All the credit for the last few chapters goes to because they gave me this super fantastic amazingly amazing idea! U ROCK!
A doctor came into the room. "Good. You're awake." He gave a warm smile. That was when I knew the biggest reason that I wanted to be a doctor. Making people cry with joy when the patients opened their eyes, because I helped them get better. Now I knew why my dad didn't mind the hard work, the night shifts. It was al worth it to see people smile.
He walked over to the bed, clipboard in hand. "Ok, Kendall. We're going to keep you here under observation until tomorrow night, at least." He smiled again. "Since you'll be stuck in bed all day tomorrow, you might just want to stretch your legs before your friends leave. Go for a walk around the waiting room, or something."
"Can we go out?" I asked. The doctor looked at me briefly. "Just right outside the hospital. No further. Please?"
"Yeah. Alright. Just outside the door."
You nodded in agreement and started to get out of bed straight away. You were a bit unsteady at first, but James supported you. You stood up and pulled on your shoes, which were waiting by the bed. Wee all left the ward. James grabbed Carlos's wrist. "We're gonna go and get a drink from the vending machine."
As he passed me, he whispered in my ear. Only two words, but I understood perfectly what he meant.
"Tell him."
We were left alone. I was the first to speak. "So, you wanna go outside? Fresh air before you're shut back in that ward." You chuckled but nodded at me, and we walked down the corridor.
I felt a blast of cold air in my face as we left the hospital. It felt good; it helped me to clear my thoughts.
We reached the bottom of the steps. I took a deep breath. I had to do it. I had to. "Kendall, can I ask you something?"
"Sure." You looked at me. "What is it?"
For one second, I got lost in your eyes. Gorgeous green orbs. But I managed to keep my head clear. Just about. "What would you say . . .if I was gay?"
You shrugged. "It wouldn't change anything. You don't really think I would judge you for that, do you?"
"Well . . . not really. What would you say if . . . I was in love with one of the band?"
You shrugged again, but for a second I saw something in your eyes. Was it pain? Revulsion? I couldn't tell, but I was trying to puzzle it out. Then you gave a tiny gasp. I panicked. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," you breathed. "Just a little dizzy. I dunno. Anyway, I still wouldn't judge you if you loved someone from the band."
Somehow this gives me the confidence to say it. "What would you say . . . if it was the one who cried on my shoulder the day their dad left? Or . . . if it was the one who talked me into playing hockey? Or the one who helped me get my cat back from my horrible neighbour?"
You were breathing hard now. Rasping. Maybe I should've noticed it sooner.
"Why can't I just say it straight? Look, I love you, Kendall. You mean everything to me, and I'd die without you. When you cry my heart breaks and when you laugh or smile it soars high." I sighed. "There, I said it. I don't even want to exist without you here."
You didn't say anything, but you were gasping. I finally realised it. "Kendall?"
You clutched at me. "I can't breathe . . ."
"Kendall?" I was scared now.
"Logan . . . I don't . . ." Then you gave a faint moan and went limp. I didn't realise I was screaming your name until Carlos came running out, James after him.
"Oh My God, what happened?" Carlos demanded.
I felt tears spill over. "I told him. Ad now look at him." I shook the body in my arms almost angrily. "Look at him!" I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't stop crying.
James took control. We have to take him back in. Now." I don't know how he could be so bloody calm while I was on the verge of hysteria, and Carlos was shaking violently. But he had Kendall's arms and Carlos grabbed his feet, and I found myself running after them, trying to breathe.
They took him straight back to the ward. The doctor was staring."What happened to him?"
"I don't know!" I was sobbing. "We were talking and he just . . ." I covered my face with my hands.
The doctor was doing all sorts of things to Kendall. Hooking him up to some kind of weird machine and putting an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. "I don't really understand this myself. I think he might have already had trouble breathing, but then something just caused his heartbeat to falter, and that was it." He looked grave. "You and the family will need to leave now. Visiting hours are closed. I'll try to help him." He sighed. "But don't get your hopes up."
I left the room, knees shaking. At the corner of my mind, I heard Carlos explaining what happened to Mrs. Knight and Katie. All I could think of was two words that the doctor had said.
Heartbeat. Faltered.
He might have used that term, but we all knew what he really meant. It meant you had a heart attack.
Katie was crying. But she was glaring at him. "What did you do to him?" she whispered, anger in her voice. "You did this to him! It's your fault!" Her voice rose into a shriek.
"He's probably gonna die and you did it! You killed my brother! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Katie!" Mrs. Knight was holding Katie now, looking shocked.
Katie didn't scream again, but she whispered one more thing before they left.
"I hate you."
She was right. Se had every right to hate me. I killed you. I told you how I felt and it killed you. It was my fault.
And I completely understand how Katie hates me.
Because I hate myself.