, palms up, and began to chant, Sanji's own voice winding a sharp counterpoint to the swordsman's deep, hypnotic rumble. Slowly their heads began to droop, wilting onto their chests. Their heart rates slowed significantly and then stopped altogether.
Upstairs, Bonney's soft snores and Tashigi's whistling breaths hitched, disturbed by some unknown force. Now-familiar hands - callus-filled and rough, strong yet tender - brushed their foreheads and hair in the gentlest of touches, calming them immediately. A whisper of wind wafted through the cabins until it ended downstairs, in the kitchen. The breeze circled the table three times, just barely ruffling the hair on the napes of the Pirate King's enforcers. The bright afternoon sun dimmed significantly as an immense shadow covered its warmth.
"Foo~ood! Ah, so good! And liquor! Waa~ah, what a sweet burn! My thanks and compliments to the chef and sommelier!"
"Not bad, eggplant. I don't even need sauce."
"Ah, an excellent vintage, young man."
Zoro and Sanji opened their eyes and raised their heads. At the head of the table, already ploughing through the food that Sanji had prepared, sat the Straw-hats oldest nemesis and savior, Death, also known as the mummified remains of Captain Yorki, formerly of the Rhumba Pirates. Flanking him, sitting next to their proteges, were Zeff Redleg, former captain of the Chef Pirates and founder of the Baratie restaurant, and "Hawk-eyes" Mihawk, former Shichibukai and world's greatest swordsman.
"Shit geezer," Sanji huffed with a tinge of a smirk. His eyes were suspiciously bright, both red and blue.
"Mihawk-sensei," Zoro intoned, nodding his head reverently at his former teacher and mentor, his dark eyes lowered.
"Aw, they've learned manners! Go on you guys, you talk while I inhale."
Shuddering, Sanji began the seance. He detailed what he and Zoro had learned from Bonney and Tashigi as the ghosts dined, only pausing for minor additions and corrections from the marimo. Once the curly-browed chef had finished, the spectral guests sat back speculatively.
"I suppose I should start," Mihawk began, "Having...occasionally...worked with the World Government. Yes, before I left the Shichibukai I do remember some discussion on a project that would lead to the development of superior marine forces. I never learned any details as I was deemed rather unnecessary for the project after they took some samples from me."
Here Mihawk paused to sip from his cup of plum wine. His bleak eyes flashed with speculation and disquieting thoughts. None sought to disturb his recollections.
"Venus. That name means something to this project - whether it was the code name, or the target, or just a supervisor, I cannot say. I can tell you, for certain, that Doflamingo was deeply involved."
At the name, Zoro growled and Sanji ground his teeth, passionately desperate for a cigarette. Of all the lowlifes to have to deal with, Donquixote Doflamingo was probably the lowest - even that man, Akainu, was a preferable and more honorable opponent. Barely. Ordinary civilians had an image of Doflamingo as a highly-reputable ally of the World Government and the marines. Criminals knew him as the Demon Puppetmaster, a title that had absolutely nothing to do with his actions against pirates and everything to do with his networks of dens and drugholes, whore houses, auction houses, slavers and raiders. Many of those underhanded persons captured by Doflamingo would prefer to die by their collars or by chewing off their own tongues rather than become his toy - destined to be broken into a million pieces before gaining the reprieve of death. Luffy had issued the most impressive bounty known to the world for his head. No single pirate since Blackbeard had been more hated than Doflamingo.
"Huh. That's pretty weird. The bastard did something to me too, while I was dying. I think he was talking about my blood - not that it was hard to find some to collect. The marines didn't exactly leave a lot of it inside of me."
Zoro glanced at Sanji as Zeff scratched his rough red beard, more out of habit than any actual itchiness. The muscles in the blond chef's jaws twitched three times before rolling slowly. The swordsman was impressed; the left eye remained steadily red, not deepening to the maroon of aroused rage. That would be troublesome right now.
"So is it distinctly possible that this - marine experiment - could have given you two some bratlings you didn't know about?" the green-haired swordsman asked, bringing Sanji's head back around to the reason for the seance.
Zeff and Mihawk turned their own eyes expectantly to Death, who glared in response.
"Oh, come on! Do you really mean to make me stop eating and answer?" Death grumbled around a mouthful of okonomiyaki. The Grim Reaper had already devoured a quarter of the food that had been set out; Luffy and Ace would have been duly impressed. With a long sigh, the entity paused and swallowed noisily, chasing his last bite with a shot of plum wine.
"The kids ain't from either of you two old men. The - doctors? Nurses? Whatever, some sorta medical type people. Anyway, they told the girls those things so that they would not be believed if they escaped - hell, they told one girl that she was having my kid and Brook's, which is downright impossible. It's a good ruse - everyone knows you guys are dead, so how could they ever have had a kid from us? At any rate, us geezers weren't compatible," Death muttered, already spearing another serving of dinner. He paused again, his eyes suddenly very liquid and...human. He sighed, put his chopsticks down, then turned his gaze fully on the younger men at the table. He could feel the unspoken question hanging in the air.
'If Bonney and Tashigi weren't pregnant for Zeff and Mihawk, then who...?'
Death really hated his job some decades - this was quickly turning into another bad one. He wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to phrase his response - it was already hard enough to take such young ones from their mothers, never having known a kiss or a hug or even a spanking.
And then, the Agreement of Lessening came to mind. Captain Yorki grimaced, but he figured that this might be the safest way to divulge the news - he didn't want dinner flying around the kitchen instead of swimming in his insatiable Hunger.
"By the way, boys, congratulations are in order. Your curse has been lifted."
As the blood drained out of Zoro and Sanji's faces, Captain Yorki realized that he still hadn't found a good way to tell a father that he had lost his unborn child. Internally he felt the Entity try to console him, but he didn't need it - he'd told far too many mothers and wives and daughters that their sons and husbands and fathers would not be returning from the battlefield. He'd survived even when he and Brook had received the same news, having lost their loved one to the Marines despite all their efforts.
But - some times - it was better to pull into the Absolute that forever hovered behind him.
"Oh? You didn't feel it?" Death pushed on with little grace, already shoveling as much of the remaining meal into his mouth as possible. The twitching in each living pirate's limbs were far too pronounced to guarantee the sanctity of the seance for much longer.
"You guys must be really dense not to feel the curse lifting, especially since you two offered the same thing. Especially you, Zoro - didn't anything strange happen to you in the past few days?"
"Curse?" Zeff gruffly chuffed. "What curse is this old rattle-bones talkin' 'bout, Eggplant?"
