The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows…
A/N- okay… no smut in this chapter… but it will have some racy clothing… and awkward stares… wouldn't you if you watched the love of you life jack off right in front of you… a lot of drama… I've had this chapter in my head for about 2 weeks… knowing some little things I'd put in it… so well… hopefully this is my favorite chapter but I've got to say my fav chap was number 3 because of the smut I put those two through… ergh it was one of my fantasies with that type of clothing…. *shakes head* toally had to have it as a Freddie sex fantasy…
Disclaimer: I do not own ICarly or any of its characters "I don't care about the words I'm saying" (if you watch ICarly you'd know Howard said that in the School at Sea episode when Missy was trying to take back Carly… totally a Seddie friendly episode at the end… "I did it to protect ICarly…" "No you Care for Sam…")
I tried to write another fanfic but my heart just isn't in any other fanfics other than Seddie…
I tried Jalex(Wiz o Wav Plac) and that didn't pan out so well…
And I'll try to do a Cade(Victorious) and hopefully that'll work…
Sorry my "Airplane" story still hasn't been updated but I just don't know where to go with that one… how to… follow such a gripping/depressing story like that one up…
This will be Sam heavy… mostly because I want to keep a bit of mystery in the story…
Well without further ado and no more procrastination… I give you…
-Break-Break-
Chapter Four- "Today's the day we drop out…"
FPOV
There we were… explaining to the one person we didn't want to explain our love to, but I guess choices bring us to this point. It was Sam's choice for me to be her boyfriend, her choice to want to be known as my girlfriend, her choice to bring Carly to a place where people believe she's my girlfriend. I should have known it would come to this when I first saw her enter my room. Though I wished it didn't happen this fast, I mean I did just recover from the worst beating of my life. I was about to speak when Sam cut me off…
"You think me and Fredloser are together… nooooooo…" she put her finger in her mouth and made a gagging noise. I looked at her, thinking I was hearing things. As I stared at her, I almost felt my heart break into a million tiny pieces. My throat almost nearly collapsed on itself. I really just couldn't breathe after what she had said. I quickly looked down towards the end of my hospital bed, trying to understand the gravity of what she just said. My eyes widened in horror as my heart sank even lower. The feeling in my throat overcame me and I wanted to throw up. I couldn't run from this situation, more than anything I wanted to. I wanted to shut out her words, shut her out, but my mind wouldn't allow me. It listened to every syllable of every word in her sentence and engraved it into my brain. I wanted to run out of that hospital room, run to the top of the hospital and jump off. I even knew exactly where I wanted to land, but my legs were weak, my heart was completely shattered, and my life was no longer worth the effort.
I have been in love with Sam for basically my entire life and yesterday I believed she did too, but I guess that was a lie. I guess I was nothing more than the sad boy of the hour to care for. I gripped the handles of my bed trying to hold myself together, it wasn't working. I tried to look at Sam again, but the immense pain… it overtook every inch of my body and my neck wouldn't even move.
"Where would you get a stupid idea like that, Carl's. This nub only wishes he was my boyfriend…" she scoffed pushing the stake of hurt even deeper.
"Well, must have been my imagination…" Carly said, leaning against the wall.
"We should check you into the psych ward for thoughts like those…" Sam joked, I wasn't laughing.
"Yea…" Carly laughed.
I wanted these two to leave and never speak to me again, what they were doing was causing me to be borderline suicidal. I had not breathed a single breath since Sam said such a hurtful phrase.
"Let's go get you some food to make sure you don't get those thoughts ever again." Sam said, pushing Carly out the door.
As they left, I leaned on my side as depression sunk in further for me to operate my motor functions. Before the door closed, I felt her eyes staring at me. Those pale blue eyes… Those soulless… unloving… pale… blue… eyes… Before she left, I broke down. Crying unlike I had done before. Every time a tear arrived on my eyelid, pain gripped the cuts. Before I heard the door close, I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was Sam, she was crying as well.
I said only one word, so cold, and heartless like hers had been, "Leave…"
"I'm sorry…. I'm sooooo sorry… You know I didn't mean it…" her voice as sincere as it ever could have been.
"I told you…. To go…" My voice was just above a whisper and as cold as the frozen tundra.
