Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

Chapter Four: Female Time

Friday, the day before the party, Sango called me. She gave me all the information for the party. I held the phone to my ear with my shoulder, a pen and a pad of paper in my hand. Mu Mu was asleep soundly on my lap. She didn't seem as sad as she was when I first saw her which was good.

"Okay, so you have everything?" Sango asked. I put the pad down with the information.

"Yeah, I've got it." I said.

"So…" Sango said.

"So." I replied.

"Okay, this is bugging me but I didn't want to bring it up at lunch." Sango said, nervousness evident in my voice. My own nervousness spiked.

"What?" I asked when she didn't speak right away.

"What the hell happened with you and Inuyasha? I mean…I know you two broke up but you two seemed perfect." Sango said. I rubbed my eye. Might as well tell her.

"One night, we went back to his house. Things got…pretty heated…" I said, the flashback that hit me wasn't all that unexpected. It was one of the clearest memories I had. How could I forget something like that? "Well anyway, he called me...Kikyo."

I heard Sango gasped softly. "Oh no." she said.

"Yeah. Well I lost it. I got really angry at him." I said, rubbing my eye harder with my free hand. It was suddenly burning, aching. The other started up to. "He told me she was his first love and I could tell he still loved her. The heart can only love one person at a time, I figured. There was no room for me. So I pushed him away. Kouga told me that Kikyo was in Okinawa. So I had figured that's why he moved. To go be with her."

"Oh, Kagome…" Sango said. I could sense the pity in her voice.

I held the phone against my ear with my shoulder, rubbing both eyes with both hands. They ached fiercely and I couldn't understand why.

"Kikyo…Kikyo's grave is in Okinawa." Sango said, her voice sounding a little soft, as if she was in a daze.

"What?" I said as I stopped rubbing my eyes. Did I hear her correctly?

"Kagome, Kikyo's dead."

That's when I felt the rush of tears from my aching eyes.

I don't know how long I had spent bent over the toilet, vomiting and crying. Mu Mu hadn't followed me into the bathroom like she normally tries to do. Instead, she seemed to understand that I needed space right now.

After a good heave, I sobbed, talking to myself.

"God!" I moaned, trying to whip my eyes. It was useless. It was like the tears were coming from and unlimited source and every time I whipped one away, two came in its place.

When I finally pulled myself up from the tile, I was a mess. I had off the weekends so I didn't pay much mind to the clock. I made my way to the bedroom. The hole in my chest felt like it was being bathed in salt. I fell into bed.

I had never felt so miserable than I had at that moment. I felt weak, powerless, and stupid. I had pushed away the only person I cared about for no reason. Finally, I had realized that I would have been better off if I had given Inuyasha another chance. If I had been more understanding, I wouldn't have been alone right then. I would have been happy. I could have told Inuyasha about Naraku and maybe find some peace.

But no, I had screwed that up and it was too late. I had fallen in love and blew it up at the same time. All because I was scared. God, what the hell was I so scared of? I was so dizzy as I moaned, rolling over and over. My pillow was already beginning to get soaked. I clutched at it, moaning out incoherent things between sobs.

That whole night, I lost all sense of time. I was even delirious. I had hallucinated a man coming into my room, hushing me, comforting me, telling me it was all okay. I remember how I sobbed my whole story to the imaginary man, from the lonely years with Naraku until the present. I had clutched onto this figment of my imagination and sobbed until I couldn't breathe. I didn't remember when I fell asleep, only that I was grateful.

The rough tongue of Mu Mu awoke me the next morning. The sun had this annoying habit of falling right across my head in the morning, through my window. I groaned and rolled over. I could taste the puke in my mouth and it almost made me gag again. I kicked off the sheets and stood up. I was still a little dizzy. I walked to the bathroom and looked at my self.

My face was tight from the salt of my tears and no doubt many other fluids my face had leaked the night before. My eyes were red and puffy, my hair a mess. There was something beige in my hair and it was crusty. I didn't want to think too long on what it might've been.

I stripped off my clothes and got into the shower, turning it on hot. I rubbed the crustiness out of my eyes. All the muscles in my body were tight and I ached all over. Talk about a cry fest.

When I got out of the shower, I put on some sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. I was too tired to be depressed. I just felt like ten different kinds of shit. I walked past Mu Mu eating at her bowls. I didn't remember giving her food but then again it was such a mindless activity that it probably didn't even register in my mind.

I poured some coffee and rolled my eyes. I was debating whether or not I should go to the party but I firmly told myself after that little episode the night before, I was going to relax and have some fun. I sipped the coffee and cringed. I never drank coffee but I figured the caffeine would do me good.

Sango called me around ten in the morning and wanted to know if I had anything to wear for the party. I told her I did but she said she was coming over anyway to have me try on some outfits. I threw on a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater before she came over.

"Oh you didn't say you had a cat!" Sango squealed when Mu Mu did a figure eight around my ankles at the door. She sat on her hind legs and mewed, looking up at Sango with her grey eyes. Sango picked her up and I smiled.

"I got her a few days ago." I said with a little pride as Mu Mu licked Sango's face.

"She's so cute, what's her name?"

"Mu Mu." I said. Sango chuckled.

"After the conditioner?" she asked.

"Yeah." I laughed. I told Sango the story as we walked to my bedroom.

"Kagome, your apartment is so clean." Sango said, still holding Mu Mu.

"Thanks. Not much else to do but clean." I said modestly.

"Well then I'm glad you're coming to this party with Miroku and me." Sango said. She set the bag of clothes she brought. I opened my closet. "You know, Kagome, you're not as gothic as you used to be back in school."

"Yeah, I grew up." I said with a smile, turning my back to Sango and looking in my closet, pulling out my choice outfit. "Black is still my favorite color, though."

The outfit was a red spaghetti strap, form-fitting shirt and pair of dark blue denim jeans. I had thrown in a chain necklace and a black belt with red cartoon skulls and the words "Rock Out!" written in rough font repeatedly. I modeled the outfit. Sango had loved it but still insisted that I try on what she brought.

"So how's Kouga?" I asked, slipping out of a pair of pants. Sango was by my full length mirror, holding a shirt against her chest, looking it over.

"He's Uhmm…living with Inuyasha." Sango said casually. I tried my best to mask my emotions.

"Oh. That's…that's nice." I said, folding the pants up and placing them on the bed. My back was to Sango and I took a second to collect myself.

"Kagome?" Sango asked. I could tell she had turned around.

I smiled and turned around, absently picking up another shirt to try on, already working it over my arms. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? I mean…you sounded upset last night when we got off of the phone." Sango asked. I did my best to hide my face with the shirt. The smiled returned on command.

"Yeah." I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. "What do you think?"

Sango smiled. "I think your outfit is the best."

"Me too." I said, smiling as well.

Fake smiles hurt, especially when you don't even want to fake one.

R&R.

WH