Mihawk merely turned to Zoro, his sharp eyes glinting like newly polished blades. The swordsman swallowed thickly and shook his head. The chef ground his teeth until Zeff's patience wore out and he kicked his former sous-chef in the back.
"Oi, Eggplant, spill it! What curse is this old mummified windbag talking about?" Zeff growled out, annoyed as his leg went through the blond man with only a fleeting, chill shudder of contact. The chef grimaced before speaking.
"When we...when we rescued Luffy and Ace...after Marineford. We had to agree to...to lessen ourselves in order to get our captain back. The...the damned idiot gave himself to Death for his brother, so we had to give something equal in strength," Sanji stuttered, his throat working noiselessly for a moment. "We...we were never going to..."
"We weren't going to make it past next year," Zoro gruffly soldiered on, pushing in where the cook failed. "That...was going to be our last year alive. We - this curly-browed ero-prince and I - we agreed to shorten our lifespan by sixty years each or..."
"Or lose your first-born child," Mihawk concluded, his eyes flashing dangerously at Death, who was too busy staring straight ahead. The former Shichibukai, even as a ghost, carried an aura of negligent malice and ill foreboding. "And he would agree to this, knowing full well that he could barter with Fate for a glimpse into your future."
"Oh, Sanji," Zeff groaned, his head in hands as he let his protege's name slip out unconsciously. He didn't know whether to comfort the suffering young man or kick the shit out of him for attempting to throw his life away again.
"Why the hell did you bother bargaining with this trickster? I know you've always been a suicidal ass, but seriously, even you know better than-"
"What the fuck did you want us to do?" Sanji hissed bitterly, his hands shivering as he struggled to maintain his composure. "We had to get our captain out of the Crossroads and that food-hogging bastard over there-"
"Oi, I ain't a bastard!" Death countered absently, his mind obviously elsewhere.
"This bastard," the Pirate King's cook continued, "Originally wanted thirty from each of us. We offered him sixty from the two of us to save Nami, and we've already promised to take on our parents' roles when we die. Brook sold himself back into servitude as a damned Shepherd and Franky sold three-quarters of the knowledge he gained from Vegapunk just to save Robin. Sogeking... And Usopp promised his eyesight and his right hand or blood of his blood - you know what happened there. Chopper sacrificed a number of medicines that could have saved half the fucking world and his own nature - he's...he's sometimes more monster than reindeer now. He's not just a herbivore any more, that's for sure. Our deal was in place provided we didn't have kids for five years and we were doing just fine until-"
"Sanji, you might want to shut up now," Death muttered urgently, actually pausing his chopsticks in mid-stride.
"No, you shut to fuck up!" the chef continued, his left eye flickering wildly, the red bleeding deeper and deeper maroon as the vision in that eye improved. Zoro's countenance was frozen in a deep snarl of hatred, Mihawk having already slipped into his body to wage war on the swordsman's infamously powerful spirit. Zeff was starting to dissipate in order to slip into Sanji and do the same, but his adopted son was already wise to him. With his eye now a horribly dark maroon, Sanji speared his teacher to his seat with fear. The Eros Cuisine's owner barreled on.
"We were doing fine! We always went for the barren girls! We used condoms! We offered Chopper's Anti-Regret every morning afterwards. We were too damned good at making sure you wouldn't get your way so you fucking well used the women we love - would have wanted the most - and got that shitty doctor to knock them up so you could fucking well-"
"Sanji Blackleg, prince of the Second Circle, be silent!" Death commanded with a bellow, his unearthly voice flattening all present with the cold, dank stench of the charnel-house, the knacker-yard, the cemetery, and watery under-sea graves.
Unfortunately, it was too late. A choked sob from the living quarters drew every man's attention to where Bonney and Tashigi knelt above the hatch, eyes staring far too widely. Death sighed tiredly and tried to resist the urge to impale himself on his own Grim Reaper scythe.
'Where the hell is Brook when I need him?'
[~~~]
"You...you're real," Tashigi murmured as she rose from her crouch, having just jumped down from the living quarters and landing a bit unsteadily due to her alcohol-laden system. Zoro's body strained towards the bed-headed bleuette, but he reined in the impulse to rush to her side, maintaining the death-sensing stance with great difficulty.
"Sanji...is that guy really here?" Bonney muttered darkly before dropping down herself, landing with cat-like grace despite the amount of liquor she'd consumed earlier - a sure sign that her Life Return skills were working quite well that day. Sanji could feel his shoulders tense, drawing tight and hard like a bow string, but he too managed not to cave in to his desire to aid the strawberry blonde.
The two women approached the table with sure-footed yet cautious steps, looking more than a little wild-eyed and nervous. Bonney's trembling arm rose up - possibly in a subconscious move to touch Sanji's left eye - even as Tashigi neared Zoro, her hand outstretched to brush back a few wisps of jade-green strands,
"Don't touch them, ladies."
Both hands stopped in mid-air. Tashigi looked up questioningly while Bonney's glare of unleashed anger tried to pin the entity's features down. Death drew his head further into his abysmal cloak and hood.
"They are in a special state right now - hovering between Life and Death. If you touch them, they might sink entirely into my grasp. Ah, that would make this my lucky day~!"
An absolute knife of a grin flashed in the nigh-tangible darkness at the head of the preparation table. Even Bonney had to acknowledge the frisson of terror that slithered and skated down her backbone.
"Is it true?" Tashigi piped up, carefully selecting a seat near the moss-haired swordsman. "Is it all true?"
"More importantly, why the hell can we see you?" Bonney interjected, choosing to remain standing near the blond chef.
"You're stale-drunk. You have no idea how much easier that makes it to appear before your conscious mind," Death patiently explained, dabbing his mouth with the napkin Sanji had placed at each seating arrangement. "And yes, everything I have stated is the truth. I can't actually lie - cover up the truth, sure, but I can't fabricate stories out of thin air - not like that pointy-nosed sniper can, that's for certain."
Bonney's legs began to quiver. She decided that Tashigi'd probably had the right of it, and pulled out a seat to heavily drop her frame into.
"So ya mean..." Bonney began, her voice disgustingly weak and laced with grief. "So ya mean that I...we were carrying Zoro's kids?"
Tashigi frowned in confusion, shaking her head vehemently.
"Don't you mean we were both carrying Sanji's kids?"
Death inspected the women, trying to gauge their ability to process the truth. He grumbled under his breath and sighed internally as he looked deeply into each of their eyes - both jade and coffee irises were strong and unwavering in their desire to know the truth.