My heart was gone; she had ripped it from its home and expected everything to just be okay. I thought she had loved me; guess I was just a fool to believe such a thing could have ever existed.
She held onto my arm, trembling. She wouldn't leave.
I sat up on the bed. "Look, you either love me or you don't. Don't play with my emotions like they're toys for you to play with at one point then throw away the next. Sam… I love you more than anything… but what you just said to Carly makes me regret even living through Shane's beating."
"You don't mean that…" her voice was almost inaudible.
"If you don't want to be my girlfriend… just tell me and I'll be happy to never see you again…" I said sternly almost killing myself in the process.
"I do… it's just…" She stammered.
"It's just what? Just that you don't want to be seen with me… is that it? I'm not good enough to be seen with you… is that what you're saying… Fine… then leave… and never come back… you'll never have to be seen with me… ever." I pointed towards the door.
Tears streamed from her eyes as she stared at her lap. "I love you… Freddie… I wanted to tell Carly… but I was scared…" With her head down in shame, she got up and left.
As I stared at the door, my heart fell and all I could hear is one long and annoying beep.
**
I felt… comfort… but I also felt pain… I couldn't explain to you why, because I don't even know.
In the darkness, I sat on the floor. I stared off into space and began to think of why my life just ended. Why Sam said she would never be my girlfriend. Why she said such hurtful things about me to Carly, while I was still in the room. Then I heard a couple of non-understandable words.
"CLEAR…" was all that could be heard echoing my mind.
I looked upwards towards the darkness and smiled as I laughed to myself.
"I Guess...
I'm dying…"
A/N- short FPOV… but I told you it was a Sam heavy chapter. Hope that POV will keep you intrigued on how this story will turn out… don't yell at me for their conversations…. I'm not very good getting into the ability to write conversations… hope it didn't seem sort of forced… Review...
-Break-Break-
SPOV- A few minutes from where we left her last chapter
"SAMMMMM!" the name echoed my head, waking me from my short slumber against the apartment building.
My finger was incredibly red, understandable since I did chew on it. I pushed my self up off the wall and reorganized my skirt and shirt. Patting my skirt, I held onto the wall. I took a deep breath and continued walking to Carly's house, stopping ever couple of minutes after hearing the echo in my head.
"SAMMMMM!" it made my walk even that harder to take. When I arrived at her door
I stood for a second and asked myself why I was even there. Then I heard a different echo. "FREDDIEEEE!" Then my body tingled and I pretty much fell against the door. Spencer was at the door in an instant.
"Hey Kiddo… what's up? Find Freddie? What are you wearing… I don't think I'm comfortable with the clothes you're wearing." Spencer eyed her up and down.
"Oh shut up Spencer…" I smiled and laughed at his comments and concerns.
"Yea… funny…" Spencer said hesitantly.
"Where's Carly, we got to go…" I said without explaining what happened to Freddie.
"Where you goin…?" Spencer asked curiously.
"Hospital…" I said bluntly.
"Oh MY GOD… ARE YOU PREGNANT!" He said a little overly freaky.
"Who's pregnant?" Carly bounced down the stairs in a pink short sleeve shirt and tight jean pants.
"We got to go to the hospital…" I motioned for Carly to leave the apartment, but she wouldn't budge.
"Why…?" Carly said closing her eyes slightly in that questionable nature.
"I don't have time to explain… come on let's go…" I motioned to the door, waving my arm faster.
"Fine… Spencer… Drive us?" she asked but I could tell it was more of an order.
Spencer raised an eyebrow than ran into his room to get his car keys. He came back a minute later with a jacket and an umbrella… well what looked like an umbrella.
"Why an umbrella?" Carly asked.
"You never know what you'll need when you leave the house." Spencer said in his childish voice.
A few minutes later, we were in the car and heading for the hospital. The air was so acrid, that I was basically waiting for someone to ask the unanswered question.
"So… why are we going to the hospital?" Carly asked from the back seat.
I didn't answer straight away, I just stared out the window looking at the dark clouds hovering around. Then I heard it again… the echo…
"SAMMMMM!" the echo caused me to fidget in my seat and also caused me to take a deep breath unlike any I've ever breathed.
"SAMMMMM!" I thought it was the echo again, but it was only Spencer yelling at me to answer Carly's question.
