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iDenial - Chapter Five

Today, it had been two weeks since Freddie had woken up. Marissa Benson had arrived from New Jersey just three days ago and was taking care of Freddie just like she had when we were all living in Bushwell. Well, Carly, Spencer, Freddie and Marissa.. I, on the other hand usually stayed there so it was considered my home away from home. Awesome, wasn't it?

Freddie had gotten discharged the day Marissa had arrived. Luckily, she arrived just in time for Freddie to get ready and be sent home. Of course, my place was still not available for even myself to even visit at because of Mark still being on the loose, but when Marissa had arrived she brought with her the shining keys to Freddie's and her house.

I was invited to stay with them as a guest. The last time I'd been here was the night Freddie and I had had sexual intercourse the night of our reunion. I couldn't help but remember what went down the morning after which caused the situation today to be as it is. In blurred flashes, I remembered Freddie and myself bickering about the night before. We had gotten on each others nerves to such an extent, we hadn't noticed the light turn red. Freddie had been driving that morning. We'd met another car with a head-on collision causing-

"Samantha, dear," I heard Marissa say softly as she planted her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Is everything alright?"

I turn to see her looking at me with her concerned face. "Why wouldn't everything be alright?" I ask, confused.

"Well, it's just that, you seem so... scared."

"Scared? I don't think I'm scared."

"Your expression reads to be so. I don't know if you're thinking about the accident, or maybe something else that you're concerned about, but don't worry," she squeezes my shoulder. "Whatever you're thinking of, don't let it bother you. Everything will be alright."

Man, when did she get so non-psychotic and understanding?

"Thanks," I meant it. It's been far too long that anyone has ever been there for me in a change. At least I felt some motherly love now than since my mom moved away... I don't even know where she is. She never bothers to keep in touch. Melanie is with her, of course. We talk a couple of times every two weeks or so, but she never mentions Mom missing me or anything of that sort. I don't wish I'd be like Melanie; I like who I am. All I want is for once to hear from my mom that she loves me and cares about me. There's never really been a moment where she's said that to just me and meant it.

"You're crying." I hear Marissa say to me as I once again, spot her concerned expression and sorrow-filled voice. I wipe away the tears I hadn't realized were soaking my face, traveling down my neck and starting to stain my shirt. "Sam, are you sure every thing's alright? Do you need someone to talk to? I'm here."

I sigh heavily, trying to hold back more tears which threaten to fall, but fail. I choke out into soft sobs. I didn't understand why was it that I chose this very moment to break down and especially in front of Marissa. Not to mention, Freddie who was now standing in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at me with a pitiful expression. It made me feel pathetic. Never in my life had I depended on someone to an extent, except Carly. But it's not like she or Spencer were here now. Well, Spencer still was, but Carly hardly visited. But when she did, she couldn't fully devote her time to us. We never really had a full reunion, and I don't even want to get started on our small phone conversations. I really couldn't understand what kind of a person she had changed into now. I still loved her, but I longed for her old self to return. Someday...

"Sam..." I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. Freddie stood before me, looking at me like I needed help; I hated that. He moved his hands to my face and wiped my tears away before holding either side of my face and leaning in to kiss my forehead softly. "Shh..." he said, bringing me into an embrace and rocking me back and forth in slow, swift movements. "It'll be alright." Look at me! I'm standing here hopelessly, getting consoled by my best friend who just lost his memory. Oh, beautiful irony.

"I'm sorry," I spoke into his chest. "I'm so sorry!" He, or Marissa, didn't say a word. All Freddie did was hold me tightly close to him, running his hand through my hair. I didn't know if he subconsciously remembered or not, but that was exactly the way he'd comforted me the night before...No! I refuse to think about the harsh memory again, twice in the span of twenty minutes. I won't let the tears that were now dry on my skin come back to life again.

Upon giving in and explaining the cause of my emotions, Marissa decided to try and get Carly and especially my mom here. I made her swear that she wouldn't though. I missed them, yeah, but just because of an insignificant emotional break down that I had- doesn't mean that I want to see them right away. Besides, Melanie had told me she'd be visiting Seattle soon, but with her Fiance. Yeah.. She got engaged just about a month ago. Freddie and Marissa were nice enough to let me stay here till whenever pleased and they were willing to provide room for Melanie and Jack.

After Freddie was given his dinner and medicine, he'd went to sleep. Marissa and I cleared off the table and she arranged everything according to herself. Even though she was gonna go back to New Jersey after three weeks, she would still make sure she did everything- and over- possible to cure Freddie. I was now in the picture, too. She told me herself that she refused to see me upset. Marissa- the crazy psychopath who screamed at me for two hours straight upon hearing her beloved son was admitted in the hospital due to a car crash. She, who yelled at me upon her arrival in Seattle not too long ago. She was now a part of the reason of my sanity. Ironic again, isn't it?

It was just around ten o' clock when Marissa decided to have a chat with me. I was sitting in their living room, watching some old tapes I'd found. They were of Freddie, of course... But some included many taped iCarly episodes. "Have a minute?" she asked politely.

"Sure." I said, looking up at her to find her concerned expression, yet again. "What goes on?"

"Look, Samantha-"

"Sam."

"Sam. I've been doing a lot of thinking today and I know that what I'm about to say, you may not agree with, but..."

There was an awkward silence before I got annoyed. "But what?" I ask, trying to be kind, but it didn't exactly come out all sweet-like how she wanted it. On hearing my tone, she flinched a little, but maintained some of the sanity she had. Well, at least today. I hadn't seen the woman in years and she was still the same, except for today. I was still unsure on how to act around her now. Usual Sam-like, or changed Sam that I was somewhat of now. It was influences of Mark that compelled myself to change drastically.

"Sam, do you have feelings for Freddie? As more than a friend?"

Author's Notes:

Hey guys! Yeah... I know what you're thinking: "Damn.. Weird chapter.. Where the heck did all this come from?" The answer to your statement/question would be: "Out of the blue!" heehe. However, I do wanna inform you guys that what's mentioned in this chapter is actually important and many facts will come up in future chapters. I'm still brewing this story up! ;) heheeh.

Well, I really hope you guys liked this chapter! I'll try to be early in updating next time! Sorry if this chapter was sad or dramatic, or OOC too.

I'll do better next time.. Promise! =)

Thanks,

xo ` e s c r i t u r a . c h i c a