"Actually, they lied to you girls about that as well. When they told you, Bonney, that you were both impregnated with the genes of a swordsman, that was just you. Likewise, when they told you, Tashigi, that you were both pregnant for a savateur, that was just you. They wrapped the truth under many layers of falsehoods in order to protect the program."
Zoro looked across at Bonney, whose face resembled the pancaked surprise often displayed by carriage road-kill. His vision grew blurry thinking of what his first-born could have been like - all the possibilities swam in his head as he stared at the shell-shocked eyes of the unwilling mother of his child. Mihawk, still possessing his former rival, began to sink deeper into the swordman's rage, searching for the trigger he knew laid underneath.
"Steady," Mihawk whispered to the being raging in front of him, straining against the mental bonds. "No need to be so hasty. There is more behind this."
"Oh God," Tashigi whimpered before covering her mouth with both hands. Sanji winced as the brown eyes filled with tears that never fell; watery and shivering orbs of the disillusioned. He was torn - as much as he loved Bonney, he wanted to hug this darker woman who'd lost the same child as he had. Zeff used this momentary flinch to slip into the chef and dive deep for the button that set off most of Sanji's strongest emotions.
"Easy there, big boy," Zeff crooned as he came upon the spirit leashed within. "Let's just wait a minute and see what happens.
"Would you like to see them"
All four of the living at the table turned to Captain Yorki, who had just slipped his hood off of his dry-straw hair. His eyes, usually empty and clear like shards of ice, were now murky. Before anyone could make a decision either way, the mummy snapped his dessicated fingers and two small shadows grew from the floor behind him.
"You can't touch them," Yorki hastened to explain as Tashigi all but bolted from her seat. "They're just figments of what could have been but...well, at least...now you know. It's more than Brook and I ever got."
Dilated eyes drank in the shaded features of the two sleeping babes hovering behind Death. They roved unceasingly over the perfect little fingers and toes, the slender, fragile limbs, the tiny, pudgy bellies, and oh by the glory of the Pirate King, their rounded, lightly fuzzed heads, eyes closed in endless sleep with little digits slipping in between pale lips. Bonney could not help but cry out as the images began to waver - Tashigi was too overcome by her recent grief.
"Naw, damn ya, not yet! Jist a li'l bit mor-!"
"I'm sorry. I cannot pause their journey any longer," Yorki replied sadly, shaking his head regretfully. The shadows deepened until they were once more fully black, then seeped down into the infinite cape of He Who Took All. Yorki slowly, slowly, slowly drew his heavy cloak back over his dried, ruined mortal husk, once more taking up the mantle of his eternal task.
"Truly, I am sorry. I had no idea what was going to happen - I can swear on Fate's scissors and thread and loom that I did not go to her beforehand. Besides, she tends to like keeping me in the dark until the last possible moment - she has this thing for trying to surprise me. At any rate, it is drawing too close to night for you to safely continue this seance - Sogeking isn't here to guide you back, now is he?"
Reluctantly, Zoro shook his head although his eyes were now burning with a flicker of horrendous determination. Sanji's eyes were swirling and incandescent, the maroon still strong in his left eye, the right burning blue-white like a lightning-struck tar field. Mihawk and Zeff were forced out of the other men's bodies forcefully as the Pirate King's enforcers regained their internal fortitude, overwhelming anything else. Death swiftly offered each ghost his hand, drawing them into the safety of his cloak as Sanji became wreathed in flames and Zoro in an impenetrable gloom.
"We will kill him and damn him to pits of hell!"
Tashigi's small fist pounded the table once following her sibilant cry of anguished rage. Everyone except Bonney watched with horrified amazement as a crack ran the length of the table.
"Uhm, by him, would you happen to be referring to-" Death began hesitantly, only to have Bonney forcefully interrupt him, her accent heavy and deadly like molten lead.
"Doflamingo's ass is ours! Ya kin deal wif' him after we tear him apart."
"But-" Sanji began, having trouble getting human words out of his throat. He turned helplessly to Zoro, who could only growl, his jaws locked in the same conundrum.
"But nothing!" Tashigi yelled, taking one hand and flinging the remainders of the dinner off of the table in one vicious sweep.
"He made us suffer! He forced everything on us for some twisted plan from the World Government! I've had enough! I've given them everything now, including my baby! It is more than enough."
Bonney came in without missing a beat as the sword mistress' rage momentarily consumed her with short-breathed panting.
"At first we were jist gonna save th' rest of th' gals what got stuck in that hellhole wif' us, but that isn't enough. He took so much from us - from you two. Ya worked so hard ta do things yer way - ta not sacrifice some innocent just ta get out of yer promises - and he took that from ya - from all of us! We claim him as our prey!"
"Witnessed!" Death roared suddenly, raising his hands over his head. "Your claim has been witnessed and accepted!"
"Are you fucking with me?" Zoro all but howled in stereo, three heads growling at Death balefully. "Doflamingo will slaughter them! Up to now, no-one's even figured out how Doflamingo does what he does!"
"Then that will be your job, kiddo," Zeff barked loudly, snapping the swordsman from his wrath. "Train them so they can kick that whoreson cocksucker's ass!"
"But...but what about our revenge, you shitty geezer?" Sanji yelled, visibly fuming. "He killed you guys, in case you fucking forgot while hanging out in Purgatory!"
"And your revenge has been trumped by Death himself," Mihawk coolly retorted. "Tow-head, you have been replaced - do the right thing by these brave women and prepare them for the last task you were going to undertake."
"Besides," Death intoned with a certain air of dark amusement, "That man is still a viable target, now isn't he?"
With that, Death stepped back and vanished, taking the ghosts with him. Sanji and Zoro snapped their heads back, their souls being rudely shoved back into their bodies at the entity's abrupt departure.
"Fuck!" Sanji cried, his hands coming up to grip his head as he began to bang it against the table in frustration, the back of his throat gorged on the taste of hellfire and brimstone
"Fuck," Zoro repeated in a hollow moan, his face a tight grimace of pain as his hands pounded his own chill flesh, vomiting on the taste of ambrosia and nectar in his mouth.
[~~~]
"Why d'ya hafta go?"
The slurred voice still retained a trace of its normal aggressiveness and insanity, but it came out more like a spoiled child's whine. The voice was muffled by another mouth momentarily.
"You're more fun that you know, darling, but I can't stick around anymore. I have an assignment that will take me away for a long time."
The pouting child-man frowned as he watched a beautiful swan expose its long, white neck. The tattoo on his companion's back was too lifelike to ever be mistaken.
"You're a pirate, ain't ya? Jump ship to my crew."