"I'm Pregnant…" I said jokingly, but Spencer and Carly didn't laugh.
"That's not funny…" they said simultaneously.
"Was to me…" I smiled and looked back out the window.
"So…. You gunna tell us?" Spencer said.
"No…" I said teasingly.
Carly hit me in the arm lightly. "SAMMMMM!" and the sound of my name brought the echo back again. "FREDDIEEEE!"
I bit my lip as my breath hitched remembering that sexual experience I had day dreamed about.
Carly hit me again. "Fine… I'll tell you…" I stopped trying to build up the suspense. After a few seconds, they yelled at me. "Freddie's in the hospital…" I said smiling just a bit too much.
"How could you be smiling at a time like this…?" Carly yelled at me.
"Well… ummm some things happened for me to be happy about it…" I said a bit suspiciously.
"Like…?" they said simultaneously again.
I smiled and blushed as I looked back out the window. "Meh… Just things…" I said bringing my finger to my mouth and biting it as I remembered the kiss me and Freddie shared. Then my thoughts dashed to the arrow I had seen going up and down. I took a deep breath letting out an accidental moan.
"What was that?" Carly looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
I looked at her with my eyebrows raised acting like I didn't do a thing.
"Nothing… how did Freddie get sent to the hospital in the first place...?" Carly asked.
"My ex, Shane beat him up… then to Shane's misfortune, he got hit by a car." I lied again; knowing that if I told her that I beat Shane up would give me questions I didn't want to answer.
"When'd this happen…?" Carly asked another question, it seemed like she had a million.
"About a few minutes before I went looking for Freddie to do ICarly." I turned and looked at her.
"That was over six hours ago… What did you do… sleep with him?" she said jokingly but I wasn't laughing, I was just blushing.
I looked away from her before she noticed.
"I just… wanted to make sure he was okay before I found you…" I said a bit embarrassed as I gave a bit more information than intended.
"Why would you care… when he got hit by that taco van, you bought one before going and getting Spencer." Carly said a bit evily.
"Well… I was the only one around… and back then, you were okay being by his side… I knew I didn't need you guys or anything…" I said, again giving too much information than intended.
"Well you coulda called…" Carly said looking at me in the corner of her eye as if switches were flipping on in her head.
"Yea… I coulda… but I didn't want to…" I quickly realized that was too much information and I quickly fixed it. "Too much work…"
Carly still looked at me... with those green eyes… I knew I just flipped the biggest switch of the night.
When we arrived at the hospital, Carly told Spencer to wait in the car. Carly was walking towards the information center when I ran up to her and told her I knew where Freddie was staying. Room 315.
We got to the elevator and I pressed the button several times before the slow ass doors closed again. "Again with these slow damn doors…" I said.
As I waited for the elevator doors to open, I felt Carly's stare on my back, but I didn't say anything. When the elevator arrived at the requested floor, I ran out of the door and quickly realized that Carly was watching me intuitively. I stopped in front of Freddie's door and looked at Carly who was slowly walking towards me. What happened next… made me remember what I pretty much totally forgot about what I had done earlier and the choice I had made to do.
"Oh hello Sam… You're boyfriend is up and he's been asking for you the entire time… He's getting quite annoying really…" the woman in green said.
"What did she just say?" Carly overheard what she said.
I gulped hard, when I pushed Carly inside the door trying to get rid of the conversation. I totally forgot that here… Freddie's my boyfriend… ergh…
When we got into the room… I saw Freddie sitting there staring out the window at the orange and purple evening sky. When the door slammed close, on accident, he jumped and looked towards the door. I looked at his face and only one thing came to mind, the arrow… I took a deep breath as we looked into each others eyes awkwardly. I broke the stare and looked at Carly, who was staring at our awkward glances.
Before I could say anything, Carly ran up to Freddie and gave him a big hug. My body was steaming as anger gripped me as she hugged him was too tightly and way too lovingly. I mean, don't get me wrong, she was his friend as well but he's my boyfriend, not hers. I looked at Freddie and saw that he was afraid of what to do, so he didn't do anything. When she let go of him, she jumped off the bed and stood close to him, holding her hands cuffed out in front of her.
"So you gunna tell me what happened…?" Carly asked Freddie.
