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NOW PLAYING VIDEO 583.

The smell of rose water fills the air. as i lean over the bathroom toilet, tooth brush in my hand, and holding my stomach i know that sweet smell will soon be gone. and that is because i, Olivia Ryan, have an eating disorder. it started over two years ago. I was at the movies with Andy, when some girls came over to flirt with him. He didnt really want to talk them so he tried to get away. They kept following us so i kindly went over to them and told them that Andy wasn't looking for a relationship. They told me to "screw off, fat bitch". I know they only said that because they were mad , but i couldnt take it. What if they actually thought i was fat. what if me being fat was the only reason why Massie wont let me into the pretty committee? i needed to do something. so during the movie i told Andy i was going to pee. but instead of peeing i threw up. i made my self throw up. and i havent been able to stop from then on. throwing up, made me, one, feel skinnier ,two, it made me feel good about myself and three, it mad me feel like i was closer to fitting in. The only time that i stopped was about a year ago when Cam Fisher asked me out. He would always tell me that i was pretty, and that would make me feel really good. Better than throwing up did. I felt like i was finally good enough, well at least for Cam. And being good enough for Cam was good enough for me. When he broke up with me, i couldn't think of any reason of why he would do it. but then it popped into my head. I was fat. Why else would he do it? i mean its not like he liked anybody else... Me being fat was the ONLY reason as to why he would do it. I mean its not like i was UGLY. I just got my nose job and i knew i was hot. But anyways i started to do it again. and its only gotten worse since. i throw up almost everyday. and i havent told anybody. I know i shouldnt do it, but i cant help my self. I need to do it.

My hands start shaking and i know i have to do it now. I stick the tooth brush down my throat and start to gag. i stick it down further and start to feel everything i ate before, come up. and in one swift motion i pull the tooth brush out, and puke in the toilet. The smell of salt, french toast, maple syrup, orange juice and stomach acid fill the air, i smile to my self, and feel good.

NOW PLAYING VIDEO 666/ CONTINUING TO VIDEO 254.

Location: Olivia's Room./ OCHS (Octavian Country High School).

As i pull my blue and white stipped A&F tube dress over my head, (i don't really like all those big designers.) i think about what i want to accomplish today. Most people thinks it weird that i have a set goal for everyday, but i've been doing it since i was little. Its something my dad taught me to do. Sometimes they are silly, like wear bright red lip stick all day. but other times they are serious, like dont make fun of anybody all day. Today i think im going to go for a silly one. And something easy. I fix my hair into a curly side pony tail and look in the mirror. most days i wear little to no makeup. just some foundation and mascara normally. I hate it when girls wear to much makeup. Like Massie and her friends. I also hate how this year Massie has insisted on all of them wearing glitter eye shadow. Thats one of the many things that bothers me about her group. They all do EVERYTHING she says. And so does pretty much everybody else in our grade. its ridiculous. I used to follow her too but i decided that being me is a lot easier than trying to be her. Following her around wasn't worth it. i was always stressed, i never actually fit in, and they constantly made fun of me. and besides I think i look pretty good without the glitter. but...my outfit needs a little something. I run to my closet and pull out my espadrille sandal collection. i look around and immediately know what i want to accomplish today: Wear 6 inch white espadrilles all day long. WITHOUT COMPLAINING. it may be a tough task but i can handle it. Today's going to be a good day.

"Yes! Its on and poppin'

Yes! The parties rockin'

Yes! The babes are shockin'

Yes! and there ain't no stoppin'"

Me and Kasey's favorite song blasts through the black speakers inside her white Jeep Wrangler, and we both sing at the top of our lungs. The wind blows through our hair and our sunglasses and shinned to perfection. This is routine. Every morning, no matter how early, we always blast the radio and sing. We cant hear ourselves but I love it. As we pull up to OCHS people laugh and wave at us and Andy. Andy sits in the back with his head in between his ears, and bent over. he thinks nobody can see him while he does this, but he's so big that it doesn't really matter. Why doesn't he just drive himself to school? Who knows. But i think he secretly likes spending time with us. As usual we park in the third spot to the right in front of the school. these coveted spots in front of the school are reserved for the "popular's". as we get out Kasey friends rush up to us and Andy takes of t'words his friends. its kinda funny how i have literally no friends in my own grade but more friends than i can count in grades higher than me. I would be totally fine with that if i had classes with them. or if our lunch hour wasn't separated by grade. But no, of course not. i have to spend alllllll day with a bunch of wise-asses who hate me.

"Love the shoes Liv!" Missy Cambridge says as she kisses my left cheek. Missy and her crew have been following my sister around for SO LONG. Like seriously they do everything she does. It all started when Kasey took one tennis lesson with a girl named Skye Hamilton three summers ago. Skye and her friends pretty much became my sisters stalkers. Kasey didnt mind though. she took the fact that the follow her around as a compliment. Skye moved to some weird academy this year, but her friends still follow my sister around like crazy. They are really nice, but kind of whore-ish.

"Thanks Missy. Love the hair." I say with a smile. Its in this cool fish braid thing. "How did you do it?"

"Well..i parted it-" . The schools bell tones, cuts her off, and signals the five minute warning. She waits for it to finish before she starts talking again. "haha. I'll tell you later. kay?" She says with a laugh.

"haha. ok." I say as her and her friends sprint away. I'm about to start walking when Kasey grabs my arm.

"Hey. Try to be nice to the kids in your grade today. Just for me..?" She asks.

"Kase. I'm not the mean one." I say.

"I know. Just....dont do anything stupid." She says. Ugh. story of my life. I walk away and leave her to her friends. they like to be late for some weird reason. i walk into the large glass doors and turn left to go to down the stairs and to my locker. I love how the freshman have all their classes down stairs because it really open and pretty down here. also in the spring time our teachers let us have class outside, and its so peaceful.

"HEYYY SEXY!" Chirs Plovert yells at me. Oh. My. God. that kid is such a pervert. i've learned to just ignore him. i turn the corner and oh shit. not again.

"Oh my god. can you guys...like.....move...please? this is my locker...." i say to the couple making out against my locker. The girl looks up at me and giggles and goes back to kissing him. the boy tries to move her but she wont budge. i try to look away.

"Baby..." He whispers. "This is Olivia's locker.."

"So..." She says. he looks at her pleadingly and she finally moves. "God Cam, sometimes you can be such a baby." They walk away hand in hand. I try to get the image of them making out, out of my head, and open my locker. Its always pleasant to see your ex-boyfriend make out with Claire the Hoe. not.

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