The swan turned its head back, both amused and exasperated.
"I'll never abandon them. Besides, you think the bloodhounds would let me live? Us meeting was just a good coincidence - two ships sailing to the same port from different directions."
The large man on the bed winced as candlelight brightened the small cabin. His red hair flamed brightly.
"Stop with all the metaphorical, flowery shit. I want you. I get what I want."
The swan was covered by a crisp white shirt and long, black hair. Eustass Kidd got out of the bunk and towered over his partner of the past few weeks, reeking of alcohol, blood, and lust. His aura would make normal people run screaming, but his partner was much, much stronger in body and mind than regular cretins.
His partner had no idea how intoxicating that resistance was.
"One more night."
"You said that three nights ago, Kidd-chan."
"You'll drown if you go out now."
"I'm far too resourceful for that. Haven't you asked Sadi-chan?"
"I need you."
A foot slammed through the wall next to Eustass' head, making his ear tingle maddeningly as a rivulet of blood started to flow from the tip.
"The people who need me are my nakama! My nakama asked me to do something, so I'm doing it. End of story, lovey!"
Eustass didn't even blink. He used his magnetic abilities to pull his partner closer - he loved the broad buckle on that brown leather belt. His eyes never left his partner's own as he pulled everything into the light.
The bitch was crying.
No one would ever have guessed from the calm voice, but a river of tears were coating the face that normally marred Kidd's pillows with mascara and blush. The crimson-headed man known as 'Captain' crumpled his annoying companion in his embrace.
"Will you come back?" Eustass asked in a growl, his face furrowed.
"Darling, you really need to stop avoiding Sadi-chan and just talk to her instead of asking me silly questions."
His companion pulled out of the crushing embrace with ease and stroked Eustass' pale cheek; too tender a motion for an easy fling. The grin was broad and brittle; far too false under glossy lips.
"Stop joking around. We found each other willing and able, now the dance is over. Time to switch partners again. Don't wait, lovey."
Eustass closed his eyes in denial as his companion walked backwards through his cabin door. When he opened them again, all he could see was a long, receding shadow on the floor.
[~~~]
"You better be sure about this."
Bentham almost dropped the lifeboat into the water as the rope slipped through his suddenly nerveless fingers. Killer caught the trailing line in the pulley nearest to him.
"Killer-chan! You nearly scared me to death! What are you doing up now? Isn't it ol' Split-face's turn for watch?"
The stately, blond supernova stepped fully out of the shadows, leaning over the ship to gaze at the pounding waters below. The sea was heavy with foam, the waves churning deeply under the surface.
He turned his faceless mask to observe the chatty okama with the heavy, pancake makeup. Bentham was still talking in a low whisper, filling the air between them with white noise. Killer briefly wondered if the okama really thought the makeup hid emotions better than a plate of steel
"Kidd's well-being keeps me up at night."
The okama's stream of background sound faltered briefly, but did not stop. Killer had to give the...guy...credit - he was a tough nut to crack when he wanted to be difficult. The blond, however, persevered with his point.
"When the 'Captain' is happy, I get to sleep. When he isn't-"
An almighty crash sounded deep within the ship, causing it to shudder and heave. The Kidd Pirates' first mate groaned - he already knew that the ship's carpenter would have to re-attach their captain's bunk again. Provided, of course, it didn't end up out the side of the ship like the last time Kidd threw a tantrum.
Bentham's hands paused on the pulley. His mouth opened and shut a few times, but the words seemed to be lodged in his throat. His heart was squeezing his chest tightly, too tightly for him to breathe far less speak.
'Too soon,' his mind whispered. 'Wait...wait...Trust not so soon, little one. Don't forget that time...'
Killer took in the pause; the hunched shoulders, the rigid back, and the pained expression on the okama's face. He nodded sharply as he took the rope from the other man's hands and finished letting down the boat. The 'Massacre Man' made his point as he worked.
"The only reason why I'm letting you leave this ship alive is because I can't hurt you any more than you're already hurting yourself. Though I am sorely tempted to try right now."
The Pirate King's spy listened to the masked man's footsteps as they padded further into the ship.
"If I come back, Killer-chan," the okama began to whisper under his breath. Killer paused his soft footfalls and craned an ear to listen. Bentham shook his head and dashed away the tears before they could run down his cheek, then leapt up on to the railing just in front of the spot where the dual knife-wielder had appeared.
"Tell Eustass that he can not stay in these waters but... But if he can meet me right here in about three months' time, then I'll be anyone he wants me to be - Nami, Robin, Zoro, Sanji, Law, anyone - for up to three months. I guarantee, Killer-chan, he'll have had more than his fill of me by then...and...and then he'll be back to normal."
"But Bentham, what about- ?"
Before Killer could finish turning around - before he could even finish his question - the master of disguise had tipped himself over the edge of the ship. The splash as Bentham landed in the boat was minimal; numerous years of ballet training had made the large man astonishingly light on his feet. Killer listened for the sound of oars slipping edge-first into waves until the quiet, even strokes of Bentham's rowing faded into the night.
Scowling, the Kidd Pirates' first mate went to seek out the shipwright before Kidd could think to dismantle the ship nail by nail. He also had a bad feeling that the Straw-hats would be descending on them sometime soon, wanting to discuss a lovelorn nakama. Given that Straw-hats tended to hold their 'discussions' with martial arts and weapons, he'd have to talk to the sleepy carpenter about additional ship defenses as well.
And oh yes - his girlfriend was going to kill him for fucking up this man-to-okama conversation. Painlessly if she was really angry.
[~~~]
Bentham was fine. Just fine. He did not have time to sit in a boat and row and cry and wish for things that would not happen and remember things that were not allowed to happen...
"Luffy," he whispered in a voice much deeper and rougher than how he normally spoke. Downright gruff, tinged with something desperate and pained. His black hair was being whipped around his face by the night-breeze - he was glad that he had chosen trousers and his cape tonight, instead of one of his skirts.
"Zoro. Nami. Usopp. Sanji. Chopper. Robin. Franky. Brook. Hancock. Bentham."
The Straw-hat Pirates. His family. The only ones that he knew truly loved him.
Bentham's voice grew less ragged and more sane as he recited the names again. By the third recitation, he was giggling slightly, remembering antics and pranks and hair-raising, death-defying adventures. He was feeling...he was feeling fine. Yes. Just fine, so there was no more time to joke around!
The okama shut down everything below his waist and on the left side of his chest, a task that was rather easy to complete given the injuries that Magellan had inflicted- No, that topic was not good for consideration either. With a firmer handle on his mind, Bentham instead chose to focus on the information that Sanji had provided him via a late-night delivery by Franco - data from both piratical and marine sources.
