"And the rest of us are left to wonder who you really are."

Fiona had spoken those words months ago as I sat on the bed where she now slept. She had no idea how much it had hurt to hear her say them. But spies didn't let it show when they were hurt by words.

She had thought I didn't want to be with her. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I wanted to be with her more than I wanted to live. She was more important to me than anything or anyone ever had been or ever would be. I'd rather hold my breath until I suffocated to death than have one hair on her head be harmed.

And that was why I had insisted for so long that we couldn't be together. With me in her life, Fiona was in danger.

She'd laugh if I told her that but I had evidence to back up my position.

Derek Poole had bombed the loft and when Fiona went to check out his house she almost died in a fiery deathtrap.

I had gotten involved with Tom Strickler and he had sent a man from Fiona's past to kidnap and do God knows what to her.

I had disappointed her and she took a job with Sam that led to her being kidnapped and again she could have died.

And then there was the latest situation. The one that had brought us to where we were now.

I had taken actions that got Jesse burned. Fiona had warned me that it would end badly but I had insisted on seeing my plan through. I had even convinced her to back me on that plan.

But then Jesse found out what happened. He knew everything and once again my actions had almost caused Fiona's death. It had been about six hours since her phone call had come.

I had left Carlito's right away, sending Sam to my mom's house to keep watch there. I had to get to the loft. I had to get to Fi, to see that she wasn't harmed. I was so afraid that Jesse would come back before I got there.

I drove so fast to the loft I expected to have a caravan of police cars following me when I got there. There was no way I was going to stop until I held Fiona in my arms. Luck must have been on my side because I made it to the loft without encountering the police.

I slammed the gate shut and headed up the steps to the loft, my gun in my hand. I opened the door and glanced around. I didn't see anyone even though Fiona's car had been outside.

"Fi?" I called, my gun still held out in front of me.

I heard a sob coming from upstairs and I cautiously walked over to the steps inside the loft, shutting the door and locking it behind me. I was fairly certain Jesse had not returned since he hadn't come after me yet. When I got close enough to see upstairs my heat broke.

Fiona stood at the top of the stairs, her gun pointed at the door. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. Tears stained her cheeks. I knew it was bad when she didn't even try to hide her crying from me. Fiona never felt fear. Never. And if she did feel fear, she certainly wouldn't show it. So her openly crying in front of me was bad. Very bad.

I moved to the bottom of the steps, lowering my gun to my side and opening my arms. I hoped with everything in me that Fiona would accept my hug.

Before I knew it Fiona practically threw herself down the steps towards me. She crashed into my chest, wrapping her arms around me without putting her gun down. She buried her face in my shirt and sobbed. I quickly tucked my gun into my waistband and wrapped my arms around her.

I knew this wouldn't last but I was going to hold her for as long as she'd allow me. I stroked her hair and whispered words to try to comfort her. I didn't even really know what I was saying but I had to try to stop her sobbing.

This was all my fault.

"Shhh, Fi, it's going to be OK," I said over and over, practically begging her to believe me.

"Michael," she sobbed after a few minutes.

I braced myself for what was coming. History had told me that I better get ready to duck.

Fiona quickly pulled away from me, the gun falling from her hand to the steps. Her fists pressed against my chest as she looked up at me.

"We ruined his life, Michael," she said, looking into my eyes with a glare that frightened me. She took a step back and I reached out to hold her fists with my hands. To my surprise she didn't resist. "You told me the plan would work."

"It will work, Fi," I told her, still holding her fists but taking a step closer to her. "We just have to see it through."

"I don't think he's going to give us that chance, Michael," Fiona said, sobbing as she came to the end of the sentence. I pulled her back towards me, wrapping her in my arms, her hands grasping the shirt at my chest as she shook against me.

I kissed the top of her head and walked her backwards until we reached the edge of the bed. I sat down and pulled her into my lap, holding her tightly and gently rubbing her shoulders and back. The sound of her sobs broke my heart. She rested her head tightly against my shoulder and I could feel her tears on my neck.

After a few minutes I removed the gun from my waistband and set it on the floor near the bed. I held Fi tightly to me and lay back on the bed, rolling so she was lying on her side next to me. She held my shirt in her hands as I brushed the hair out of her face. I wiped the tears from her cheeks and leaned down to kiss her forehead before rolling onto my back and pulling her onto my chest.

Her sobs quieted as she rested with her head on my chest, one hand grasping my shirt at my waist. I traced small circles on her back, trying to massage away the stress she had felt for the past few hours.