Before Freddie could answer, I answered for him. "He got beat up by Shane… I told you that…"
Carly glared at me. "I know that… but why did he beat you up?" She stared at Freddie.
Again, before Freddie could answer, I answered for him. "Shane wanted to get to me so he beat him up… Then when he finished, he was about to walk into the apartment building when some driver hit him with his van."
Carly leered at me as I did not let Freddie say one word, better to leave the lies to me.
I leered back as the one question came back to her.
"What did that nurse say about you being Freddie's girlfriend?" Carly asked proudly.
"Oh… I was the one to bring him into the hospital and the nurses around here thought I was his girlfriend or something… I shoulda told them something different but when I got here it was kinda too late and it already got to like everyone on this level." I lied so well.
I don't think Carly was buying it. "You're lying Sam… Are you Freddie's girlfriend or aren't you? Remember… we said no secrets between us after you two kissed…"
I had to get her off my back… and it hurt me to even try but I had to do this. I just wish Freddie wasn't here or at least that he was asleep when I did, but he wasn't. He was sitting there, looking at me, smiling. I knew he was ready to tell her… but I wasn't.
"You think me and Fredloser are together… nooooooo…" I put my finger into my throat, not like I neede to, I already felt sick saying hurtful words like that in front of the only guy I've loved. I almost felt the tears running down my eyes as I had to lay the lie on so thick it'd hurt us.
Before I said my next lie, I looked at Freddie who was looking at the end of his bed. His face went as pale as death itself. It almost made me break down and cry right there. But I was just not ready for Carly to know about us just yet, he would just have to deal. Deal like I was.
"Where would you get a stupid idea like that, Carl's. This nub only wishes he was my boyfriend…" I lifted up my thumb and pointed it at him. I let out the most depressing laugh in the world as I almost heard the sound of his heart breaking. Tears overcame my eyes as I tried not to cry.
"Well, must have been my imagination…" Carly said as she leaned back against the wall beside her.
Freddie had gripped the handles on his bed as I saw the paleness get worse.
I tried to joke about it, "We should check you into the psych ward for thoughts like those…" but I saw that with every word I said, Freddie was dying inside.
"Yea…" Carly said pushing herself off the wall and walking towards the door.
I pushed Carly out the door, knowing the mess I just created inside of Freddie. I needed to explain myself, why I had to do that… I'm sure he'd understand… right? "Let's go get you some food to make sure you don't get those thoughts ever again."
When Carly was out the door, I turned to look at Freddie who turned to his side and began to cry. I destroyed him… As I collected my words I walked over to him and put my hand on his arm. The only reaction I got out of him was one word. It meant death to me when I heard it.
"Leave…" he said as cold as ice.
A tear fell from my eyes and I was about to say why I did what I did but all that came out was the worthless words. "I'm sorry…. I'm sooooo sorry… You know I didn't mean it…"
"I told you… to go…" his voice was harsh and his words were colder than before.
I killed the sweetest part of him… He had died and I hadn't even noticed it until it was too late. I should have told her… I should have said that I loved Freddie and we were together… but I didn't and now Freddie is gone… The Freddie that was here now was unloving and very bitter.
He wanted me to leave, I knew it. But I held onto that dim little hope that the loving part of him was still in there… some where that I had not destroyed. I searched for it. He turned to lean on his back and then he sat up, still with tears in his eyes.
"Look, you either love me or you don't. Don't play with my emotions like they're toys for you to play with at one point then throw away the next. Sam… I love you more than anything… but what you just said to Carly makes me regret even living through Shane's beating." He said so bitterly and so depressingly, tears fell from eyes.
"You don't mean that…" I croaked.
"If you don't want to be my girlfriend… just tell me and I'll be happy to never see you again…" His voice was like shots from a nail gun.
"I do… it's just…" I tried to explain myself but my mind was broken.
"It's just what? Just that you don't want to be seen with me… is that it? I'm not good enough to be seen with you… is that what you're saying… Fine… then leave… and never come back… you'll never have to be seen with me… ever." I looked at his arm pointing at the door. My world and life had ended in a wave of the arm. One minute I was head over heels desperately in love with Freddie T Benson… Now… due to my choices… I had lost the one person that held my heart after ripping his out and spitting on it to lie to a friend.
My life had ended and the only words that I could express to him were these... "I love you… Freddie… I wanted to tell Carly… but I was scared…" I got up… crying every step towards the door. As I exited the room, the sky had grown dark and the clouds had overcome the world. I left the world's darkest room in shadows.
When I walked out, I saw Carly down the hall waiting at the elevators. As I began to walk, I heard a sound that was incredibly annoying…
**
Then I heard all the nurses jump and yell… "Get the crash cart… he's coding..."
When I was about ten feet from Carly, I saw the look of horror on her face. I stared at her horrific face and leaned my heard slightly to the left.
"What room?..." I heard a nurse yell.
What I heard next… will haunt my thoughts forever. Tears fell as I heard the numbers that truly meant the death of me. I yelled and fell to my knees as I began to cry.
"Room 315!" the nurse yelled from down the hall.
Carly ran up to me and grabbed me before I fell to the floor completely.
She picked me up and we both hobbled to his room. When we got there, the nurse had called "CLEAR!" seven times. My heart was breaking at the sight of this. I was the one.. I killed him… it's all my fault… I killed Freddie… I killed the love of my life… After the tenth "CLEAR!" the nurse called Time of Death. Before the final nurse passed by me she told me, "He loved you a lot… you should know that… He said how great a person you were… How beautiful… the things he told me made me cry…" My throat clogged as I heard the depression in her voice.
"I know… I loved him as well…" I said as Carly looked at me with that one look that said, 'I knew it!'
"Carly… can you bring me in there… I want to see my boyfriend…" I told her confidently though I was dead inside.
"Sure…" Carly sighed as she hobbled me next to Freddie's dead body.
As I stood next to him, I felt my life ending right there. I couldn't go on. I knew that once I left here… I would be no more… I looked at Carly and asked her to leave so I could say my goodbyes, for now…
When Carly left she shut the door and I held onto Freddie's cold hand. I leaned in and kissed him once wishing that he would do what he did before and kiss me back just as hot. But he didn't. When I finished, I leaned into his ear and told him anything I could come up with to keep him on earth.
"Hey love… you can't leave me… I won't allow that… you have to come back… we still haven't had sex…" I laughed… "We have to make our dreams come true… come back to me… and I'll make everything alright again… I'll never break your heart again… Please… don't go… I need you… more than anyone… you keep my life going... remember earlier today when we shared our greatest kiss… don't you want a million more of those… later on…" I laughed in embarrassment of what I was about to say. "I saw you masturbate to me… what was the dream… I bet it was sexy… probably us having sex on ICarly… or me being a stripper…" I laugh but I remember my dream from earlier that day. "Guess what?" I smile as I lean more his ear… I whisper… "I masturbated to you masturbating to me… and from a thought I came here wearing the sexiest lingerie I have, lace underwear… polka dotted bra… and lace gloves… So you have to wake up and come back to me… so you can take it off…" I see that not one thing has changed within him. Then something I didn't expect came to mind…
An echo…
An echo I have heard all day…
"SAMMMMM!" I heard it… and a feeling wrapped itself around my body causing me to say something myself…
""FREDDIEEEE!" I moaned into his ear…
The thought and feeling gripped me so tightly, that I orgasmed right there. I couldn't explain to you why that happened. I didn't know myself.
But in that perfect moment… I heard something…
"Did we just have sex… because I think I just came…" I laughed as I heard a whisper.
(A/N- to those who think this is OOC, F U!)
Freddie…
Was alive…
-Break-Break-
A/N- you didn't expect me to kill half a Seddie off did you? You must really be trippin… Seddie is the only true love in the world… Who am I to kill such true love… You can expect why I didn't have much of an FPOV… he wasn't much in this story… it was mostly Sam getting Carly and accidentally dropping hints at her and Freddie's romance and relationship…
Sadly this was more dramatic than I intended but I hope you guys enjoyed the story so far…
Give me reviews cause I'd really like to know that people still care about this story… at least I'm keeping it updated at least once a week… sorry can't be sooner… I can't update until Fridays… but review…
It's because of you guys that I'm even writing these… so please review…
Next Chapter- "Gave up my body and bed…" (It is a Seddie sex chapter… so yeah)