The devil fruit user pulled a number of slender, metallic cylinders from his clothing and shoes and even one particularly uncomfortable location. He popped the cap of that cylinder to pull out a large, waterproof roll of oiled hide, which he then spread over the unoccupied second bench in the boat. He didn't worry to keep it down - it was far too thick and heavy for anything short of a squall to whip away. From the bottom of the container, he shook out the end of a tallow candle and a few matches. Using the sole of his ballet slippers, he struck the match and lit the candle, pouring some of the freshly melted wax onto the hide to secure the rest of the meager stick.
Next, he undid a cylinder and poured out a multitude of alligator clips. He clipped a large number of them around the hide's edges before opening the remaining cylinders - sheaths of paper and parchment spilled onto the covered bench. Bentham swiftly pinned the documents under the positioned clips, keeping the information safe from the erratic breeze for now.
Smoker and Zoro may have thought that Sanji had just sent the Vice-Admiral - and by extension, Commodore Hina, who had strict orders to 'escort' Smoker anywhere - on wild-goose chases, but there were reasons behind the black ops master's thinking. The Vice-Admiral and Commodore were actually visiting Akainu's hot spots and hang outs - everywhere that the Admiral was known to frequent. They were relatively few, but all were heavily protected by marine forces - there was no way that anyone below an Ensign could sail into those waters. For the Pirate King or any of his squad to visit would be...messy, for want of a better word.
The pirate information had come later, compliments of the Straw-hats' varied network of friends and the Council's mired tentacles at large. This data was far less neatly presented, generally looking as if Sanji had pulled a number of all-nighters to compile it (for which Chopper would no doubt rake him over the coals), but the end result was a very detailed account of every place that Doflamingo had been for the past five years.
Bentham scanned the data - piles of receipts, photos, handwritten details - his eyes flitting almost frantically over everything. He took in the faces in particular, scanning them for anything that could possibly...
And then it was there. A clue. Bentham's eyes locked onto one picture in particular, then he frantically searched through the other documents for corroborating evidence. When he was satisfied with what he had, the okama's breathing finally rolled back down to normal. A deep, cleansing calm settled over him as he set the information in one of the cylinders and made it secure. He negligently detached the candle and used it to burn the pile of papers - when nothing remained but ash, he swept everything overboard with the billowing air from one of his kicks. He washed off the oiled hide, rolled it up and replaced it in its metal container, which he then tied to the cylinder containing the evidence.
"Now how best to get this to...ah! That's it!" the spy exclaimed to himself, before leaning as far over as he dared and beating a peculiar rhythm on the boat's side, just above the waterline. Within a few minutes, the cylinders had disappeared, as sure to get to Sanji as if he'd dialed the man on a den-den mushi. Bentham's grin was more than a bit malicious as he watched the message disappear, already rolling up his sleeves and pants legs to give himself a double dose of Ivankov's hormones.
"Slip it in, baby, make me feel it burn," he chanted quietly, channeling the song from a darker place - somewhere that rarely saw oceans, or even the sky. "This is the way you make the drugs ride in my hide...oh we're gonna get you now, bitch. Zero-chan'd probably fuck me on his hook for this chance..."
[~~~]
Two weeks after the disastrously enlightening seance, Bonney was putting Sanji to bed at the crack of dawn again. The blond had been on his den-den mushi so long that the poor thing was starting to look like him - curly eyebrow and all - which just was not right considering that it should have looked like his last caller.
"He does this," was all Zoro would say as he pulled his weights up from anchoring the barge - they usually trailed along behind the vessel, given the ridiculous amounts that the swordsman trained with. The swordsman had been obsessively pumping weight, breaking only to sleep. Sanji would bring out something edible in a bowl and Zoro would use his dexterous tongue to slurp, gulp, or cram the nutrition into his mouth in one swift go, barely breaking his reps in the process.
"If he stops cooking, I'll call in the big guns."
"Ha?" Bonney answered with her hands akimbo, unusually naive. "Big guns? Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Steely?"
Zoro didn't answer, already used to Bonney's new nickname for him. He merely stared like a dead fish at Bonney's own 'weight rack' as he finished off set one hundred and forty-seven of his triceps curls. It took the pink-haired piratess a moment to get his meaning - the man had the sex drive of his mossy namesake when compared to his culinary comrade - but when she did, her response was immediate.
Tashigi tried very hard not to shoot a cannon at him when his green head came spluttering up for air some three hundred meters away. Bonney merely dusted her hands off in satisfaction, then returned to the breakfast the cook had made for her before collapsing in the kitchen.
"You know you deserved that," the navy-coiffed woman nonchalantly remarked when Zoro finally pulled himself back onto the ship. He merely grunted and flipped onto his back, panting from the combination of exercise, near drowning experiences, and swimming with over ten tons in weights tied to his waist. Tashigi shifted Shigure's sheathe away from the growing puddle of saltwater on the deck, then returned to powdering the sword while cooing at it.
"Sorry."
The ex-marine ensign looked up, clearly surprised that the wet pirate was talking. Zoro had been even more withdrawn and prone to speechlessness since the seance - the fact that he'd even said anything to Bonney had been shocking enough. And on top of that, an apology? From quite possibly the most self-confident (arrogant) man in the New World - even when taking Smoker into account?
He loosed the chains for his weights and attached them back to the ship's windlass before moving to stand over her. After a while with his shadow dripping over her, she sighed and stood up.
"Can't you just explain yourself like a normal human?" she quipped in exasperation as she shook the excess powder off of her meitou and resheathed it. She quickly wrapped her sword belt back on her hips, then squared her shoulders and turned to look at the swordsman.
His hands were crossed over his massive (and of course, naked) chest. His jaws were tight with some form of emotion, but she had already learned that anything she wanted to know would be in his eyes. And in those black eyes that could be wildly expressive or as blank as slate, she saw...guilt. A deep well of guilt, as if he had long thought that his existence was more of a burden to others than a blessing, a guilt that seemed endless enough to fuel the sun.
She didn't need this. She didn't want to know that this man - her supposedly future trainer and eventual rival - had those sorts of emotions. She didn't want to feel even more than she already did for him, so she did what came naturally for her now.
"Fuck! What the hell?"
She slapped him around the head. Hard. While he clutched his ringing left ear, she stepped up to him, her own arms folding under her chest as she glowered bleakly at his rugged face.
