Morning dawned bright and fair - or it would have for the Ebon Hawk had it been docked on any one of the thousands of temperate, habitable planets scattered throughout the far reaches of the galaxy. As things were, the ship was presently hurtling through hyperspace, en route to Dantooine. Kashyyyk, its Wookiee crusaders, and the riots which presently raged across the planet - were now literally a distant memory.
Juhani strode purposefully towards the men's cabin, a hubba-gourd ladle in her hand. She stopped at the cabin door. Sonorous snores could be heard emanating from within: this did not surprise the Cathar Jedi, who had long been aware of the strange Human custom of 'sleeping in' - one which was practised with especial avidity by the males of that species. As such, Juhani had come prepared to deal with this cultural oddity in a typically efficient Cathar manner. She gave the door several sharp raps with the hubba-gourd ladle. "Get up! Get up! We have to talk now!"
Grunts, groans, some Mandalorian curses and a series of thumps were heard. Juhani waited. A shuffling noise, more grunts - slightly louder this time. The door slid open, revealing a disgruntled elderly Jedi. "Yes?"
"Urgent meeting. Five minutes to get dressed, Bindo. You and all the boys. Now." The Cathar spun on her heel and made for the pantry, where Mission and Bastila were making breakfast. Breakfast could wait. There were matters of supremely greater importance to deal with at present.
The news that a miniature camera had been found hidden on the top of the shower head in the 'fresher was met with mixed reactions. Carth and Canderous exchanged accusing stares. Zaalbar offered the unsolicited opinion that most sentients were far too prudish, and that nudity had never hurt his people. Jolee loudly disclaimed responsibility for the presence of any and all cameras extant on the Ebon Hawk. Bastila turned a whiter shade of pale, hugged herself and stared, horrified and suspicious, at every male on the ship. Mission fiddled uncomfortably with the fraying edge of her vest. Juhani's fingers drummed an impatient rhythm on the casing of the astrochart generator.
"Well?" she demanded.
Carth raised his hands in a gesture of appeasement. "That camera? I have never seen it in my life. Never. And that's the honest truth. I'm as shocked as - as anyone."
Jolee scratched his beard and hemmed. "Way I see it? Everyone here's suspect. Except me, of course, 'cos that thing was found even before I ever got on this ship." Juhani made as if to argue, but thought better of it.
"He's right," said the Jedi, breaking his silence. "We can either sit here and argue - pointlessly - about how each of us is innocent of this... offence, and end up none the wiser, because I hardly think the party responsible is going to own up anytime soon. Bindo, on the other hand, is neutral. The fact that he himself was never in a position to be able to plant that camera makes him the ideal candidate to conduct any investigation: he has nothing to hide." He glanced around the gathered circle: Canderous looked appeased, Carth was nodding and rubbing his chin in a thoughtul manner. Juhani grunted her assent.
"Proposal: Upon discovery of the culprit, I shall commence assassina-"
"That will not be necessary, HK," the Jedi quickly interjected. HK-47's processor light dimmed slightly.
"Supplication: Might I just squeeze their neck, very lightly - only a little bit, Master?"
"No." The droid is positively psychotic, thought the Jedi. Its creator had to have been a certified sociopath.
A very small voice piped up. "...I - I agree - but... what's going to - we don't know exactly how long the... the thing's been there, and Force knows how much it could have captured by now - what, what I'm trying to say is... assuming we know who did it, there's bound to be... stuff. Right? Stuff. And - uh - it's not exactly the... sort of stuff that, that should become public. If you know what I mean. And I don't want - I'm not trying to be difficult here, but, that stuff - how do we know it hasn't been... published?" The words tumbled out hurriedly, increasing in pitch towards the end, and Bastila shuddered involuntarily at the thought of being the subject of male fantasies the galaxy over. Her shock, embarrassment and distress were written plainly across her face. Juhani made a clicking noise with her tongue, and went to put an arm around her fellow female Jedi.
"You see how this is affecting us? I too, feel the same as Bastila. So shameful! And we have here a child, too," she said, pointing at Mission, who strangely allowed the 'child' reference to pass without objection.
[I have nothing to confess,] said Zaalbar. [Jolee has proven himself a friend to my people. I will accept his judgement.]
