Sirius Black's Guide To Dealing With Girls
By Lily Orange
This chapter is dedicated first and foremost to everybody who reviewed, added it to their alerts or to their favourites (full thank you list at the bottom!) and also to Mistress-Helium's brother because he has been reading it too :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Rule 2:
Treat her friends nicely.
Now I have to admit, this is always one I struggle with as there is often the possibility that I have hooked up with said girl's friends in the past. However, if you are somebody else – such as everybody else in the school except me, who is the only Love God in the vicinity (And oh so modest – Moony) – this will probably not be much of a potential problem when you meet her friends. Though if it is, I will come to that point in a minute.
Niceness and kindness do not cost anything and if you're nice to the girl's friends, it shows her that you are kind and sweet and are willing to do anything for her – but only do that if that is the impression you want to give.
If you are sane and normal then that will be what you want to do but, if, however, you are abnormal and actually want to give her an impression that you are a bit of an idiot, be mean to her friends and throw chocolate frogs at them (I would like to interject something here – the lovely, stunning Lily has told me to warn Sirius that if he ever throws chocolate frogs at anybody she will put him in detention as it isn't very nice – Prongs). This, however, rarely works as a tool to encourage said girl, object of your affections, to like you, unless you particularly want her to think you're an idiot because she goes for that sort of thing. Though I only ever knew one girl who liked boys who did that sort of thing, Imogen Rhodes (She is gorgeous– Wormtail), who apparently is the object of Wormy's affections (Oi – don't call me Wormy! – Wormtail), and she was, although admittedly one singularly HOT girl, very weird. I mean, who tries to snog boys who have thrown BRICKS at your head? (Sounds utterly crazy, but I can vouch for Pads here and say that is exactly what she did when this Slytherin dude threw a brick at her head and it narrowly missed – Prongs). But enough of that and onto the actual rule...
One thing you should never forget though: niceness and kindness does not mean you have to stop being jokey and cheeky, as girls value that sort of thing. I was told this whilst undergoing the extensive research I completed for my book. (It was very extensive – Moony). What can I say? I like to give a highly accurate picture of how it is!
I have also been told, by several girls, that some boys seem not to know how to act around girls and their friends, and end up making complete arses of themselves. So I have come up with a list of things to say when you are with them to prevent the whole 'You-look-like-a-complete-arse' scenario:
"Hey, did you see the last Gryffindor versus Slytherin Quidditch match? Didn't the Gryffindor team play excellently?"
The Gryffindor team, for one thing, always plays excellently (GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR! – Prongs), and for another, belonging to such a legendary Quidditch team (GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR! – Prongs) will impress her friends and then they will tell her how impressed they are with you and your sporting prowess. And I think we can tell that Prongs, our supreme Quidditch captain, is highly excitable and a big fan of our team!
"How good was the last [insert name of your favourite girl's favourite wizarding band or singer, or even muggle if you particularly want to impress, here] song? I can't stop listening to it!"
This shows that you have common interests and shows that you are the right boy for her. But be careful – if her favourite singer is Celestina Warbeck, and you hate "A Cauldron Full Of Hot Strong Love" – this is a no go area. Spellotape barbed wire across (Hey, how do YOU know about barbed wire? – Prongs) and never enter this area!!! DO YOU HEAR ME??? Good.
However, if her favourite band is the Beatles and you love "Let It Be" then you are in a prime position for some serious (ha – Sirius!) impressing and therefore some serious chatting up with said girl!
Here are my fellow pranksters and girl geniuses – under the instruction of me, the one and only Sirius Black – to tell you about how they think you can impress girls.
Moony
Well, my main tip for impressing her friends is to just be kind, friendly (No, you don't say! – Padfoot) and yourself. That's the most important thing, as girls don't take too kindly to boys who lie and cheat (Why are the words italicized Moony? And why are you looking at me meaningfully? – Padfoot) as then they will be sure that you are wrong for their friend, so be, if possible, platonically charming. This will make you more likable and therefore more likely to win them over.
Prongs
The friends of the lovely, beautiful, striking, incomparable Lily already liked me as I am a rather likable person (So, so true Prongs – note the sarcasm– Padfoot) no matter what Padfoot says. It was them, in fact, who convinced the beatific Lily that I was the perfect boy for her and resulted in her accepting my invitation to go out with me. That was the happiest day of my life you know (Prongs – get on with it – Padfoot); sorry, apparently, according to some people, you are not bothered about the utterly romantic story of how me and Lily finally got together. So let's just humour that person who does not deserve to be named and not talk about it. And how did I win them over? It was simple. I stuck to three main topics:
A) How brilliant, intelligent and lovely Lily is;
B) How perfect and kind Lily is;
C) And, finally, how I matched her in every quality.
But, beware, don't just say things to impress. My Granddad Potter (Merlin bless his soul) used to have this saying, "All fur coat and no knickers." I think that was it anyway, but it basically meant that you're all talk but you haven't got the evidence to back it up.
Therefore do not brag you are an international Quidditch star when you haven't been on a broom since the first flying lesson when you were eleven. Do not say that you are close friends with the Weird Sisters when the closest you have ever gotten to this was being chucked out of their concert in Diagon Alley because you tried to chat up the female security guard when you realised you'd left your ticket in your other trousers (Hey! That was one time, and I would have been in there if it hadn't have been for the fact that Mr. Biggest-Beefiest-Ten-Tonne-Tommy-Security-Guard hadn't turned up and told me, very aggressively, that she was his fiancé. She was well up for letting me in! – Padfoot).
Girls know. They will find out if you are lying. So beware. (Bloody hell, Prongs, this is supposed to be an accessible guide to charming girls, not a blood-curdling horror movie rated an eighteen that makes you fall off your seat in terror! Which I obviously don't do as I am all manly and macho and not scared of anything – Padfoot)
Actually, I would just like to add something.
PADFOOT IS THE BIGGEST WIMP KNOWN TO MAN!!!
Thank you, and goodnight!
Wormtail
Er, I'm not the most practised at being good around girls at all, even if it's just her friends. So I don't think I can provide you with much advice... (Don't make me laugh! – Padfoot) so, um, I'll just, er, wish you good luck...
I am SO sorry about the late update, hopefully I'll be able to update a week on Saturday at the latest! There're lots of people to thank: thank you, firstly, to Marlicat, Lisbry, nikegirl0329, IHaveASiriusObsession, ., mokins, Leena, .limits111, Solangedrama, vamp-girl095, tannyapple, B. Longbottom, Sam-EvansBlue, Tabithatibi, sarlovesoccer, vanillabean18, nekoakimatsu and Mistress-Helium for reviewing; thank you to Boo Bops, Glaceon-Girl-POK3MON, IHaveASiriusObsession, Lisbry, MaloryCullen14, Marlicat, mokins, nikegirl0329, Sam-EvansBlue, sarlovesoccer, sparklestar21, Tabithatibi, The Girl Behind The Curtain, ., vamp-girl095, vanillabean18 and xsiriuslyemmax for adding my story to your alert subscriptions and thank you to B. Longbottom, Glaceon-Girl-POK3MON, IHaveASiriusObsession, Lisbry, Marlicat, .limits111, Mistress-Helium, mokins, nikegirl0329, sarlovesoccer, Sam-EvansBlue, Solangedrama and vamp-girl095 for adding my story to your favourites. I really, siriusly, appreciate it!
Have an amazing Christmas everybody and a brilliant 2010!
:) x Lily Orange x (: