This chapter is from a slightly different perspective. It may take a few moments for you to catch on. Enjoy.

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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or places. But I do own this storyline and it's new characters.

Collision Course, Chapter 50

Day 17, 2:15 PM

I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to be doing here or where to start. In two and a half weeks, my life has been completely turned upside down. I only thought it was screwed up before. But that afternoon in the park changed everything. I didn't really remember the collision or much about the week that followed. At least I didn't, until I saw Kim. It's like seeing her opened up a part of my mind that had shut down. I remembered her being in the RMP with me, telling me to hold on, that I would be ok. I remembered the fear on her face. It took a lot to rattle Kim, and she had definitely been rattled.

After that, I started to have flashbacks. I would see a big white blur coming towards me and see the angry face of the suspect just before the collision. It felt real. Like it was happening all over again. My chest would get tight and my heart would race.

And then, the accident invaded my dreams. I've had nightmares for years. I dreamed about snakes and monsters as a child. And sometimes that monster in my dreams was my dad. Then the dreams worsened for a while after Desert Storm. I was a Ranger. We really didn't see much action. We didn't even have any casualties. But I killed someone. He was just a kid, couldn't have been any older than 18 or 19. But I was just a kid then too and it was kill or be killed. Still, I saw that kid's face in my dreams for years. I still do occasionally. Then after 911, things got really bad. But my therapy sessions helped that. Surprise. Surprise.

Things had been better in the recent months, even despite the whole Noble incident. But that all changed when I saw Kim. That night, I had the most vivid nightmare I'd had in a long time. And when I woke up I couldn't breath. I was scared to death and even managed to scare Brandi to the point that she's actually been nice to me since. The doctor on call was afraid that I might have a blood clot, since I had been in the bed for two weeks. Said it could have broken off and gone to my lungs. So they sent me for one test after another. I had my own suspicions about what was going on, but I half hoped that they would find something physically wrong with me. At least then I would have had a reason for acting like that, other than just being crazy. But no such luck. It was a panic attack and it wasn't the last one that I would have. I had another one later that day. And I've had nightmares and awakened in a panic every night since then.

And that is why I'm sitting here now, doing this stupid assignment. The quack that they had see me calls it therapeutic writing. Personally, I think it's a crock of crap and yeah, I hope he reads this. It's ingenious though. They've finally figured out a way to get paid and have all us crazy people do all the work. He didn't even tell me what I should be writing about. He just said that I could write about whatever came to mind, maybe something that stood out about the last few days.

What stands out about the last few days? Well, me being crazy definitely stands out. It's been bad enough that they're starting me on one pill at night to help me sleep and one during the day to help the anxiety. I spent all morning feeling like a zombie. What else? Well, my kidney is still on strike, so I get to see that cute little dialysis nurse every couple of days. Frankly though, I'd rather have a working kidney and never see her again. Mikey apparently has been straight since my accident. That's remarkable. Let's see. Oh, yeah. I had an overzealous reporter and a few curious citizens try to visit me, so now I have a guard outside my room. Oh, and then there is Faith.

No matter how hard I try, I'm sure that I am never going to understand women. Faith finally came to see me and after much beating around the bush, she apologized. I thought I had done something to make her mad. Turns out that I didn't even have to do anything to make her mad. She just assumed that I did. I don't understand it. I don't know how she could think that I had gotten back together with Ritza and fathered her child. I mean, yeah, Maritza and I have been getting along better recently. I mean, I actually did care about her and I thought that she cared about me. But she was so concerned about getting the bad guy, that she didn't care how she did it or what it cost. Although, I do think that getting shot and shooting Faith was a bit of an eye opener for her.

And then she was raped. When Warner told me what he'd done to her, I nearly lost it. Sure, some of it had to do with the fact that she was a New York City police officer. And whether she was a little crooked or not, you don't mess with a fellow officer. Oops, I hope this is really confidential. Anyway, part of my fury was because, at least at one time, I had considered Ritza to be my woman. Yeah, that sounds funny even to me, since I've never stuck with one woman for more than a few weeks, with the exception of Nicole. I've bailed on more women than I can count. But I would never physically hurt any woman. And it infuriated me to think of what he'd done to her. You see, Ritza may act tough. But I've seen that other side to her, the side that can be caring, gentle, even vulnerable. So the rape changed things. I suddenly found it a whole lot more difficult to stay angry with her for the Noble incident.

And then she confided in me that she was pregnant. I knew that she wouldn't have an abortion and I respect her for that. Despite all of her faults, Ritza has certain religious convictions and she stands by them. So yeah, I'd say we've gotten closer since then, but for Faith to assume that I was the father of her child. Like I say, I will never understand women. Ever.

Well, I'm running out of paper, so I guess that this will have to be enough for the quack. Therapeutic writing. What will they come up with next?