"Bindo's the closest thing we have to an impartial tribunal right now," volunteered Carth. "I say we let him handle it."
"Second that," grunted Canderous.
"It's settled, then? Jolee, we'll have to trouble you. Sorry about that," the Jedi informed Jolee.
The bald man stroked his beard sagely and said nothing. He'd been observing the discussion very closely, and had come to some conclusions. "I'll be wanting everyone's datapads. Starting wi' yours, kiddo." Mission balked and started sputtering.
"Hey! N-no fair..! So, what, you're like, all gonna let him pick on me 'cos I'm the - 'cos I'm like, what, just because I'm younger than you all? Huh? I thought the Jedi were about bein' fair! So why's it gotta be my datapad first, huh?" Mission backed up against the wall, her lekku rigid. Things were getting hot. Way too hot. She tried to stall for time. "I don't see you checking the Mandalorian's datapad! Everyone knows the Mandalorians started the last war! Like, doesn't that totally make him like, the prime suspect here?"
"Are - I am sorry to interrupt, but are you sure, Jolee? She is only a child. Moreover she is female, this sort of stunt typically males will try. Not the females," ventured Juhani.
"You gonna trust me to do my job, or what? Hand it over, kid. Datapad." Jolee beckoned to Mission. Bastila uncurled herself long enough to push the Twi'lek girl none too gently in Jolee's direction. Mission whined and started talking at high speed about age discrimination. Jolee held out his palm for her datapad.
"If you're innocent, you've got nothing to be afraid of, Mission," the Jedi counselled.
"Back on Telos we got a saying," chimed Carth. "Thieves bury what they steal. If you're innocent, you've nothing to be worried about. Are you hiding something from us?"
Mission shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "...I, I..." - she looked imploringly at Jolee - "... promise? You're not... going to be mad at me? I didn't, I didn't mean no harm...!"
A stunned silence fell on the assembled crew. Juhani and Bastila exchanged looks of consternation. HK cradled his blaster lovingly. Carth cursed softly under his breath, turned, and slammed his fist into the wall. Mission winced. The Jedi massaged his temples and told himself that under no circumstances would Mission be allowed to use the workbench unsupervised in the future.
Jolee spoke. "Why'd you put up the camera, kid?" Mission shrunk into herself, as six pairs of eyes watched her expectantly.
"It was for Zaalbar," she said hesitantly. Zaalbar let out a croak of surprise. "I mean, as, like - it was to teach him, y'know?"
"Teach him! Teach him what, exactly!" snapped Bastila, the colour rising to her cheeks. "How to pry into others' privacy?"
Jolee motioned for Bastila to remain silent, and nodded encouragingly at Mission, who swallowed hard and proceeded to stammer out her reason for having installed the camera in the 'fresher to start with: how she'd observed that Zaalbar never took baths or showers, much less brushed his teeth - and how she'd given it a bit of thought and concluded that the reason had to lie in his not knowing how to get himself looking presentable again. Hence, the surreptitious recording made of the sink area in the 'fresher - because, like, most beings prettied up in front of mirrors, yeah? And how was she to have known that some beings liked to do that naked?
"Where'd you put the captures?" Juhani pounced on Mission with the query as soon as the teen had done speaking.
"Um, in my datapad but I haven't even seen them yet - well, most of them, that is - "
"Yet? Most? Oh, for kriff's sake..!" Carth grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged in frustration. "You hear that! Kriffing kid's been - I don't beli - kark this. You delete every last image, you hear me? You kriffing well delete them! All of them! Fourteen years old, and she doesn't know where the limits lie." Muttering under his breath, Carth stormed off in a very bad grace.
"I don't trust her to delete them," declared Bastila icily. Her shock having worn off, she was now regarding the shamefaced teen stiffly, with a discernible air of disgust. "As a matter of fact, I don't trust her at all. Anyone who -" Canderous cut her off with a snort and a dismissive wave of his hand.
"Deleting the stuff's easy," he said. "If you don't trust anyone to do it then get a bloody droid to do it - here! HK!" He snatched Mission's datapad roughly and tossed it to HK-47. "Get T3 to wipe this thing."