"We were screwed anyhow - figuratively and almost literally. The fact that it was you guys...well it's just a fact. It's not like you did it yourself. Hell, you didn't even know what was going on. Tell me, what could you have done to change anything?"
The swordsman stood there, impassive but for his eyes. They seemed to be saying that what he could or could not have done didn't matter - he still felt in some way responsible for her lot. Her loss. Her new load.
Tashigi hesitated. Normally she would leave him to work this out on his own, then let him come in and grunt his way to the shower as per usual. However it was now abundantly clear that this guilt was the driving force behind both his and Sanji's actions. Stabbing him in the gut with one of her index fingers, she decided to trust him with her own thoughts on the whole matter.
"I swear by Shigure that if you take advantage of this in any way, I will make you a eunuch," she hissed like an angry cat before wrapping her arms around his thick, muscle-bound torso. She leaned her head against his chest and just stood there, inhaling the scent of his sweat and salty water, until he finally - dare she say timidly? - wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She sighed and the tension began to flow out of her back - she hadn't even realized how stiffly she'd been standing while waiting for him to respond.
She hadn't even realized that she'd been waiting for him to push her away.
She shuddered as his thumb lazily circled the vertebra between her shoulder blades - the stress and tension began oozing out of her in a slimy stream of nausea. The hilts of his blades once more mingled with her lone blade, bumping each other in an almost ritualistic manner as their owners' hips came together. Tashigi hardly realized that she'd begun to speak.
"I...I'm...I'm so confused. And angry - I don't think I can even describe how angry I am! But I'm...I'm scared, because this is burning in my chest. I've never felt this crazy mix of emotions before, not even when I was hunting you! It feels like I'm swimming in this big pool of...of quicksand and it keeps sucking at me! I want to kill Doflamingo like...I've never hated someone so...I think if someone told me I had to sell my soul to get revenge..."
The strong hands around her suddenly tightened into something far fiercer than a friendly hug. Tashigi gasped as the air is crushed from her lungs.
"Never do that," Zoro rasped, his chin coming down to rest on her head. "Tashigi is strong enough to do anything without any unholy help. Trust me on that. I can feel it."
Swallowing thickly - Tashigi couldn't understand why hearing her name slide off of his tongue made the whole atmosphere change - she could only nod. His hands had begun massaging her shoulders as he finally spoke again.
"I'm going to get Sanji to start training you tomorro-"
Her head shot up, neatly head-butting him under his chin. While the swordsman tried to figure out if he still had a tongue left, the dark woman in his arms had begun to curse him.
"What the hell? Why is Sanji going to train me? You think I'm too weak to work with you, is that it? Holy Hell, you've got to be kidding me... You're ditching me on your girl-crazy friend because you hate female sword- mmph!"
'Shit, this is an effective way to shut her up,' Zoro thought as he pressed his lips harder against hers, his tongue slipping between her gnashing teeth to dominate the exchange completely. He gave a muffled groan as he felt her respond quickly, their teeth clicking as they fought to pour their fears and wounds into each other. Her tongue was tangling with his and so damn hot with the taste of steel on it-
"Arrrgh!" the swordsman roared as he finally ripped himself away, panting mightily. Somehow she had wrapped herself all over him - her legs were around his waist, with both of his hands cupped on her toned, denim-covered ass, her hands twisting in his jade locks which had been freed by her clever fingers yet again. Her lips were berry red and swollen; her breathing was short and sharp. Zoro sighed and leaned against her forehead, chuckling.
"This...is exactly why," the green-haired man gasped as she tried to descend from his embrace. Unconsciously, he rolled himself against her - he growled when she cried out sharply.
"I will probably have rape added to my list of crimes against government and nature if I attempt to train you," the Pirate King's first mate whispered huskily as he moved to kiss behind her ear. Her sharp, steely fragrance was mellowed by wisps of green tea and airy powder - the scent was heady enough to make him momentarily dizzy.
"Can't rape the willing," the ex-marine puffed out in a little laugh, her head thrown back and her eyes closed. "But yes, you've definitely made your point. Care to let me down now?"
Zoro shifted against her once more. Tashigi moaned loudly.
"Hell no," he replied with a feral grin. "Convince me."
The sound ricocheted across the ocean as loud and clear as the chiming of a bell, making Sanji's snoring hitch and scaring away a passing Chicken of the Sea.
[~~~]
Bonney tried not to laugh when Zoro came in with Tashigi's hand-print plastered across his jaw. The swordsman could only smirk and shrug before helping himself to the rapidly disappearing breakfast platter.
"So what were the crimes against nature?" the strawberry-blonde piratess asked, her grin as sharp and crooked as a kukri knife as she inhaled a stack of pancakes. Zoro snorted and pointed at his grassy locks. Her eyebrows rose up skeptically.
"Apparently there's a country out there that believes I stole their national treasure to use as a wig. It's a capital offense too."
Bonney almost choked on her food with the way she was howling and crying with laughter.
"Oh shit," she finally gasped as the rest of the syrup-laden flapjacks finally went down her throat. "Oh Lord, I hope our kid wasn't gonna end up with that hai-!"
Bonney's laughter quickly trailed off and died as she choked on a sob, leaving the kitchen enveloped in silence. The waves and gulls and wind continued to move and create sounds, but there was a vacuum of grief in the main workroom of the floating restaurant.
Zoro dropped the plate and fork he had just taken out - they crashed loudly against each other as they took the short journey from his hand to the tabletop. He pushed his shaking hands into his eye sockets and sat there, shoulders hunched and defeated, as Bonney blurted out some excuse - he may have heard something about a shower - and then dashed upstairs.
Outside, Tashigi turned to face the sea, then leaned against the kitchen door for support. Its wooden surface still wasn't enough; she found herself sitting on the deck, curled up in a ball, the tears dripping over her knees. Upstairs, Sanji pointedly turned his back to the access hatch just before Bonney could dash past, an unlit cigarette dangling from his teeth.
[~~~]
Bonney didn't come out until every drop of hot water was gone and her crying had stopped. The urge was completely irrational - she'd never wanted kids, never wanted that burden, hadn't wanted to become their burden - yet the loss of this nameless child still made her heart keen. The whole response was completely ridiculous, but she just couldn't help herself - opportunities had been opened to her that she'd never thought of before.
"Even so, I can't get ta them yet," she told herself harshly, slicking her wet hair back with fierce pressure. "I gotta get Doflamingo's ass first."
"So you're really going after him?"
Bonney tensed as she heard his voice filter through the bathroom door. Looking around for an excuse - any excuse - to delay this conversation, she realized that she'd forgotten to bring in a towel.
