"Stay strong. God will vindicate you." Medic 681 Clay County EMS

Author's note:This takes place during the episode "Rip-Off", after the police cleared them of the theft. This chapter is for Doc, for his unwavering support, prayers, advice, words of comfort, and for (metaphorically) knocking some sense into me when necessary. I'd never have survived all this without you.

Roy was still contemplating the fact that they were off the hook for the robbery. All the worry and terror of the last few days were receding, and the mental torture of simply waiting to be hauled off to jail for the crime he didn't commit, Johnny beside him, was still sharp in his mind. He was angry, beyond angry, he was livid. But one glance at Johnny picked up a different vibe.

The look on Johnny's face was enough to shake the negative thought. The younger medic's expression held no anger or aggression, none of the need to throttle a punching bag that Roy felt overwhelming him. This was more confusion, resignation, acceptance… like he had brought this on himself. Not quite to the point of guilt (Johnny wore guilt clear enough to see from an aerial view), but still something a little more dangerous to the young man's psyche than anger. Roy quickly shoved aside his own negative feelings to draw Johnny's out. Roy's thoughts were dangerous to anyone who gave him half a reason. Johnny's on the other hand, were dangerous to Johnny himself.

"What's on your mind, John?" Roy asked with forced calmness. Keeping his anger from seeping into his voice took effort, but if he sounded angry, his partner would never talk about what was on his mind.

"Nothing much," he replied, making an attempt at sounding casual.

"That'll be the day!" Roy thought. Johnny's mind ran at the speed of a freight train, with a dozen things swirling around in there, threatening to overwhelm him at any minute. That was why post-crisis discussions were so important with him. If his thoughts after a crisis ran amok, there was a very real risk that Johnny's head might explode. Roy was determined to avoid that if at all possible. "So, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing," he replied, a hint of something almost like irritation crept into his voice.

"Well," said Roy, "there's a lot on my mind. How about I talk, and if I get there on my own, you share?" Johnny shrugged, so he continued. "I'm very angry, way angrier than I'm comfortable with. After shift, I might go to the gym and take some of it out on a punching bag."

Johnny stared out the window. "I'm not angry."

Roy tried again. "I'm also drained. It was absolutely agonizing, knowing that any second they could come in and take us both to jail. I felt so helpless knowing how bad it looked for us." Johnny didn't respond, so he kept going. "I was scared of going to jail, and scared for you."

That got Johnny's attention. "Really?"

"Yeah. I know you hate being trapped, and if I was scared, you had to be terrified."

He shrugged again. "I was scared. I'm not now. Thanks, though. I was worried about you. With your family and all."

That was something, but it wasn't the heart of the issue. "I was afraid of losing my job, of not being able to be a fireman anymore."

Johnny winced slightly, imperceptibly if you weren't observing for a reaction, but Roy caught it. He was in the ballpark. "I mean, I've worked hard for this whole paramedic thing, you have too, and to lose it over something like this…" Okay, right church, wrong pew. Something about being a fireman… "Come on, Johnny. Just tell me."

He shook his head. "No."

Roy felt his anger flare up again, and he shoved it down since he knew it wasn't really because of Johnny. Instead, he tried the last-ditch effort, the one that would get what he wanted, even if it wasn't playing fair. "Please, partner?"

"That's low, Roy." He finally looked up, his resolve crumbling under his best friend's plea. His eyes met his friend's, and his walls snapped back up. "No!"

It was Roy's turn to sigh. "Ok. But can you at least tell me why not?"

Johnny bit his lip. "Because your opinion means a lot to me, Roy. I can stand the thought of going to jail easier than I can stand the thought of you thinking less of me."

Well, that was just silly, and he had to make sure his friend knew that. "Now listen to me. You are my best friend. I have seen you go into places no man should go, and do things that no man should ever be able to do. I have seen you violate the laws of physics to help someone, and I've seen you bawl like a baby when you couldn't. You're a good man, a good paramedic, and nothing you can tell me right now will make me respect you any less!"

Johnny considered it for a moment. "Why do people do it?"

Ok, not what he expected. "What? Steal? Accuse people without proof? I can't answer that. People do stupid things, hurtful things, without thinking of the consequences for others. It sucks, it hurts sometimes, but that's just the way it is. You know that."

Johnny opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He didn't know how to say what was bouncing around in his head. He knew that Roy might have the answer he needed, but how could Roy not think less of him for what he was thinking? Finally, he bit the bullet. He had to have an answer, or he wouldn't be able to do this anymore. "That's not what I mean, Roy. I mean us. Why do we do it? When people accuse us of stuff, talk to us like dogs, attack us, threaten us? Why do we keep trying to help people when people obviously don't want our help?" There, it was out. Roy would think he was an awful person, not want to be his partner anymore, maybe not even want him in fire services anymore. And maybe he would be right. He was awful to think that…

Roy was silent for a second, trying to come up with a better answer. But he only had one. He hoped it was what Johnny needed. "Because some of them do, Johnny."

Silence greeted him from the other side of the squad as Johnny pondered his answer and Roy quietly panicked, worried that it might not be enough to keep his partner, his best friend, from making a bad decision. Finally, Johnny looked up, nodded once. Acceptance settled across his features. "Ok."

Roy smiled. "Ok? That's all the reason you needed?"

Johnny matched his grin. "I can't come up with a better one."