"Dismissal: I only take orders from my Master, meatbag."
"Tell T3 just to wipe the... recent captures, HK. There's no need to clean Mission's datapad out entirely," said the Jedi wearily. Foolish girl! Then a horrid thought crossed his mind. Hmm. Better double-check with the girl - if she's done anything with the stuff her camera captured, best to find out in advance rather than later. "Mission, did you do anything with or to the data your camera recorded?"
The Twi'lek's lekku curled themselves into a knot behind her. She nodded. Juhani made a noise of dismay. Bastila fingered her lightsaber. Motioning for the women to stay calm, the Jedi continued to talk to Mission.
"Okay. Did you... publicise any of the... images?" Force, please don't have been so stupid, girl. Such things have repercussions! Not to mention there are some people here you really do not want to piss off...
Jolee cleared his throat and motioned for Mission to come near. "Listen, kid. That was a pretty darn stupid thing, puttin' up that camera. 'S don't be surprised that you got folk all mad as killiks, you hear? Now. Only thing that's gonna make folk madder at you, is if there's something we ought to know, and you ain't tellin'. So tell Uncle Jolee now... did you publicise anything, kid?"
Deciding that Jolee was probably the only ally apart from Zaalbar that she had left at this point, Mission thought it would be in her best long-term interests to co-operate. "...yeah."
"Who?" Juhani and Bastila exclaimed simultaneously.
Mission's eyes darted apprehensively to the opposite side of the room. Five pairs of eyes followed her gaze... and rested on the person of Canderous Ordo.
Zaalbar body-tackled in time to prevent the incensed Mandalorian from making good on his threat to cut Mission "a new one".
Rubbing his eyes as he stared mindlessly out of the viewport, the Jedi yawned and consulted the chrono next to the galaxy map. Two more hours at the controls, and then Juhani - or was it Zaalbar? - would take over. He stretched. Sleep would be good. Very good. It had, after all, been a rather long day, what with Juhani banging down their cabin door first thing in the morning, then that 'board meeting' about The Mission Crisis, the outcome of which took a good chunk of the day to resolve...
Shaking his head, the Jedi pinched the bridge of his nose. Yes, sleep would be most welcome. Only two more hours. Stay awake, soldier! Yawning again, he wished that he'd had the sense to borrow a holobook from the library on Dantooine. It would have helped stave off boredom during the long hyperspace jumps... The Jedi made a mental note to check out the library first thing on their return to Dantooine, and started speculating about how many books the Librarian there might be persuaded to part company with for a while.
"Hey." The familiar mellifluous, if clipped, voice brought his mind racing back to the present. He winked open an eye and looked up. The Princess was standing by the partition separating the two seats in the cockpit, and her fingers were playing somewhat nervously at its edge. Her hair, the Jedi noted had been left down instead of braided into her usual coiffure. He smiled warmly at Bastila.
"You look lovely."
Bastila chewed on her lip and tried not to blush. "Um, you... free to... talk?"
"To you? Anytime, Princess."
Suddenly unsure of herself, Bastila started toying with a strand of hair that had fallen across her face. "She - I mean, Mission - apologised." Oh, well done, you silly girl. What a fascinating topic you've chosen. Bastila thought she'd like to be able to disappear into the floor of the cockpit right about now. She tried to think of something interesting - something witty - to say, but nothing came. The Jedi watched Bastila tug at her hair, bemusedly. She's much nicer this way, he thought. When she's being herself, and not trying to keep up a façade. Being efficient at your job - or a good Jedi, for that matter - didn't mean that you had to be a stolid, humourless, wound-up old maid. He gestured at the empty co-pilot's seat.
"Oh, yeah. Um..." Bastila trailed off sheepishly, and settled into the co-pilot's seat. "I was... well, you saw how it went earlier. Today. I was... pretty mad at her. But, uh, I... well, I thought... she's only fourteen. Just a kid. You know? And... kids... do... stupid things. I guess." Her cheeks were turning bright pink now - she could feel them - and Revan's eyes were still on her. Force. He must think you're a complete and utter idiot. She ducked behind the partition and grimaced, ticking herself off for her earlier decision - a definite moment of weakness! - to chat, actually chat, with Revan.