"Wait a minute! I ain't got a towel in here, can ya get me-"
She hid behind the shower curtain and snarled silently as the knob on the door twisted and the traitorous wooden portal opened, followed by a wispy trail of smoke. A long-fingered hand held out a thick, freshly washed white towel. She tried not to stomp over and snatch it, grumbling under her breath. The absorbent cotton wicked away the leftover moisture very quickly - too quickly.
"I need one for ma hai-"
His nicotine-stained hand reappeared with a smaller towel. Bonney stuck her tongue out at the door as she definitely snatched this one out of his grasp. She was momentarily annoyed to find herself smiling along with his scratchy, tired, smoke-filled chuckle while she shook her hair out and wrapped it up high. As she finished, she looked up and realized that she was completely reflected in the mirror.
The mirror that was easy to see from the doorway.
His leg quickly deflected her punch through the door - right through the spot where his head had just been resting. His twinkling blue eye was now leering at the shadowed view up her legs and under the towel.
"Enjoyin' the view, aintcha?" she growled as she tried to free her arm without completely ruining the door.
"Gotta take what I can get before Zoro starts training you," he smirked as he brought himself back upright as slowly as possible. Despite his best efforts, blood was trickling from his left nostril by the time he was back on his feet.
"Eh? Steely? Why's he training me?" Bonney asked as she finally plucked her hand out of the hole. "Ah shit! Stupid splinters..."
Carefully, Sanji took hold of the injured right hand. While his internal heat and strong digits massaged her palm, he tenderly grazed her knuckles with his lips - the dry, slightly chapped texture sent gooseflesh crawling over her arms. With extreme caution, he worked out the splinters - some in the fleshy side of her hand, near her thumb, and a few from the back of her hand. One particularly tricky shard took time to wriggle out of the skin between her index and middle finger. As soon as it was out, the blond chef raised the bleeding spot to his mouth and let his tongue snake out to lave it.
And again.
He raised his incandescent blue and red eyes up to look at her from under his fringe of golden bangs. His tongue held a tiny spot of red at its tip. He swallowed deeply, then opened his mouth and let his burning, fiery, so-devilishly-clever-it-should-be-forked tongue snake out to lave the skin again.
Bonney wasn't sure what got them to stop. She knew that she'd practically thrown herself at him and he'd caught her before they went down in a tangle of limbs and heat but she still didn't understand why Zoro had thought it a fucking good time to cock - or in this case, cunt - block. The swordsman was holding Sanji back with both arms locked under the chef's pair, his golden hands pressing against the back of the paler restauranteur's long neck. Using his scant height difference, the swordsman heaved the flailing cook off his feet to reduce the chances of the blond throwing him with his superior leg strength.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Shit, ero-cook, hold it it!"
"Merde! Putain, casse-toi! Je vais- I'm fine, salop-Marimo! Ease to fuck up! I'm fine!"
"Bonney!" Zoro grunted, utterly ignoring the ranting, scathingly hot man still barely in his grip. "Get dressed as fast as possible and get downstairs. I gotta get this one calmed down. Let's get this shit into the open once and for all."
The strawberry blonde didn't say a word. Her eyes were utterly captivated by Sanji's incinerating glare - he seemed to be trying to set her towel on fire with his thoughts alone. There was a constant snarl in his throat that roughened every word out of his mouth, and he was not speaking in the common tongue.
"Move, woman!" Zoro roared as Sanji's right leg managed to wrap around his hip - the swordsman already knew that he was in serious danger of taking a fall. Bonney scrambled on all fours until she hit the doorway of the captain's quarters, eyes still trapped by the tow-head chef's pair. She somehow managed to stand with the help of the doorway, then wrenched her gaze away to grab some clothes from the nearby bunk - she wasn't even sure if the garments were hers or Tashigi's. With one last look, she fled down the hatch, Sanji's anguished howl following her.
"Fils d'salope, fou le camp!"
Zoro felt himself over-balancing and corrected quickly, only to have the left foot kick back into his hip. For the second time in a mere hour, the swordsman took a blow to the head as it connected with the floor - three, if you counted the recoil of Sanji's head into the green-haired man's nose.
"Not my head's frigging lucky day," the swordsman grumbled as he felt Sanji's struggling lessen. "Done yet, you dumb fuck?"
"Shit! Anyone tell you your head's fucking well made out of a rock?" the cook replied, breath wheezing through his gritted teeth. "Yeah I'm done. Lemme out."
Zoro quickly obliged, all but throwing the blond onto the floor as he rolled away and up to his feet. Sanji spat blood out of his mouth and levered himself upward after three quick push-ups. His bangs fell over his left eye naturally.
"You know this is why you need to sleep, dickless," Zoro grumbled morosely as he gave the cook the once over. "Especially with the restaurant opening soon. Now we gotta go explain even more shit to our new 'students!' And the stocking ships are coming in tomorrow, so we'll all be hauling shit all day long. Motherfucker, don't stress your body so much - we only just lost the curse! "
Sanji rolled his eyes, a half-smirk on his face as he pretended to consider the green-haired man's scolding.
"Yes, mama bear, oh wise, green and woolly."
And then Sanji was trying to laugh through his second blow to the head for the day - although it might have been better described as a brutal blunt force attack with a club, given that it was caused by Zoro's fist to his jaw.
[~~~]
Sanji's loud swearing in a weird language brought Tashigi falling into the kitchen. She tripped on the edge of the doorway and fell over a chair as she tried to enter the room in a hurry - the last time Zoro and Sanji had gotten into a fight, her bunk was wrecked, leaving her to share a bunk and a half with Bonney.
"Shhh!" Bonney shushed rather loudly as Tashigi muffled a groan and tried to get up without breaking her neck. "Get yer ass over here!"
"Oh for the love of- What now?" Tashigi grumbled as she crawled over to the other woman - that seemed the safest way to get from one point to the next without accidentally killing herself.
"Can ya understand what they're sayin'?" Bonney asked in her no-so-quiet whisper as she dragged on one of her least favorite t-shirts - a grey one that covered her stomach. She was crouched beneath the access hatch, her black shorts pulled on but unbuttoned, the suspenders sagging as her sides.
"Only barely," Tashigi replied, trying her best to help the pink-coiffed woman get dressed - really, a face full of nipples and breast meat did nothing for her appetite. The ex-marine was definitely not eating dinner if chicken was on the menu.
"Aw crap, they're done! Git ta the table!" Bonney drawled as she stood up to button her pants in a hurry before bowling the other woman over in her mad dash to the table. Before Tashigi could even get up, Sanji was downstairs.