"Fi, I'm so sorry Fi," I whispered, "it should have been me who came home to find Jesse here."

"I'm glad it wasn't you, Michael; Jesse would have killed you," she replied.

"Tell me exactly what happened," I said. I didn't want to make her relive those terrifying moments but I needed to know exactly what we were up against.

As she recounted the events, I subconsciously tightened my arms around her. When she told me about Jesse holding the gun to her head my mind flashed back to another time she had stood in the crosshairs. Watching Gabriel holding her at gunpoint as I stood helplessly across the water had been one of the most agonizing moments of my life.

Knowing that she had once again stood in that position was almost more than I could bear. And it was all my fault.

She choked out the last few words between sobs. She sat up and buried her face in her hands. I sat up next to her and pulled her to me, rocking us back and forth in an effort to soothe her. She was sobbing so hard she began to cough.

I left her side only long enough to get her some water, quickly returning to the bed as she continued coughing. I put one hand on her back and raised the bottle of water to her lips with the other.

"Fi, calm down. Drink this," I whispered, tipping the bottle so she could take a drink. She sipped the water and her coughing stopped.

I rubbed her back as her cries quieted and she nestled her head against my chest. We both sighed as I massaged her shoulders and her back.

"What are we going to do, Michael?" Fiona quietly asked.

"It will be OK Fi," I promised, "I won't let anything happen to you."

"But Michael, he's really angry. You didn't see him," she replied, her body beginning to shake again.

"I know Fi, but I'm going to take care of it," I assured her, slowly guiding her back and pulling her fully onto the bed. She shifted so I could pull the covers off and then settled herself on her pillow. I pulled the sheet and blanket up around her and lay next to her.

She faced me and I kissed away the tears that were falling down her cheeks. The hurt and despair in her eyes made me want to kill Jesse.

Fiona reached out and touched my cheek with her hands before leaning in and kissing me. She told me she had a headache before she slowly drifted off to sleep.

I remained next to her, watching her fitful breathing and trying to soothe her by rubbing her head and her back. Every time she felt me move she reached out and wouldn't settle down until we made contact again.

Finally her breathing became deep and regular and her dreams seemed to have stopped. I continued rubbing her back for a few minutes and when I withdrew my hand she remained asleep. I slowly rolled off the bed and went to the fridge for a yogurt.

I watched her sleep, so thankful that she was finally resting. I was still too keyed up to sleep myself. I knew Sam wouldn't call so I slipped over to the balcony door, keeping my eye on Fiona. She rolled over but didn't wake up, so I quickly checked in with Sam on how things were at my mom's house.

Sam reported that Maddie was upset, which was to be expected. But there was no sign of Jesse, which was good for now but which I also knew wouldn't last. Sam agreed to stay at my mom's house for the night and we made plans to get together in the morning. He asked how Fi was doing before we said goodbye.

Mercifully, Fiona had remained sound asleep through the whole phone call. My mind flashed back to the words she had spoken during the car theft job. I had been trained to never reveal too much about myself. Unfortunately that training didn't stop where my professional life ended and my personal life began.

And yet, very recently Fiona had declared that she had faith in me. I had no idea how that was possible since I had pushed her away at every turn for so long. I couldn't lie to myself and do that any longer but I wasn't sure what I had done to earn her faith. But it was one more reason that it was my job to protect her. It was the most important job I had now.

I heard Fiona stir so I put the phone down on the counter and quietly made my way back to the bed. She was still mostly asleep as I sat next to her. She turned towards me and whispered, "Michael."

I stretched out beside her. "I'm right here, Fi," I whispered in her ear as I drew her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled tightly against my body and drifted back to sleep.

There was a lot of work to be done. I had to find Jesse and talk to him. It was crucial that I convince him his burn had been an accident and that we had all been working to get him back in. And he needed to know that Fiona was never in favor of anything that had happened surrounding his burn. There's no telling what he might do if I couldn't convince him.

But for now, all that mattered was the woman in my arms. As much as I had tried to deny it, she was my world and I had already given up what I thought was the most important thing to me in order to save her. Nothing mattered more than her safety and as she snuggled against me again I pressed a kiss to her hair and vowed to keep her safe no matter what happened.

OK that went a little different way than I intended. Stories do that sometimes.

I'm working on a Maddie chapter so hopefully I can have that up soon. Please let me know what you think and thanks for reading!