From the other side of the low wall, a twinkle appeared in the Jedi's eyes. Silly girl...! Forever in denial about one thing or another. He thought he'd put her out of her misery. "I wonder how many systems have fallen victim to the 'Glory of Clan Ordo' by now?"
Bastila coughed. "That... ah, that... was very naughty of Mission." She coughed. "...the Holonet...! Goodness me." She coughed again. The Jedi peered over the partition, and thought he saw the smallest hint of amusement in Bastila's eyes. She met his gaze, hid her mouth and choked down another laugh which threatened to erupt. He grinned conspiratorially at Bastila.
"Admit it, Princess - you think Canderous on the Holonet is funny!" The Jedi tipped Bastila a wink.
Her eyebrows went up. "Me? I - oh, no - I, ah... I feel... sorry, actually. Yes. I feel sorry for Canderous," she stammered unconvincingly and scratched her neck.
Lowering his voice to a whisper, the Jedi told Bastila, "So do I. Doesn't mean I don't find it funny, though. Horribly funny! Between you and I, Carth thinks of it as a sort of divine retribution." He sniggered, and Bastila soon found herself doing the unthinkable and giggling - actually giggling - along with the former Sith Lord. Her giggles soon matured into a laugh, which she sought to stifle by biting into her fist. They sat there in the cockpit, laughing at Canderous' predicament and speculating wildly as to the demographics of his "fan base".
Dabbing away the tears that had come from too much laughing, Bastila asked, "...so.., ha-ha... jokes aside - how'd you convince Canderous not to make dough out of Mission?"
"Actually, it wasn't me," confessed the Jedi. "Carth did it." He grinned at the memory. "But I don't think it's a tale suited to the... delicate sensibilities of princesses."
"'Delicate sensibilities'? What 'delicate sensibilities'? I want to know!" demanded Bastila, her eyes dancing. "I mean, how outrageous could it possibly be?"
"It's rather... graphic. Even Jolee found it so."
"Graphic?"
"Explicitly."
"Explicitly graphic?"
"And definitely very, very suggestive, Princess."
Bastila's eyebrows went up. "I see." Well, that's right - certainly one thing you don't want to know! Move along, move along...
She rested her head against the partition. "Why do you keep calling me that?"
"'Princess', you mean? Because that's what you are... to me." She's so close, the Jedi thought. I can literally smell her skin, her hair... On impulse, he leant forward and inhaled her scent. It made him dizzy with happiness and excitement. He thought he would very much like to spend the rest of his shift sniffing Bastila.
"He meant it as a perjorative, you know. That man positively detests me." Bastila felt, rather than heard, her companion's long, slow exhalation, as it traced a feathery path across her forehead and eyelids, tickled the tip of her nose, and set fireworks off in the deepest recesses of her mind. There was a strange fluttering in her chest, too. She told herself it was only the Force bond they shared, and did her best to ignore it.
"I don't. Quite the opposite, actually." Some of her hair was tickling at his nose, and he brushed away the errant strands. "If you like, you can think of some silly name to call me. I promise not to mind."
Of all the absurdities..! Bastila snorted. "Are you serious?"
"Perfectly."
"All right." She turned and looked the former Sith Lord in the eye. "I seem to recall someone saying something about Princesses needing knights: well, something like that. So! I dub you...Sir Cabbage." She rapped him lightly on either shoulder with the hilt of her lightsaber and grinned impishly. The Jedi groaned.
"Cabbage! I tell you about my worries and you make fun of me?"
"You promised not to mind," intoned Bastila.
Holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender, the Jedi nodded. "Yes, I did. All right. Sir Cabbage it is."
Bastila looked smug. "I think it is an eminently suitable name. Don't you?"
"Oh, very." The Jedi leaned back in his seat and smiled charmingly at the woman beside him. "As a matter of fact, I'm taking it as a sign of encouragement to pursue you." She wrinkled her nose at him.
"You are an exceptionally vain man...!"
"Not without cause, darling. After all, there is at least one Human culture in which lovers routinely refer to each other as 'cabbages'..." He winked at Bastila and blew her a kiss.
The look of mortified embarrassment on her face would stay etched in his mind forever.