"Tashigi-swan~! What on earth happened to you?" the blond exclaimed as he began a mild noodle dance over the fallen woman.
"Uhm...I tripped?" the ex-marine supplied unhelpfully as she took Sanji's outstretched hands and somehow made it to her feet without killing them both. She squashed her hip's protest over Shigure's indurate hilt as she limped over to the table with the blond's help.
"Slowpoke," Bonney whispered as the navy-haired woman eased herself down into the chair next to the piratess. Tashigi was distracted as she glanced at Zoro, who had just jumped through the hatch. She hadn't actually heard anything that Bonney'd said as she observed the deep scowl on the swordmaster's tanned face, so she decided to play it safe with her answer.
"Your mother!"
When everyone just stopped and stared at her, open-mouthed amazement over their face, she could only sigh and sink her face into her hands as she realized that she'd essentially cursed at Bonney.
"Oh fuck, this has been a shitty ass year," she managed to wail before surrendering herself to a spate of hysterical giggling.
"Damn, bitch, you're actually pretty good at cussin'," Bonney snorted out before dissolving into loud guffaws. "Bet Sanji'll make you a pro by the time yer done trainin'!"
"Oi, ero-cook, don't be giving her your filthy mouth!" Zoro stated with wide-eyed alarm. "You'll be fucking well corrupting her with your shitty ass language!"
"Oi, go fuck yourself, kelp-shit, you cuss like a pirate!" Sanji retorted angrily, his latest cigarette halfway to his mouth.
"When the fuck do I curse?"
"You just did, you barf-haired jackass!"
Bonney and Tashigi glanced at each other meaningfully, then dissolved into further gales of laughter. Slowly, Zoro snorted and Sanji chuckled and then all four were howling with mirth for a good fifteen minutes.
"Ah, fuck it," Sanji wheezed as he flopped into a chair and lit his smoke. "Don't we ever get a goddamn break from the drama and intrigue and need to kick someone's ass to high heaven?"
"Comes with the job of being a notorious pirate, so stop whining like a little bitch," Bonney snorted loudly, her head hanging over the back of her chair.
"Jobs come with frigging vacations, don't they?" Zoro grumbled as he popped open the hatch for the hold. "Who wants some nutmeg rum?"
"At 11 in the morning?" Tashigi gasped, raising her head from the table. "Are you shitting me?"
Sanji shrugged as he released a long trail of smoke.
"It's night time somewhere, Tashigi-san. Oi, Marimo! Bring up that box of nougats for these fine ladies as well."
"Dammit, curly-brow, come find your shit yourself."
"I said nougat, not shit, you grass stain!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," came the muffled reply as a large barrel and a smaller crate began voyaging through the hatch. "Suck my dick. Oi, who wants candy?"
"If that wasn't the cry of a pedophile, I've never been in law enforcement," Tashigi snickered wickedly as she snagged the crate out of mid-air and broke it open on the table.
[~~~]
"My teeth are going to fall out," Bonney groaned as she crunched on another piece of nougat. "They're just going to give up and pop out."
"And you'll still eat like a beached whale," Tashigi muttered absently, picking a almond piece from the back of her jaw with a long toothpick.
Sanji looked over at the now empty crate of nutty candies and could not disagree with either women's assessments. He - and surprisingly enough, Zoro - had switched from cigarettes to cigars, a scent that seemed to put them both at ease. The swordsman was already nodding off after drinking a quarter of the barrel of spiced rum by himself.
"So tell me," Bonney began as she put her feet up on the table - deciding to plunge right in to the thick of matters while everyone was relaxed and open. "What have you two come up with to help us take down Donquixote? I get that Sanji can't train me and Steely can't train Tashi - fer obvious reasons-"
Here Zoro smirked wickedly at the ex-marine while Sanji gave a noodly bow of appreciation for Jewel-chwan's feminine form. Both women rolled their eyes as Bonney continued.
"-Fer obvious reason, like I said, but what can ya teach us that we don't already know?"
"Patience, for one," Zoro huffed, stubbing out his cigar in Sanji's ever-present Baratie ashtray. "But really, we won't be so much training you as you'll be training yourself - with our assistance. We want you to develop your style and moves and attacks and defences, so who knows what kind of crazy stuff you'll come up with starting tomorrow."
Tashigi all but jumped in the air with joy at the thought of training again. Bonney sighed and banged her head on the table once with a loud groan.
"Well if you can't tell me that, how about telling me what was wrong with you upstairs, Princey?" the piratess snapped as she irritably tried to work some of the sticky candy from between her teeth. "You get bit by a rabid ghost or somethin'?"
Sanji sighed and stood up to give his strawberry blonde temptress a deep bow.
"I wish to apologize, Jewel-chan, for my churlish behaviour. When I get rather tired, I have a tendency to...well let's say that I revert to a baser nature. It's harder to control when I'm around a woman I...I..."
The cook paused, suddenly at a loss for words - he had been a millisecond away from telling her that he loved her!
'That's what you always do wrong! How about we try it a different way this time.'
"When I am around a woman that I find highly desirable, my baser nature can be overwhelming - especially when I am physically weakened. Again, I apologiz- one word out of you, marimo and all you'll get for dinner is cold sole of shoe soup!"
Zoro's snort of disdain distracted Sanji from the two women - he missed Bonney's hastily disguised anger and disappointment, but he picked up on some of her discontent. His mind whirled as the silence turned sour in the air around them.
"We should do something for the babies."
Sanji blinked. Had he said that out loud? That hadn't sounded like his voice - oh, wait.
"Bonney, I think we should do something for the baby. Dart-board, Tashigi, I dunno if you guys wanna help us or do your own thing or..."
"We should do the full burial at sea," Sanji jumped in without thinking. "The sailing, the final watch, Taps -"
"After we get the one responsible," Tashigi stated with fierce determination biting through each word. "We can give them a proper burial after we make the one responsible pay for their crimes against them."
"That's right, Tashi," Bonney finally responded with a feral grin. "There's hope for savin' ya yet - you're aleady thinkin' 'n' talkin' like a pirate."
The ex-marine merely shrugged and held up her glass of rum as she led her new compatriots in suffering through a silent toast to revenge.
[~~~]
Author says:
Phew! I almost lost this chapter to my office laptop being a pain in the rear!
Merde! Putain, casse-toi! - French swearing 101: Shit! Whore, piss off!
Fils d'salope, fou le camp! - French swearing 201: Son of a bitch, fuck off!
Please review! I really need the feedback and I'll try to answer every comment, be it a rant or a rave!